n fanfic want to kill me?!" Twilight screamed as she and her friends ran into a deeper part of the cave."Quickly! Abandon the mine and blow the place up!" Rover announced to all of the workers, causing everyone to be thrown into a panic. "We need to kill Twilight Sparkle and her friends so that we can become the main characters!"
"Why does everyone in this goddn fanfic want to kill me?!" Twilight screamed as she and her friends ran into a deeper part of the cave.
"Shut up! It's the writer's decision, not ours!" Rover explained as he and his crew took their way out of the mine.
"By the way, won't this just seal our fates and doom us to be destroyed by a mine that's supposed to cave in but doesn't until we think they were bluffing?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"That, or just lead us to even more racist stereotypes," Twilight shrugged. "One or the other..."
"Alright then, everyone place yer bets," Applejack said as the group wandered further and further down into the caves they had selected. "Are we gonna meet our end, or are we gonna run into some more racists along this path?"
"My money's on racists," Twilight said briefly. "What about you, girls?"
"Racists." Rainbow Dash said next.
"Death." Cadence spoke next.
"Racists." Applejack added.
"Racists." Pinkie Pie was last.
Suddenly, the group arrived at a massive room with chinese symbols engraved on the walls, ceiling, and floor. There was another Duel Ponies arena, but this one had four podiums. Two for the red side, and two for the blue side.
"Ni hao ma!" an asian man wearing an orange suit leapt down onto the ground in front of the group. He was bald and had a japanese symbol engraved on his forehead.
"Konnichiwa!" a second asian man appeared, but with a different look. He was also bald, but dressed in green, and had a different symbol emblazoned on his forehead.
The two asian men performed acrobatic tricks the likes of which could not be performed by any of the girls, even if they tried. It all ended with the two men landing next to each other and staring at Twilight and her friends.
"Greetings to you, Twilight and friends." the man in the orange coat started.
"This is where your journey ends." the green one said to carry on what his partner had said.
"I am Para, and he is Dox." Para smiled.
"And you are going home in a box!" Dox finished whilst swinging his hand like a knife.
"Seriously?!" Twilight face-palmed. "Just throwing the actual Para and Dox in this fanfic?! That's got to be the most uncreative and unoriginal idea the writer's ever had..." Twilight looked up. "SHADOWMANE! WE'RE HAVING A FIELD DAY ON EQG-ING CHARACTERS TOMORROW!"
"Who are you talking to?" Cadence asked, seeing Twilight had craned her neck skyward.
*Sod it. You know what to put here...*
PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES
"When I find Steven Magnet, I'm going to make him pay for capturing Fuchsia and Lavender," Trixie spoke to herself. "Though, in their defence, they're both Mokuba in this fic, so it's totally justified..."
"YEAH! I'm gonna get ya, Trixie!" Bulk Biceps emerged from one of the trees and charged at Trixie, before being immediately tripped up and knocked onto his head. "Ouch! My raging biceps..."
"Ahh, you seem like the kind of person who knows about how to get inside Magnet's castle," Trixie held Bulk up by his neck in a choking fashion. "Now talk! Don't make me have to go all Batman on your ass..."
"Alright, alright!" Bulk said, scrambling for breath as he felt Trixie tightening her grip. "I'll take you straight through his defences, just let me down!"
"Interrogation classes," Trixie smiled as she put Bulk down and let him catch his breath. Once he had, she and him began their walk towards the castle. "Best $30 I ever spent..."
"Long have we waited for you, Twilight." Para started a rhyme.
"Steven Magnget and you have a plight." Dox added.
"You must defeat us to get to his castle." Para activated the four-way arena.
"Lose, and your Star Chips go up your ahole." Dox finished.
"Women don't have assholes, they have vaginas and anuses," Yami Twilight said as she quickly took control over Twilight's body. "Just watch South Park, then you'll learn..."
"It was easier to rhyme that way." Para told Twilight.
"But enough about that. Now you two play!" Dox finished for him.
"Rainbow Dash, I hope you know how a Duel Ponies Tag Duel works..." Yami Twilight looked over at Rainbow Dash.
"You mean the kind of duel that no-one likes because it takes even longer to draw the cards you want?" Rainbow Dash asked as she shrugged her shoulders.
"Yes... that game..." Yami Twilight was accompanied by a thunderbolt out of nowhere. "To think that every Tag Force game on the PSP has this horrible excuse for a duel mode..."
"By the way, doesn't Zecora rhyme in Friendship is Magic? Why not have her here instead?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"The writer gave her a better role." said Para.
"One who makes the story whole." Dox added.
"She rhymes not in this, but she still tells the story." Para went on.
"Even if it's edited for being too gory..." Dox ended.
"So basically, Zecora was cast as Shadi?" Yami Twilight asked.
"Yes." both Para and Dox said together.
"Well, it kinda makes sense..." Rainbow Dash began to speak. "Both Zecora and Shadi are known for being a Deus Ex Machina in explaining the conflict or speaking in prophetic ways. And yes, Zecora does rhyme, but Shadi doesn't. Though, Wacarb didn't make Zecora rhyme in Ultra Fast Pony either..."
"Oh, I guess that makes sense..." Twilight accepted.
"You know, Mr Magnet doesn't use this entrance much," Bulk Biceps opened up a door to a hangar which had been overrun with leaves and ivy where the silver once laid. "He says that airships are so 'unfabulous' and don't go with his attitude..."
"Well, he's gay. Of course he wouldn't like airships," Trixie deadpanned as she and Bulk walked through the hangar towards another door. "Come to think of it, people who are afraid of heights wouldn't like airships either. Especially not the ones with see-through glass floors..."
"So, why did you come here anyway, Trixie?" Bulk asked as they walked out of then hangar and into a more metallic corridor. "It's not every day that the owner of Lulamoon Inc. comes to Mr Magnet's private island out in the Bermuda Triangle for affairs."
"I'm here because that pansy ahole captured Fuchsia Blush and Lavender Lace," Trixie explained. "Oh, and I'm here to expose him for the big fat cheater that he is because he uses some OP Left Eye of Darkness or something..."
"Yeah," Bulk Biceps sighed. "You know, he almost died stealing that eye from a witch from what I heard. Interesting how a simple gay man can defeat a sexy woman with four handguns and rip out her left eye in a brutal fashion..."
"You cannot defeat us, Twilight and Dash." Para started another rhyme.
"Our Gate Guardian will make you crash." Dox went on.
"Surrender now, or lose your swag." said Para
"It's not a hard choice, just wave the white flag." Dox finished.
"Rainbow Dash, we need to gang up on these creeps." Yami Twilight conversed with her partner.
"I've got a combo that never sleeps." Rainbow Dash started rhyming.
"Oh no! It seems we're rhyming as well!" Yami Twilight rhymed.
"Well, this fanfic just went to hell..." Applejack said.
"We can't go back home, we need to win!" Twilight slammed her fist onto her podium.
"And toss these asians in the bin!" Rainbow Dash growled.
"Now we're together, and our friendship is strong!" Yami and Rainbow Dash said together. "So prepare, Para and Dox, to be proved wrong!"
"This rhyming episode can kiss our asses..." Cadence declared.
"Well, it appeals to Shadowmane's masses." Para and Dox silenced Cadence.
"So, do you know where the prison cells are, Bulk?" Trixie asked as the two of them stopped in the middle of a stone-filled hallway.
"You fell right into my trap, Trixie! YEAH!" Bulk declared as he stomped on a tile, causing the room to become washed in red lights and deafened with an alarm. "Mr Magnet knew you'd try and interrogate me, so he devised this clever trap to kill you before you could make it to your little sisters!" the rest of the corridor was now filled with traps, as well as the walls beginning to close in on each other. "I hope you've done this sort of thing before..."
"Oh cp, I knew I should have spent the other $70 dollars on those Ninja classes..." Trixie said to herself as she threw herself into the traps, narrowly evading most of the obstacles in her path.
"I play the totally convenient Swap card! Causing the position of my Dark Starswirl, and Rainbow Dash's Deathwing to change places!" Twilight said as her monster switched places with Rainbow Dash's in a powerful burst of red and blue light. "Which would be totally inefficient for the actual Yu-Gi-Oh! card game..."
"Prepare yourselves, Paradox Brothers, because it's time for the Cataclysm!" Rainbow Dash fist pumped as Deathwing flew towards the Gate Guardian and buried it's claws into it. Then, all of a sudden, the monster was consumed in lava, cracked into pieces, and exploded in a volcanic eruption.
"Beaten by a W.O.W. joke..." Para kneeled down in defeat.
"Screw it, brother, pass me the toke..." Dox sighed as he took his deck off of the podium.
"That's all ten Star Chips!" Rainbow Dash jumped up and down as she plucked her winnings off of Para and Dox's gauntlets. "And since you have ten Star Chips, and I have ten Star Chips, you know what that means..."
"SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME FINALIST PARTY AT MAGNET'S CASTLE!" Twilight and Rainbow Dash cheered and jumped into the air in victory.
"This is it... the last trap of the corridor..." Trixie said to herself as she saw a bunch of laser pointers making a makeshift web to block Trixie from reaching the end of the corridor. "Now's the time to use the one tool I know for escaping situations like this..." she pulled out a black ball from her pocket and focused on where she was going to throw it. "Smoke bomb, go!"
Trixie threw the ball, creating a shroud of smoke through which she nimbly slipped through the lasers, preventing her from being shot. She landed on the other side of the doorway on her left knee with both of her hands raised towards the sides in victory. The walls slammed together, and Trixie fist-pumped in satisfaction.
"Trixie! You came to rescue us!" Fuchsia said as she and Lavender walked towards the black bars of their prison cell. They were both chained to the floor in massive cuffs, but they remained the same as when they had been captured.
"Well, why wouldn't I?" Trixie said smugly. "I'm Trixie Lulamoon, and I always look after myself, and everyone else related to my bloodline..."
"Hello again, Trixie. Man, you just keep coming back for more..." Steven coyed as he approached Trixie.
"Steven Magnet, I'm going to expose you for the dirty fraud that you always were and will be..." Trixie gritted her teeth and balled her hands into fists.
"And then you'll take us home, Trixie?" Lavender asked.
"Shut up, Lavender," Trixie said gruffly. "Mama's having the conversation with the big, bad meanie..."
"OK..." Lavender looked at the ground.
"By the way, Trixie, this eye does much more than see the future..." Steven smiled as his left eye flashed a foreboding shade of red. "Take a look at this!"
Both Fuchsia and Lavender writhed and wriggled in pain as they were engulfed in blood-red auras. They let out screams as the colours intensified, then fainted when Magnet thought they had suffered enough.
In Magnet's two hands, miniature plastic dolls of Fuchsia Blush and Lavender Lace appeared in his hands. They were almost the same as the real things, but their hairs could be shaped in any way he desired, and they had their Cutie Marks on their cheeks.
"I've found a way to turn Fuchsia and Lavender into rare Equestria Girls dolls that will never be released to the public," Steven Magnet explained. "And if these dollies aren't returned to the original owners, then your two girls will remain drooling vegetables forever..." he pointed towards the cage where both Fuchsia and Lavender got back up, but their eyes had been crossed and they were drooling like infants.
"No! Please! I'll do anything to get my two little girls back!" Trixie begged and pleaded as she got down to her knees.
"If you'll do anything, then I shall only ask one thing of you," Steven got Trixie to stand back up and listen to him. "You must simply defeat Twilight Sparkle in a duel. That's all. Win, and I'll give you your two little sisters back. But lose, and you become a baby-minded vegetable with your real personality stuffed inside a doll forever as well..."
"Seriously, that's it?!" Trixie felt thunderstruck. "I was trying to propose that to you from the moment I got on this island!"
"Well, your way would have been filled with boring paperwork and signing of paper," Steven responded. "This way is so much fun! And if you lose, I'll have three more dolls to play with, and three additional brain-dead stooges to toss into the middle of the sea, never to see the light of day as they try to figure out how to swim and survive in the middle of the ocean..."
Trixie growled, but reluctantly accepted. "Fine then, Steven Magnet. You've got yourself a deal. I'll defeat Twilight Sparkle, but I'll feel bad about being a mercenary for doing so..."
"And I'll pay you $3 billion if you win against her..." Steven singsonged.
"Screw the remorse, I'm definitely in!" Trixie smiled as she shook Steven's hand, making him grin evilly.
PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES
[Just because Photo Finish and her band from Rainbow Rocks can become dolls for children to play with, that doesn't mean that Trixie, Fuchsia, and Lavender should be left out on all the fun...]
[I was so close to putting this chapter out tomorrow instead of today. In fact, it's 11:59 PM for me now...]