//------------------------------//
// The Elements of Surprise (Morpheus) Part 3 
// Story: dC/dt ≠ 0 
// by I Thought I Was Toast 
//------------------------------//





It was almost unheard of for the wind sense to truly ‘talk’ to pegasi like it did changelings. Pegasi have become so in tune with the wind that they don’t even realize it whispers sweet nothings into their ears. They react to the wind’s warnings solely on instinct—the amount of information they receive being too much for most to process consciously.

There are a few pegasi, however, who are so skilled in flight—true masters of the sky—that they can learn to parse the wind like changelings do. Such ponies are to be feared, for they can hear a pin drop from miles away if they try.

It is a practice that requires focus, discipline, and years of training.

Unfortunately for me, Rainbow Dash did not need that.

Rainbow Dash was the best flyer in Equestria, and she was too awesome to wait for training.





Rainbow snorted. “Well? I’m waiting.”

The impatient tapping of Rainbow’s hooves pounded slowly in my ears like a death knell. Our thoughts spiderwebbed in hundreds of directions at once, surging forth far faster than was healthy. Ve could barely grasp any of the individual threads of possibility as ve frantically tried to predict what answer would lessen her suspicion, and the ball of hot and bitter emotions in front of me flared as ve wasted far too much time thinking about my response.

Maybe ve could appeal to her sense of adventure? Rainbow loved adventure. I couldn’t tell her I was a changeling yet. Twilight had ordered us not to, and the contract forbid disobedience. A tingle of magic ran through our spine as ve even thought about disobeying.

Yes…. There was no way I could tell the truth….

So half-truths would have to suffice.

I glanced around the stalls. Most ponies had returned to their business, but there were a few that would occasionally peek our way. Applejack had seen we were both safe and was checking on the Anomaly—who was currently living up to her name and was somehow buried in her statically charged mane. It sparked several times as Applejack poked it, twitching and growing like some horrible beast.

I dipped into the shallowest reaches of my pegasi magic until I felt the tingle of magic along my spine again. It wasn’t much, but I could at least manage a single breeze between me and Dash.

Time for the hook.

“Don’t move, and I’ll tell you as much as I can.” My mouth barely moved while I whispered. The wind carried our message right to Rainbow’s ear, and it returned with the beat of a heart racing on adrenaline.

Rainbow tensed for a moment before snorting.

“Not so loud!” I arched my brow at her. “Whisper. The more of a scene you make, the more you risk disrupting Twilight’s plan. It’s bad enough I already blew my cover like this.”

That got her attention. Her eyes narrowed, and she gritted her teeth—drawing several stares. She did whisper, though. “Twilight? What’s she got to do with this? And what do you mean by cover? Are you a spy?!”

I grinned as she took the bait. The burning ball of rage and suspicion began to dim, and I was able to lower my filter again.

Before I could continue with my momentum, though, her overactive imagination took a turn for the worst. Bitter green flames burst from the ground as her emotions surged again.

It was too sudden for us, and ve couldn’t rebuild the filter as Rainbow’s emotions burned the back of our mind.

Ve knew the flames weren’t real, but emotions don’t care for logic or reason.

“Are you a changeling?”

The last word was hissed out, but it was still too low for any of the surrounding ponies to hear.

Rainbow had just jumped into the uncanny valley of truth and deception. Anything I said now was just as likely to confirm her worst nightmares as it was to make her feel like an idiot for jumping to conclusions.

Our thoughts crashed to a halt as they fixated on her question over and over.
Ve couldn’t find a solution to this problem, and our instincts screamed at us to bolt before our cover was fully blown.

I was close to shutting down.

Everything was going azure.

“Is everything alright, partners?” Applejack had finally noticed how tense the confrontation was and was heading over. Pinkie was still stuck watching us from the confines of her mane—trapped like a fly in a web—although she seemed to be staring at us as she twitched.

Rainbow glanced back at the farmer, and the sea of fire and brimstone and acrid smoke surged over us once more. “Well?” she hissed at us.

“Rainbow? You alright, sugarcube?”

There was love in the air, but it had no context amid the flames. Ve couldn’t find the source. Ve couldn’t label the kind. If I was thinking rationally, I wouldn’t have touched it with a ten foot pole.

But I wasn’t exactly there right now.

Ve sprang at it like a feral dog, lapping at it to soothe the burning. Our vision cleared, and ve erected our strongest filter. No emotions were getting in, and no emotions were getting out.

As the flames flickered and died, ve almost collapsed, but ve kept standing through sheer force of will. There was no more panic to feed our adrenaline.

“I may be less of a pegasus than you are—” Completely true. “—but I can assure you being a spy does not instantly make you a changeling.” Ve could barely whisper, and the breeze ve had made was gone, but ve felt our words being snatched by the hasty clutches of a wind that wasn’t our own.

That merited a concern all on its own, but ve were still beyond fear. Instead, ve turned and walked away. It was better for us not to say anything more. A façade of being too insulted to continue was the only option.

Ve almost turned back as an argument between Applejack and Rainbow Dash sprang in to fill the void, but that would have ruined the façade. They weren’t following us, and that was good. The fact they seemed to be having a lovers quarrel was bad, but ve couldn’t do anything about it right now. Above all else, ve needed space to straighten ourself out.

I wasn’t running away.

Ve were strategically retreating. 





Ve walked through the market and listened to the rumors.

“Right in the middle of the marketplace….” The shopkeeper’s tone was subdued. A subdued voice could mean he was calm or concerned or even frightened.

“Can’t believe they used that language with foals around.” A mother’s voice carried from across the street. More amplitude meant more energy. She could be angry. Ve could see her being angry.

“I thought they were the Elements of Harmony, not the Elements of Disharmony.” Snickers accompanied the stallion’s compliment.

Ve paused a second, trying to parse the meaning behind the words. On some level, ve knew it was a simple joke—perhaps an insult—but ve couldn’t understand why it was one of those things.

Ve wanted to snort in frustration. I liked to snort in frustration. The hive-forsaken filter was making it difficult, but every attempt to lower it brought on waves of panic over what had happened.

At the very least, the hivemind provided most of the context ve needed to identify others’ emotions. There were eons worth of changeling lives and memories at our beck and call.

Ve had seen every smile. Ve had heard every tone. Ve had smelled every smell—whether ponies knew they made them or not. There was little to no physical mannerism ve had not experienced over the years, and ve could see all the signs without our emotions clogging us down.

And yet ve couldn’t be sure. Ve could not taste others while the filter remained this strong. There was a chance for error, and ve couldn’t afford errors if ve had done what ve think ve might have done.

Our recovery’s progress was slow, however, and ve knew that should infuriate me.

That’s why ve wanted to snort and stamp and scream and yell. All of those were perfectly sensible reactions to expect from a mad pony. Ve weren’t angry, though. Ve only knew that I would feel angry. The disguise known as Snow Flurry wouldn’t, and so ve did not express our not-anger.

Ve continued along with a slightly downcast head. A small sigh would periodically escape our lips, and ve faked the smallest of limps. Every so often, ve stopped at one of the stands to pick up the groceries Twilight wanted.

Illusory wings opened equally illusory saddle bags, and ve would place our purchase within one of our corbiculae. It was a simple chore, but ve were finally getting a chance to just walk and wander.

Ve didn’t know the market layout. The admittedly outdated scout reports claimed it was first come, first serve, so there was a chance it was different every day.

Unfortunately, ve couldn’t enjoy it like ve had wanted to earlier.

Ve stopped at another vendor and purchased some cabbages. The salespony thanked us, mentioning something about a villainous rogue with a blue arrow cutie mark, but ve weren’t really listening. A quick glance at the sun had shown it was time to risk lowering the filter again, and ve did so very tentatively.

Even going slowly, the flood of sensations defied accurate description. Walking from deepest darkness into the light of day feels blinding. Teleporting from an empty room to a crowd-lined street is deafening.

This was more than that.

There are thousands of subtle variances in how one individual feels emotions compared to another. I had gotten used to many of them over the years. Habituated to the white noise. Now, everything stood out as bright as day again, and all those differences screamed, shined, burned, and eroded at me in different ways—struggling to be understood.

Overwhelming, to be sure, but it was not as bad as the sensation of my own feelings trying to reassert themselves.

Spicy anger, icy dread, curdling fear, and sharp insecurity—like eating glass or the shattered remains of a mirror—rose within me. In a matter of seconds, it saturated the air around me, and I could feel the beginning of a feedback loop.

So I raised the filter again.

This time ve managed to leave it impure, and I sighed with an echo of relief. Only a tiny bit of emotion leaked through, but it was a start.

I… I could feel again.

I blinked back a few tears and started the slow, agonizing journey back to Applejack’s stand. With every stop, I lowered the filter just a little bit more, and I prepared myself to face the consequences of our actions.





It was near sunset when I arrived, and the stand had been packed up and moved back home. I could feel something was off, but it wasn’t until I lowered the filter one last time that I understood what it was.

For the most part, the ambient joy from Pinkie was still so thick it could be cut like cake, while the tag I placed on her trailed off into the distance. A jagged hole was torn out near the scorch marks on the ground, however. Ve had ripped the emotion right out in our hasty attempt to escape without being caught.

It was… not a good sign.

Sometimes there is no choice but to forcibly take a nibble of love that is not given willingly. Like a mosquito drinking blood, however, the damage can be mitigated by forcing the wound to clot. A bite taken in desperation would agitate a relationship. It would itch and scratch—there might even be a brief fight—but it would also mend relatively quickly with few side effects.

Ve had not done that.

In our rush to escape, ve hadn’t closed the wound. Too much time had passed to trace it, but I could taste it to gain more context than ve had had before. The heady taste of apple pancakes smothered in honey and syrup clogged my arteries and made my heart skip a few beats. It was a comforting and homey and delicious—with just a tiny hint of sweat and leather in the background.

I shivered at the sensation. It was definitely not just a platonic friendship if there was leather.

Stomping the ground, I snarled. “Idiot.”

I finally found the strength to snort and relished in it.

“Idiot.” Once wasn’t enough.

“Idiot.” Neither was twice.

“Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!” By the hive, that felt good. My chest was heaving, and I was drawing stares from the few remaining ponies in the market. I’m pretty sure my voice had dropped a few octaves to its normal pitch, but I didn’t care. When Twilight got back, negotiations were as good as dead—and so was I—if this wasn’t fixed.

But I couldn’t fix it unless I told Rainbow and Applejack what went wrong.

And I couldn’t do that because Twilight had ordered me not to reveal myself until she was back.

Slumping to the ground, I stared at the emotional hole, and ve began to update the web of probability the analysts were working on. There was always an answer—no matter how unlikely.

Ve just had to find it.

“Aww… here I was about to yell at you for the pinchy knee from earlier, and now my frogs are hopping. I think somepony needs a hug!”

My vision turned pink as Reason’s Bane ensnared me in her clutches. I mumbled something in reply, but it was lost by the cotten candy fog that had swallowed me without warning. Sweet, sugary joy swam like molasses over my chitin, and every intake of breath condensed into the sweetest of fruit punches that trickled down my throat like ambrosia.

I almost threw the filter all the way up again—especially when my hooves started to go numb—but the moment I thought about doing so her leg twitched and she let go. My vision blurred back into focus to find the Pink Menace tilting her head as she examined her knee.

“Another pinchy knee? That doesn’t make any sense.” She pouted. “Hugs make everything better….”

Bemused, I shook my head and wondered if there had always been two Pinkies. “Oh…  I’m feeling much better.” I hiccuped, and it was the most hilarious thing ever. “Can’t exactly think straight now, though…. Need to think straight if I’m gonna fix things. Need to fix Rainbow. Or is it Applejack?”

Pinkie caught me as I staggered to the side, and I barely raised the filter to a manageable level in time. A full on block wasn’t necessary when I wasn’t being hugged to death, but my head still swam at the contact.

“Are you alright? Maybe I should get you to a doctor.” Even her voice sent waves of emotion through the air. 

Nodding my head almost caused me to wobble off my support. “I’m so much better than alright. Your hugs give love poison a run for its money. Besides, it’s Applejack and Rainbow Dash we need to worry about.”

Her head tilted again, and a slight shudder ran down her spine.

I almost tripped at the disturbance.

Shambling a few meters to the left, I tried to grimace and sigh, but it came out as another hiccup and lopsided grin. “Twilight’s gonna kill me if I don’t fix this.”

“Fix what?” Orange creamsicle was such a lovely flavor for curiosity.

“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret. Shhhhh—” My rather loud stage whisper was cut off as I threatened to tip over again.

Pinkie’s smile seemed a bit forced, but Pinkie Pie would never force a smile. Maybe she was a changeling?

Hrmm….

Nah. It must just be my imagination.

Mmmm… the cotton candy clouds were laced with chocolate lightning now….

Wait. Was the filter slipping? No, that was crazy talk. The filter wouldn’t slip unless I was drunk on joy. Lords couldn’t do that. Our metabolism was too fast.

“You are an Enigma, Pinkie Pie. You know that?” My latest hiccup produced a shockingly pink bubble, making me fumble the filter back into place again. “You can get me drunk on sheer happiness, and your distrust tastes like chocolate. Chocolate! Not poison! That’s just— Eeheeheehee!”

Pinkie froze for a second.

I snorted. “There! You feel that? Milk chocolate turned to dark chocolate. It’s bitter and sweet at the same time. How do you do that?”

Her head slowly twisted to look at me. “So that’s what shivery spine means.”

“What does what mean?” I asked, idly wondering if the giant gingerbread house we were entering was actually real or if I needed to raise the filter more.

Pinkie looked around conspiratorially before whispering in my ear. “If you can tell what I’m feeling, you must be a changeling.”

I toppled over, gasping to get through the laughter. “Ahahahahaha! Ah! Aha! Oh, Pinkie… I can’t be a changeling. If I were a changeling, I’d be dead right now.”

“Umm…”

I vaguely gestured with one hoof only to stop and stare at two. “I mean, if I was a changeling, and you knew I was a changeling, then you would know the secret Twilight ordered me not to reveal, and I would be violating an order. And if I violated an order, then I would be violating my contract, and I would die. I am not dead. Thus I am not a changeling. Quod erat demonstrandum.”

Looking up, I could see what appeared to be half the town jumping out of hiding places. Their faces were frozen in a rictus of horror, so I grinned and waved to lighten the mood.

“Surprise….” A single voice ventured.

“Huh….” I had a lovely view of Pinkie’s hooves tapping nervously while I was on the floor.

She squirmed a bit more for the most unfathomable reasons before shaking her head and frowning for a teeny tiny second. “I forgot this was why I was bringing you here in the first place….”

Her smile was instantly back as she spoke up to the rest of the room. “Don’t freak, everypony. She’s—”

I giggled like a schoolfilly. “He.”

She looked at me funny. “Alright, he’s just really drunk right now—drunk enough to want to be called a he. Don’t take anything he says too seriously, and have fun. We’ll have to throw her—”

“His.”

“We’ll have to throw his welcome party later because I’m suddenly thinking she—”

“He.”

“I’m pretty sure he needs medical attention.”

There were a couple of awws and various sighs as Pinkie threw me on her back and trotted out the door, but I could hear the party continuing on even as we left.

“So how drunk did my hug make you?” She looked back at me. “You weren’t acting anything like this before.”

Her emotions were a delicious orange chocolate, and I laughed as I watched the upside down world go by, my head dangling over her side.

“I told you I can’t be a changeling if you know the secret. And since you know the secret, I must not be a changeling. If I’m not a changeling, then I can’t be drunk on joy. Ergo your hug didn’t make me drunk in the least.”

I paused for a second, licking my chops. “And if I’m not drunk on joy, then I am clearly incredibly stupid while sober. I mean, I haven’t had any alcohol today.”

Pinkie sighed. “You’re that drunk, then? This is why I have a two drink maximum at parties. I guess I’ll just have to get the full story from Twilight.”

The gentle rocking of Pinkie’s trotting had me sleeping in five minutes.





Honestly, I’m not sure if meeting Twilight’s friends or meeting the diarchs was worse. The diarchs had been terrifying, but we weren’t going to be seeing each other on an almost daily basis.

The Elements were—for all intents and purposes—my wardens, and I would need to interact with them on a regular basis. Even worse, their emotions were powerful.

Dangerously so.

Mother had claimed Equestria could provide enough food for everyling, but the sheer level of emotion behind Pinkie and Rainbow Dash had been outright staggering. It makes us wonder if she had even been in her right mind during the invasion.

Alas, I need to stop here…. Twilight can easily cover the rest of the night, however. She should be in the observatory, if you’re free for a late night session.