//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Face To Face On High Places // Story: Transdementia // by Kwakerjak //------------------------------// Discord’s plan was simple enough: since Pinkie apparently needed to be a student to win the tiara back, he would pose as her father and enroll her (and Penumbra, for good measure) at the school. Thus, with his “daughters” in tow, he strode into the offices of the school, which, Penumbra noticed from the various banners and bulletin boards she spotted, was named Canterlot High. As the three of them waited in the office’s reception area, she wondered whether the name was just a coincidence—that is, until the school’s principal came out to meet them and unceremoniously dashed any notions of happenstance. It was Celestia. Oh, not the same Celestia who raised the sun every day, but she was immediately recognizable. Sure, she wasn’t a pony, and her skin was pink as opposed to white, and her hair wasn’t billowing about in the ether, but her eyes, voice, and her overall demeanor were almost exactly the same. And as it turned out, she also shared Celestia’s name. “Greetings, Mr. Discord,” she said as she extended one of her hands. “I’m Principal Celestia.” If Discord was in any way surprised by this development, he did an excellent job of concealing it. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he replied with a debonair smile as he grasped Celestia’s hand and briefly shook it. “These are my daughters, Pinkamena and Penny.” Immediately, the two girls began in unison: “Don’t call me—” Discord cut them off before they could finish. “Sorry, I mean Pinkie and Penumbra.” He glanced knowingly at Principal Celestia. “I’m afraid I have a nasty habit of mildly provoking my children to irritation.” Celestia chuckled. “You, and nearly every other human being who’s ever raised a teenager. Shall we step into my office for a bit?” ——————— Penumbra had half-expected Celestia’s office to resemble the interiors of the palace complex in Canterlot, with polished floors, pristine white walls, and an abundance of empty space, but this “human” version’s tastes apparently were more in line with the average resident of Ponyville. The floors were made of wood, while the walls were painted in a soft ochre, and assorted office furniture was cluttered with books and knickknacks, many of which had a horseshoe theme. However, any further speculation was cut short as Discord launched into his cover story, which was surprisingly coherent for something made up on the fly. He claimed to be a widower who had recently moved to town to take advantage of “a job opportunity” who wanted to ensure that his daughters enrolled in a local school as soon as possible. “I must thank you for being willing to meet with us on such short notice,” he said as he finished up his tale. Principal Celestia’s smile was every bit as warm as her Equestrian counterpart. “Well, Mr. Discord, I’m glad that you’re taking so much initiative in your daughters’ schooling. I’ve always believed that kids learn best when their parents care as much about their education as their teachers. Your wife must have been a very lucky woman.” “Not half as lucky as I was to know her,” Discord replied with a bittersweet sigh. “But I’m sure she wouldn’t want me to dwell on the past. Not if it might get in the way of our children’s future.” “Oh?” Celestia said as she raised an eyebrow. “Indeed,” Discord said with a short, serious nod, “though I’m still not sure if I’m emotionally prepared to meet her last request.” “And that is?” “Why, to find a good female role model for the girls who can take her place, of course.” Penumbra couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Discord wasn’t just laying it on with a trowel; this much cloying sentimentality required about a dozen shovels, or perhaps a backhoe. Granted, it might have been endearing if she hadn’t known that he was lying through his teeth, but that was a moot point. All that mattered was whether Principal Celestia bought into his story, and from where she was sitting, it appeared that Discord was on the verge of successfully charming his way around the blatant holes in his story. Penumbra idly glanced over towards Pinkie, who seemed to be more disconcerted than disgusted. In the mouth of any other storyteller, Discord’s tale probably would have tugged at her heartstrings, but the knowledge that it was about as truthful as one of the FlimFlam Brothers meant that Pinkie’s heartstrings were decidedly out of tune at the moment. “Well, I don’t think there should be too much trouble enrolling them; this is a public school, after all. In fact, if you have the time to fill out some forms, I think they’ll be able to start tomorrow.” “Why, that’s splendid!” Discord said cheerfully. Celestia nodded. “Do you mind if I take a few minutes to get them? My secretary couldn’t come in today, so I’ve had to do all of the actual work myself for once.” “Oh, go right ahead. We’ll still be here when you get back.” Discord said, flashing yet another grin as Celestia got up from her desk. As soon as the door shut behind her, Pinkie Pie made her opinions known. “What on earth are you thinking, Discord?” “Well, I had to come up with some reason why my spouse wasn’t present, and I couldn’t very well admit that she never existed, could I?” Discord replied as he idly checked his fingernails for dirt. “That’s not what I meant,” Pinkie insisted. “Discord, you were flirting. With Celestia!” “And your point?” “She’s practically your mother!” Pinkie hissed. Discord, notably, didn’t bother to rebut Pinkie’s premise. Instead, he idly waved in the general direction of the door and said, “That particular Celestia isn’t.” “That doesn’t make it any less creepy,” Pinkie replied. It was at this point that Penumbra noticed that her friend’s hands had balled up into fists. Discord tapped his foot against the floor impatiently. “I’m still waiting for your point.” “Look... just... cut it out, alright? You’re making things awkward.” “Yes... and awkwardness is simply the most socially acceptable form of chaos, my dear.” Pinkie bit her lower lip and began to growl in irritation. It was at this point that Penumbra began to consider jumping into the conversation to smooth things over between her two best friends, but the door to the office opened before she could say anything. “I’m sorry if that took a little longer than expected,” Celestia said as she walked in with a manila folder under her arm. “The truth is that it occurred to me that now might be a good time for Pinkie and Penumbra to take a tour of the school, so I found a volunteer who hadn’t left for home yet.” “That is a wonderful idea,” Discord said. “Indeed, it may also give the two of us the chance to be a little more... frank in our conversation.” Penumbra didn’t know if Discord could see the expression on Pinkie’s face, but for some reason, she was pretty sure he could guess. Celestia smiled at Discord yet again before turning her attention to the two girls. “Your guide is waiting in the reception area. She seems quite ready to show you around.” “What’s her name?” Penumbra asked as she and Pinkie rose from their chairs. “Applejack.” ——————— Unsurprisingly, Applejack was more or less a human version of the Applejack they already knew. Her skin was orange, she had off-white freckles, her hair was styled like the pony Applejack’s tail, and she even wore the same style of stetson. And, of course, her accent was identical as well. “Well, howdy there!” she said with a broad smile as Pinkie and Penumbra walked towards her. “Principal Celestia tells me y’all are gonna be startin’ here soon.” “That’s right!” Pinkie Pie chirped. She hadn’t been out of Discord’s presence for more than ten seconds, and already her mood had improved. “I’m Pinkie Pie, and this is Penumbra.” Penumbra extended her hand. “Penumbra Noctis,” she said. “Pleased to meet you,” Applejack said cheerfully as she shook hands. “I’m Applejack—my parents decided to go for just the one name when I was born—but if that’s still too long for ya, feel free to use ‘A.J.’” “Will do!” Pinkie said. “Mind if call ya ‘Penny’?” Applejack asked Penumbra. “Very much so,” Pennumbra replied darkly. “Uh, right...” Applejack said as she let go of Penumbra’s hand. “Well, ain’t no sense in dawdlin’ around here. Let’s get started.” ——————— The tour began in a large hallway just outside of the office. The walls were painted in a light yellow and lined with large, green, metal lockers, while the the floor was made of blue tiles that had been cleaned and polished to a sheen, though Pinkie wasn’t entirely certain what they were made of. “This here’s the main part of the school.” Applejack said. “If you’ve got a class that don’t really need any kind of special equipment, it’s probably around here. It’s also where most of the homerooms where we’re s’posed ta go at the start of the day are, mostly on account of how most classrooms are the normal kind. You two have any idea what lockers you’re gonna be assigned?” “Not yet,” Pinkie said. “Well, most of the lockers are in this part of the school, since this is the part closest to the entrance.” Penumbra peeked into the open door of a nearby classroom, and saw everything she’d expect from a typical school in Equestria: desks, chalkboard, bookshelves, and assorted decorations that presumably had something to do with the subject that was normally taught there. Pinkie, meanwhile, was continuing her conversation. “Is your locker around here, then?” “Actually, mine’s down that wing over there,” Applejack said as she pointed to a secondary hallway that shot off from the one they were standing in. “That’s where you’ll find a lot of the science classes. You know, biology, chemistry, stuff that requires a lot of special supplies and equipment.” Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “What’s your favorite subject?” “Me?” Applejack thought for a second before answering, “I’d have to say mathematics, though that’s mostly because the teacher I’ve got this year is really good at teachin’ it—Ms. Cheerilee. If there were more subjects that had somethin’ directly to do with farmin’, I’d probably like them, but my family’s apple orchard is one of the few farms near town. There aren’t really enough farming families around here to make courses on agriculture worth the money it’d cost.” “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” “Ah, don’t worry about it,” Applejack said. “If it turns out I need to learn more, I can probably find a college somewhere that teaches that sort of thing after I graduate from high school. Anyway, the classroom numbering in this building is pretty straightforward, so you probably won’t get lost in this part of the school, at least. In any case, let’s keep movin’.” ——————— “Here’s the cafeteria, where you’ll probably eat your lunch most of the time, though when the weather’s nice a lot of kids just head outside. I don’t know if your pa is the type who makes lunch for you at home, but if you end up buyin’ it here, the food’s pretty good. Course, I’m sorta biased, on account of my Granny Smith is the head lunch lady, but I still say the food she cooks for the students is almost as good as the stuff she cooks for the family.” “Oh?” Pinkie Pie asked Penumbra idly strode over to a nearby bulletin board and perused its contents. “She must really like cooking, then, if she’s still willing to do it for you once she’s done here.” Applejack chuckled and shook her head. “Nah, my family’s apple orchard is just outside of town, and it’d be a hassle for her to come there every day. It’s only for special occasions, when the extended family shows up. Most of the time, my momma does the cookin’ back home.” “Oh... right. Of course she would,” Pinkie said, doing her best to conceal her surprise. For whatever reason, she had assumed that what had happened to Applejack’s parents would have happened over here, as well. I guess the mirror image isn’t that precise. Maybe our A.J. could come over to this side to meet them when this is all done.... Then again, that might be way too awkward for everyone. Penumbra walked over to the pair. “I, er, noticed that many of the planned meals contain meat.” “Hmm?” Applejack looked mildly confused for a brief moment before she figured out what Penumbra’s point was. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry too much if you don’t eat meat. There’s always a vegetarian option, though if you’re vegan, you’re probably better off packing your own lunch at home, just to be on the safe side.” Pinkie was somewhat intrigued by the idea that there was more than one kind of not-meat-eating, but that seemed like the kind of thing she could learn about on her own. “Okay, so what’s next?” ——————— “Up next, we got the library.” This was a large, carpeted space with dozens of bookshelves, each filled with volumes. There were several students here, most of them quietly poring over various tomes of knowledge as they scribbled out notes on sheets of paper. “As you can see, there’s plenty of books here, coverin’ just about everything you might need to learn for a class. An’ in the off chance you’re lookin’ for somethin’ that ain’t in the books, the computer lab is right through those doors over there. Here at CHS, we got ourselves a pretty nice broadband connection.” “Broadband?” Pinkie asked. “You know, for the internet,” Applejack said, her voice showing a hint of bemusement. As a matter of fact, Pinkie did not know this, as she hadn’t a clue what an internet was in the first place, but something in Applejack’s tone of voice suggested that admitting this would needlessly raise suspicion. “Um... right.” “I’ll admit I don’t quite know what all goes into it myself,” Applejack continued, “but apparently you want your band as broad as possible, or else stuff is real slow.” “So, were you here after school to do some extra work, then?” Penumbra asked. “Actually, I was here for band practice.” “You’re in a band?” Pinkie asked. “Not like a rock band or nothing,” Applejack said sheepishly. “I’m just in the jazz ensemble. I play bass—both upright and electric. Octavia’s been buggin’ me to try out for the orchestra—she’s the lead cellist—but I ain’t never really been that into classical music. Still, it’s somethin’ to do other than workin’ on the farm, and you meet some nice folks doin’ it. If you play anythin’, you might wanna consider checkin’ it out.” “I’ll keep that in mind,” Pinkie Pie said. She would have listed the dozen or so instruments she could play, but she didn’t want to sound like a showoff. Well, not yet, at least. “Okay,” Applejack said as she lead the two girls back into the hallway. “Next stop on the tour is the gym.” ——————— The gym, as it turned out, was a large basketball court with several rows of seating for spectators. The horseshoe motif found in Celestia’s office was even more obvious here, being plastered across the walls in the forms of various murals depicting stylized students playing a variety of sports. Perhaps more importantly, these murals provided an explanation for all of the equine imagery: the school’s team name was the “Wondercolts,” which was a little strange, since Pinkie Pie was fairly certain Rainbow Dash had once told her that this was a mildly insulting term used for ponies who were obsessive Wonderbolts fans. That said, the murals on the wall weren’t the only decorations present. “As you can see, we’re in the process of gettin’ this place all decked out for the Fall Formal next week, so there’s an awful lot of extra stuff goin’ up.” Indeed, there was quite a bit of bunting already in place for the forthcoming celebration, though it seemed to be several banners short for proper party decorations... but then again, perhaps the gym was going to be in use between now and the actual party, and a complete setup would have just gotten in the way. Still, despite its incomplete state, the decorations seemed to have a distinctive flair to them, displaying a rather familiar mix of elegance and panache. “So, who’s doing the decorating?” Pinkie Pie asked. Applejack stiffened a bit at this question, but she was relatively forthcoming with her answer: “Oh, it’s a committee of students.” She tried to maintain her outgoing attitude, but her smile was noticeably forced. Pinkie Pie nodded. “Who’s on the committee?” At this question, Applejack’s wan smile disintegrated into a barely perceptible scowl. “That’s sort of a moot point. I doubt they’re gonna take on new members so close to the Formal.” “Didn’t get in, eh?” Penumbra asked with a sly smile. “Didn’t wanna get in,” Applejack retorted. “C’mon, we’d better head outside.” ——————— Outside, Applejack first took them to the football field, where the team was in the middle of practice. Pinkie and Penumbra decided to sit down for a bit to watch them, even if it was little more than an excuse to not be standing in Penumbra’s case. Heavily padded squads in blue and yellow uniforms raced back and forth across an rectangular expanse of grass marked with a gridiron pattern. From what Pinkie Pie could tell, their game was similar to hoofball—at the very least, it had a similar pointy-oval that got tossed around. Of course, this might have been less confusing if they had actually been playing rather than practicing, but Pinkie wasn’t about to complain about that sort of thing. However, after several minutes, watching a few dozen sweaty teenage boys grunt as they slam into each other in an otherwise empty field lost most of its appeal, and the three girls moved on to look at the rest of the school’s grounds: tennis courts, baseball and softball diamonds, an archery range, and finally, a soccer field, where Pinkie spotted another familiar-looking figure. A blue-skinned girl with wild, multicolored hair stood at one end of the field, juggling a soccer ball with her feet and head, and occasionally kicking it into the empty net in front of her. Pinkie thrust out her finger in the girl’s general direction. “Hey, who’s that?” she asked with excitement building in her voice, mostly because she knew that Applejack was about to tell her that it was Rainbow Dash, who was one of her very good friends and would she and her sister like to meet her? Unfortunately, Applejack didn’t get this particular memo. “That ain’t nobody important,” she said quickly. “Actually, we’d better be headin’ back to the office. I reckon Principal Celestia and your pa are just about finished.” Pinkie wasn’t certain what to make of this; surely her initial question must have been misunderstood. Rainbow Dash wasn’t “nobody important,” and especially not to Applejack! She tried to steer the conversation back to where it was obviously supposed to be heading. “Why is she out there by herself?” “Probably because she’s a stubborn jock who don’t give a whit about anyone else,” Applejack muttered. “What was that?” Penumbra asked. Unlike Pinkie, she hadn’t shown any reaction to this other Applejack’s dismissal of the other Rainbow Dash, though that simply may have been because she had more practice keeping her emotions in check. “Nothin’,” Applejack said, apparently embarrassed to realize that she’d actually spoken aloud. “Forget I said anything about it. It ain’t worth wastin’ your breath, anyways.” ——————— Applejack’s broad smile had returned to her face as she dropped them off back at Celestia’s office; she told them to seek her out if they had any questions on their first day and even issued a standing invitation to visit her at her home. Pinkie, by contrast, had left the final stop on the tour in noticeable distress—though to be fair, it was really only noticeable to those who knew to be wary when her hairdo started to deflate. “This is bad,” she said as she exited the school and began to wander the town’s streets with Penumbra and Discord. “I mean, it’s really, really bad.” “It certainly must be,” Discord said. “It’s been at least three minutes since you returned, and you have yet to issue me any sort of reprimand.” Pinkie ignored this bit of snark and continued on with her worrying. “How could this have happened? It’d be one thing if A.J. and Rainbow Dash didn’t really know each other very well, but it sounds more like they actually dislike each other!” “Well, technically, we only know that A.J. doesn’t like Rainbow Dash,” Penumbra pointed out. “For all we know, Rainbow Dash has no idea how Applejack feels about her. There really isn’t much point in worrying about this right now, Pinkie. For one thing, our priority is supposed to be retrieving the Element of Magic. For another, we don’t know enough about what’s going on between the two of them to do anything about it.” Pinkie Pie sighed. “I know that,” she said as she nervously twisted a lock of her hair around one of her index fingers, “but I really don’t like the idea that my friends aren’t friends with each other.” “Hmph,” Penumbra sniffed. “Now you know how I feel.” “For the record, I am perfectly willing to try forging a genuine friendship with Pinkie,” Discord chimed in. Pinkie groaned. “Why can’t you do something useful for once?” “My dear Pinkie Pie, I just managed to get you and Penumbra enrolled at that school, bringing you a step closer to your goal. I’d say that qualifies as ‘something useful.’” Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and you did it in the creepiest way possible. I’m surprised you didn’t ask her on a date!” Discord chuckled and answered, “The thought did, of course, cross my mind, but I didn’t want to seem overeager.” It was at this point that Penumbra decided that it was time to derail the oncoming argument. “So, now that we’ve got that sorted out, where are we staying until tomorrow?” “Well,” Pinkie said, “Applejack did just say we could drop by her place whenever we wanted. Maybe we can spend the night.” Penumbra shook her head. “I don’t think so. Even if her parents we willing to agree, they’d probably spend the whole night fussing over us, and we wouldn’t be able to get away from them long enough to talk about our plans.” “Well, then, what did Mr. Useful tell Celestia?” Pinkie asked. “Oh, I made something up about how we already had temporary lodgings while we looked for a more permanent place,” Discord said. “And she actually bought that?” Pinkie said disbelievingly. “I will admit that it was one of the tougher sells of the conversation, but I got around it by pretending that I’d forgotten the name of the hotel. When she tried to fill in the blanks with a guess, I simply said she was correct, and it seems my acting was good enough to convince her that I hadn’t been grasping at straws.” Pinkie sighed. “Still, I’m guessing that when you say ‘temporary lodgings,’ you really mean that you and Penny will be heading back inside my head while I fend for myself out here.” “Don’t call her ‘Penny,’” Discord rebuked in his most fatherly tone of voice before Penumbra could chime in with her usual rejoinder. “You shouldn’t antagonize your sister like that. Besides,” he added as he pointed towards a small shop, “I have a much better idea.” ——————— The shop turned out to be a pawn shop, owned and operated by the human counterparts of the FlimFlam Brothers. As such, the proprietors were not exactly the most trustworthy characters in town, but then again, neither was their customer. Discord, it seemed, had picked up a few skills from Trixie during their brief alliance, including the method of creating jewel-quality gemstones from ordinary rocks. Granted, he wasn’t quite as good at it as Trixie; Flim and Flam managed to find quite a few defects in the stones Discord offered them (though doubtless they were exaggerating the effect those defects would have on the stones’ market value). Still, Discord managed to leave the shop with a tidy sum of money, which he then used to check the three of them into the hotel that Celestia had inadvertently recommended. It was all quite ingenious, except for one minor detail. “Discord, you can’t just go around using magic all willy-nilly in this world!” Pinkie shouted once the three of them were inside their room, safely away from inquisitive ears. Discord raised an eyebrow. “Willy-nilly? I think you’re overstating things a bit.” Pinkie shook her head. “You did on purpose, which means you willed it, and you didn’t have to do it, so it’s worth nil. Willy-nilly.” Discord, meanwhile, began organizing his pile of currency, which was still substantial, even after paying for a week’s stay up front. “I’ll have you know, Pinkie,” he said as he continued the discussion, “that that is some of the least disruptive magic I know. Trixie did learn it from an order-obsessed nutcase in the first place, after all. Really, when you get down to it, I merely sped up a non-magical process.” “This world hardly has any magic at all! We can’t just inject magic whenever we feel like it. Things might become unstable.” “Well, the universe hasn’t imploded yet, so I think we’re safe for now. Besides,” Discord added, “we’re imaginary friends. Our magic doesn’t follow the normal rules in the first place.” “He has a point,” Penumbra said as she flopped onto one of the two beds in the room, which seemed to be nicely decorated, if a little bland. On one side of the room, there was a large device which displayed a variety of programs when turned on. It was controlled remotely using a small wand covered in buttons, which allegedly worked without any magic whatsoever. This strange device must have been the “teevee” thing that the woman at the front desk had mentioned... though upon further reflection, it could just as easily be the “wyfy.” In any case, the sheets were clean and all the fixtures in the bathroom were working, which meant it certainly met the minimum requirements for a hotel room as far as Penumbra was concerned. “Plus, Sunset Shimmer must have used some of her pony magic over here as well. How else could she have opened the portal to steal the Element of Magic in the first place?” “I’m not sure how that would make things any better, Penumbra,” Pinkie Pie said. “I’m only saying that this world might not be as fragile as we’re thinking it is,” Penumbra said. “Like Discord said, imaginary friend magic doesn’t follow the same set of rules. As long as we aren’t actively trying to rip the fabric of reality to shreds, we’ll probably have less of an impact than whatever Sunset Shimmer has already done, so long as we use our magic sparingly.” Pinkie sighed. “Fine... I’ll drop the subject for now. I’m going to go take a shower.” She seemed to be dragging her feet slightly as she slumped into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. “Let me know if you figure out what these bouncy things on our torsos are for,” Penumbra called out. “I’m pretty sure they’re just breasts,” Discord said offhandedly. “That would explain why only the females have them.” “Oh, come on,” Penumbra said. “Why on earth would these things need to be this big on creatures this size if they’re just for nursing?” “I don’t know,” Pinkie Pie said from behind the bathroom door, “but I don’t see any other body parts on here with nipples, so he’s probably right.... Hey, it looks like humans really don’t have cutie marks!”