So I am sitting there, tending bar, when in comes somepony I haven’t seen in a long time, Tirek.
Now, I thought Tirek was still in Tartarus, so this was a bit of a shock for me. He sat there and ordered his usual drink, ethanol alcohol.
So I handed him his drink and ask “Mr. Tirek, aren’t you supposed to be in Tartarus?”
He looked at me groggily and said “I got out on probation”.
“Probation?” I ask, confused by his reply.
“Yeah”, Tirek sighed, “It’s one of Celestia’s bright ideas. Apparently, instead of reforming us villains, Celestia wants us to become productive members of society, so she handed us all different jobs around Ponyville”.
“Oh really?” I said, surprised that the princess would do something like that. I mean the old gal hasn’t been really known for the most reasonable decisions lately, but this seemed a bit too wild, even for her.
“Yeah”, he replied, “I mean have you seen Chrysalis lately? Even she is forced to work as a babysitter. It’s really degrading”, he said and took a sip out of his drink.
Suddenly it was starting to make sense.
I mean, leave it to Celestia to give the villains an appropriate job.
“So what did she give you to do?” I asked Tirek.
He gave off a small smirk and gulped one more time out of his drink.
“I am a divorce lawyer”, he said smugly.
“A divorce lawyer?” I asked, surprised by his happiness.
“Yeah”, Tirek said, nodding his head proudly, “It’s a really satisfying job too”.
“What do you mean?” I asked him, still confused by his pride.
“Well”, Tirek began, “You know how I used to suck magic out of ponies in order to gain more power?”
“Yeah, I’m quite familiar with it”, I replied.
“Well, as it turns out, being a divorce lawyer lets you do that, legally”, Tirek replied.
Naturally, I looked at him skeptically, because I didn’t really see how he could do that.
Suddenly his phone rang.
“Ah, another satisfied customer”, Tirek said as he picked up his phone. “I hear your plight, but I am afraid there is nothing I can do for you. You have to pay up”, Tirek spoke.
And as he was talking to someone on the other line, I could see a stream of yellow energy coming from the cellphone and into Tirek’s mouth.
Once the person on the other line hung up, the stream of energy stopped. Tirek returned to his table and gave me a sly wink.
“Isn’t the princess going to find out?” I asked, stunned by his display.
“As long as I provide a service to the society she won’t”, he said. He then paid for his drink, adding a few bits extra so this is just between us, and left.
You see a lot of weird things as a bartender. You see a lot of weird things at the Hay Palace. So, I see a lot of weird things as a bartender at the Hay Palace. And that’s no lie. Swear on me mum.