//------------------------------//
// Back to the Feather, Part II 
// Story: Appledashery 
// by Just Essay 
//------------------------------//

	Rainbow Dash stood at the crooked entrance to Fibb's hideout, struggling with her hooves to open the plastic-wrapped box of saltines.  "Okay... now, just to get this darn thing open..."  She struggled, squirmed, and fussed.  "Grnnngh... dang it..."  Her teeth clenched.  "What's up with this dang thing?!  I only wanna get it open and it's not... n-not..."

Gilda stepped past her, yanking the box out of the pegasus' grip with an agile tail.

"H-hey!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

Without stopping, Gilda sliced the box open with a talon, popped the container open in one paw, then knocked on the front door with the other.

From deep inside:  "WHO THE HELL IS THAT?!  GO ANSWER THE DOOR, GROUSE!  GO SPIT IN THEIR EYE!"

"Yeah, s-sure, boss!  Right away, boss!"

There was a ruffle of feathers.

Grouse appeared, sticking his buzzardy neck out the door.  "Hey!  Poop off!" he hissed through a bruised beak.  "Fibb only has one message for you fruit flies!"  He sucked all the saliva from one side of his mouth and reared his neck back—

Fwomp!  Gilda tossed a cloud of dusty cracker bits all over his avian torso.

Rainbow winced.  "Gilda!  Dude!  That cost me an arm and a—"

"Succulent Saltines!" Gilda called out, squawking between each vowell.  Her voice echoed into the delapidated building's foyer.  "Griffon Stalk's finest!"

"What?!" echoed one of many voices from deep within.

"Crackers?!"

"No friggin' way!"

"SQUAAAWK!"

Grouse spun around, blinking through a curtain of crumbs.  "Huh...?  OH GODDESS NO!"

A flock of wing-flapping groupies flocked all over him, pecking and swiping ravenously for the various specks coating his body.  The emaciated catbird shrieked and hollered, flailing under their repeated beak-strikes.

Rainbow grimaced hard.  Lancie stuck his grinning head out of her saddlebag, and she forcibly shoved him back inside.

"That's right!" Gilda said, her voice taking on an uncharacteristically melodic tone as she tossed more and more cracker bits around the stone lawn of the building.  "Plenty more where that came from!  Peck to your heart's desire!  Just like a day in the park!"

"HEY!" a certain juiced-up voice hollered from deep within the structure.  "WHAT THE HELL GIVES?!  I DIDN'T SAY YOU ALL COULD GO PECKER ON THE WOOD!"  Thud thud thud thud THUD!  Fibb burst out of the building, making a fresh hole beside the front door.  He sneered, his muscular wings covered in plaster and concrete dust.  "GRRRRRR!  HAMBURGERS!"  He tightened the strap of his metal helmet and pounded the ground with two massive lion paws.  "YOU HYPNOTIZED MY POSSE!  EXPLAINNNN!"

"Oboy..." Rainbow gulped, taking a pensive step backwards.  "'Ouch time...'"

Gilda, meanwhile, took a step forwards.  "I don't have an explanation, Mr. Fibb."  Gilda smirked, talking above the loud, staccato pecks of the griffons all around the lawn.  "But, rather, I have an offering!"

"HRNNNNGH—AN OFFERING?!?!"

"Yes."  Gilda curtsied.  "From the Griffonstone Avian Athletic Foundation!"

Rainbow blinked awkwardly at her.

"GRRRRRRRRR!"  Fibb loomed above her, his ruffled chest bursting.  "I TOLD GRAMPS TIME AND TIME AGAIN, I DO NOT ACCEPT SOLICITORS!  DON'T YOU SEE THE SIGN?!"

"Sign?"  Gilda snapped a talon in Rainbow's direction.  "What sign?"

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow glanced at the building.  Next to the entrance hung a round metal illustration of a crossed-out frilled lizard.  Without questioning it, Rainbow yanked the thing off the wall and bucked it over the edge of the platform.

"ARE YOU BLIND?!"  Fibb turned and pointed at the front building face.  "THE SIGN RIGHT OVER..."  His bloodshot hawkeyes twitched.  Snarling, he turned back to the two figures.  "WIZARDRY!  GRAMPS IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!"

He made to storm off, but Gilda casually blocked the mountainous griffon with her body.  "Before you murder your last living relative, Mr. Fibb, I was wondering if you might be interested in an interview."

"I AM ALLERGIC TO INTERVIEWS!"

"Ah, but this is a special kind of interview!"  Gilda winked slyly.  "You see, the Griffonstone Avian Athletic Organization has sent us to find out about all of your heroic exploits!"

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE FROM THE AVIAN ATHLETIC FOUNDATION"

Rainbow winced.

"Ah!  That's a good sign!"  Gilda turned and smiled at Rainbow.  "Very good!  Goddess, I knew we came to the right bird."

"F'NAAAAAA?!"

Gilda turned and poked at his bulging muscles.  "You see, a momentary lapse in memory is a distinct sign of anemic blood flow, which—as every griffon knows—is a direct consequence of you having more bulging muscle tissue than any other living creature on the planet!  Which is precisely why the Organization—not the Foundation—is interested in immortalizing your athletic legacy!"

"EVEN THE FLUFFY MOMENTS?"

"Especially the fluffy moments!"  Gilda's eyes glinted.  "You'll be surprised how many hawkheads and falconnoses out there want someone of secure masculinity to look up to as they raise their hatchlings up to be the new blood of tomorrow!"  She leaned back, folding her arms.  "So... whaddya say, big guy?  You up for inspiring the current generation?"

Silence, save for the cracker-hoarding of the locals.

"HAH!"  Fibb grinned wide, drooling.  "WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?!"  He spun around with a twirl of his lion's tail and marched—THUD THUD THUD—back into the household.  "FOLLOW FIBB INTO THE DUMP THAT GRAMPS BUILT, AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE JERKWAD COMPETITORS I MURDERED!  WITH MUSCLES!"

"I can smell the article of the year cooking already," Gilda said.  Once he was out of sight, however, she performed the mother of all lewd gestures, sneering into the building.

"Whew..." Rainbow exhaled through a brief smile.  "For a second there, I thought I had lost you."

"Stuff it, dweeb," she grumbled, stepping after the fresh trail of debris.  "Stay quiet and stay close."

"I can only promise to do one of those..."  And Rainbow scurried along, hopping over Grouse's groaning body in the process.