The Great Moose Census of 1001

by shortskirtsandexplosions


Eight Moose

"Aaaa-aaa-aaauughhht!"

A pony screams bloodily into a flickering helmet cam.

The footage blurs, refocuses, and blurs again.

Equine bodies fly back and forth amidst explosions. The walls of Stalliongrad quake as giant antler'd monstrosities storm their way across the courtyard, knocking bloodied soldiers left and right.

The helmet cam jerks left to see a pegasus being impaled by a moose horn, followed by a vicious punch to the face. "I'm soh-rry, eh?"

The air echoes with the demonic chant, increasing in frequency amidst the blood curdling howls of crushed and disemboweled ponies.

"I'm soh-rry, eh?!"

"I'm soh-rry, eh?!"

"I'm soh-rry, eh?!"

"Aaaa-aaaaughhh!" A mare screams, struggling to pull her insides back into her lacerated belly. "Momma! Mommmmmmaaaaa!"

A howling pony head goes flying past the camera while shattered spinal bits shower the sidewalk.

Huffing and panting, a company of soldiers gallop up to the helmet cam.

"We need backup! There's too many of them!"

"Look out! We're being flanked!"

"Abacuses at the ready!"

"And... COUNT!"

RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

Explosions rattle off in the distance. Brick and mortar fly, and the moose retaliate by flinging the body parts of the fallen straight back at the offensive line.

"Augh! Celestia! Celestia, save us!"

"Their antlers are tooo stronnnnnng!"

"It's a buck hunt, man! A buck hunt!!!"

"They're all over the place! They're coming out of the Celestia-damn walls!"

"They even set traps on Squad Six!"

"How can they set traps! They're animals!"

"Corporal, we're animals!"

"But they're hairier animals!"

"Oh goddess!" A soldier pointed, aiming his smoking clipboard. "They're coming straight for us!"

The helmet cam swivels right in time to see several hairy brown shapes bursting out of the mist, antlers first. "Why, you buds are in the way, don'tchaknowww?"

WH-WHUD! The camera jolts, and then everything splatters red with a gut-wrenching scream. There's the flicker of stomping brown hooves, a sweeping horn, and then the feed goes to snow.

Scrkkkkkkkkkkk!