Final Boss
A nutritious story by Blank Slate.
All character rights reserved by their owners. All rights to game concept of Halo copyrighted to Bungie.
It was Monday. A plain and simple Monday. A Monday nopony would forget. Five unicorns stood on the same clifftop as they had before. Navy, white, purple, pink, black; the colours of some demented rainbow. Lilac's troop once again had Split Screen boxed in against the sheer face of the cliff, but he was not worried. The others held to their truce.
"So, Laser Lilac..." The croaking voice began, "How do you intend to beat me? I know now what each of you is capable of. Shall we go in duels, two-on-one? Will you all just blast me from this cliff? Under the current rules, you each get one life, same as me, correct?"
"Correct"
"You'll wish you had more, Lilac."
"How sure of yourself are you?"
"I'm positively positive that I could kill each of you twice before you can finish me once. It's a veritable one-on-four fight right now. I've beaten you with worse odds against me."
Aegis' chat icon appeared on their screens. "Twiley, Split Screen, can we just get on with it? I mean, I like the dramatic meeting between the generals as much as the next guy, but really, aren't we just here to zap each other?"
The two commanders stopped talking. A stern female voice took over. "Indeed, this game must not be delayed any further, lest we grow further bored and leave!" Split Screen gave his signature barking laugh. "Are you really bored, Your Highness? Or are you scared? I walked right into your faceplate and slashed you. And you just stood there and accepted it. Soundwave did much the same, but at least she had the guts to continue fight-"
Split Screen was knocked from the cliff onto the same rock as before by NightMare's auxiliary spell. A derisive laugh met her as she leapt down to fight him, hoof-to-hoof. "Really? You break a truce because you're scared? Let's see how you do without your teammates failing to watch your rear."
Lilac stepped in front of her other two comrades, barring them from joining NightMare. "Sorry, guys, but she has to do this alone. We can kill Split Screen after. Hey, I've got an idea... Make sure Split Screen and Luna keep fighting, and take her place if you need to. I'll go track down some good killer spells."
"Roger."
"Yes, ma'am."
Aegis and Balloonatic stood on the cliffside, watching NightMare Moon's attacks fail. Every Rapid-fire Round was dodged with Split Screen's unnatural grace, and every lull in the spellstorm punctualized by a buck to the faceplate, destroying the navy mare's shield but never killing. In the dark tower of Canterlot Castle, Luna's wrath once more manifested as dark clouds, booming thunder at volumes that shook the headset clean off Shining Armor. Resetting it, he glanced over his shoulder to the trembling ceiling. "Yeesh, she'd better not kill me, or she's playing alone next time. Obviously."
Laser Lilac had run off to the northern corners of the map, well-known breeding grounds for prime spellbooks. Glancing down from a high perch, she took note of what she saw. Caches of pamphlets under an overhang to the side. Two indigo spell tomes hovering in place near a crashed purple flying machine. Nothing of any value to anypony. Twilight complained to nopony in particular and dashed off to another vantage point, dropping a lavender speaker onto Aegis' screen.
"Hey, Shiny, how's she holding up?"
"It's awful, Commander. Split Screen's playing off of NightMare's gamer rage. I swear, he's laughing his head off! Every spell she fires, he just hops out of the way and kicks her again. He's, he's just toying with her... She's the second greatest gamer in Equestria, and he's using her as a plaything. I think the Doctor was right, maybe we are getting overworked about a game." Twilight adjusted her mic to speak, but whatever she was about to say was drowned out by Balloonatic.
"Commander! Yellow book, on your six!"
Lilac spun in a neat half-circle. Sure enough, the yellow book floated on a precarious ledge. The lavender mare immediately ran for it, knowing the advantage it would hold. The Unmentionable spell- A high capacity, long-range, pony-tracking, overpowered explosive with immense anti-shield properties. Even Split Screen couldn't stand a chance against a direct blast from this, the mother of all things destructive. In the real world, Twilight had to suppress an urge to squeak with joy at how Celestia herself seemed to be giving her the golden ticket necessary to take down the black stallion.
Over on the opposite end of the field, NightMare was up to her final gambit. All spells were drained. All auxiliaries were already thrown. She had no tertiary spells in reserve. As Split Screen's horn grew into the infamous forked shape of the Laser Horn spell, she threw her wildcard. Split Screen's entire shield went down as NightMare died, slashed through mid-kick. Split Screen threw a Jump-Pad scroll beneath himself, rocketing him into the air as a hail of spellfire struck the position he had occupied not half a second earlier.
Split Screen's controlling pony let out a sigh of relief, one everypony besides Luna could hear. "Balloonatic, Aegis, what happened?"
"Lilac, NightMare's down, but we have S.S. on the run! We've struck him a few times, and his shield's totally gone. We're gonna win this thing!" A tink noise followed Shining Armor's comment, the unmistakable sound of a fireball pamphlet bouncing off a flat surface. A second later, all was fire as the auxiliary detonated, scathing Aegis and Balloonatic as they passed and damaging their shields. With both screens on fire, neither saw the shaft of orange light erupting from the black stallion's horn. The Bird's Eye fired, striking Balloonatic right in the middle of the blue balloon on her rear. Her shield crumpled, she fired off a few more Critical Crystal rounds and a jelly-bomb for good measure.
When their shields replenished and the virtual inferno had calmed, there were no corpses, nor any sign of the stallion in black.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Spike, what's going on?"
"Look!"
The remaining seven fighters of Lilac's former regiment all crowded around Spike's TV. The small dragonling had found a way of watching all that happened from a third-person angle above Lilac's right pauldron. The lavender mare was dashing around from cover to cover, constantly making her way up to higher ground before zooming in for a second, scouting, and moving on to a new post. Rainbow Dash had no idea what was happening.
"What's that featherbrained egghead think she's doing? Split Screen's over near Aegis and Balloonatic, and- Can we stop using our tags when we're not playing?"
Six ponies and a dragon nodded consent. "Thanks. Now, what's happening? Why isn't she tracking Split Screen down with the others?" Spike reached for a bag of marshmallows hidden inside his favourite chair, slowly roasting them for the others to enjoy. "Twilight got herself an Unmnetionable, and now, she's trying to snipe Split Screen with it!" The seven equines each raised a hoof in support, cheering her username inspiringly. "Laser! Lilac! Laser! Lilac!"
Downstairs, Twilight shrugged off her headset. "Would you all please stop that!? I'm trying to- How'd you even get in here!? Spike!" A hatch put in the ceiling next to a collapsible ladder opened up. "Yeah?"
"You let ponies in without even asking me!"
"They're your fans! Well, they were cheering for Pinkie Pie when I brought them up, but nevermind that."
Twilight began an eloquent rebuttal when her game blipped the familiar blip of a chat screen. The speaker was the colour of moonless midnight.
"Commander Lilac, you shouldn't leave your avatar unattended for even a second against a master like myself." She panicked, immediately jabbing at her controller and escaping Split Screen's spell with only a half-damaged shield. The creaking voice cut into her newly remounted headphones, "Next time, you'll get no warnings. Now, keep your head in the game." The chat cut off and Twilight's shield began re-energizing. The studious mare shook her head and doubled her focus, moving in zigzags to confuse any would-be assassins. She weaved around trees, slithered over stones, and hopped over the broken machinery present on every map until she saw it.
Atop a nigh unscalable cliff was a pillbox-style gunnery, perfectly hidden from view unless you knew where to look. Glancing around for the intimidating equine in the black armor, she began her arduous trek to sniping heaven.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Balloonatic's crystal spell was beginning to anger Split Screen. Every few seconds, one of the pink projectiles would thud into the forcefield that invisibly cloaked his armor, keeping it from refilling. Currently, the bar was only half-full, and Aegis' pursuit made standing and fighting an invalid option. Split Screen's player sighed dejectedly. All he wanted was a fun match without anypony believing they could kill him. Was that too much to ask? The left control stalk swivelled in place and a Bird's Eye was fired after only a split second of aiming, catching Aegis on the bottom of a hoof.
His aim is slipping... Aegis thought as he continued corralling Split Screen around Balloonatic's upraised position. The pink pony spun around, following Split Screen with a barrage of the deadly pink crystals, dying for the chance to watch him detonate. An auxiliary fireball was launched her way as she released the firing button, grazing the side of her helmet and reducing her shields to fifteen percent. Split Screen knew she had taken damage from the attack, quickly plotting out his scheme.
Three things occurred at once. Split Screen stopped his running, turning to face Balloonatic regardless of the crystals approaching his faceplate and the white stallion charging from behind. His horn began glowing orange, and the very tip of a beam of light began to shoot forth. And, unexpected to the dueling duo, Aegis had chosen that moment to leap and run Split Screen through. The orange blast connected with the white unicorn's skull, slaying him in mid-leap. His corpse, already bleeding, was desecrated further as it fell in the path of Balloonatic's salvo. Both surviving ponies gasped at Aegis' unfortunate timing.
"Wow! Tough break there, Pinkie; I nearly gave you the honour of dying by my hooves! Looks like the captain there got first dibs."
"Ugh, would you just be quiet and play? You're like a big bragging braggy-pants; you don't have a team because they can't stand your bragging, not because you're too good!" This struck a hidden nerve with Split Screen, who unloaded three more spells at Balloonatic, each missing widely. "You shut up! I am Split Screen, the most excellent equine gamer to ever touch a controller! They couldn't handle their jealousy at my raw skill! I've never been killed, I never fail, and I never miss!" The irony of the situation dawned on Split Screen's player, and his croaking voice quieted some. "Oh... hay..."
Pinkie Pie was laughing in the real world as the deadliest sniper missed humiliatingly. "Nuh-uh! You just missed me three times! Whoop!" She barely crouched in time to dodge the next beam, angering Split Screen further. "Run, you pink airhead, run!" Split Screen leapt up to her position, his horn switching from orange to white light, a forked blade appearing with an electric crashing noise. Pinkie took the hint and sped away, the ground behind her flaring up with auxilary spells of every variety.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Laser Lilac slipped off the nearly invisible ledge for a third time. She'd heard of this place before, even been killed from it twice, but she had no idea of how the pony snipers made their way into the pillbox at the top of the mountain. She'd scaled the craggy faces of the cliff, ascended the hidden ladder, and even traversed a series of wafer-thin girders to get to the forty-five degree ledge. Each time she jumped, her unicorn avatar would slide back down, but she persevered. Upon the surmounting of this obstacle, she immediately came under auto-turret fire. "Oh, come on!" She shouted, to nopony in particular, before running under the crystal obelisk.
With nopony in the crystalline turret's aiming field, its spells stopped firing and the device whirred to a calm, giving Twilight the freedom to skulk over to the pillbox. She swapped spells to the classic Rapid-fire Round, spraying the floor with flashes of green light. Sure enough, three PA-Mine spells exploded, traps doubtlessly laid by the saturnine sniper. Satisfied with her work, Twilight took a position at the concrete bunker's aiming slot, zooming in on the warring unicorns below.
Laser Horn spells clashed as Baloonatic and Split Screen battled their bout. Every thrust was met with a parry, every blow riposted by the other's humming horn. The deflective nature of a Laser Horn fight kept both ponies at full forcefield strength, but in truth, each would have scored a century of kills by this point. The pink mare swept past a poorly timed swipe from Split Screen's horn, kicking him upside the head and leaping to the side opposite Twilight's position. A tiny lavender triangle notified Balloonatic where her C.O. was perched, giving her an idea for a perfect takedown, not to mention a dramatic conclusion to the brief but exciting battle.
"C'mon, Splitty! Surely one little baker isn't that hard for the best gamer in Equestria!" Split Screen was furious now, brandishing his horn and charging with a menacing cry towards Balloonatic. Pinkie giggled, opening the chat menu as the black stallion rushed her. "Commander Lilac? Put 'im down!"
Split Screen, however, was no fool. The pink speaker had appeared on his screen too, warning him of a sneak attack. He considered his positioning on his mental map. He was on the western valley's peak, not too far from the river. There were three good sniper nests around, but two were down by the river a good eighty metres below. This left the pillbox. Split Screen knew he couldn't dodge an attack from such a point with a mere jump.
What happened next was spoken of by Haylo players for months afterward.
The lightly armored stallion continued his charge, derailing Pinkie's plan, which called for him to turn and dodge Lilac's attack, exposing himself to a thrust from the pink mare's horn. Instead, he kept running, throwing a plain explosive pamphlet underneath the shocked pony's hooves. Split Screen leapt above her, the resultingexplosion catapulting both himself and Balloonatic's mangled body into the air, where the surviving battler took a shot in a quadrillion.
Without aiming, he spun in the air and fired off his third-to-last Bird's Eye round before closing his eyes as Twilight's seeking Unmentionable cast approached.
Twilight was pleased with herself. Although she was all alone in killing Split Screen, she had done it. The overpowered ball of yellow light was on its way to Split Screen's face, and the airborne stallion had no way to d-
"BOOM HEADSHOT!"
A ray of orange light ran clean through Lilac's head and out into the back wall of the pillbox. With the last of her team dead, the game concluded fifteen milliseconds before Split Screen was destroyed. Barking laughter boomed into her headset; with the game officially over before the fatal blast blew the stallion apart, the kill did not count. Split Screen's kill total was still, by the rules, absolutely zero. The final scores appeared on everypony's screen, showing Split Screen victorious with his out-of-left-field explosive-jumping no-scoper headshot. Twilight shrugged and took a calm breath, activating a chat with Split Screen.
"I'M GOING TO BURN YOUR FAMILY TO DEATH FOR THAT, YOU MOTHERBUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE!"
Split Screen just laughed, the last sound he heard from Twilight being that of an XBUCKS console flying through a television set.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Two miles away, Split Screen's player rest the controller on the floor. A wistful sigh in the same croaking voice. A crick of the neck, a flick of the hooves before more hoarse laughter. The grand finale, it was true, had terrified Split Screen, but somehow, the spell made its mark. Another peal of barking laughter. Split Screen's very first death, totally cancelled by fifteen milliseconds of luck. The record remained as being totally smudge free. And the four most skilled ponies, to the exclusion of Bubble Beat A.K.A. Soarin', were thoroughly routed. The creaking laugh resounded around the house once more, slowly fading from a wizened bass tone to a girlish giggle. A lone hoof landed on a set of lips in thought.
"Whoopsie! Poison Joke must be wearin' off!"
Derpy Hooves took another of her favourite blue flower from a box by her side, eating one of the petals. Her slightly slowed, filly-like speech pattern became that of a grizzled old stallion due to the toxin running through her larynx. Her giggle became a haunting, croaking bark as she turned herself back towards her XBUCKS. The two televisions set at either side of the room lined up perfectly with her off-centre eyes, leading to her trademark tag.
"Hey, ponies, know what time it is?" She chanted to herself before joining a random group forming for a multipony game.
"It's Slayer time!"
FIN