Chapter 2: ACME
I got big funny ears, they are so long and flat
They are the very reasons I never wear a hat
My teeth stick out in front, like pickets in a fence
And as far as riches go, I'm not worth two cents
But I'm glad to be the way I am
Who cares if I look funny?
No matter what the others have
I'm glad that I'm Bugs Bunny!
Suppose I was an elephant, then I'd be really sunk
For every place I'd ever go, I'd have to take my trunk
Suppose I was a zebra with stripes from head to tail
I bet they'd think that I'd escaped and throw me back in jail!
It was at that moment that Bugs happened to walk into Zecora.
“Eh, what’s up, Doc?”
Zecora’s eyelid twitched.
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There is a moment in time when two souls of compatible personality synchronise so perfectly that the universe pauses for a short moment. Usually these sensations last at most for about two or three seconds. Enough to give you the shivers, or a prickling sense of danger. When you feel it, you know something is about to happen. It may be good, it may be bad, it may not even relate to you… but it will definitely be big.
When Pinkie Pie burst out Sugarcube Corner, she immediately noticed the large hare pulling at the dirt ground as it were a service hatch to the sewers. He popped out of the hole, seemingly relieved for some odd reason. Inevitably, her eyes were drawn to his.
In the space of a heartbeat, several things happened:
The Universe shivered and all its inhabitants stopped for a moment to appreciate the full gravity of that happenstance. A lot of ponies went home. Several of them purchased insurance on the way. One retreated into his concrete bunker and started counting his soup cans.
Celestia, who was drinking tea at the time, choked.
Discord, who was drinking chocolate milk, choked.
Luna, who was sleeping, snored.
Cadance told Shining that she felt a disturbance in the balance of Love. It was a moment where two ponies fell in love at first sight. That, she had said, or she was hungry. Shining bought her a sandwich and she chewed on it thoughtfully. Hmm, no it wasn’t love at first sight... but she did wonder what it might have been.
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When Angel came to, he spotted Fluttershy passed out and sleeping soundly on her bed. He nodded to himself, this was normal, she must have spotted her shadow again. Something more unusual was the alicorn seated in the centre of the room, a familiar letter turned this way or that as she tried to make sense of the scribbled writing. Oh, it was that friend of Fluttershy’s. What was her name? Twibright? Twinklesight?
Hopping over to the base of the alicorn’s hoof he slapped her fetlock as hard as he could.
Twilight looked down in mild surprise.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, skittering back a few steps. “Hello, Angel.”
Angel held his paw out, gesturing impatiently. It took a while for the thick pony to get the message. Fluttershy, he sourly reflected, would have given it to him by now.
“Right! This is your letter,” she said sheepishly, gently levitating the letter into Angel’s small paws. He snatched it out of the air and sat on his haunches, reading the contents quickly.
Hey Angel ol’ buddy!
Just letting you know that I’m coming to town. I’ve given ol’ Elmer the slip again and I thought I’d stop by and grab a few carrots from that place you called, eh… what was it again? Eh… Equestria! That’s right! We can catch up for ol’ time’s sake.
That’s all, Angel!
Bugs.
Wiping a paw across his face, Angel pursed his lips and tried to think of a contingency plan. At any moment, Bugs could arrive and ruin everything. Last time the gloved bunny arrived in Equestria, he foiled several world domination plans and a couple of geopolitical coups. All of them were unintentional, or at least that was what it looked like. You could never be too sure with Bugs.
Angel felt the letter drawn out of his paw as Twilight gently extricated it to resume analysis. He let it go without noticing it. To her it probably looked like he’d read the letter and zoned out again. Contrary to her assumption, Angel was perfectly lucid, his mind churning away, modelling plan after plan. Last time, Angel was too serious, Bugs thrived in breaking seriousness. There had to be something or someone around here that could match his rule-breaking game…
Angel cocked his head, his eyes narrowing as he smiled devilishly. He cracked the joints in his tiny paws, settling into a slow lope towards the door.
It was time to get to business.
–––––
Bugs gasped and he fell to the ground.
Pinkie trotted forward, eyeing the bunny as he wheezed.
“What’s wrong?” she asked urgently.
He choked out something. Pinkie cocked her head and approached the stricken hare. She heard small croaks from him and she was starting to get concerned.
“Please,” she heard him splutter. “Come closer.” He beckoned her with a frail finger.
Pinkie leaned in, her mouth twitching in anticipation.
“Closer…”
She leaned in further.
“Will…”
“Yes?”
“You…”
“Yes!”
“Go pranking with me?”
“YES!”
–––––
For some reason, Discord liked to hang out at Twilight’s new castle. Angel didn't know why, something about coaxing it to give him a throne, or something. Angel, didn't care much for the draconequus, but he did not like the new castle. He absolutely despised it.
The reason?
The floor was slippery.
The first, nervous step that Angel took ended up with Angel spending more time on his face and less on his paws. He started forward only to slip and fall. One time, Angel saw Fluttershy helping Winona cross an icy pond. At that time he had thought it was hilarious watching the canine try to make her way across the ice on unsteady legs. Darkly, Angel realised he was now mimicking the poor mutt’s movements.
“Well, well, what do we have here?”
It was late in the day, but the draconequus’ curiosity was piqued. He swirled around the small bunny, grinning sardonically.
“You look like you could use my help,” he remarked casually. Angel glared at the draconequus. With a monumental effort, he levered himself into a seated position and then crossed his arms in front of his body.
Discord clapped a claw and a paw together slowly.
“Bravo,” he cheered mockingly. “Bravo!”
Angel stayed still, not even bothering to rise to the bait. He wouldn’t even be able to do much, what with the floor the way it was. Discord raised his eyebrow. Usually the bunny would be thinking of a way to claw his way across the floor and try to do some serious damage to the draconequus. Not that he could, mind you, but he'd try. That, more than anything intrigued Discord. Something was important to Angel.
“You want my help?” he guessed.
Angel nodded.
“Why do you think I would help you?”
Angel gestured to the cottage.
“Oh well being friends with Fluttershy doesn’t necessarily extend to you… especially to you.”
Angel crossed his arms, fuming. He hopped a few steps away, the effect somewhat ruined but immediately slipping and falling flat on his face. Discord chuckled and waved at him dismissively, then went back to drinking chocolate milk. Angel turned back, smirking. He met Discord’s glancing look and waggled his eyebrows, making a rude gesture with his paws.
Discord sprayed chocolate milk in a fountain of exasperated rage.
“WHAT?! NOPONY SAYS THAT ABOUT ME!”
With a particularly flustered snap, the draconequus disappeared.
Angel rubbed his paws together.
All going to plan.