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T H E C O N V E R S I O N B U R E A U :
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CROSS THE AMAZON

By Chatoyance

Calloway had just rounded the open door of the processing enclosure. Dropspindle was laying there, in the dirt, staring at him as he entered. She spoke immediately, before he could say anything himself. "Um... yeah."

"If they had waited, politely, greeted us nicely. If they had asked for our help, we would have given it. Right?"

Calloway knew to say yes, very clearly, and immediately. The look in the Equestrian's eyes... it wasn't right. They didn't look like the eyes of any pony he had ever seen. The gaze was hard, cold. Bitter. It was severe. It was eerily human, and it made of Dropspindle a candidate for the Uncanny Valley. "Absolutely."

"There were so many things that could have been done." Dropspindle stared right into Calloway, and it made him feel as if he was not in the presence of a harmless herbivore at all, but instead a crouching predator. "If they were too many for the Gansa to carry, we could have towed them in a cart or in cars behind us. But they already had cars, didn't they? And fuel, too. Maybe they thought flying was the only way... we could have worked together, removed bulkheads and chairs inside, reduced the weight tremendously. Dumped the entertainment system and the beds and all the bottles of booze in the galley. We could have carried all of them easily."

Calloway felt like running. But he stayed still, forcing himself to appear relaxed as best as he could. A pony could easily run down a man. Even an unathletic unicorn could. But she wouldn't have to. She could reach out with invisible arms to any distance. There was no place he could get to quickly enough to be beyond the power of her horn. "I think so. No, I'm certain we could."

Dropspindle turned her head and gazed at the machinery by the wall. Calloway briefly considered fleeing once more, but forced himself to stand still. If any part of her wanted to hurt him, running would be the surest way of engaging it. "Equestria is coming, Calloway. I don't mean in general, I mean it has sped up. Greatly. The Barrier is rushing at us, growing in size. I can see it clearly. It is so close now."

"I know. I found a ham radio in the house and got it to work. There's a broadcast from the SouthAfri..."

Her eyes locked onto his, silencing him instantly. "You aren't worth it. As creatures. You aren't worth any of this. Do you understand? Do you grasp what this means to me?"

"Uh... no?" Calloway felt certain, with every human, earthly instinct evolved within him, that this Equestrian, this pony, had become capable of killing him, and would - if he said or did the wrong thing. Dropspindle was no longer a friendly, harmless, furry little alien.

"I think that my princess, princess Celestia, is an idiot. I think she is a fool. I think that the same princess that created the ground and the trees and the animals and all of my kind... is stupid. That isn't right." For a moment the hard look in her eyes softened. For a moment.

Calloway's stomach churned. Dropspindle just kept staring at him. He didn't know whether it was better to remain standing by the door, or to sit down where he was. Sitting down might seem less threatening, or it might seem like he wasn't riveted upon her every word or taking her seriously. He decided to not move. At all. "Okay."

"I think she's an idiot because she is putting everything I love at risk to save... you." Those eyes, those magenta eyes. "Of course..." Dropspindle looked back at the machines by the wall, back in the direction of Equestria. Calloway reckoned that she was looking straight through those walls, with her magical vision. "Of course, I'm an idiot too. An idiot from a race of fools. But still better than you."

"Those men... all they had to do was ask. Just be nice. Even after they shot us down, they could have said they were sorry - maybe we could have repaired the ship, maybe we could have worked together... but, no, they made one of their own scream and cry, and then they tore open the hatch and came for us with guns and sticks. There was nothing good, nothing kind in them at all. You know what gets me the most about it?"

"That they cared more about taking things and hurting us than they did about their own survival. They must have known the Barrier was coming, maybe not as fast as it is now, but eventually. They clearly wanted our ship. I'm an idiot, and Celestia is an idiot, but those men..." Dropspindle turned her head back to Calloway. "...Those men were too greedy, too cruel, too truly stupid to live."

"I'm not disagreeing." Calloway shuddered. Dropspindle's words were so quiet, so calculating, so passionless. Her manner reminded him of too many holomovie serial killers from particularly gruesome shows.

"And Celestia has committed the entirety of Equestria to saving you shit-for-brains fuckheads."

Despite his overwhelming feeling of dread, Dropspindle's newly increased vocabulary was more than he could take. He tried to hold in the chuckle, but that just turned it into a laugh. He fought, choking slightly, to keep the laugh from escaping, but that only caused it to magnify into a guffaw. Before he could slap his hands to his mouth he was roaring with laughter, tears in his eyes, all born of tension and terror both. A pony, a native Equestrian... 'shit-for-brains fuckheads'! Not pastry or chocolate or candy. Fuckheads!

Dropspindle began to laugh too. She started with a giggle that quickly rose to howls of merriment. Calloway slapped his knees, the tears dripping from his eyes, the laughter so deep that it made him choke and gasp on his own saliva. Dropspindle was cackling, her own eyes wet from the tears of hilarity!

Suddenly he was on his back, flat. His arms hurt from the sharp edges of Dropspindle's hooves pinning him down. His head rang and his neck ached from the sudden impact of being knocked down hard. Her breath was terrible, foul, sour with stomach acid and indigestion. But her eyes... her red eyes were portals to hell, spotlights of quiet, bottled rage so horrifying that Calloway felt a tiny warm trickle inside his trousers.

Dropspindle leaned her head closer. The smell of her sour stomach was awful. "I could make a tiny bubble of my hornfield, anywhere inside your body, and just expand it. Your heart, your brain, anywhere. Or just move it up and down and side to side. Just a single hoof to the side of your cranium would crush it like an egg. Or a tiny little stomp to your chest, right... there." One leg was removed from his left arm, and tapped over his heart.

"I no longer know for certain that I cannot do such things anymore. Did you know that?"

Dropspindle grinned, but it wasn't a happy grin. "At first, I didn't like you. Then, I sort of did, because you were trying. Trying to be nice. But now... now I think I hate you. Seriously. I've never felt that before. Not ever. And I really don't like it; it's a terrible feeling. It makes me feel awful, like I hurt all over, inside and out. And that - here's the funny part, it's really very funny - that pain, the pain of hating you, makes me hate you even more. I hate you because I hate you. Pretty funny, isn't it?" Her words were quiet. She could have been talking about which foods she enjoyed or disliked.

The look on Dropspindle's face suddenly changed. It had been relaxed, now it was contorted in barely restrained rage. Her words were clipped, and hard. "DON'T you EVEN try that with me!" Her sharp hooves pressed more deeply into his agonized upper arms. It felt like knives cutting into his muscles.

Calloway was shaking. He couldn't stop shaking. The rest of his bladder just gave up and released entirely.

Dropspindle's nose wrinkled. She gave a slight sniff. Her face softened. "We... we have to get out of here."

Calloway just stared up into her magenta irises. They were so close, her head was so close to his, that her two eyes blended into one big eye for him. He couldn't say a word. There were no words to say.

"Equestria is coming. Fast. I need you to drive." She looked briefly up, in the direction of the Big Truck and the house. She looked back down at Calloway. "Do you think you can do that?"

Calloway lay still, in shock, only for a moment. Then he shakily forced himself to a crawling position, and used the edge of the doorway to help himself gradually regain his feet. His pants were soaked and cooling in the light breeze. His arms hurt where Dropspindle's hooves had dug into them with her full weight. His head hurt, and he wanted to cry like a child. A tear ran down his cheek, then several. He mewled a little sob as he took a step forward.

He made his way unevenly to the Big Truck, blinking back tears. A hand on the doorhandle, he used the other to wipe his eyes and face. Calloway sniffed, and took several deep breaths. Just before he pulled himself up into the driver's seat, he remembered how short Dropspindle was. He walked around the front of the vehicle, one hand on it to steady himself. He was still shaking.

She came out of the house, carrying several canning jars of water and a small cloud of Nanobars and Meals in her hornfield. "From the pump. I noticed the jars when we first came in. Water."

She no longer seemed angry or dangerous. Her tone, her expression... was entirely different. Calloway stood where he was, uncertain, unsure.

"Don't worry - my field is over and through these. They should be... uh... sterile now. That's the word, right?"

Calloway nodded. He stared at the jars and packs of foodstuff. Finally he remembered why he was on this side of the truck. "Want me to lift you up?"

"Yes, please." Her voice was so utterly different now. It sounded as if nothing had happened at all. Somehow, that was even more disturbing than if she had still been angry, or at least grumbling.

"Don't worry, I'll keep the jars and my field far away from you. I know better than to burn humans." So pleasant. Just like when the journey had started. It was chilling.

"Um. Okay." Calloway delicately, carefully, lifted the Equestrian. If her ribs still hurt her in any way, she did not react. He carefully set her on the seat, as best he could. It was clumsy work, because the level of the seat was roughly at his shoulder. She settled in and levitated the unlidded jars of water to the floorboards beside the packs of food.

"I'll try to keep the water from spilling, as best as I can. I know it's going to be bumpy."

Calloway nodded, then closed the door on her. For a brief moment the fantasy of running off into the desert passed through his mind. It ended the moment the flat emptiness registered. Besides, a mere truck door could not hope to stop a pony. One or two kicks and the metal would yield like foil. It would be a very short run.

He walked around the front of the truck, staring at his feet. The wind was picking up. He could feel it in his hair and on his arms. Calloway climbed up into the drivers seat and pulled the door shut. He buckled himself in and pressed the starter button. The truck whined for a bit then started up, once again blaring the short musical phrase.

"I'm very tired. We haven't slept, and we haven't eaten. I... I'm not sure... how well I'm going to do here." Calloway waited, but there was no response. "Maybe we should sleep first, maybe eat something..."

Dropspindle gave him a look as if he were a retarded child being difficult. "The Barrier is coming. They are coming too."

"They?" Calloway's sleep-deprived brain tried to make sense of the statement. "You mean... the men?"

Dropspindle looked off to the West, with her eyes closed. "Remember the man whose clothing I made glow? Rainbow fire?"

"Y-yeah." Calloway did not feel like complimenting her again or laughing at the incident at all.

"I can still see that. Everything is dark and empty, except for Equestria, and that suit. My spell is still active. Equestria is so close, its energies are keeping my spell going. And they're coming. Those clothes are coming toward us right now. Right over there." Dropspindle pointed off into the desert with a hoof, her eyes still closed. She lowered her leg and opened her eyes. "Better get going, unless you want to experience human nature."

Calloway put his foot on the accelerator and eased the truck away from the plantation. "I'm a little impressed by their tenacity." The only road led North. There was no choice but to cut cross-country once again. "Then again, I'm suspecting we have their best truck and most of their fuel." He gave the big rig more juice. "It's going to be bumpy."

Dropspindle was doing something with her horn, something magical to the jars of water. Calloway couldn't tell what it was, but his best guess was that she was covering them with little forcefields that she would have to maintain moment to moment. Like holding a hand over a jar to keep marbles from falling out.

Calloway entered the desert, cutting through an area filled with rusting barrels. The house and the plantation were behind them now, along with beds, sleep, the rest of the food, and the antique radio. Very angry men were coming, and right behind them, Equestria.

Calloway snorted himself awake again. The monotonous expanse of brown had caused him to nod off for seconds at a time, many, many times in a row. It was approaching noon now, if the clock on the dashboard was accurate. It felt like noon. "Dropspindle?"

"Um..." She measured the sad little pile with her eyes. "Yeah. Okay. I should eat one too." The ground was becoming increasingly uneven. They had left the flats and were now onto rolling hills and the occasional dried out tree stump. "I have a problem, though. I am at the limit of my holding capacity. I can only make five fields at once. It's pretty pathetic, actually. Most unicorns can make six. I'm not sure I can... bend down and use my teeth and keep concentration at the same time. I'm really tired."

The jars remained still as if they were glued to the floorboards, and the water in them had not leaked a drop.

"Okay... ah... maybe I can reach down... this is pretty straight here, no stumps or rocks. I can do..." Calloway managed to duck down, one hand on the wheel, and snag two bars from the pile with his fingers. He was up and driving properly again almost immediately. "...this! One bar for me and one bar for... oh."

Calloway put one of the bars in his lap, and raised the other to his hand on the wheel. He tried tearing the wrapper open with his fingers, while steering with his palms, but the packaging wouldn't rip. Eventually he raised a leg and pressed it against the wheel while he quickly brought the bar to his face. His teeth served to tear the wrapper just enough for his fingers to do the rest. He held the bar out towards Dropspindle by the half removed wrapper.

"Thank you." Dropspindle took a bite and grimaced, but chewed. Calloway brought his hand back and bit off a chunk for himself, then held the bar back toward the unicorn. Calloway liked Nanobars, he hadn't had one since he had been a small child. His grandfather used to bring them, back when he was alive. Calloway had always thought of them as old people's candy. The taste held memories for him. They didn't make them anymore, so finding some was a bit of a treat. Clearly it was not a treat to Dropspindle, but she dutifully chewed and swallowed her bites.

By the second shared bar, Calloway was feeling a little perkier. The sugar helped, the stimulation of the flavor helped, and probably the bar had some stimulant factor as well for all he knew. They put all kinds of crap in candy. The little mini-naps while crossing the last of the flats had not been unhelpful either. Such micro-sleeps wouldn't be a good idea now, however. The ground was very rough, and the stumps and piles of debris were getting increasingly more numerous.

"Can you do that... hand trick... again? On the jar nearest. Tell me when, and I'll release my hold."

The notion was a little daunting - he did not want to get a thaumatic burn. "Yeah, sure. Count of three. Three, two, one, NOW!" Calloway once again leaned and ducked beneath the level of the dashboard. He grabbed the jar of water and lifted it up. A little sloshed over his hand and splattered on the dash, but at least he hadn't spilled the entire thing - or crashed the truck.

"Thanks." He paused for a moment, holding the dirty jar. The water looked a bit murky. But then again, Dropspindle had said she had run her field through it. All over it too. Nothing biological could survive thaumatic radiation. That water, that jar, would be more sterile than the finest operating theater. It must be absolutely devoid of even a single living bacterium - especially considering how long she had been holding it in place. It was utterly radiation sterilized, murky or not.

He swallowed a mouthful. It was warm, because the day was hot, but it didn't taste too bad. A little metallic, from the pipes and the well, but it was wet and he was thirsty. He took another sip. Then he held out the jar for Dropspindle.

With one eye on driving, and the other on not spilling the jar, Calloway waited until the mare had downed a few sips herself. She too was being careful not to drink too much. Like the limited food, it had to last.

"Yes. As soon as your hand is out of the way, I will take it. Go ahead, I'm watching."

Calloway waited until the ground ahead was open and clear, then did another duck down. He set the jar and pulled his hand quickly free. Once both of his hands were on the wheel, he checked for any signs of mage plague. No dark spots. Good.

"They... they're here. I feel my spell. Right behind us." Dropspindle had not turned her head. She kept staring at the jars on the floorboards, projecting a faint glow around each of them.

Calloway checked his rearview mirror. At first, there was nothing. Then he caught a gleam from metal. Then another. They were back there. They were closing. Or were. Dropspindle had mentioned they went faster on the flats, but that the rough terrain was a problem for them. Likely because most didn't have big knobby jacked-up tires. The one car that had... the limo... wouldn't be participating in this race. Or any others. The thought made Kotani chuckle.

"We do have company. They're still pretty far behind us, but they seem very motivated." Calloway glanced once more; the gleams did seem a tiny bit nearer.

The unicorn's red eyes narrowed during his quick glance at her. She wasn't the same pony anymore.

"Because Celestia is a fucking idiot, but I think... I think I no longer am." The strange, grim half-laugh from Dropspindle following her pronouncement chilled Calloway to the bone.

Cross The Amazon

by Chatoyance

17. The Lively Little Rabbit