//------------------------------//
// Distractions 
// Story: Three Guys in a Stryker Return to Equestria 
// by Citrus Solutions 
//------------------------------//

A throbbing, head-splitting pain greeted Raptor upon his awakening, so immense the only thing he could think to do was hold his head and groan at the sheer agony for a time. The man could feel every joint pop and every muscle groan trying to sit up, finding himself laying in a blank slate, devoid of color and objects, there was only white for as long as he saw.

"Hello?" He called out.

No Echo responded, nor an actual echo.

Raptor stood there, watching, waiting. Something did happen only a few moments after he'd called out, a small black crack that appeared as if it was in front of him on the ground. He pointed his weapon at it, ready to engage if need be. In the time of a blink a large black tendril burst from the ground, causing Raptor to jump back fearfully. It stretched far and high, and simply faded. A horrible, earsplitting roar followed suit, and the man watched in awe as something tore through the ground. It was some sort of floating reptile-human like head with dozens of zig-zag tentacles emanated from behind it, it's eyes were closed with it's nose above Raptor.

"I... Am Ob'Mukol!" It rumbled. "God of staircases. Dare you enter my realm again, heretic?"

The man stood there slack-jawed. The strange god creature took note of the silence after a few seconds and pried one eye open to look down at Raptor.

"Wait," Ob'Mukol said, opening both eyes and moving closer to Raptor, where the man found the thing was so big he could probably easily crawl inside it's sinuses. "You are not my green horse nemesis!"

The booming blast of his voice nearly knocked Raptor on his back, but he managed to keep his balance, and readied his weapon, aiming right at Ob'Mukol's eye.

"Why am I here?" The man demanded.

The god hummed. Turning his face to focus on Raptor with his left eye. "That is the question, now isn't it, human?"

"I don't know. I was just trying to climb stairs, now send me back!"

The god floated back, and began to laugh. "Oh no human, you won't be going anywhere without a proper offering!"

He finished laughing and focused on Raptor again, who had a grin on his face and metal ring around his left thumb, a folded piece of flat metal hanging on it. Ob'Mokul felt a explosion erupt in his non-existant throat, and opened his mouth to release the blue flames burning throughout him. The god weakly fell to the "ground" beneath him.

"Oh yeah, that's my offering." Raptor said with a smug grin, and walked away.

At least, he would've, if a tentacle hadn't cut him off and smacked him back towards Ob'Mokul. Raptor landed on his back and looked up to see the god looking down at him angry.

"Oh shit!" He yelped, rolling to his right to avoid being eaten as the god shoved his face into the ground.

"I'm the Duke of Jukes!" He taunted, running to the side of the giant head, simultaneously firing his weapon.

Ob'Mokul roared, shrugging off each bolt of magic that struck it. The zigzagging, slightly stair-reminiscent tentacles begin to fly for Raptor, the man jumped, weaved, and rolled to avoid getting struck. He kept an eye on the head and remained wary for attacks, all this while sucking air greedily, he became more worn each time he had to dodge and attack.

"How do I kill you?" He yelled to the god during a break in tentacle-volleys.

He received his answer in the form of another attack that clipped him and sent him spiraling to the ground. After he'd picked himself up Raptor saw Ob'Mokul had gotten the striking appendage stuck in the ground, forming what looked like a hole in broken glass and revealing a black void beyond. The unbroken parts of the ground had dug into the tentacle, Ob'Mokul was panicking as he tried to dig it out, and Raptor soon realized it was sucking the god in. Whatever was out there, Raptor didn't want any of it so he began to sprint in the opposite direction. The man spared a glance behind him to see the head had almost been consumed, he looked forward only to run right into something and fell on his back, nursing his head.

He looked up at the object he'd ran into; a sturdy wooden door. Everything suddenly seemed brighter and more painful, but Raptor found it in himself to get back up, open the door, and step out. He was in the empty marble hallway, behind him was the intersection and beyond that the staircase.

"No more stairs, never again." Raptor said to himself, walking away.

After a few minutes of just trying to get as far as possible from the staircase a pony found him and kindly directed him somewhere serving water. Raptor sat at a table in some sort of cafe room with a random pony, their face obscured by a newspaper, an untouched cup of coffee sitting in front of them. After taking a few drinks of water and letting his heart calm down he tried to reach his squad.

"Squad, actual. Radio check." He spoke into the radio.

"Yeah, i'm here." Responded Roar.

"Splash?" Raptor asked.

A few moments of silence passed, before the radio crackled to life again with a amused sounding female voice on the other end. "Your friend will be with you shortly after i'm done wiping the floor with his flank, Raptor."

Raptor raised an eyebrow. "Splash? Hello?"

"Hey," Roar started. "I'm at a high point, i'll try to scope him out."

Raptor quickly drank the large cup of water while waiting for a response from his teammate.

"I think I have him. Where are you?" The driver came back.

Raptor took out his GPS and was happy to see a grid reference on it, and read out the numbers to Roar.

"Okay uhh, looks like he's a hundred meters west of you. Some sort of courtyard. Bunch of ponies crowded around him right now, they look like royal guard."

"Oh my god Splash what'd you do?"


...


Splash slid across the ground backwards after having his ass handed to him the third time by a pony. It was the officer he'd been speaking to earlier, who had revealed her name to be White Grape. This started after they'd been discussing comic book heroes from each other's worlds, this led to comparing them, which led to arguments over which one would win if the two were pit against each other. Splash was quick to tell the mare Thor would easily win if combating Mistress Mare-velous, and Grape was quick to disagree. So like any honorable pony or human they agreed to resolve their argument in the ring.

Splash was losing, but at least had the chance to roll out inappropriate jokes here and there. He picked himself up and the practice polearm up, then readied himself for combat. Still feeling ridiculous that he looked like he was fighting with a giant Q-tip, he charged and swung horizontally at the mare that leaned against her staff. She parried his strike down before swinging up at his face, knocking him backwards and causing him to feel nauseous. She then proceeded to take her staff and knock his leg out from under him, sending him face first into the dirt. The man emitted a groan before rolling over and looking up at the mare painfully.

"Okay," He admitted. "I'm done getting beat up."

"Get the fuck away from him!" Splash heard his leader scream out from beyond the circle of ponies that had formed between him and Grape, the guards divided and made a path for him. They were slightly panicked at the crazy human waving around a what was, to them, a big heavy stick.

Raptor made it through the crowd, his weapon readied and aimed, Splash quickly picked himself up and ran a few meters over to him waving his hands, when he got close he gently directed Raptor's aim to the sky.

"Woah woah woah!" He said. "It's fine, we were just having sparring!"

Raptor lowered his weapon. "God damn. Thought you were getting your ass beat."

Splash leaned his head back and forth, thinking about it. "Well, I was. But y'know I can't hit a gal."

Raptor rolled his eyes, and looked to Grape. "Sorry about that. The whole gun pointing around thing."

Grape smiled at the man, "If you had fired, you had better not have missed."

He blinked. "Oh."

"She's a bit feisty." Splash jibed at the mare and ruffled her already messy mane, poking fun at the mare since the guards had mostly dispersed. "Raptor this is White Grape. I made a friend."

"So did I." Roar broke in, walking up. "Just mine was smaller, I won him with explosions."

Raptor sighed, slinging his weapon around his back. "I was kidnapped by a some sort of god."

Grape and his men stared at him. Roar's mouth moved, trying to form words for a few moments before giving up and he looked to Splash, who shrugged in return and asked Raptor to explain. The man recounted the details of encountering Ob'Mokul, sounding genuinely disturbed over the entire ordeal, up to the point where he slammed into the wooden door that'd appeared out of nowhere and allowed him to exit the strange pocket realm. After he finished recounting the tale officer excused herself to go find her beret.

"Huh. Guess we all did something interesting today then." Splash said with a smile.

Roar shrugged. "So Splash, did you ever ask pony girl about the ponies who are after us? Or have you just been offering you ass for kicking the entire time?"

Splash glanced at Grape for a moment, who was picking her beret off a nearby bench and replacing it on her head. "No, didn't cross my mind. Do you think she'll have info?"

"Any of 'em could."

Splash nodded and began to walk to Grape but was stopped by a glint of light in the corner of his eye, he turned his head to the source. Light had reflected of a monocle, worn by a noble looking unicorn who was just standing there staring at Splash. Upon being noticed however he jumped into motion, speed walking to the exit and looking away. 

Splash chuckled. "It's like they've never seen a human or something."

He stopped behind Grape, who noticed his shadow and turned to address the man.

"You're friend must be insane." She said blunty.

"Something like that. Anyway, could we talk to you somewhere else? It's important."

"No." She deadpanned. "I don't know how your military works but I can't just walk out while on duty."

"Business, ma'am?" A standard-issue unicorn stallion asked, taking a side by the officer. "I can take over the drills for a while if you'd like."

He grinned, adding, "Come on you workaholic, you've been putting in extra hours anyway."

Grape rolled her eyes and tucked a stray clump of mane under her beret. "Fine."

She looked up at Splash. "If my CO comes up and sees me not looking over these ponies, I'm flinging you off the castle!"

Splash turned to his crew and gestured them to follow, he led the group through the way he entered. Maybe it was because they were back on the topic of some pony trying to kill them, but the atmosphere seemed more tense as Splash lead the way to their room in the castle. Splash himself felt paranoia seeping into his thoughts, the halls had plenty of bustle and any one of the inhabitants he saw could have it out for him and his crew. A pang of guilt made itself apparent as he begun to think how he could be putting Grape in danger just by trying to make an ally out of the mare.

The other Stryker crewmen, Raptor and Roar, did not have such wonders as they tailed Splash down the halls. They scanned through the ponies, idly listening to them converse.

"Some stray changeling in Celestia's chamber broke..."

"... Sort of energetic release in the garden..."

"I wish I had hands like that."

"Soldiers wear armor, so what are they?"

Raptor twitched upon hearing the last voice and turned his head trying to find the source, but to no avail. He thought about what he heard as he walked and realized some ponies might not hold them in high regards if they saw them as just mercenaries rather than actual soldiers. He frowned, they were military! Just private military that can be hired by anyone with enough cash and can get by doing things conventional armies legally can't.

When the three men and single pony made it to the crew's bedroom Splash and Grape entered first, Roar and Raptor stayed outside for another few moments glancing around before entering and shutting the door behind them. 

"You three seem tense." Grape said, taking her beret off again and setting it at the foot of the nearest bed. "What's going on?"

"Someone's trying to kill us." Raptor told her.

"You three? The heroes of the city? Why?"

"We don't know. Splash was attacked this morning at the bottom on the mountain, where the waterfalls lead. The pony attacking him was covered with fencing gear and said something about us being demons."

"At the base of Canterlot Falls? What was Splash doing down..." The mare trailed off, looking towards the man as the look of realization crossed her face. "It was you that got blasted out of the Princess' chambers, wasn't it?"

"I needed my cell phone." Splash grinned sheepishly. "I gave it back to her afterwards."

"As for the lights?" She raised an eyebrow. 

"Hey we didn't have anything to do with that." Roar interjected.

"Anyway," Raptor started. "Would you know anything as to why we'd be targeted like this?"

Grape shook her head. "Not a clue, though the guard had been briefed on your stay in the castle and that you were from... Ahem... Another, uh... Dimension following yesterday's interrupted wedding, we must have the most information on you out of anypony. Then again I don't see how it'd cause any of us to target you."

"So some random pony might've seen us and started spinning crazy stories about us being Satan?" Roar gruffed.

"Could well be, and there's a lot of ponies out there with fencing gear."

"Hold on." Splash spoke up. "This was before we even appeared in public."

He looked to his crewmates. "Unless you two made some sort of appearance when I asphyxiated or whatever?"

Raptor shook his head. "We had dinner and talks with the princesses, the marriage couple, and those six random ones; the Elements of Harmony."

Grape spoke up again. "As long as one of them aren't secretly after you, which I doubt they are, you have the support most of the largest figures in the nation. Could anypony else have seen you?"

He shrugged. "At that point the castle wasn't nearly as occupied as it was today, just guards, nobles, and maids."

"Couldn't have been the guards, we'd never go against the princesses. The nobles have the resources to pull crazy stunts but I don't think they'd be willing to get their own hooves dirty unless it really means something to them. As for the maids it's possible, but they've probably seen more crazy things than a few bipeds in a giant metal rhino."

"It's not a rhi-" Splash tried to say, but was interrupted by Raptor.

"About the nobles, they wouldn't do it themselves, but you think they could contract someone to kill us?"

"I..." Grape stopped for a few moments. "I know there is ponies out there who will do many things for money, even murder."

Roar spoke aside to Splash. "Pony PMCs man."

Splash snorted. "They better not be PMCs, we already get a bad rep back home, there's a difference between PMC and contract killer."

The man was silent for a few seconds after until he said: "Usually."

Grape was silent, her lips locked into a frown as she thought. After a little while she looked up to the men.

"I'll keep my eyes and ears out," She spoke. "I should get back though, stay safe."

The mare put her beret back on and left the room after taking one glance back. She shut the door behind her.

Raptor sighed, and sat on closest bed, pulling his rifle off and setting it behind him. "I hope this ends soon."

"It'll be fine." Roar said matter-of-factly. "These ponies haven't got anything on us."

There was a knock on the door, and very quickly each of the men's primary weapon was trained on the door when a blue head poked through the door, the owner shocked by the reaction.

"Is it a bad time?" Luna asked.