"Get up!"
"Wha-Wh-Whaaaaat?!"
"Translation: Chuck Norris is kicking our ass, do something!" Rouge exclaimed. I don't remember wearing my Iron Man helmet, but thank the gods I was. "CNRK in T-minus NOW!!!"
I fell to the floor, not remembering getting up. Just looking at the kick allowed the passing kick to send me through some walls. "Spell: Curaga. Activate duel disk!" I commanded. Magic green leaves surrounded me, giving a healing effect. My ultimatrix glowed, transforming into something resembling the picture, but blue and white.
"...We are going to fight Chuck Norris...with cards. There's a reason I locked it!" Cortana shouted.
"Spell: Fast Healing." I held an orb of yellow light, dispersing around me when I let go. "Ultimatrix, give me Wolverine." There was a slot for cards, my requested card given to me. It was a simple card with a picture of Wolverine in his X-Men suit, it has a red back with the MARVEL logo in the middle in white. I placed the card in a defense position in time for Chuck to send him to the recharge station.
"You can summon with that?!"
"Duh. How else did I bring out Wolverine? Next up!" I shouted, smirking as Number One emerged with his original shades. Worth it. "Kirby Me, Saiyan Me, Thangarian Me, and the Juggernaut." Four cards slid in my hand as I placed them in attack positions on my duel disk, summoned clones appearing around me.
Yugi Moto ran in, asking, "Is someone playing a card game?" Before Kirby acquired his abilities and became Yami Kirby.
I looked around the hallway still covered in blood, but at least the major damage was undone... except now I have guns pointed at me. Ace Ventura held a hand out, "Don't move or we will shoot and it will hurt!" Kirby tossed a card at him, causing him to fall on a land mine. "I cant feel my butt!"
"Using land mine remains for another repair implosion. ...Magic, because science sucks."
"Lock on," I commanded just as Chuck punched the Yugi out of Kirby and destroying Juggernaut. "...He just destroyed the unmoveable Juggernaut."
"He didn't destroy him. He just blinked." The rest of my summons dispersed into nothing as my duel disk disintegrated. "I'm loading Kryptonian." The ultimatrix flashed like usual, making me glow green as clear blue hexagons transformed my armor. I grew a foot or two taller... around 6" or something. I thinned as the sunlight around me and absorbed in my suit's solar reserves gave me a sense of great strength.
"I'm going to embed the tutorial for this form in one second." I didn't have a scouter or visor, but I could feel her smile as I gained a sudden headache. "I bet... uh... screw it. I say Chuck Norris will win."
"Why?" I asked as me and Chuck stared each other down. My blue cape flowing in non-existent wind.
"Chuck Norris can run so fast that he can punch himself in the back of the head."
"But is he as fast as the Flash?"
"Has Flash played tag with himself before?"
I lunged at him, but he had a third fist in his beard that took me to the ground. I let out lasers from my eyes as he just stood there. I got back up, but he punched me from ten different spots, ending with a crescent kick that sent me through the ground and out of the sky to the ground next to the worm hole I helped make.
Number One joined us outside, slowly clapping. "Hello Agent. Tell me, why are you targeting me specifically?"
My flight path was blocked by Chuck's hat as his one strand of hair left on it kept me in place. "Superman can hold infinity."
"Chuck Norris can destroy space-time. Literally, this is this guy's fiftieth Equestria."
I looked past the hat, locking eyes with Mr. Uno, "I'm not a time agent. I don't know what your deal is, but I must stop it."
Chuck finally spoke as he let out a sigh, "Guys, can we try to keep the peace long enough to cause no more damage?"
"Seriously, I killed and resurrected people all day. ...And I have no idea why!" I shouted. "All I know is that I wanted to be in a beyblade tournament and you attacked me. Either I'm trying to get revenge or-"
"Time-base said we need to run... like, NOW!!!" Cortana informed. I returned to normal, my secondary color red as I sped off. ...Chuck Norris wasn't around to stop me for some reason.
Rouge's sudden giggling grew into laughter, "Chuck Norris just left this universe! *rewind sound and Chuck's voice is heard.* 'Screw this, I'm leaving this fan fic.' *click* I have no idea what he meant, but it was funny!"
Hello Mr. Conners I read.
"Um... hello Time-base?" I asked, looking around the laptop it sent me... with a sack of bits.
I made a great decision with the web camera. In fact, was it even a decision? I think its destiny.
"Yeah... so... um..." I tried to begin.
You're asking about why you're in a conflict with Number One and why I'm contacting you of all ponies. You were about to interrupt, stating that you're a person and to that I say that 'pony' is the term I will use no matter the circumstance. You were going to tell me to get to the point to where I assume you- yes I ramble- no this isn't one sided Cortana. Having you speak like in what used to be this prime timeline will waste what time we have. I will ignore the 'dingus' comment Ms. Rouge.
I will now have this recording that could've been your recapping of this information be played.
"*beep. click.* ...So what you're saying is that Number One is using this tournament to kill of people and absorb paradox energy to bring the past to the future." My recorded voice paused before resuming, "...That's dumb. How do you move time? Well simple, time can become- time can be relatively anything. It is a very big ball of wibbley wobb- That's a Doctor Who reference! Fine, I wont interrupt."
Wrong recording, but I'll keep playing.
"*beep. clack.* ...Time has no beginning or end so somepony can make the beginning the end and vice versa. ...Who came up with this? Doctor Whooves. Seriously? I will not underestimate him or science-magic when it comes. I thought I was immortal like everyone else! ...That sounds like an awesome-"
Skipping an hour of spoilers and trauma. Oh, this is the recording.
My recorded voice returned, "*boop. click.* ...Basically we should think of time as vines, tangled yard, wibbley wobbley, etc. Though, we focus on time magic-science that is making time appear to be made of Play Doh. My Celestia, if I didn't die in this year then today would've been a great day to die!"
That version of you failed. That is a time where Chuck Norris stayed and round house the universe to nothing, curing the Multiverse of our time plague before ending himself. Screwed up time residue was on him so he didn't leave, knowing he would've killed Faust. You may speak in real time.
"Time travel is convoluted."
"Time travel is convoluted."
"Time travel is stupid."
I'll wait an hour my time for your first official report. Watch Mr. Uno and make sure he is stopped one timeline or another.
I gave a salute, "I have no reason to trust you nor the opposite."
Not surprised.
"I will not fail you in this time!"
I'll leave that up to the *insert self-awareness noun*.