Sunday August 16, 10:00 P.M.
Pocket Pair was sitting at his computer with his tiny domestic shorthair cat Princess on his lap. He was currently engaged in an intense game of poker, and was hoping to win his first major online texas hold'em poker tournament. He was a tall, thin, 17 year old male with dark blonde hair, white skin, and he was sporting a pair of shorts, glasses, and a poker related shirt that said “I don’t even fold laundry” and which displayed each of the four playing card suits below that statement.
Princess on the other hand was a very small full grown cat who looked more like a kitten than an adult cat, despite being over 10 years old. Her hair was mostly black save for some white patches on her paws, one of her back legs, and in a streak running from her chin down throughout most of her belly, and her fur was very soft, almost like a teddy bear’s. She also tended to meow a lot, but instead of sounding like the traditional meow, when she meowed, it sounded more like “mow ow” than anything.
Pocket Pair was currently second of the two remaining players in the tournament, and was hoping to win more than anything considering he had as of yet never won a sizable tournament before. Op to that point, his last opponent had been pushing him around a lot and winning many hands, but now he had him right where he wanted and was hoping to bait him into bluffing everything so he could take a huge chunk out of him. "Come on you joker," Pocket Pair said as he bet a small amount into his opponent. Bluff raise me. I totally promise I won’t snap you off and stack you…” He then giggled with glee as his opponent went all-in on him as he predicted he would and said "Whoops, I lied!” as he called his all in with his three of a kind. His opponent then showed his cards and he said "Ha, a gut shot straight draw? That's all you have? I got this in the ba…. OH WHAT THE FUCK!" he said as his opponent hit his straight and took the last of his chips, eliminating him in second place.
“NOOO!” he shouted jumping up in a mixture of shock and rage and unintentionally knocking Princess from his lap in the process. “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? A FOUR FRIGGING OUTER NOW OF ALL TIMES? Nice fucking dealing asshole!" he said in rage.
“Mow ow” Princess said shaken up as she got up off the floor.
"Overreacting? I most certainly am not overreacting Princess," Pocket Pair snapped at her. "Did you NOT just see what happened there? I worked hard to get that far and was about to win my first tournament ever. I did everything right and should have had him on the ropes. But do I get rewarded for it? No! Of course not.... Where’s the justice Pokerstars?!....” he concluded with a bitter joke. He then hung his head in shame and said ”I’m such a failure. That was my one chance to make something of myself, to be someone important, to show I could do it despite everyone thinking I can’t… and it’s gone, all gone! … I just suck I guess.
"Mow ow," Princess said.
"Yes I do too suck." Pocket Pair said depressed. "I mean really, what have I accomplished in my life so far? Coming in second in a play money tournament? Wow I’m really important now aren’t I? They’re TOTALLY going to be erecting statues of me in the town park for that now aren’t they?!"
"Mow ow," Princess said.
"Ok, maybe placing second out of a field of 10,000 is SORT OF impressive,” Pocket Pair said, “But sort of doesn’t count for anything in this world, just like almost doesn’t count except with horseshoes and hand grenades.*sigh* and unless I change that somehow, I’ll be hard pressed to succeed at anything. I mean seriously, senior year of high school starts tomorrow, and what do I have to show for myself? I’ve never had real friends, never started a business, never accomplished ANY of my lifelong goals, never had a girlfriend…. Never been laid.” he concluded with a whisper.
“Mow ow?” Princess asked.
“Oh nothing, nothing, I was just thinking to myself.” Pocket Pair replied nervously. “But I digress. I’m a loser Princess, and I haven’t succeeded at anything. I mean heck, the only thing I HAVE succeeded at is convincing everyone how much of a weirdo I am, and it's left me completely alone, without a single friend in the world."
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Ralph and Applejack?" Pocket Pair said doubtfully. “Hehe, I wouldn’t go so far as to call them friends Princess. I mean sure they sit with me at lunch, but that’s probably only because all the other tables are filled up as opposed to genuine desire to be around me. None of them ever actually invite me to do anything outside of school, and considering that I’d be hard pressed to call them anything more than just acquaintances. And in some ways they don’t even qualify as that to be honest. For example, lately all Ralph does is tell me to shut up when I try talk about things which are bothering me instead of actually listening to me and helping me like a real friend would. And while Applejack isn’t an outright asshole like that, lately I keep catching her staring at me and then quickly looking away from me once I look towards her. *sigh*, probably just thinking to herself how much of a weirdo I am, just like everyone else does. Maybe I should just accept the fact that I'll never be accepted..."
He then shook his head in frustration and said "No, I can't do that! Not yet at least! I mean this is senior year we're talking about. The year when anything is possible, at least if all those hollywood movies I’ve watched have any relation to reality. I have to at least try to make something of myself don’t I? …. And I think I know just the thing to do to fix all my problems once and for all, get myself a real live girlfriend this year. Maybe then I won’t feel so alone and friendless all the time anymore, and maybe I can finally know what it’s like to get laid…” he said concluding with a whisper.
"Mow ow?" Princess said.
“Laid, di I say laid...?” Pocket Pair said nervously, “ I meant to say made, as in a made man. Like how they are in the mob…”
“Mow ow,” Princess replied slyly.
“Yes of course it makes sense in this context,” Pocket Pair said trying to bullshit himself out of the situation, “Everyone uses that term when it comes to getting a girlfriend! You do know that RIGHT Princess,” he said turning to her.
“Mow ow…” She started before he cut her off.
“No I am NOT a terrible liar,” Pocket Pair said, “I mean come on, I AM a poker player after all!”
“Mow,” she started before he cut her off again.
“But anyways,” he said changing the subject, “How am I going to go about getting a girlfriend anyways? I mean it’s not like they make stores for girls or anything…”
“Mow ow…” Princess remarked slyly.
“Ok, yes, I guess in a way whorehouses sort of do count as that.” Pocket Pair said exasperated, “But I don’t want a whore, I want a real girlfriend. *sigh* But with the way I am now, what chance do I have to get one? None, that’s what! No, if I want to make this work, I need to go in with a plan, but ugh, where am I going to find one of those this late on a Sunday?” he said looking around in exasperation. However, his panic was soon lost as his eyes then settled on his computer and he said "Of course, I’ll use Google,” while turning to Princess, “They have everything on there, so if I use it I should have no issue finding good advice as to how I should act if I want to get a girlfriend on there.” He then grabbed Princess off the floor, before he then sat down with her in his chair and said "I hope you used the litterbox recently Princess, because I can guarantee we’re in for a long night,” before he reached for his mouse and opened Google chrome on his computer.
Monday August 17, 4:00 AM
“Ugh, what is that,” Pocket Pair’s father said as he noticed light coming into their room. “Rose, did you forget to turn the light off AGAIN?”
“No, it’s probably YOU who forgot to turn the light off, “ Pocket Pair’s mother said, “after all, you’re always playing dice with buddies. You probably fell asleep playing and left the lights on… AGAIN!."
Hey wait," Pocket Pair's dad said getting up out of bed, "That light isn't even coming from our room. It's coming from son's room. Ugh, he probably stayed up playing his stupid poker games again. Doesn't he realize school starts in like three hours?”
“Probably, “his mother said, “but just in case he doesn’t, you make sure to ask him when you go check on him,” she said as she rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.
“What!,” his father said ,” but this time is YOUR turn to check on him!”
"Yeah? Well that deal had a statute of limitations, and I’m afraid it just expired.” she said, before adding. “Trust me, I’m a lawyer.”
“Heh, trusting a lawyer, not isn’t THAT a novel concept, ” his father said getting up in irritation and exiting his room. He then walked down the hall, entered his son's room, and said "what are you doing up at this time of night?"
"Oh, dad,” Pocket Pair said turning to face him nervously, “What a nice surprise, what are you doing up right now? It’s almost 4:20 blaze it in the morning”
“That’s what I’m asking you?” his dad said, “Don’t you have any idea school starts tomorrow, or rather today, considering it’s after midnight.”
“Well of course I am aware that it’s late, it’s just...” Pocket Pair stalled, “ I have this project due in school and I need to finish it."
"Oh, ok, “ he said yawning and leaving the room, before he oled upright and turned around. “Wait a minute, how do you have a project due? School hasn’t even started yet.”
"Oh, well.. You see.” Pocket Pair replied. "It was a summer project, they issued it over the summer and told us to turn it in on the first day of classes."
“Hmmm,” he said scratching his chin.. “oh alright finish your project then. But once you're done you better shut that computer and head right to bed. Got it CALEDON!"
"Ok got it,” he said turning away, before he stiffened and said “hey, I told you, my name isn’t Caledon anymore, it's Pocket Pair!"
"Yeah yeah whatever, " his dad said leaving the room rolling his eyes. "Goodnight Caledon," he said before he mostly closed the door.
"Pocket Pair! POCKET PAIR! I literally just told you that!" Pocket Pair shouted after him in irritation. He then turned around and said, “They never listen, they just never listen, to even a single thing I say!” he said exasperated as he picked the sleeping Princess up off his lap and gently put her on his bed.
“Mow ow,” Princess said being woken up from the transfer.
“Oops, sorry about that.” Pocket Pair said, “I didn't mean to wake you up. Buuutttt now that you are awake, and that i’ve concluded my research, you mind listening to what I've come up with?"
“Mow ow,” Princess said groggily.
“Oh come on, I swear it will only be a couple minutes" Pocket Pair said, before he printed the research, got the printed paper from the printer, and then proceeded to shut off his computer. He then held the papers in front of himself and began reading to Princess. “Ok, here’s what I found. From browsing the stories on sites like yahoo answers, playersoftheyear.net, and bag50anight.com, it appears that the most effective way to get someone to want me is to listen to women, support them, and above all else, especially in the case of popular girls, always tells them they’re right no matter what. And since the girl I want most is VERY popular, I see no reason why I shouldn’t use that strategy with her. So,this year, I am going to blindly agree with everything a person of interest says instead of challenging it or responding weirdly like I normally do when I either disagree with it or it contradicts something I know. That way, everyone will think i’m cool for once, and I FINALLY won’t feel so alone all the time. So what do you think?” he said turning towards Princess.
“Mow ow,” Princess replied rolling her eyes.
“Bad idea? Bad idea! What do you mean it’s a bad idea?” Pocket Pair said annoyed, “ I mean come on, it makes total sense! After all, why WOULDN’T a girl want to be around someone who always agreed with them. They’d never have to get in an argument and would be happy knowing they were always right.
“Mow ow” Princess replied.
“Be myself you say?” Pocket Pair responded, “HA” hw laughed bitterly, “No offense Princess, but that’s just something they “teach” in children’s shows because it masks the harsh truth of the world. In the real world, no one would EVER want me if i acted like myself. They’d just think i’m weird and instantly brush me off!”
“Mow ow,” Princess replied, but was cut off.
“You know what, I’m sorry Princess, but I just know I’m right on this.” Pocket Pair said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to head to the bathroom in the blue man lobby and brush my teeth.” he said as he exited the room and went to the bathroom.
Upon reaching the bathroom, he got out his toothbrush and said “ heh, bad idea? What does she know? This plan is perfect. I mean I got it by summarizing what I found on SEVERAL sites online, and there’s no way all of them can be wrong… right?" He then spit out the toothpaste and said "But still… considering how important this is I GUESS it can't hurt to discuss this with a second party, at least to make sure I don’t give the wrong first impression or didn’t read what the sites had to say incorrectly. Hehe, I guess having acquaintances CAN come in handy after all" he said as he got out his phone and composed a text message that said “need to talk to you tomorrow at lunch. IMPORTANT!” before sending it to both Ralph and Applejack separately.
He then finished brushing his teeth and headed back towards his bedroom before putting his phone on his dresser and then climbing into bed next to Princess.However, before he could get beneath the covers, he was surprised to hear his cellphone vibrate on his dresser indicating a text message. “Odd, who could that be at this time of day?” he said as he picked up his phone and brought up the screen. Much to his surprise, he saw that Applejack had replied to his text message, and he promptly opened the text message and began to read it.
“Howdy! I got your message and responded as soon as I saw it. Everything ok P Pair?” Applejack said.
Pocket Pair, slightly irritated at being delayed from slumber, hit the compose button and typed a message that said “Applejack, what on Earth are you doing up at this time of night?” before he sent it to her.
She quickly responded and said “Well, I’m up because applebloom was having trouble sleeping again. I woke up to her shouting about being virused and when I went to her room I saw she was playing agar.io again. Apparently she thinks her special talent could be being a popular let’s player on youtube. I mean I don’t have an issue with that if it is that, but I certainly hope that doesn’t mean she’ll be a obnoxious as Pewdiepie in a few years… But I digress, what did YOU want to talk about?”
“Ugh,” Pocket Pair said, “I’m so tired...” before he typed in a response that said “I don’t feel like explaining this now. I'm too frigging tired to do it right” And sent it to her. However, before he could even put his head on the pillow and attempt to go to sleep, he received another response from Applejack which caused him to groan and say, "Ugh" before he got up and checked his phone again.
“I know you’re tired,” Applejack said, “but I also get the feeling there’s something that’s bothering you. Won’t you please try and tell me what it is?"
Pocket Pair, not wanting to answer, replied and said "There’s nothing bothering me Applejack, I just need to get some advice about something I’m planning. Goodnight!" before he sent it and turned off his phone. "Frigging Applejack, " he said. "I really don’t know what to think of her! I mean she talks all nice and acts like she cares, but if she really does care then why doesn’t she ever invite me to do anything? I mean people who care about others try to include them in their lives don’t they, and yet she makes virtually no effort to do so. *sigh* I REALLY need to make this girlfriend plan work. I literally can’t take any more of this thing people do where they constantly get my hopes up and then always fall short when the chips go in the middle. So much disappointment, I just can’t take it…” he said yawning…” I just can’t!” he said, before he fell fast asleep just as the first rays of dawn peeked above the eastern horizon.