Welcome to Tatzlquestria

by Guardian Talon

Good Night

An earth pony stallion cantered through the dimly lit back streets of Vanhoover. He took an occasional glance around to see if anypony was watching him. He arrived at his destination only to find a run down shop. A single working bulb was just enough to illuminate the sign 'Drocdis emporium' and an open sign flashed long enough to show that it was still open.

Inside wasn't any brighter then the night outside, leaving just enough light to navigate the narrow path from the door to the counter. Skulls seemed to turn towards him when unobserved, while other items vanished or appeared in a previously open space. He reached for the bell on the counter but jumped back when a gray unicorn was suddenly in front of him.

His white goatee was a strange contrast to his black mane that almost blended into the shadows. But his most striking feature was his bright red eyes as he looked at his customer. "Something I can help you with?"

It took a moment to compose himself before he could respond. "I um. I heard from..." He scratched the back of his head. "Somewhere? That you might have some unusual stuff here."

"Oh I have many such items." He waved a hoof to the side and looked around the shop. "You're going to have to be much more specific about what you are looking for."

He took a nervous look around to see if anypony else was in the shop. "I was hoping for a cup of tea."

The owner stroked his goatee. "I see. We're not supposed to have that in Equestria anymore. Don't you know what happens to ponies when they drink that?"

"Yes, and that's why I want some."

"And you aren't worried about getting in trouble when somepony finds out?" He turned to the side and looked as if he was getting bored. "Such an affliction will be difficult to hide and it won't take long to figure out what happened."

He stood up straighter and shifted to the side to get the unicorn's attention. "I'm moving to a new town. Nopony will find out."

The red eyes and wicked grin were unnerving when the owner looked at him again. "Since you seem to have thought this out so well, perhaps I can help you after all. ...for sayyy, twenty bits."

He winced but started getting the coins out. "This better work." He put the bits on the counter and pushed them forward only to have a steaming paper cup pushed towards him.

"You'll forgive me for not wanting such an item to leave the premises in it's current form."

He grabbed the cup in his hooves and started to drink. Fortunately it wasn't scalding hot, so the only distraction was the shop keeper watching him. When he went to put the empty cup down it was instead pulled from his grasp, crumpled up and incinerated.

"Run along now. You don't have much time and it wouldn't be good to be in the middle of the street when it kicks in."

He took a couple steps back before quickly heading for the door and galloped away once outside.

A minute latter the shop keeper stepped outside. He grabbed the bottom edge of the store with a hoof and pulled it down, somehow without pushing it into the ground. When he let go, the store rolled up into a small cylinder that spun in the air a few times before disappearing.

He held the coins in his hoof and tossed them in the air lightly before catching them. "Maybe I actually should open up a business of some kind. Could be fun." He gave his other foreleg a flick, causing the hoof to make a snapping sound and he vanished.

The earthpony finally reached his apartment and quickly got inside before stopping to catch his breath. A shuffling noise drew his attention further in and he navigated the boxes until he saw a tatzlpony mare with an open box.

She turned to him and they nuzzled. "So, how did it go?"

"It was there. Now we'll just have to wait and see." He shifted to the side and looked down at the box. "And what have you been doing?"

She sighed and shook her head. "I'm fine, I'm not an invalid. I can pack a few boxes." He took a step forward and nuzzled the bump in her belly, causing her to smirk and roll her eyes before grabbing his head with her tongues and pulling him into an awkward kiss. When she let him go they stayed looking at each other. "Yes. We are fine." Her gaze shifted to the corner of his eye. "Lets get you on the couch."

His ears went back "Hu?"

"This isn't going to be pleasant but it will be over soon." She guided him over while his face and tail started to itch. "Then we can leave, bright and early in the morning."

Princess Luna stared down at the earth pony before her. The look on her face made it clear that she wasn't amused.

She waited until the mare took a nervous glance at the door behind herself before she started. "You fully admit that my sister has experience in dealing with this situation. It's clear to me that you are concerned about how I will deal with it. And I can tell simply by looking upon you that this is not a more convenient hour." She lifted the papers up and took a glance at them. "Are you certain you wish to proceed?"

"Um. M-maybe I should- come back during the day." She replied with a forced smile.

"I believe it would be for the best." She levitated the papers back into the mare's saddlebag and watched her leave.


A unicorn walked through the door and the sight of him immediately made Luna grumble.

"Your Highness. I've revised my recommendation and I think that now you will understand why the tatz-"

Anything else he had to say was cut off as he was picked up in her magic and thrown back out the door. Gently of course. Although doing worse may have been worth another berating from Celestia regarding her behavior in court.

"Why can't more of them be like that young couple who simply needed special approval for an addition to their home? Or that Fancy fellow whom I have not seen recently? He accepts when there is an issue with a proposition." She didn't expect an answer and didn't receive one.


Oddly enough it was a tatzlpony that stepped through the door. They seemed to prefer her sister just as the others have gained a preference of waiting for her night court.

The former unicorn's electric blue coat and fiery red mane and tail certainly drew attention to her as she walked towards Luna. "Hello, Your Highness." She stopped and gave a bow. "So... This notice arrived at the club this evening." She levitated a few papers forward a little ways and Luna took them in her own magic. "The office already filed the papers for an appeal. But tonight is our big 'amateur night' finals. If we're not allowed to make some noise then there are going to be a lot of disappointed ponies from all over Equestria."

Luna checked the address and pulled over a map of the city. "This establishment is in the entertainment district. Correct?"

"Yes Ma'am." Her lower jaws had started to nervously chew on a tongue.

After finding the location on the map, Luna frowned at it for a moment. "This is clearly well within the boundaries and should not be subject to any 'noise ordinance' violation." She wrote something on the papers and sent them back. "This is my personal approval for your 'amateur night'."

A tongue shot out in excitement but stopped short of the papers before being pulled back in. "Thank you, Princess. You're the best." Her horn sparked up as she took the papers back. She looked around for a moment. "We're done here, right?"

"Yes. Although I do intend to find out how this got approved to begin with and who is trying to disrupts this city's night life." She heard the tatzlpony mumble something. "Pardon me?"

"N-nothing, Your Highness." But the princess just kept staring at her. Her ears went back. "Well, the fancy place across the street has been giving us a hard time for awhile. It's only gotten worse since-" She glanced down at her tail as it wrapped around her forelegs. "-the changes."

"I see. I'll have to look into that as well. Regardless of what the actual situation is, your appeal is in process and you have permission for tonight. Go enjoy your 'amateur night.'"

"Yes Ma'am." The tatzlpony smiled at her and left.

A servant with a clip board stepped in and shook her head, signaling the end of night court.

Luna got off the throne and stepped down. "If that's all of them, then I have something to tend to."

A tatzlpony stallion started to realize that there was something wrong with his world. Things seemed out of place and were having trouble maintaining a place. Words didn't make any sense. There was a large blue mare, standing off to the side, watching him. After a minute he realized that there was a large, dark blue, mare, off the the side, and that she was watching him.


"Princess Luna!" He fell into a bow once he was able to figure out who she was.

He got up enough courage to look around. "Is this a dream? Or are you really here?"

She stepped forward and things seemed to make more sense. "Yes this is a dream and yes I truly am here."

"Oh." He remained prostrate before her. "I-is there something I can do for you?"

"Perhaps." She looked him over a couple more times. "The last few nights I have been helping alleviate the fears of a young stallion. Tonight I was unable to sense those fears. In my efforts to track him down and learn what transpired I thought I had located him. Instead I find a tatzlpony who otherwise looks very similar. Tell me, my little pony, has something been causing you distress?"

"Um..." He shuffled around on the floor a little. "W-we've got a foal on the way. And I've been a little worried about moving."

"Hmm. And in the waking world, what breed of pony are you?"

"Earth, er aaa tatzl... Earth-tatzl-pony. I guess."

She stood there, silently staring at him for a minute. "Perhaps you are the one I was seeking tonight but simply still thought of yourself as you were before, until now." She started to turn to leave. "If I am no longer needed here then I shall leave you to your slumber citizen. Farewell."

"F-farewell." He waved as she walked out of existence.

Once she was back in her hallway of dreams she peeked inside again to watch him nearly collapse. Laughter drew her attention to Discord behind her.

He offered her some popcorn. "Ah. The look on his face as you stood over him. That's why I agreed to this." He put an arm around her. "You know Lulu, you and I could have a lot of fun in this place."

She stepped away from him. "I believe I shall pass. I shudder to think what your presence will do to the dreamscape from this one incursion."

"Bah. You're no fun." He followed her as she started walking. "I got a laugh. You don't have to chase away nightmares about foals getting lost in holes or whatever. And now that he knows you've seen him and let him go, he won't worry about any princess coming down on him for drinking tea."

She looked back at him but didn't stop. "As helpful as you have been tonight, I would still prefer to avoid unleashing monsters into ponies dreams."

"Hmm..." He tapped his chin. "I'm sure that with a little looking, we could find somepony who would actually enjoy a good fight in a place they can't get hurt." He leaned in close. "You sure you don't want to make any nightmare monster to fight?"

There was the slightest hitch in her step.