Begin Chapter Three
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A knocking on the door stirred Twilight from her inner monologue. She was prone to these sort of things recently, as late events had stirred up quite a bit to think about. Twilight encircled the door with her telekinesis, and pulled it open. Her friends stood in a group on the other side.
“Hey Twilight,” Applejack said. “Um- you asked us all to come over to your room, so here we are.”
“Great,” Twilight responded, with just a hint of exhaustion in her voice. “ Come in, come in. Listen, I’ve been thinking a lot.”
“What else is new?” Rainbow Dash remarked as she took a seat on a comfy cushion.
“Very funny Rainbow, but in all seriousness. It’s about the Doomed Gods. They act so… sporadically, I don’t quite know what to make of them.”
“I see what you mean,” Rarity said. “It is rather hard to pin these trolls down, given how their every action seems to contradict another. It really doesn’t make much sense.”
“Yeah,” Twilight said. “That’s it exactly. So… I was thinking we could all get together and bounce some ideas off each other. Maybe with all your help, I can come to a conclusion here.”
“What’s there to talk about?” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “They attacked Ponyville. They caused a bunch of damage. From what I’ve heard, they basically rampaged through Equestria in the past. They’re a threat and we ought to stop them.”
“But then they saved us,” Twilight interjected. “And that’s the sticking part. Here are a bunch of ponies- err, trolls, who are trying to kill us one day, but literally saving us the next.”
“Well, yeah, but you heard them after that. They said they only helped us because they were trying to hurt the Changelings, and then they said we can’t expect any help again. Does that sound like an ally to you?”
“Actually,” Fluttershy spoke up. The other five ponies turned to look at her with shock, causing Fluttershy to cover her mouth with her hoof. “Sorry, I should’ve let you finish, I-”
“No, Fluttershy, please continue.” Rarity said. “You talk so little, it’d be a joy to have your input here.”
“Err- thank you,” Fluttershy murmured. “The trolls all seemed pretty keen on hanging out until they got caught up in that big misunderstanding and thought we were setting them up. I’m sure if we were to just explain the mistake, they’d forgive us and we could all get along.”
“Wait, we weren’t setting them up?” Rainbow Dash asked. Applejack gave the Pegasus a glare.
“Of course not, you idiot. What makes you think we’d ever try a left-hoofed, back-stabbing trick like that?”
“Hey, I’m left-hoofed!” Pinkie cried.
“Oh. Sorry Pinkie. ‘s just a sayin’,” Applejack said, rather sheepishly.
“Meh. “It’s OK.” Pinkie grinned.
“But I’d prefer if it didn’t happen again. That’s legitimately pretty offensive.”
“Hey Pinkie, you’ve been awful quiet so far. Why’s that?”
“No reason!” “Oops, I mean no reason,” Pinkie said aloud, a tad startled. Applejack raised a suspicious eyebrow at this, until Rainbow Dash interrupted.
“In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter whether we were trying to trick the trolls or not. They’re still pretty mad at us anyways. I’m not sure peace would go over too well.”
“That’s one thing you’ve got right,” Rarity muttered. “The leader troll… what was his name?”
“Vantas,” Fluttershy said.
“Right, Vantas- he seemed pretty dead set on hating us for the rest of eternity.”
“See,” Rainbow Dash said. “Rarity agrees with me.”
“Not quite,” Rarity objected. “I was thinking a bit about how the Trolls’ actions are so contradictory, and it got me thinking. What if these trolls aren’t as cohesive a team as we thought.” The other ponies paused and thought about it as Rarity continued. “Sure, we have that fight in Ponyville and they do massive damage. But the next day they’re back and giving us a helping hoof against those Changelings? That can’t be the same pony’s decision. The actions of the group probably aren’t lead by a single pony- rather, it’s more along the lines of who has the best idea, and then they execute it.”
“But not all of them,” Fluttershy noted. “Several of the trolls weren’t at that last fight. Maybe those ones didn’t really agree with saving us.”
“Yeah. There are trolls there who want us to get murdered. You see why I’m having a hard time buying into their good intentions?” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
“At the very least it points out that some among them have good intentions,” Rarity said.
“Good intentions!” Rainbow Dash cried. “Don’t you remember? This is the group that attacked Ponyville!”
“Did they really attack Ponyville?” Fluttershy spoke up. This again drew the stares of the other five, and Fluttershy winced, but pressed on. “I mean, what happened. Some trolls came by on Nightmare Night, maybe just to hang out and have a good time. They got found out and we were ready to capture them for it. The rest of their friends showed up and we all started fighting- not because they wanted to destroy Ponyville, but because they didn’t want us to lock them back in stone!”
As the rest of the Elements took this in, Fluttershy made one more point. “In addition, at one point they had us all knocked out, unable to resist attack. But what did they do? Nothing! They didn’t hurt us or try to kill us- they just left after we’d been beaten. It almost sounds like they didn’t want us to come by too much harm.”
The group sat in silence for several moments, individually processing this new information. Finally, Rainbow Dash piped up.
“I guess all of that makes sense,” the pegasus said. “Which just leaves one point left.” She looked around at the faces of her friends. “Celestia really doesn’t like these guys.”
Twilight nodded in agreement, her eyes flying back and forth as if darting between some imaginary diagram. “Ergh. This isn’t really helping me decide. Now I’m just more confused than ever.”
“I hear ya,” Applejack sympathetically replied. “Say- I wonder what the blighters are up to now?”
-----
“Yaaa!” Vantas went flying as Daring Do delivered an aerial kick to his stomach. The archaeologist paused briefly to smirk as Vantas landed with a satisfying thud. A blast of white raced past her, skimming her mane: her cue to leave.
“Ha! Eat science, you fucking pain in the ass!” Ampora cried, firing blast after blast at the retreating pegasus. Daring Do leapt over a particularly nasty beam of magic, and barrelled through the door. She glided swiftly over the chasm, before disappearing through the opposing door.
“Dammit,” Ampora cursed. “I almost had her.”
“Relax, Ampora,” Vantas said as he got back on his feet.
“Wwhy? She got awway! Wwhat if she gets to the treasure before us?”
“I said relax, take a hint,” Vantas assured. “She went back the way we came. The only thing back that way is the fire trap.”
“Oh,” Ampora said, mostly to himself. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am,” Vantas said. “Now come on. Let’s keep going.” He took a step forwards, but froze as he felt the new floor tile sink in beneath his foot. The ground beneath the two fell away, a great drop into the darkness below. Ampora flailed out, and caught Vantas around the waist. Vantas flailed out and caught the edge of the pit with his sickle. The weapon’s point dug into the stone, hooking Vantas to the ground. The two hung there, Vantas clutching to the sickle’s handle, Ampora clutching to Vantas.
“Uh, Vvantas. Come on, pull us up!” Ampora urged.
“Erg. I can’t!” Vantas shouted back as he gave a firm pull and failed to lift the two even a couple centimeters upwards. “You really ought to cut back on the oysters, you know?”
“Yeah. I knoww,” Ampora sighed back as Vantas gave another futile tug.
“Could you maybe fire your wand at the ground and give us some thrust?” Vantas groaned as he struggled to hold to the ledge.
“No wway. This thing has no recoil,” Ampora replied, taking a look at his wand. “I wwonder wwhy that is. Maybe there’s some sort of shock absorber…”
“Urk! Stab wound flaring, stab wound flaring!” Vantas cried as shoulder was wracked with a burning pain. “Ow ow ow ow!!!” His grip slipped a little- he was holding on only by a couple fingers.
Ampora’s eyes narrowed. He loosened his grip, sliding from Vantas’s waist ‘till he was clutching his ankles. He started to swing back and forth from the troll’s legs (“Hey! Ampora? What are you doing? Ow!!!), before, at the peak of their swing, Ampora jumped. His arms shot up, and his hands wrapped around the ledge of the pit. With a colossal grunt, Ampora hefted himself back onto the solid ground. He turned back and offered a hand to Vantas; the troll took it, and with Ampora’s assistance Vantas pulled himself back up from the gaping hole below.
“Whew. Thanks, Ampora,” Vantas panted.
“No problem,” Ampora replied as he turned away. “Noww come on. Wwe’ve got to press on.” Vantas nodded, and started to follow. Just then, Ampora’s foot depressed another of the countless tiles. Another pit opened, but Ampora’s reflexes weren’t as quick. The two trolls disappeared into the dark hole below.
-----
Leijon scanned the dark corridor, glancing from wall to wall, searching for secrets or signs of hidden passages. Ahuizotl’s cats followed her, and closely behind them came Ahuizotl himself. He appeared to be monologuing to himself about his plans once they discovered the ruins’ secret.
“Daring Do will die, slowly and painfully. She’s live in constant pain long enough to see me rise to power, and then die knowing I will never be stopped. The ponies will all bow before my eternal might! And this time, no one will be able to stop me! Ha ha ha ha!!!”
“:33< Hey, Ahui! Pipe down, would ya?” Leijon suggested.
“Err- yes, Leijon. Sorry,” Ahuizotl said.
“:33< Thank mew,” Leijon grinned as she turned to examine some glyphs carved into a nearby wall. She brushed her hands across the glyphs, before setting her hands on the one she wanted. With a quick push, the tile slid into the wall; with a grinding sound, a secret passage opened up nearby. “:33< Yes! I found it!” Leijon cheered.
Ahuizotl gave the new hallway a second glance. “Leijon, are you sure you want to go in here?” He asked. “There’s no source of light, and it’s too small for me to follow.”
“:33< Don’t worry about me, Ahui,” Leijon cheered. “:33< I can take care of myself. Here, I’ll take a kitty with me.” She glanced over at the duo’s animal companions, before gesturing to the panther. “:33< I’ll head through here and see where it leads. You can keep exploring this area.”
“If you say so, Leijon,” Ahuzotl said. “I’ve got some scheming to get back to, anyways…”
Leijon continued along the passage in almost complete darkness, save her flashlight. The panther trailed beside her, occasionally coming close and receiving an affectionate pat. Eventually, a light emerged at the end of the tunnel, and Leijon bounded towards it, emerging into a brightly lit hallway.
“:33< Hmm. Wonder where I am now,” Leijon said to herself, glancing off towards the left. She took a couple steps in that direction, before she suddenly felt a floor piece sink away beneath her.
The Huntress, with instinctual, primal reflexes, leapt backwards as a blaze of fire sprayed from a small hole in the wall, thoroughly roasting the air she’d occupied seconds before. “:33< Nope,” Leijon said. “Not going that way.”
She turned and walked the other way, occasionally glancing at the corridor’s intricately carved walls. Whatever civilization built this temple must’ve either been really advanced or really bored. The complex was a masterpiece of ancient art and architecture. If Daring Do were around, she’d probably be dashing from script to script, squealing in delight.
Leijon rounded a corner and found herself back at the ruins’ main entrance. Her initial displeasure at ending up right where she’d started was dampened by her realization that a certain pony lay in the middle of the gaping cavern, oblivious to the troll’s presence. :33< Well, speak of the devil...
Daring Do lay prone in the entrance’s center, fussing over a complex series of maps and diagrams and muttering to herself. “OK, I’ve been there. There were some trolls down that way. Sweet Celestia, where did all these trolls come from? The Huntress must’ve brought her friends.”
“:33< What can I say? You always worked alone. I never said I did,” Leijon announced as Daring’s head whipped back and her eyes widened at the sight of her. Daring stuffed her maps into some coat pocket as she quickly stood. The panther at Leijon’s side, catching sight of its target, pounced forwards. Daring leapt to the side, avoiding the attack, before darting back and punching the cat away. The cat flew several meters and slid across the rocky floor. Daring gave a brief smile before she was sent flying herself as Leijon struck her right in the side.
“:33< Don’t. Punch. THE KITTIES!!!” Leijon growled.
Daring landed sharply on the hard ground; she winced, and raised a hoof to her head, straightening her hat. “Crap. I don’t have time for this.” The little bird turned a flew off down another tunnel. The cat was in hot pursuit, for it didn’t want to let its prey escape.
-----
Serket took a glance at the obstacle before her. “Giant pit of lava, eh?” She said. “How do we get around this?” She walked along the edge of the pit, glancing down at the bubbling rock below, and also waiting for a response. When none came, she continued. “I mean, I can fly over it just fine, 8eing an awesome god tier and all, 8ut Nitram, how do you get across?” She took a second to review her mental list of the supplies they’d brought, and simultaneously hoped that her silence would invite some response. It did not. “We could m8ke some sort of rope 8ridge, that you could sort of shuffle across. Or we could fix a rope to the ceiling and you could swing across. Or…”
Serket, irritated by the lack of response, turned to Nitram. “Why don’t you give me some ideas here, eh? It’s your 8utt I’m trying to get across here!”
“Hey, M1ndfang!” Nitram cried. Serket turned to see Nitram and his snake buddy had already crossed the lava pit, somehow. “Are you just go1ng to stand there talk1ng to yourself, or are you go1ng to come across already?”
“Wha- how did you get across?” Serket sputtered.
“Oh. Uh, 1 got on Capta1n Fang’s head, and he sort of stretched across the p1t and we got off over here,” Nitram answered.
“Captain Fang?” Serket groaned.
“Yes. That’s what 1 named the g1ant snake,” Nitram clarified, gesturing at the enormous serpent that just seemed to stand by docilely, waiting for its next command.
“Captain Fang is literally the worst name you could’ve thought of,” Serket chastised. “OK, may8e not the worst name. You could’ve named it Rufio, after all. 8ut that’s still really bad.”
“1 don’t care,” Nitram said. “He’s my snake and 1’ll call h1m whatever 1 want.”
Serket gave a sigh before flying over the lava pit to join Nitram and- ugh, Captain Fang.
-----
Pyrope took a look down the long, foreboding hallway before her. The torches stopped at the entrance, leaving the corridor’s lengths shrouded in darkness. Pyrope held out her hand, gesturing for Makara to stop. “1’v3 got 4 b4d f33l1ng 4bout th1s,” she said. She gave the air a sniff. “1 sm3ll d4ng3r 1n th1s d1r3ct1on. B3 r34dy for 4nyth1ng.” Pyrope’s grip on her cane tightened as she made several elaborate gestures to her partner. Makara nodded, readying his clubs.
“Hey,” a voice spoke over Pyrope’s headset. “Hate to 2poiil your fun and all, but my 2can2 2how that that’2 a dead end.”
“My gut t3ll’s m3 th4t th3r3’s som3th1ng 1mport4nt down th1s w4y, 4nd my gut 1s mor3 r3l14bl3 th4n 4ny m4ch1n3,” Pyrope growled.
“... No. No iit’s not.”
“4ww, com3 on!” Pyrope cried. “You just h4d to spo1l th3 fun, d1dn’t you, C4ptor.”
“II’m 2orry, but ye2. II diid. We’re not ju2t here two fool around, we’re tryiing two get 2omethiing done, Pyrope. Quiit whiiniing about iit.”
“Grr. F1n3,” Pyrope sighed. She turned to Makara. “H3y, clownf4c3. L3t’s g3t a mov3 on!”
“Hmm. That’s motherfuckin odd,” Makara said, mostly to himself. “I could’ve sworn this tile was supposed to be some trap door or whatever.” He gave the floor tile another press. “Oh, that explains it! I wasn’t fucking pressing hard enough.” Before Pyrope could cry out an objection, the tile depressed into the floor, and the ground swung open beneath the two trolls. They dropped away into the depths of the catacombs below.
-----
Maryam gazed out at the corridor before them, and the traps that swung like pendulums before them. “Swinging Axes Of Death?” she asked. “The Creative Staff Behind This Crypt May’ve Been Effective, But They Don’t Have Much In The Way Of Originality, Do They?”
Alright Maryam, can we keep the insults to the authors at a minimum? They’re very sensitive.
“Oh come on, Mr. Narrator. They resorted to using the Swinging Axes of Death! They deserve whatever hate is coming their way!”
Hmm. Perhaps you’re right. Very well then. Let the roast of the writers continue.
Peixes gave the axes a good looking over. “T)(ose are really s)(arp, aren’t t)(ey? But it’s OK. T)(ey’re swinging in a pattern, so t)(ere s)(ould be an opening w)(en we can just run rig)(t t)(roug)(!”
Maryam leapt at the nearest axe, chainsaw held high. With a swift stroke, she cleaved right through the swinging handle that held the axe to the ceiling, and the blade clattered harmlessly to the floor.
“Yea)(,” Peixes said. “T)(at works too.”
-----
Loud smacks and thumps echoed through the tunnel as Megido and Zahhak sprinted down the passage, accompanied by a loud grinding roll produced by the source of the duo’s terror. Megido took a glance backwards at the enormous boulder that chased the two down and deeper into the ruins.
“Hey, Zahhak,” she yelled at the muscled troll, racing along beside her. “Y0u’re str0ng. Can y0u st0p that thing?”
Zahhak turned and held out his hands, catching the boulder as it barreled into him. He let out a cry of pain as his feet slid against the stone beneath, the great rock threatening to drive through his hold and just crush him. He was sweating as always, though this time it was quite justified.
“D --> Megido!” he wheezed. “D --> This isn’t going to work!” Megido nodded to Zahhak, and flew back. She grabbed Zahhak, yanking him away from his attempt to stop the boulder, before darting away as the boulder rushed forwards, now unimpeded. The two resumed their prior act of simply running away from the pursuing rock.
A grin finally flashed to Megido’s face as up ahead she spotted a great chasm, spanning the length of the tunnel. She glanced back to Zahhak. “Y0u might want t0 h0ld 0nt0 me. This is g0ing t0 get intense.”
As Zahhak followed Megido’s advice, she retrieved a nostalgic item from her sylladex- her bullwhip. Megido cracked the weapon at the ceiling; the tip wrapped itself firmly around a protruding stalactite. As Megido approached the gorge, she leapt, her feet leaving the ground as she gripped her whip tighter. Megido swung across the great canyon, Zahhak in tow, his arms wrapped firmly around her. Perhaps too firmly.
The two landed safely on the other side of the gap. The boulder behind them tumbled off the edge, disappearing into the chasm’s cavernous depths.
“Whew. Glad we g0t thr0ugh that 0ne alright,” Megido sighed. “... Y0u can st0p h0lding 0n t0 me n0w, Zahhak.”
Zahhak sprang back. “D --> Err, yes. Of course. *Cough*” He gazed off for a while, as the passage filled with an awkward silence, before his eyes returned to Megido. “D --> You do know that we could’ve both flown across that canyon, right?” he asked. “Or that I could’ve banished the boulder to the depths of the Void. Or that you could’ve stopped the boulder in the middle of a static time field.”
“Yeah,” Megido replied. “But I wanted t0 d0 it right.”
“D --> *Sigh* Fangirls,” Zahhak groaned.
-----
Vantas slowly rose to his feet, taking care to inspect himself. It was a long fall down the surprise pit, but so far as he could tell he didn’t have any immediately pressing injuries- his shoulder ached, but that was nothing new. He glanced over his shoulder to see Ampora generally doing the same.
To Vantas’s surprise, they appeared to be in a whole new area of the ruins, not just the bottom of some trap. He glanced around the new area.
It appeared to be some sort of cavern, stretching out towards a wide hallway at its wide end. The cavern was brightly lit by an array of bright magical torches, and the ground was rather bumpy and uneven.
Vantas gestured to Ampora. “Well, don’t just stand there. It’s not like you’re an incompetent asshole. Wait…”
“Yes, Vvantas, I get it. Evverybody hate on Ampora, isn’t that all your favvorite pastimes,” Ampora muttered. “Let’s get out of here.”
The duo had taken nary a step when the mounds of earth scattered around the room began to stir. From the depths of the earth rose hooves rose again, rotted and green, or otherwise all bone. A pony’s head, empty eye sockets and rotting tongue, burst from the ground near Vantas. “Brains…” It muttered.
Off to the side a pony emerged fully from its grave. It was clothed fully in the tattered remains of a swastika-adorned leather jacket and matching hat. “Hail Hitler…” It muttered. A line of ponies dug themselves from the ground and stood in rank, each holding out a foreleg in salute.
“Oh, come on!!!” Vantas cried. “Zombie Nazi Ponies!? Just the existence of zombies or nazis here would be enough to cast a dark shadow over this place’s innocence, but no! They just had to go and combine both of these disgusting elements! I’m sure there are many trolls who would be incredibly offended by this whole affair!”
A zombie lunged at Vantas, but was quickly obliterated by a blast of white magic. “Vvantas, shut up and run!” Ampora cried as he darted forward, shooting several other zombies as he ran.
“Point taken,” Vantas replied as he too dashed away from the horrific scene.
-----
Serket gave a glance around their current room. They’d hit a dead end in all ways but one: a sheer cliff-face that went up about thirty meters, then a single opening drilled into the rock high above them.
“Now, what do we do here?” She wondered aloud. “I can fly up there of course, 8ut you can’t, Nitram. I could throw you down a rope, or see if I can carry you up there. Or maybe…”
Serket’s speculation was cut short as Captain Fang lifted Nitram up to the opening, before slithering through it himself. Serket gave a huff and flew up after them, muttering something about an OP slithering piece of shit.
-----
Daring Do skidded around the corner, occasionally glancing back to confirm that yes, The Huntress and her animal companion were still chasing her. She glanced ahead, and spotted several minecarts, set on a series of rails. Why the hell there were minecarts in a supposedly ancient temple eluded her, but given the enraged troll chasing her, she chose to ignore the inconsistencies.
And I advise that all of you do as well.
Without hesitation, Daring Do leapt into the first minecart on the track. She gave a small push, and the minecart started rolling away.
Leijon reached the minecarts soon after. The panther took a leap into a minecart, making to follow Daring, until Leijon put a hand on the cat’s side, gesturing for it to stop. She held out a couple of helmets she’d found lying around. “:33< Safety first, silly.”
They then proceeded to have a minecart chase. It was really boring, so I’m not going to bother with it. Instead, let’s describe something interesting!
It’s always night at the carnival. Some attendants take the rollercoaster. Its track is shaped like a great green “S” but it always repeats. The riders’ joy deepens every time they make a loop, their business suits thickening, their skin wearing away. Down on the midway, stuffy upperclassmen throw rocks at targets bearing ashen, impoverished faces. They’re rewarded every time they strike true in these carnival games. They eat the sweet food made from the sweat, blood, and flesh of the less fortunate.
All are enjoying themselves at the carnival. They know they must, for they can’t stay long. Soon, they must leave, and the place they’re heading is much less enjoyable.
“Alright, stop it with the Dark Carnival stuff! This is supposed to be rated T for Teen, not J for Juggalo!”
Well, what am I supposed to do?
“Do the minecart chase!”
I don’t want to. It’s boring.
“It’s not as dull as you think it is. Now, just give it a chance.”
...Fine, Pinkie. Fine.
The two minecarts set off along the track at great speeds. They quickly entered a pitch-dark tunnel; Daring dug through her bags and brought out a torch. She lit it and suddenly found herself surrounded in a mass of black fur and wing. The bats that filled the tunnel cave of surprised squees and all took to the air at once. Daring shrieked in surprise, accidentally flinging her torch away, and ducking into her cart. Leijon did the same when she saw the mass of bats flying her way.
Daring’s minecart zoomed across its tracks, swerving through tunnels both lit and dark. Glancing back, she saw The Huntress and her cat following in another minecart. She gave a quick grunt of frustration, then turned to her bag. Ropes, maps, adventuring gear; nothing that would be too helpful here.
They’d entered a great cavern now, with minecart tracks curling every which way. Up ahead the tracks split. One set of rails became two, paths that ran parallel ‘till they diverged farther along. Daring leaned to the right and her minecart took the according path. Leijon, who was quickly gaining on Daring, took the left path.
Before long the two minecarts had drawn up next to each other. Leijon stood from her crouching position, and reached over to Daring’s cart, claws drawn, attempting to slash at the pegasus. In response, Daring slid deeper into her minecart, ducking beneath the swipes. Leijon growled, and clutched the edges of the minecart, before giving it a vicious shake.
“Ow! Ow! Ow ow ow ow!” Daring rattled around inside her vehicle before finally she rose to her hooves. “Alright, enough of this.” She surprised Leijon with a powerful punch to the gut. Leijon was thrown backwards, before she toppled over the edge of her minecart and off the rails completely. She landed on another section of track, further down.
Daring grinned in victory, but her glee quickly turned to panic as her minecart rolled along its course. It turned, dropping downwards with a rush before swerving towards the strip of track where the Huntress was slowly returning to her feet.
The minecart sped towards Leijon as Daring looked desperately for some breaks, or a reverse button. Leijon snarled, before she pounced into the minecart. Daring attempted to dodge Leijon’s sharp claws, but quickly found herself trapped within the cart’s small area. Leijon pinned the pegasus to the floor, and delivering a frenzy of catlike scratches to the struggling explorer.
“Yaaah! Ow ow! Augh!! Get off of me!” Daring cried as Leijon’s claws left bright red lines across her exposed legs and tore ribbons of fabric from her jacket. Between attacks, she glanced around her, searching for some way to escape. She found the minecart to be empty of anything useful, but managed to glimpse the minecart tracks up ahead. Her eyes widened in fear.
“Hey, stop it!” Daring cried as she threw Leijon off her with a burst of strength. “The tracks are out!”
Leijon, directed away from her furious clawings, glanced along the minecart’s path. Ahead, the rails, charred and twisted, had broken away, leaving a great drop into the dark chasm below. Leijon had only just enough time to process what it all meant when the minecart left it’s tracks and dropped through the air.
“:33< Aahhhhhhh!!!!!” Leijon cried, clinging to Daring Do.
“Aahhhhhhh!!!!!” Daring cried, clinging to Leijon.
With a ferocious clatter, the minecart crashed into the rocky floor below. The metal shattered, splintering into broken chunks of steel, and the two occupants were flung screaming from the vehicle. Leijon hit the ground hard, but slowly rose to her feet. She caught sight of Daring doing the same.
The Huntress suddenly became aware of brilliant light, shining from behind her. She turned and saw an enormous door, emblazoned with gold and lit by dazzling torches. Leijon took a step towards the door, then another. Then she was running, sprinting full speed towards the door, and she took a glance and spotted Daring doing the same.
A sudden, harsh growl froze her in her tracks. Daring failed to stop on time, and as such ran full tilt into the looming stone behemoth before her. A giant dog with two heads, a statue animated by magic and likely meant to act as the guardian of whatever treasure lay beyond that door. Leijon’s eyes narrowed as the each of the dog’s heads gave a piercing howl, before turning to the intruders. It was time for a fight.
-----
Makara rolled beneath a swing of the guardian’s rocky paws. The great dog statue growled in frustration, again attempting to crush the infuriating clown. Makara couldn’t move quick enough, and was tossed away by the bulky construct.
The guardian gave another growl as it took a step closer to Makara. He rose back to his feet, grinning. The guardian made a curious noise, as if wondering why Makara wasn’t screaming in rage. Makara smiled in response. “Nah, it’s OK. I was just supposed to be the distraction anyways.”
Pyrope leapt from the shadows, screaming as she gave the guardian’s left head a flying kick. The head turned, it’s jaws snapping viciously, until Pyrope swung her cane and the head burst into broken shards of stone. The remaining head gave a growl reminiscent of pain. It attempted to shake Pyrope from it’s now-bare shoulder, and in doing so failed to notice the clown crawling up his neck, or the brightly-colored deuce clubs he carried. *Smash!*
-----
The guardian roared in pain as Maryam’s chainsaw sliced through one of its rocky legs. Off balanced, it struggled to remain standing and ultimately failed. Maryam dashed backwards to avoid being crushed by the enormous statue’s bulk. The statue writhed on the ground, attempting to return to its feet.
A flash of gold, and then a trident pierced through both statue’s heads, before impaling itself against the cavern wall. As the guardian slumped over, dead, Maryam turned nervously to Peixes. “If You Would, Remind Me Never To Anger You. Ever.”
-----
Megido froze the statue in a time field. Zahhak pulverized it with a single punch. The two high-fived, then set Megido’s hand in a cast.
-----
Vantas desperately leapt to avoid the crushing feet of the guardian. He glanced up at his stony foe, and again dodged away from it’s crunching jaws. Behind him, Ampora blasted the creature with a destructive beam of white magic. As the guardian winced, and stumbled backwards, Vantas grabbed onto one of its legs. Clinging desperately to the statue, he slowly climbed the hulking dog as Ampora continued to pepper the guardian with white magic. Vantas reached the guardian’s shoulder, and spotted a glowing white sigil inscribed onto its back. Gripping the creature’s back with all his might, Vantas stabbed his sickle into the sigil. The wound sprayed a blackish mist as the guardian went limp and toppled to the ground. Vantas stood from the wreckage and wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, before turning to the golden door before him.
-----
“Alright!” Serket cried as the guardian stood threateningly before them. “8oss 8attle time! Let’s see what happens when it gets a load of this!” She made to attack, but was unfortunately cut off as Captain Fang leapt towards the dog. It wrapped its coils around the enormous statue, before crushing it to rubble in its death grip.
Captain Fang turned to Nitram, who patted it affectionately on the head. “Good 8oy,” he cooed to the giant snake. “Gooooood 8oy-”
A flash of orange streaked by the giant snake, who fell limply to the ground, blood spurting from a grievous neck wound. Nitram stared in horror at the dying Captain, before Serket put a hand on his shoulder. “Get over it,” she growled. “We’ve got a treasure 8ehind a golden door to get to.”
-----
As Leijon sunk her claws into the guardian’s last remaining head, she gave a sigh of relief. The fight had been difficult, and she felt weary from her multiple bruises, but now the statue was dead and she could proceed. She turned to the great door and pushed it open.
At that exact moment, the five other entrances also opened. All eleven trolls looked into the enormous, circular cavern, lit only by sunlight streaming through a great hole in the ceiling, and all twenty two of their eyes locked onto the brilliant red chest that sat in the center of the room, on what appeared to be an ancient shrine.
“There it is,” Serket grinned.
“Yes!” Megido cheered.
“About fucking time,” Vantas groaned.
All the trolls took a step towards the center altar, but froze as a tan blur streaked beside Leijon through the door, and towards the treasure. Daring’s smile widened as she neared the artifact she’d been searching for these past several months.
Suddenly, a cry of fear and surprise cut through the air. Daring glanced up to see a blurry blue shape fall through the air, crashing atop the chest. Ahuizotl crashed onto the shrine, and slowly rose to his paws rubbing his head. “Ah, so this is where that hole leads,” he muttered. Glancing around the cavern, he caught sight of the other trolls, and Daring Do. He made to attack, before noticing where he was. “Wait- is this?”
Daring shot forwards, but ran headfirst into Zahhak as he materialized before her in a flash of blue. Daring fell to the ground, nursing an incredible headache, as an enormous smile spread across Ahuizotl’s face.
Ahuizotl couldn’t help it; he laughed. He laughed a deep, throaty laugh. “At last, Daring Do, I have a victory!” He held the red chest aloft. “Now, I shall claim the treasure, and become more powerful than ever before!”
With a flick of his tail-hand, Ahuizotl flipped the chest open and peered inside.
“Huh?” He shook the chest a little. “What in the name of me is that?”
He shook the chest a little. “This is... I’m not sure. What even IS that? It looks like a... huh.”
He scratched his head. “I suppose I could just...”
He reached his tail-hand inside. “...reach in...” The hand went deeper. Way deeper. “...and-- the hell?” To the amazement of the Trolls (and Daring), his tail went almost all the way into the chest. Vantas and Pyrope exchanged glances. (The hell is that thing, a TARDIS?) (How should 1 know?) (Well you kind of are the expert around here....) (Shut up, not now. Th1s h4s to be 1mport4nt!)
Ahuizotl pulled his hand out of the chest. “That’s odd. Wait, wha-?”
His hand was glowing faintly. The glow was also slightly tinged blue. Zahhak narrowed his eyes. (D --> Wait a minute...)
To the horror of Ahuizotl, (and to some smaller extent, Leijon and Daring) the glow shot up his tail, enveloping his entire body. The entirety of his being was simply a white, glowing, blue-tinged hole in spacetime that held his shape. This time, it was Vantas and Zahhak who exchanged startled glances. (No way. It can’t be.) (D --> This makes no sense otherwise.)
With an underwhelming zap, Ahuizotl disappeared.
Hee hee. It appears that the Lord of Cats is missing.
“Lord of what?”
Not now, Pinkie. Back to the story.
Vantas ran up to where the chest had clattered. Ignoring the shouted warnings, he flipped the lid open and peered inside. His eyes widened.
“WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS THIS DOING HERE?!?!?”
With that enraged shout, he upended the chest. Turning to Zahhak, he cried out, “That’s it! Zahhak, get everyone out of here. We’re done with this shitshow!” Seconds later, the trolls disappeared in a flash of blue.
-----
Daring couldn’t help it. She stared. It certainly didn’t seem dangerous... but she had witnessed its effect on Ahuizotl.
It looked harmless enough, but she wasn’t fooled. To be frank, she wasn’t quite sure what, exactly, it was.
After all, by all appearances it simply looked like a house!