"I ALWAYS KNEW THAT SOMEDAY I WOULD BE INTERVIEWED!" Fibb monologued, stomping through the careening abode. His meaty talons smashed through furniture and eggshells as he led the two "interviewers" down a short flight of stairs and into a decrepit lounge with flickering electrical lights. "'FIBB, YOU ARE DESTINED FOR GREATNESS!' THOSE ARE THE LAST WORDS MY MOMMA TOLD ME!" His hawkeyes squinted. "OR, WAIT, MAYBE IT WAS 'I CAN'T STOP THE BLEEDING!"
"I'm sure our reading audience will be happy to know that you overcome so much tragedy and adversity to become the most athletic griffon in existence," Gilda said. She glanced aside. "Isn't that right, Miss Pony?"
Rainbow blinked awkwardly. "Uhhhh—"
"Shut up, Miss Pony."
Rainbow growled.
"WHY IS THE SOFT HOOVES HERE ANYWAYS?!" Fibb squawked, shuffling behind a large oak desk... covered in questionable stains. "SHE IS NEITHER AVIAN OR A FOUNDATION!"
"Oh, the pony? Pffft..." Gilda shrugged. "She's here to throw stuff at. Here!" She picked up a random bookend. "Observe!" She tossed it at Rainbow's skull.
Conk! "Owww!" Rainbow hissed, rubbing her head. "Dang it, Gilda!"
"HAH HAH HAH HAH!" Fibb laughed loudly. He yanked up a table lamp with his table. "THAT'S RIGHT, MISS PONY! CATCH!" Swooooosh!
CONK! "Augh!" Rainbow nearly fell over from the shattering impact. "Dammit...!"
"HAH HAH HAH!" Fibb lifted up his entire four hundred pound desk. "CATCH—"
"I think—" Gilda stretched her talons out, smiling through her beak. "...that's enough for now. There's no fun in throwing stuff at a corpse, right?"
"... ... ..." Fibb shrugged. "EH... IF YOU SAY SO." He dropped the desk. THUDDD! Next, the oversized griffon sat at his chair, cracking in half. CRKKK! "SO?! WHERE SHOULD WE BEGIN?!"
"Actually, I was hoping we could conduct this interview in your trophy room," Gilda said, glancing aside at Rainbow while the pegasus rubbed her aching skull. "I think having so many signs of your victory and success shining all around you would make for a mentally stimulating atmosphere, don't you think?"
"HAH! YOU'RE GOOD!" Fibb pointed, then pivoted towards the wall behind him. "IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT FIBB LOVES MORE THAN ANYTHING IT'S STIMULATION!"
"Eheh... well that is..." Gilda glanced aside at Rainbow. "Good to know."
Rainbow merely glared back.
"OH... THERE IS ONE THING."
Rainbow and Gilda looked ahead.
Fibb pivoted back, and he had a suspicious look acrouss his eagle-beak. In his talon, he brandished a silver revolver. "THIRTY YEARS AGO THIS OLD BUZZARD CAME TO ME AND SAID THAT A CRAZY WILD-EYED SCIENTIST AND A KID MIGHT SHOW UP ASKING ABOUT MY TROPHY COLLECTION." Eyes narrowing, he cocked the huge weapon and aimed it at the two. "AND IF THAT EVER HAPPENS..."
Rainbow bit her lip.
"Uhhh..." Gilda gestured. "But... neither of us is a scientist or a kid." She pointed at herself and Dash. "We're just a griffon and a pegasus."
"... ... ..." Fibb blinked. "OH. RIGHT." He tossed the revolver behind him so that it fired off randomly into a wall. BANG! "WELL IN THAT CASE..." He stood up and shuffled towards a painting, then yanked it off its frame. Behind it was a hidden compartment with a numberpad.
Rainbow and Gilda craned their necks to see.
Fibb pressed a green button with his talon.
Zzzzt! The numberpad lit up, and a magic voice crackled through a speaker: "Welcome mister or missus—scrkkkk—'FIBBBBBBBBBB!!!!'—scrkkkk—please enter your access code, followed by the pound sign!"
Fibb headbutted the console repeatedly like a sledgehammer. WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUDDDDD!
The numberpad collapsed completely. The wiring shot out sparks and electrical bolts until a deflated voice automatically vomited: "Accesssss grantuu-uu-uu-uu-uuddddd—scrkkk!"
SCHWISSSH! The doors opened.
"HERE WE GO! OFF TO THE TROPHY ROOM!" Fibb marched in with a gallant smile. "WATCH OUT FOR BATS!"
Gilda and Rainbow followed him from a distance. Through the frame, they could see a large cavern full of glittering crystals: the interior of the tree bough. A faint luminescent revealed a winding platform that led down towards a series of subterranean niches filled with all sorts of glittery objects.
"Well, that wasn't so hard," Gilda said.
"Mmmmff..." Rainbow rubbed her bruised muzzle, then rubbed it again. "Easy for you to say."
"Your stupid Chalice thingy has gotta be down here somewhere."
"Say... why'd you tell him he could throw stuff at me?" Rainbow asked.
"To break the ice, of course," Gilda said. "Somebody has to get him in a good mood. Guess you didn't take that into account when you bugged him earlier."
"I wanna get on his sweet side, not butter his bread!" Rainbow said.
"HEY PONY! CATCH!"
THWUMP! A shrieking bat flew into Rainbow's face.
"GAAAAAH! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!"
"Unnngh... dweeb..."