//------------------------------// // Clearing Up Affairs // Story: The Friendship Detection Agency (FDA) // by FlareGun45 //------------------------------// It’s almost time for the big mission. I’m really nervous right now, but I have to keep calm… and something on, but before I go I have to take care of any affairs I have left to take care of before I go, and I made a list of things I need to do before I go. I have to make sure Elusive is in good hooves, so I’m going to have Jelly look after him while I’m gone, but at the same time, help Jelly with whatever she needs me to help her out with before I go, and finally, I have to explain everything to Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad. They probably feel betrayed right now, but I don’t want to end up on their garbage list. They’ve had a grudge on General Lee since before he betrayed us, and they still have a grudge on him now, even if he is gone. Before we start all that though, we start off our final arc at the DIF Headquarters, right next door to ours. The DIF agents were analyzing, researching, and even interrogating prisoners, trying to convert them to good. Well I’ve shown you enough of the DIF HQ, let’s head straight into the briefing room where Agent Snake Eyes was awaiting a call from Agent S. While Snake was waiting, the doors open, and there I was standing right behind the door. I snuck over to Snake and was just about to pounce on him, but then… “Norton, cut it out. As if that trick ever worked on anypony.” Snake complained. Just then, fog surrounds ‘my’ body and I end up being Eclipse Norton disguised as me. “That joke worked on a bunch of ponies. Whether it being agent or civilian.” Eclipse said. “Whatever. Agent Ssssssss asked us to brief with him before the big mission.” Snake said. “Right.” Eclipse agreed. “By the way, how’s your witnessssss coming along?” Snake asked. “Well… not too long ago I had to disguise myself as his sworn enemy again.” Norton said. “He and I talked and it was the best way for me to check up on him.” “Ssssmart move.” Snake admitted. Just then, the Skype chat on the communications screen started ringing. “Ah! There’s the director now!” Snake answers it, and Agent S appears on the screen, still unknowing of his identity. “Greetings Agents Snake Eyes and Eclipse Norton!” Agent S said. “Greetingssssss-sa-sa-saaaaaaa!” Snake said. “What could we do for you, director?” “The FDA is planning an ultimate mission it would seem.” Agent S said. “Now that we’ve laid low from their missions, our patience will surely pay off! The FDA will fall once and for all!” “And what might that mission be?” Snake asked. “The FDA is monitoring mafia activity in Manehatten.” Agent S said. “This may be our key in.” “In what way?” Norton asked. “If we could capture one agent that knows a bunch of FDA secrets, we can use him to our advantage.” Agent S said. “Or her.” Norton added. “No it’s a him. I already picked the agent we should use.” Agent S said. “Jerry Jam – we’ve been monitoring his activity since he was a criminal. Perhaps he can be useful to us once again.” “Agent S? Sorry to interrupt.” Norton said. “But I must say that Agent Jerry Jam is no fool. There is no way we can get him to spill the beans on FDA secrets. Even if we interrogate him, he’s not going to tell us anything.” “Not without the right ponies to work along side with.” Agent S said. “Agent Jerry Jam is selfless, but we know his secrets, and everypony has some sort of weakness.” “What is Agent Jam’s weaknesssss?” Snake asked. “The truth, Agent Snake.” Agent S said. “If Agent Jam knew the ultimate truth, he’d have a moment of mortality. He won’t just spill the beans, but the FDA will lose one of their best agents, and he will be one of us! Perhaps if we’re lucky, we could get his two agent friends to follow with him. The more of the best agents we have, the better! Ha ha haaaaaa!” Norton whispers to Snake, “Why does he have to laugh at the same time using that computerized voice? It makes my ears hurt.” And so that ends that conversation. Back to me! Before the mission, first thing’s first. The very first thing I’m going to do is talk to Jelly. She’s always the first pony I talk to before important situations like this, so I went home to talk to her. When I got inside, it was a pretty bad time as Jelly was exercising while watching an exercising video. She was even wearing blue tights and pink fluffy wrist bands on each of her legs. “Up to the top! 5… 6… 7… 8… now to the bottom! 5… 6… 7… 8… you rock, sister!” the aerobic pony on the video said. “You go girl! Look at those hips! Watch them shrink!” “Is this a bad time?” I asked. “Oh, Jer! You’re home! Early might I add?” Jelly said as she pauses the video. “You already finished the mission?” “I sure did!” I nodded. “It was a great mission, sis! I got to reunite myself with Flare Gun and explain everything. He even hopes to see me again one day.” “That’s great news, Jer!” Jelly said excitedly. “I’m glad you were able to work things out with him! So now that you finished early, how about you and me do something today?” “Actually, that is a good idea!” I said. “I’d love to spend some time with you, Jell! Also if you want to tell me anything while we go on this get together, feel free to!” “Wait a minute.” Jelly said suspiciously. “Bro, what’s going on? You’re acting weird.” “You’re too smart for me, Jell.” I said as I sat down on the sofa. “You were always too smart for me!” “What’s going on?” Jelly asked as she sat down next to me. “Is there another mission coming up?” “Mhm.” I nodded. “An ultimate mission? One that… you may not come back from?” Jelly asked. “Well let’s not go that far. I’ve been through more dangerous situations before.” I said. “But not like this one I’m assuming.” Jelly said. “What is this mission?” “Well the thing is… I don’t know yet.” I admitted. “The director didn’t tell me about it yet.” “Why not?” Jelly asked. “If this is mission is going to be super dangerous, the director… whoever he or she is… should tell you!” “It must be top secret.” I said. “She… or he, may not want me to go telling you about it. Not to get you worried and such.” “So why did you tell me?” Jelly asked. “I can’t hide my secrets from you, Jell. I needed to tell SOMEPONY I know and trust!” I said. “What if I don’t come back? Somepony needs to know!” “Don’t say that! You WILL come back! I know you will!” Jelly said. “How do you know, huh?” I asked. “Because I do!” Jelly said. “This get together, I know for a certain, won’t be our last! We’re going to go do something together, and it won’t be good-bye! It’s a good luck celebration! I mean, not that you need it.” “Oh I’ll need, it Jell.” I said. “I’ll need all the luck I can get.” “But what if this mission is not as dangerous as you expect?” Jelly asked. “If the director is nervous… I should be too. The director is almost never nervous.” I said. “I mean, not that the director actually shows her nerves at other times, but I was warned how dangerous it would be.” “You… you just said ‘her’.” Jelly reminded me. “…or him.” I added. “Too late.” Jelly teased. “I know the director you’re talking about is Princess Celestia!” “WHAT?! I didn’t give you any clue of that!” I freaked out. “How did you know?!” “A mare never reveals her secrets.” Jelly said. “Except of course for Merry May. She kinda spilled the beans.” Wow, how many times are we going to say ‘spill the beans’ in this one chapter? “You hung out with Merry May?” I asked. “Of course, and Apple Fritter too!” Jelly said. “They say you do a great job as an agent! They’re really nice too! Apple Fritter keeps saying how much she loves making fritters and visiting relatives and her stallionfriend that lives in Ponyville. Merry May is very nice too! She keeps telling me secrets on how the clouds are made at the Cloudsdale factory, and she keeps telling me about this one pony that’s REALLY nice to her! She said they hit it off once, but then decided not to for this pony’s own protection.” “Yeah I heard that story.” I said. “So you like Merry May and Apple Fritter, huh?” “Oh yeah! They’re really top-notch!” Jelly said. “I’m glad they’re your corrupted FDA partners!” “They tell you EVERYTHING, huh?” I asked awkwardly. “Well they said you didn’t tell them not to.” Jelly said. “I didn’t know they were going to hang out with you.” I said. “Did they meet Elusive?” “Not that I know of, no.” Jelly said. “They could’ve when I wasn’t around, but when I was around, no, not at all.” “Well… Jell, it’s not just you that knows my FDA secret anymore.” I said. “You told Elusive?” Jelly asked. “No, not yet. I’m going to let him wait.” I said. “During this mission I was just on, the pony I was supposed to capture hired Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad to capture one of the actresses for that Daring Do movie.” “Really?” Jelly asked. “Very bloody serious.” I said. “That’s not going to ruin my movie for me, is it?” Jelly asked. “No! As a matter of fact, AK Yearling herself wanted to see you personally later today.” I said. “I told her you were the one that made it, not me.” “Is she upset?” Jelly asked. “No! She’s rather pleased of your script! She’d love to work with you on making this movie work, Jell!” I said. “Really? That’s… that’s wonderful, Jer!” Jelly yelled excitedly as she hugged me. “This is so exciting! I really didn’t know I had it in me! I knew I was a good writer, but not so much that AK would enjoy my script so much that she’d actually approve of it! If I wasn’t so upset that you were leaving, this would be the happiest day of my life!” “What happened to me coming back?” I asked. “Oh of course, I mean, though, I’m not going to see you for a little while. How long are you going to be gone?” Jelly asked. “No idea.” I said. “I could be gone for just a couple of days, or forever, depending on how it all goes.” “Well let’s hope the former.” Jelly said. “Ditto.” I agreed. “So, wait, how did Orange and Cesaer know the truth though?” Jelly asked. “Oh right, well, you see, when I was rescuing the main actress from the boss, Orange and Cesaer were there and they caught me. I didn’t even see it coming.” I said. “They’re probably really upset with me right now, but if I explain everything to them, I really hope I can get on their good side again.” “It’s going to take some doing, bro.” Jelly said. “It sure is.” I agreed. So Jelly and I went out to ice-skate for our get together. I was really embarrassing her over there, because the way I was dancing on the ice with the disco music. Jelly kept covering her face and such. After ice skating, we started walking through the streets of LP and it was almost dusk. “Well that was fun!” I said. “Other than your ridiculous disco dancing, yes it was fun.” Jelly said with an attitude. “We should’ve brought Elusive with us!” I said. “We would’ve had a lot of fun here!” “Luna help us.” Jelly said. “Speaking of Elusive, since he’s close by, we should see him next.” I suggested. “He’s been acting really paranoid lately, and he kept asking me to stay away for some reason.” Jelly said. “Oh… he didn’t tell you huh?” I asked. “He’s under a debt with the mob.” “Wow… that wasn’t very smart of him.” Jelly said. “You seem to be rather calm.” I noticed. “I just knew it was going to happen one way or another. He just seems the type.” Jelly said. Just as we arrived at Elusive’s club around the corner, we heard screaming going on from the back. “Who’s been screaming like a girl back there?” Jelly asked. “I pretty much have a clue.” I said as the two of us peeked out to the back of the building where Elusive was getting beat up by two mobsters. “Not gonna pay us, huh? Well we have superiors that’ll talk this over with ya! Count on that!” one of the mobsters said. Another mobster spat on Elusive before the two of them walked in the opposite direction. Elusive was crying in pain on the ground so Jelly and I went over to help him. “Elou, what happened?” Jelly asked. “What happened? WHAT HAPPENED?!” Elusive yelled. “JERRY JAM HAPPENED!” “What did I do?” I asked. “You just couldn’t give me the money, huh?” Elusive ranted at me. “You have so much money, you don’t know what to do with it all, and you won’t even help a friend in need! This is the third time I got beat up by those mobsters! They emptied out all the registers in the club! If this keeps up, I’m going to have to close down the club! I’m not going to be able to pay off my finances!” “So he wasn’t hallucinating.” Jelly said as she took out a tissue and started wiping his face. “Mobsters really ARE attacking him. Well, Jer, if you’re not going to help him, I am. Why don’t you help him out?! He’s your friend!” “I’m trying to teach him that he can’t always rely on me to solve his problems.” I said. “To learn his lesson, he needs to get himself out of this.” “But look at him, Jer! He’s being pushed around and stepped on by these mobsters! The only thing to do is to pay them! If you’re not, I am, and don’t try to stop me because it’s half my money, and you’re living in MY house!” Jelly explained. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m in charge! FDA agent or not, you live in my house!” “But how is Elou going to learn?” I asked. “He already has.” Jelly said. “I HAVE! Believe me, Jer! I have!” Elusive said. “I so need a vacation right now!” “See? You didn’t learn your lesson!” I said. “It’s the vacations that brought you into this mess!” “He’s just stressed, Jer! As his friends, we need to help him.” Jelly said. “No!” Elusive said. “No, Jelly. I’ve been there for Jerry when he had nopony to take his side! I’ve been around when he was in prison! I kept you sane, Jer, and this is the thanks you give me?!” “Elou, don’t be like that!” I attempted to calm him down. “NO!” Elusive yelled. “You’re fired, Jer! FIRED! You no longer work with me in this club!” “But I share a stake!” I said. “Not anymore you don’t!” Elusive said as he tears up my contract right in front of me. “And you just had that with you right now… why?” I asked. “I don’t need to.” Elusive said. “I just have it to remind me how much of a good friend you are, but since…” he starts to tear up. “Since you don’t treat me like your friend, then we’re no longer friends! GO! GET OUTTA HERE!” “Elou! C’mooon!” I begged. “LEAVE! AND NEVER COME BACK!” Elusive yelled as he marched into his club from the back door and slams the door behind him. “Huh.” I said awkwardly. “He’s just overreacting. He’ll be fine.” “No, Jer, he’s right.” Jelly said. “What?” I asked. “You haven’t been a good friend.” Jelly said. “What do you mean? I’ve been a great friend!” I said. “Actually, you haven’t.” Jelly said. “Explain.” I requested. “Well, Elusive, for one.” She started. “He got himself into money troubles, and you refused to help him out of it.” “How is he going to learn?” I asked. “Those first few warnings he got from the mobsters were a good enough lesson.” Jelly said. “Getting beat up three times? That’s too much, and now the mobsters’ superiors are coming in next, and when they come, I’m going to pay them off for him.” “Jelly, no! You’ll get hurt!” I begged. “And me! What have you done for me?” Jelly asked. “I asked you to do one favor to wait for that important package, and you couldn’t even wait!” “I had an important mission to do!” I said. “And what about Cesaer and Orange? Hmm?” Jelly asked. “What about them?” I asked. “They may be annoying, but they’re your friends! And a foolish friend is better than a fool having no friends at all!” Jelly said. “But the FDA, Jell!” I said. “It’s been eating up too much of my time! I can’t tell anypony I’m an agent!” “Cesaer and Orange arrive at the house almost every day to ask where you are.” Jelly said as she started to tear up. “I tell them… he’s busy at the club. They’ve waited for you, Jerry! I tell you every day but you never listen! You keep saying you’ll call them, but you don’t! You three have been through a lot together!” “But… the FDA!” I repeated myself. “The FDA! The FDA! The FDA! Listen to you! You’re repeating yourself!” Jelly yelled. “Ok, yes, you’re part of the Friendship Detection Agency! You save Equestria multiple times, and you keep accomplishing all those missions, but there’s one mission, Jerry! There’s one mission you keep failing! Know what that is? Your friends, bro! Your friends! You keep neglecting them! What’s more important, huh? Your friends, or your career? Just… think about it.” Jelly then opens the back door to the club and sadly walks inside and slams the door behind her as well. It’s shameful to believe it, but Jelly’s right. My friends. Elusive… Orange… Cesaer… I’ve been so caught up on the FDA lately that I never have a chance to see them. It’s my choice though. Should I quit the FDA? Should I not accept the mission? Just then, I got a phone call. “Oi.” I said as I answered it. “Jerry, we need you!” Merry said on the other line. “Merry, what’s going on?” I asked. “I know it’s your choice and all to do these missions, but we need you very soon!” Merry said. “The DIF… they’re onto us! We’ve eavesdropped on a conversation between Agent Snake Eyes and Agent Eclipse Norton. They plan to beat us to our mission!” “How?” I asked. “I don’t know, but somehow!” Merry said. “Our headquarters out in the desert by Appleloosa, that’s where Apple Fritter and I are. I’m not sure what they’re planning but this is big! They know we’re trying to eavesdrop on the Commission, and this type of mission… well… the director is requesting the best agents. I know I can’t force you to do anything, Jer, but… Equestria needs you for this one task!” “Oh… umm… ok.” I said upsettingly. “How am I going to get there?” “Head to the HQ at LP, and on the rooftop, there’s a helicopter waiting for you. It’ll take you straight to our desert headquarters. It’s a lot more secure than any other headquarters.” Merry said. “Ok, Mer, I’ll be on my way there in a bit. I just need to take care of one more thing here, and then I’ll be on my way.” I said. “Hurry, Jer!” Merry said as we then hung up. I had to explain everything to Orange and Cesaer before I go. I went to the bad part of town where Orange and Cesaer were currently living. When I got to the projects, there were thugs everywhere. They were gambling, fighting, and most were even glaring at me. I know I didn’t belong here, why you may ask? “Hey! You don’t belong you, grape!” a thug said to me. “Yeah! What is it you want?” another thug asked as he spat pretty close to my hoof. “Uhh… I’m here to see Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad.” I said. “My name is Jerry. I’m a friend of theirs.” “Heh! Not anymore you ain’t!” the first thug laughed. “Jer! You have a lot of nerve coming here, dog!” Orange Swirl said angrily as he and Cesaer walked over to me. “Yeah, what else have you been hiding from us, amigo?” Cesaer asked. “Mates, I know you’re upset with me, and you have a lot of questions.” I said. “But I am here to tell you the truth.” “Shoot!” Orange said. Just then, one of the neighborhood thugs nearly shot me with a paintball gun. “Say goodbye to your pretty suit, suit boy!” the thug said. “NO! Not that kind of shoot, Slime Ball!” Cesaer corrected him. “Yeah, Slime Ball here, yes that’s his real name, he’s your replacement.” Orange said. “We’re going out robbing again, and you’re not going to stop us, agent!” “No wonder you asked us to stopped robbing! You’re one of them now!” Cesaer said. “How long have you been in the agency, holms? Before we went to prison?” “How do we know YOU didn’t rat us out, and not General Lee?” Orange asked. “Nopony ratted us out, mates!” I lied. “We got caught, simple as that. It was bound to happen. I know the truth. The FDA’s rivals, the DIF, they’ve been monitoring us.” “How many agencies do you work for?!” Cesaer asked. “One! The FDA!” I said. “The DIF don’t know what they’re doing all the time. Just remember, I covered you both. For all the crimes you did, I burned all of the FDA files of your name behind their backs! You should thank me!” “Thank you?!” Cesaer yelled. “You’re welcome.” I teased. “Jerry… you’re not just a fed… you’re a corrupted fed!” Orange said. “Who’s side are you on anyway?” “Why are we having this conversation?” I asked. “You lied to us, homie. We’re your home-boys.” Orange said upsettingly. “We… we’ve been through a lot together. How could you not tell us you were a fed?” “Because it’s against FDA policy, alright?” I asked. “You actually read that garbage?” Orange laughed. “What a square!” “Look I’m here so we can hang out! Do you want to hang out or what?” I asked. “Hang out? We’re no fools, dog.” Orange said. “Yeah, how we know you’re not going to turn us in?” Cesaer asked. “Because if I were, I would’ve done it already.” I said. “Just buying your time.” Cesaer whispered. “Look if you don’t want to hang out, then fine, we won’t.” I said. “You broke your promise anyway about complaining to me.” “You hid something from us! Why wouldn’t we complain?!” Orange yelled. “How do we not know we don’t have the whole truth?” Cesaer asked. “How do I not know you’re not hiding anything from me?” I asked. “We tell eachother everything, holms.” Cesaer said calmly. “That is… until we left prison, then you went your own separate way. Left Orange Swirl and I to rot. What kind of pony do you think you are, amigo? What kind of pony abandons their friends and gets away with it? I know you don’t know it, but we’re sad. We’re very, very sad.” “Yeah, homie.” Orange said as he put his arm around me. “You broke us. You broke us into tiny pieces. We robbed together, we were in prison together, we got betrayed by General Lee together. Does that mean anything to you?” “It does.” I said calmly. “Which is why I’m here. I’m leaving on a big mission. It’s a very dangerous mission. I may not come back alive. I don’t know what this mission is about yet other than having something to do with the DIF and the mob Commission, but I’m here to tell you the whole truth, and if there’s something you want to tell me before you go… now is the time to do it.” Orange and Cesaer both looked at eachother awkwardly and they didn’t say a thing to me. “So it’s like that, huh?” I asked quietly. “Ok… I can accept it. At least if I’m gone, you won’t miss me. It’s been a pleasure, Orange… Cesaer.” I then turned around and walked out of the neighborhood. “Well that was dumb.” Orange said once I was out of range. “He thinks we’re fools, but we’re not!” Cesaer said. “But he is!” Orange said as he holds a shiv on his hoof. “What’s that, O?” Cesaer asked. “Doesn’t this look familiar to you?” Orange asked him. “When I had my arm around him, I picked his pocket, and I found this!” “Hmm…” Cesaer observed it. “Come to think of it, it does look familiar, holms.” “This is the shiv that General Lee made before he abandoned us in prison.” Orange explained. “Is it?” Cesaer asked. “Looks like a poorly made shiv to be honest.” “Kinda clever to use cafeteria plasticware to make it though.” Orange said. “What could this mean, O?” Cesaer asked. “It means that Jerry still hasn’t told us everything.” Orange said as he turned around and looked at me as I was walking down the street from the distance. “He might know something we don’t know. How we ended up in prison, General Lee, the FDA and his missions… still so many questions left unanswered.” “You have a plan, holms?” Cesaer asked. “I do.” Orange nodded. “We’re going to follow Jerry. We’re going to follow him on his mission. It’s about time we figured out what is going on with him. We’ll find out everything.” “Everything.” Cesaer nodded. “Everything.” Orange repeated. “Everything.” Cesaer saida gain. “Everything.” Orange said. “Everything.” Cesaer repeated. “Every- wait… why do we keep doing that?” Orange asked. “It’s pretty dramatic, and it fits the situation.” Cesaer said. And so, I went to HQ, went up to the top floor, and met up with the agent so he can fly me to our desert HQ, and we can begin this big mission. Orange and Cesaer didn’t follow me though after all. Little did I know they were planning to in the first place. It would seem they have something else in stock. I just hope they’ll be safe… I hope Elusive and Jelly are too, and I hope Jelly’s plan to pay off the mafia works out.