//------------------------------// // Don't Let Her Memory Torture Me // Story: Ynanhluutr // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// She said, 'Honey, how do you dare to drift? On an equatorial breeze?' And I said, 'Darlin' it's never too late to gloat' And you'll never keep afloat On a dead lover's boat If you refuse to plug the holes If you refuse to plug the holes Bard strummed the last few chords of his guitar and leaned back. He brushed his brown silky bangs aside and exhaled. “Hmmmmmyeahhhhh...” His muzzle scrunched. “Granted, it could use a griffon harmonica solo somewhere roundabouts the middle, but—hey—beggars can't be choosers.” He winked across the office. “And this here Stronghold ain't no place for beggars, ya reckon?” Echo groaned. “Mr. Bard, in all seriousness,” Revan spoke in a gruff tone. “I would very much like to conclude our discussion on the business arrangements at hoof.” His brow furrowed. “Do we have an aggreement or not?” “Erm... about what?” “About my proposal!” “What proposal?” “About you joining the Syndicate!” Revan snarled. “And, if you must know, I'm appealing to your mercenary talents, not your gifts as a minstrel—” The room's foundations shook, and the stallion glanced once more towards the nearest walkway. “There it is again. By the Queen's Frost... what is that...?” “Uhhhh...” Bard gulped, shuffling slightly. “Bad juju, if ya ask me.” “Bad.... juju...?” “And there's only one way to scare the bad luck away!” “... ... ... a dagger to the throat?” The Stronghold shook again. “Uhhhh... soul-cleansin' music!” Bard strummed the guitar again. “And, wouldn't ya know it?! I feel another song comin' on!” Echo groaned even louder. “Mmmffnngh...” Revan facehoofed. “Mr. Bard, honestly—” “Now y'all just sit down and relax!” Bard leaned forward, plucking away at the strings. “This here's an old gem from the eastern waters! It's been sung by just about everypony! Even Whinny Nelson sang it! Then again... hell... Whinny Nelson could sing anythang, eheheh...” He cleared his throat and warbled loudly: “Verlaxion river dun run dryyyyyyyyyy!” Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Clink! Using a metal talon, Wildcard scooped layer after layer of platinum bars into his bag. He cleared one shelf, then another. Within minutes, he had already filled one satchel, and he zipped open the second one to prepare for the next bounty. “Good... super!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, squatting down to open her own loot bags. “We're making good time! Now, if we can just get out of here and zoom off to the escape route before anypony finds out what's going on in here—” “Rainbow Dash!” Twilight's voice cracked. “Shhh! Don't crowd me, ringo,” Rainbow said. “Rainbow, look!” Twilight pointed past the mare's head. “Nnngh...” Rainbow turned around. “What is it...?” Her eyes widened. Rarity floated above a cluster of notebooks, paper sheets, and blueprints. “I think we've landed the jackpot, darling!” She pointed emphatically. “Take a look for yourself!” While Wildcard fumbled to get his second bag filled, Rainbow Dash shuffled over to the shelf on the far side of the vault. Up close, she found layer after layer of documentation—all hoof-signed by Boss Revan and the other higher-ups of the Syndicate. There were sheets of paper outlining business operations—both clandestine and otherwise. She spotted supply lists detailing the shipment of explosive materials. Turning a few other sheets over, Rainbow Dash spotted lists of citizens' names, some of them scratched off in garish red ink. Then—last but not least—she found architectural blueprints of Rust, with various locations circled and labeled with descriptions of explosive ordinances. There was a common connection between each of the locations... “These are the places that were bombed,” Rainbow Dash muttered. She turned the sheet over, squinting at unfilled circles and checkpoints. “And these must be the next spots on the list.” “Look carefully,” Rarity said, pointing. “There're even notes that detail the ponies who live on those floors and what they owe the infamous Revan!” “It's even got the individual residents' names listed!” Twilight remarked with a shudder. “These criminals planned every arson down to the T!” “They even estimated their potential gains in bits for each 'job!'” Rarity fanned herself, grimacing. “Oh, how exceedingly disgusting!” “We've got business ledgers here explaining everything!”Rainbow exclaimed. “This is it! This is the black heart of the Syndicate, and they're leaving themselves completely, totally naked!” Her voice cracked, “And not even in the cool way!” “Rainbow, this is exactly the sort of thing Theanim Mane predicted we'd find!” Twilight exclaimed. “Darn straight it is.” Frowning, Rainbow squatted down and stripped her saddlebag off. “Which means one thing.” By now, Wildcard had paused in the middle of his task. While the flooded foundation shook beneath them again, he turned to look curiously the pegasus' way. “Wildcard, don't stop on my behalf!” Rainbow exclaimed, frantically rummaging through her belongings. “In fact... here!” She tossed him one of her lootbags. The griffon caught it, goggles rattling in confusion. “Grab as much as you can!” Rainbow pulled Dr. Mane's camera out and laid as many of the business papers out as she could, then took aim with the lens. “I'm gonna do the same... erm... in my own way.” Wildcard sighed heavily and gestured with his metal talons. “Look, if you're trying to protest or something, then quite while you're a head, shadow guy!” Rainbow Dash took shot after shot. Click! Click! She made sure to capture the blueprints and the explosive markers from all angles. Click Cl-Click! “Face it, we need this! Cuz if everything falls flat on its face in Shoggoth, then we need something to show that we did the seas a royal service!” She smiled, winding up the film as she prepared for another capture. “After all, I wanna leave this crudhole a good guy, don't you?” Click! “Yodel-laaaay-yodel-leeeeeee-yodel-loooooooooo!” Bard's throat quivered as he wrung out the last note. Then, with a contented sigh, he leaned back in his seat. “Mmmmm... nothin' like them old campfire blues to get the soul shimmerin' deep inside.” “Mmmmfff...” Boss Revan muttered into his desk. “...all we need is a sunset.” Bard grinned wide. “Just what I was gonna say!” Echo rolled his eyes. “Mr. Bard...” “Hey! I know!” The mercenary grinned wide. “Any requests?” “Unngh...” Revan rubbed his temple tiredly. “...do you know anything by Chris Maretin?” Bard blinked. “... ... ...who?” Echo looked up, leafy ears pricked high. “What is it, boy?” Bard hummed. With galloping hooves, two stallions rushed into the room, dripping all over with water. “Boss! Boss Revan!” “Oh, praise Verlaxion!” Revan wheezed, jumping up to his hooves. “Errrr... I-I mean...” He cleared his throat, then marched past the seated Bounty Hunter. “What the Hell's the meaning of this?! Barging in on this important meeting with our esteemed associate?!” “Boss, we...” The guards exchanged nervous glances, gulping. “Well?!?” “At f-first, we thought we could contain it! But now it's risen up to the second floor!” “What has?! For shit's sake, will you just spit it out!” “We've been flooded, boss, sir!” “Flooded?!” “Sabotage! On the bottom floor!” One of the guards winced. “Somepony's snuck in and planted some kind of explosive!” “Huh? An explosive...?” Revan's ears folded back as he gasped in realization. Gritting his teeth, Bard stood up, straightened his hat, and swung his guitar at full force. “Wait a second—” Revan slowly turned around—CLANNNNNNG!—and got a face full of acoustic vibrations. “Guhhh!” He fell flat on his back. “H-hey!” The two guards reached for their crossbows. “Hopah!” Bard was already tossing a grenade pellet from his satchel. P-POWWW! Both guards flew back, their bodies slamming into the dooframe of the room. They slumped to the floor, out cold. Bard shrugged his shoulders, steadying his guitar as the instrument vibrated to a stop. “Concert's over, ya bloated yokels.” “Mrmmfff... holy vagina mushrooms,” Echo grunted, stumbling weekly to his hooves. “And to think, for a second there, I was convinced you would really take him up on his offer.” “And, y'know what, I was almost convinced too.” Bard tipped his hat back with a smirk. “But that wouldn't do right by Dubya-Cee or Miss Dash.” “Jee,” Echo droned. “Do you always bleed out your mouth?” “Once in a full moon.” Bard trotted over Revan. “Ya hear that, varmint? You make a good offer n'all, but I'm awfully sorry...” He winked. “...you and everythang about this place just stinks to high Hell.” “Nnnnghh...” Revan stirred, squeezing his pained eyes open. “Kill you... and your whole family...” WHUMP! Bard kicked him in the chest. The Syndicate Boss exhaled heavily, then fell unconscious. “Good luck with that, partner.” Bard zipped his guitar back into its case and whistled towards the sarosian. “Hop on, buddy! We're blowin' this joint!” “Grmmfff...” Echo nervously complied, clutching to the mercenary's backside. “Years ago, I promised myself never to straddle another stallion within minutes of hearing the verb 'blow.'” “Oh go soak yer fat head!” Bard grinned and galloped out the room with Echo in tow. “It's skedaddle time!”