//------------------------------// // Wonderbolts Academy 2: Electric Boogaloo // Story: My Little Pony: Friendship is Absurd // by Lord Seth //------------------------------// “So anyway,” started Lightning Dust, “for the next Mare Do Well issue–” “Gyah!” said Gilda. “Shut up about Mare Do Well!” Lightning Dust looked hurt. “But we worked really hard on it and–” “It’s always about Mare Do Well with you now!” shouted Gilda. “Mare Do Well this, Mare Do Well that! It’s like that’s the only thing you care about! Whatever happened to your dreams of being a great flyer and joining the Wonderbolts?” “Nothing happened to them,” protested Lightning Dust. “But I might as well do something while I wait for them to accept my application. Besides, this pays my bills a lot better than having to pay extra bills due to wanton destruction.” “Bleh,” said Gilda. “Man, I liked you more when you had a real objective in your life and were trying to reach it, even if it constantly backfired comedically. You don’t understand. You could’ve been somebody. You could’ve been a contender!” “Huh?” asked Lightning Dust, feeling confused. “Sorry, got a little carried away there,” said Gilda. “The point is, for the longest time I’ve known you, you were always obsessed about flying the fastest you could, beating everyone else, and getting into the Wonderbolts. You know the last time I heard you even mention the Wonderbolts? Two weeks ago! And do you remember why you mentioned it?” “Erm, not really?” asked Lightning Dust hesitantly. “You mentioned the Wonderbolts because you thought it’d be a good idea to use them in a Mare Do Well comic! Gyah!” Gilda threw her arms up in frustration. “I don’t even know why I’m complaining about this, considering you’re actually less annoying and don’t seem to cause as much property damage. But seriously, man, is that what you want to spend your life doing? Being a co-writer for a dumb comic book?” “It’s not dumb!” said Lightning Dust. “It’s actually a really humorous comic that manages to be an effective parody of superhero comics while still retaining the qualities that qualify it for being an actual example of the genre.” She paused. “Or at least that’s what Trixie said.” Gilda face-palmed. “Ugh, and there you go again. Fine, whatever. If this makes you happy, go with it. But I think you might be wasting your potential.” Lightning Dust walked Gilda stalked off, then walked away slowly herself. Aw man, she thought, is Gilda right? I have been practicing flying a lot less. Have I really been losing sight of what I wanted? Am I– Lightning Dust’s thoughts were cut off by her walking straight into a pole due to not looking where she was going. “Ow!” she said as she rubbed her head. Not wanting a repeat performance, she opted this time to continue by heading to her house while doing as little musing as possible. When she reached her house, she found the gray-coated mailmare waiting there. “Uh, you know you just put the letters in the mailbox and leave, right?” asked Lightning Dust. “Oh, normally I would,” said the mailmare, “but this is an extra special delivery!” “What makes it extra special?” “It’s even more special than a regular special delivery, of course!” Lightning Dust sighed and, rather than attempt to continue a conversation she knew wouldn’t lead anywhere fruitful, simply asked, “So, can I have it then?” “Oh, sure!” she said, handing the letter to Lightning Dust before flying off. Lightning Dust looked at the letter. “This had better be worth it,” she muttered before opening it. Her eyes flew across the paper. “I got accepted into the Wonderbolts Academy? Awesome! Making a point not to commit any more felonies for a while does pay off!” Feeling giddy but not wanting to make this fact overly obvious, she quickly went inside with the letter. “All right,” she said as she took a closer look at the letter, “so this is in exactly one month. That should give me enough time to get off work so I can go. No problem!” One time transition later… Lightning Dust heard a knock on her door and went to open it, finding Trixie on the other side. “Hiya!” said Trixie. “I have got some great news!” “Bet it’s not as good as the news I got,” said Lightning Dust. “Oooh, but I’m sure it is,” said Trixie. “See, we actually caught the attention of a movie studio, and they indicated that just maybe, they perhaps might have a small amount of interest in making a film adaptation. I’ve got a meeting set up and everything!” She grabbed Lightning Dust. “Think of the exposure! Think of the money! Think of the fun!” Lightning Dust pushed Trixie away. “The fun?” she asked. “What, you don’t think making a movie around the superhero we made would be fun?” “Well, it probably would, but don’t they usually put different writers and directors in charge of the film than the original creators?” “Hrm,” said Trixie. “Good point. Just think of the exposure and money, then.” “Well, okay, that is pretty good, but I got accepted into the Wonderbolts Academy.” “That doesn’t sound bad,” said Trixie. “So, upon completion do you gain entry to the Wonderbolts?” “Not really.” “Do they offer you special opportunities to apply for positions unavailable to anypony who didn’t go into the academy?” “Not to my knowledge.” “Do they impart some kind of valuable skills that would possibly aid you in getting into the Wonderbolts?” “No, the whole thing is basically a bunch of exercises.” “Then what in the world is the point of the whole thing?” asked Trixie. “I guess it makes you look good if you complete it,” said Lightning Dust with a shrug. “Look, it can’t hurt.” “What if you screw up really badly and get expelled, thus ruining your dreams of being a Wonderbolt forever?” “Psh,” said Lightning Dust dismissively, “like that would ever happen. Anyway, when is this meeting of yours?” Trixie held up an appointment note. Lightning Dust looked at it, frowned, then looked back at her acceptance letter. “Um, these are on the same day.” ”My Little Pony, My Little Pony Ahh ahh ahh ahh–” “Trixie,” interrupted Lightning Dust, “what are you doing?” “I’m… not sure,” said a confused Trixie. “For some reason, it felt natural to sing that.” “Look, just reschedule the appointment. Problem solved.” “Do you know how hard it was to get that appointment? I can’t just reschedule it!” said Trixie. Lightning Dust thought for a little while. “Well, you can do the meeting by yourself, right?” “I guess I could,” said Trixie, “but they did really seem like they wanted to meet both of us rather than just one. Might hurt our presentation.” “Wait a minute!” said Lightning Dust. “The answer is obvious. I just have to clone myself using that cloning pool you used.” “Yeah,” said Trixie sheepishly, “about that. They kind of closed down the whole thing after that incident. Doesn’t work anymore.” Lightning Dust threw her hooves in the air in frustration. “Well then what am I supposed to do?!” “Figure out which is more important to you?” asked Trixie with a shrug. “I don’t know. I’d obviously prefer if you come with me to the meeting. Anyway, let me know when you figure it out.” She left. “Only one thing to do!” declared Lightning Dust as she slammed her hoof on the table. After the throbbing pain from the slam went away, she finished, “Ask for advice!” “Okay,” said Lightning Dust, “so asking for advice didn’t work.” “Well, duh,” said Gilda, “you didn’t ask me for advice.” “Well, Suri didn’t want to help unless I bought something. Sunset didn’t care. I wasn’t going to ask Flim and Flam, but then they decided to give me a bunch of their ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Cider!’ as recompense for that failed promotion of Mare Do Well a while ago that I was so angry at them for, and I ended up getting so drunk from it all I forgot to even ask them, and it just felt so awkward to go back and ask. Incidentally, I’ve been thinking that Dr. Film and Dr. Falm have sort of served their purpose as antagonists in Mare Do Well and might work better as anti-heroes who are occasional allies.” “Do you want my advice, or are you just going to babble on about inconsequential things?” asked Gilda. “I can’t have both?” “No!” snapped Gilda. “Fine,” muttered Lightning Dust. “What would you suggest?” “Well, remember when I said you were spending too much time on Mare Do Well and should just focus on the whole Wonderbolt thing?” “Yeah, that was fairly recently. So are you saying–” “Well, you should forget all of that,” said Gilda. “If you can’t decide something, just flip a coin.” “That’s your advice?” asked Lightning Dust. “Flip a coin?” “Well, duh,” said Gilda. “It’d spare me from actually trying to figure it out. Besides, I find this can actually be a way to figure out which one you really do want to do, as you’ll be tempted to renege on it if it comes to the one you actually don’t like.” “Fine, flip the coin.” Gilda took out a coin. “So, heads the Wonderbolts, tails Mare Do Well?” “Go ahead,” said Lightning Dust. Gilda threw the coin up in the air. The two looked down at it. “Well,” said Lightning Dust, “I know what to do now.” She sped straight off at the door, then slammed straight into it and fell to the ground unconscious. “Huh,” said Gilda. “Having the door have an interior steel lining to it to prevent Lightning Dust from constantly crashing through it actually worked. You know, I probably should take her to the hospital.” “Well, we’ve got a lot of broken bones, a concussion, and a few more minor injuries that don’t sound as impressive as those,” said the doctor. “So it looks like you’re going to be stuck here for the next month.” “What?!” asked Lightning Dust. “I’ve got something to go to!” The doctor shrugged. “Should’ve thought of that before you ran straight into a steel door. Just be glad your insurance actually covers this.” Gilda came in as the doctor left. “Well, what did I tell you? Flipping that coin totally resolved your dilemma.” “In the stupidest way possible,” muttered Lightning Dust. “Well, it just goes to show you that you shouldn’t fly through people’s doors. Truly a lesson for the ages. By the way, what were you planning to do?” “I can’t even remember,” said Lightning Dust. “That head injury probably gave me short-term memory loss.” A little over a month later… “So how’d the meeting go?” asked Lightning Dust. “Did my absence affect anything?” “Bah,” said Trixie, “the whole thing turned out to be pointless. They wanted to make Mare Do Well into a ‘darker and edgier’ superhero who actively killed criminals and was a fugitive from justice as a result. And, for some reason, had a rapping sidekick. I’m not sure where that came from. So you being around wouldn’t have helped.” “So… between that and the whole Wonderbolts Academy getting so trashed a week ago that the whole thing got cancelled until next year, it looks like that whole dilemma about where to go turned out to be completely pointless,” said Lightning Dust. “Yep!” said Trixie. “Well, you know what they say.” There was a pause. “What do they say?” asked Lightning Dust. “I have no idea,” said Trixie, “I assumed you knew.” “I still think we should’ve finished the job and really destroyed that academy,” complained Thunder Strike. “That wasn’t the point and you know it,” said Stormy Skies. “Yeah, yeah, causing destruction was just a way to prevent them from noticing we stole their uniforms. Whatever. This plan is absurdly convoluted.” “Hey!” said Stormy. “It’s a bit complicated, but it’ll all pay off once we take over. And we got exactly what we needed from that attack. Now all we have to do is wait a little before moving to the next step.” “Hrm,” said Maelstrom Tempest.