Iron Hoof Senior. The name inspired fear in the hearts of many a pony. Being the best and most brutal bodyguard in all of Equestria did that to people. But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all, he got all the bitches. More on accident then on purpose, he acquired a son. Being the kind of person that does such things, he named his son Iron Hoof Junior. His wife had wanted to name him Johnny, but as most people know, bodyguards tend to be very...persuasive. And so begins the tale of Iron Hoof Junior.
You would think being the son of a mega-tycoon would be pleasant. You would be wrong. Like all successful businessmen, he wanted his son to follow in his every footstep. Through every cliff, through every swamp, he dragged his son down the rigorous path of a bodyguard. He never really had any real friends. The only reason someone would be friendly to him would be because of fear. Fear of his father. It was both a blessing and a curse. No one would dare disrespect him, and whatever he asked, he got. However, this same fear that kept the children around him in line also kept them distant from him. When they thought he wasn’t around, they whispered. They whispered about how cruel he was. How much of a tyrant he was. He was their common enemy. It bonded them together. Against him.
Oh, they thought he didn’t know. But he did. And deep inside his heart, in the darkest recesses, he vowed he would get revenge on them all. It was this deep hatred that kept him going through the high and the low. It was this hatred that forced him to keep pushing himself. It was this hatred that forced him to lift the barbell up again and again, even when the logical part of his brain was screaming at him to stop.
Then his father died. The police told him it was an accident. But he had been at the scene. He knew it was no accident. There was no doubt. It was an assassination. And he knew exactly who had done it. His father had been a bodyguard. Bodyguards tend to make many enemies as they become more prominent. There was one particular enemy that his father hated the most. He called himself “El Chupacabra”. He was a rogue bodyguard. And his only goal in life was to kill people. “The Chupacabra” was feared around the world. The authorities could never find him. All they were left with was a dead body that was ripped apart.
There was only one pony in the world that The Chupacabra feared. Yep. You guessed it. Iron Hoof Senior. After tangling with him once, The Chupacabra didn’t dare come out of its cave for quite a while. But Iron Hoof Senior had gotten careless. He had lowered his guard for a mere moment. But it was that moment that brought his downfall. Iron Hoof Junior may have despised his father, but now that he was dead, he realized something. He just wanted an excuse to kill someone. And this was just what he needed.Suddenly, a knock on his mansion’s door disrupted his quiet contemplation.When he opened the door, he was greeted by two stallions in white suits. They wore surgical masks and sunglasses. One stallion reached forward, a handkerchief in his hand.
Reacting instinctively, Iron Hoof Junior ducked. With a huge leg sweep, he brought the two ponies down. Jumping up into the air, he used his elbow to knock the air out of one. He lifted the other one up by his neck and slammed him against the wall. “Who sent you?” He asked gruffly. The stallion pinned against the wall squirmed, writhing in terror. He managed to stutter out a barely coherent sentence. “P-p-please! We- I don’t know anything! Ah swear!” That last bit caught his attention. Was this stallion from the western part of Equestria? But he wasn’t lying. He didn’t know anything. Judging from his build and speech patterns, he was only muscle. The real brain was probably miles away by now.
The next day, he received a mysterious phone call. It mentioned something about someone picking him up tomorrow at noon. It said to be ready. There was no way he was going to let some strangers do that. He was going to meet them, alright. But no way were they going to take him wherever they were going to take him.
The noon bell tolled. As the last echoes faded, a white van pulled up in the driveway. He sighed. Facehoof. That was way too typical. A white van? All that was missing now was “Free Candy” spray painted on the side. Right then, as the van turned, he noticed that “Free Candy” was spray painted on the side. He groaned. If someone was coming to kidnap him, couldn’t they at least try to be respectable? As the van slowed to a halt, the doors slid open. He jumped. The high-tech troopers coming out of the car stood in stark contrast to the stereotypical van they had come from. It was like a clown car. They kept on coming out. How the buck did they all fit in that tiny van? There were at least 50 ponies in front of his mansion now! Shit. They overpowered him now. Oh well. At least he could go out with a bang. Yelling, he dived into the middle of the crowd, kicking and throwing punches like he had nothing left to lose. Which he didn’t, by the way.
They got him. But it wasn’t easy. He took out at least 30 of them. Another 10 suffered severe injuries and had to be hospitalized. Another 5 suffered minor injuries such as broken noses or bruised bones. But they took him. The insignia on the back of their bullet-proof vests? ESHV.
He groaned. How long had he been out? “Impressive. The chemical structure of your red blood cells must have a natural inborn resistance to narcotics.” He looked around, and seeing no one, looked down. There, he saw a tiny pipsqueak of pony, barely reaching his chest when he stood up. But there was something in his eyes. There was a hint of...something. There was that sparkle. The sparkle that made you think they were either a genius or a madman. He dearly hoped it was the former. “I suppose they kidnapped you too?” He asked the tiny pony standing in front of him. The pony sighed, an almost impatient sound. It was incredibly annoying. It was as if the pony thought that he, Iron Hoof Junior, was inferior to him. “That is correct. That unicorn mare over there hasn’t come to yet, but according to this blood sample, she was incapacitated by the same chemical that was able to render me unconscious. Or at least the molecular construction is extremely similar.”
Iron Hoof sighed. He could see why this scrawny one thought that he was superior to all. He had stopped listening after 3 words. Suddenly, a yawn came from the back of the room, followed by an exclamation of “Hey! What did y’all do with mah pies?”