Mariecopa: August 2028
“You’re listening to KKOP, Mareicopa’s premier talk radio station, owned by Tiara Media. Now for Minotaur Talk.“
A heavy metal guitar intro played through the speakers, shaking Pumpkin Cake’s desk.
A deep, gravelly voice said, “Welcome to Minotalk, I’m Iron Will. Two weeks ago, the mooching, jobless parasites of Equestria conducted a coup against the Princesses. Now, their parliament is bullying us. But Iron Will will help the exceptional, assertive citizens of Equestria through it. When somepony pushes you around, don’t take it lying down!”
Pumpkin Cake smiled as Iron Will said this. The last two weeks since the revolution in Manehattan had been exhaustingly stressful. The only things keeping her going were powerful doses of want-it, need-it every morning, talking to her friends like Vinyl Scratch, Nurse Redheart, and Walkabout… and, of course, listening to Minotaur Talk.
Iron Will was an energetic, passionate talk show host who dispensed practical life advice on his program just as much as he talked politics. He was angry when required, and motivating or upbeat when required. His main mission was developing successful, exceptional ponies though a life philosophy called Assertivism. Iron Will was one of Pumpkin’s few heroes. He reminded her of Pound Cake… that is, if Pound had ever actually built anything in his life. Both men definitely had ardor, though.
Iron Will continued, “Like tapeworms, these parasites have infected the body politic. Their puppets in parliament have given them executive positions. They have no qualifications; look at their flimsy resumes! Rainbow Dash is interim president. What’s her experience? Former Element of Loyalty? Don’t make Iron Will laugh! Where’s her loyalty to law and order in Manehattan, where seventeen cops were killed and shops were destroyed? Dash has appointed a cabal for a ‘cabinet.’ There’s interim Vice President Pound Cake. Iron Will admired the kid’s guts during the war, but he’s eighteen. Is this a government or a fraternity? Next month they’ll try to resolve the Cycles Crisis. Other countries will laugh at Equestria!”
Since the alicorns had fled, the sun and moon had still moved. Nations had hastily signed an international treaty so that the Second Duchy would do it temporarily. Given the Second Kingdom’s prior troublemaking, though, the world was hesitant to give them the job permanently. President Fancy Pants and Duchess Sparkler also were hesitant. Raising the celestial bodies everyday was taxing for unicorn team; centuries of doing the task had eventually killed even Princess Celestia herself. Thus, the treaty would expire by December. Tensions were high, and Pumpkin only hoped that Pound wasn’t assassinated. Despite all the chaos that he had wrought, she still loved her brother.
Iron Will said, “Fluttershy is promoted to the Environmental Department minister. Her regulations will become far worse. Our economy will stink forever!”
Back during Pumpkin’s prospecting days, Rarity had told her all about Fluttershy’s red tape.
Iron Will said, “Doctor Stable is interim health minister. His only qualifications are authoring a bunch of junk science papers and studies. With his medical board, he put onerous rules and regs on Equestrian doctors. Now this fascist wants to run your healthcare!” he shouted.
Pumpkin’s heart skipped a beat. If Doctor Stable wanted, he could cripple her business. In just two weeks, he’d already levied a soda sin tax, banned trans-fats from food, and banned smoking in bars and restaurants. He could similarly ban foal farms, just because he had some anti-foal farm ‘study.’ Pumpkin had followed the money. Those studies were all commissioned by doctors who had lost business to Phase Healing.
Oh, yeah, definitely no conflict of interest there, she thought. Did the EFA only oppose corruption when it suited them to? How were crooked bureaucrats any better than crooked oligarchs? Unlike government, at least ponies could boycott businesses. If ponies didn’t like greasy spoons, smoky bars, or foal farms, couldn’t they just go someplace else?
Iron Will continued, “We have a so-called ‘Minister of Equality’ now: Starlight Glimmer. Until two weeks ago, she was a wanted criminal for inciting riots, and now Dash gave her this job. She’s an insane cult leader! The Equals are bloodsucking lampreys who think that ‘equal’ means draining ponies’ special talents...”
Pumpkin seethed with rage. Professor Fossil hadn’t been the same since Starlight Glimmer had stolen his cutie mark. He’d had to resign from teaching. He’d lost his jovial good nature, his lust for life. And now, the monster who crippled him had a key cabinet position! Had Glimmer’s ominous message not worried Pumpkin that her own mark might be stolen, she would’ve already assassinated Glimmer and retrieved Fossil’s mark.
“...will enforce the newly enacted Equality Act, which mandates that employers hire and compensate without regard to species, race, creed, or cutie mark. Under the law, any employer whose racial or species makeup doesn’t match the general population is subject to penalties. That’s no joke, friends!”
Pumpkin sighed. Phase Healing’s dozens of employees were overwhelmingly equine, with a few zebras. She employed a token donkey janitor or two, but that wouldn’t be enough to please Starlight Glimmer.
Iron Will continued, “Who would you rather have fix your car, a pony with a wrench cutie mark, whose destiny is to fix cars, or an unqualified cow? If you don’t have quality, you can’t have equality. And you Encampment losers, don’t call me speciesist. Iron Will is a markless minotaur, who grew up in a poor, crime-ridden labyrinth, but Iron Will has been successful by working hard and not waiting for a handout!”
Pumpkin nodded. Did Dash’s cabal seriously expect her to hire farm animals with no medical knowledge to be healthcare professionals? Sure, if their qualifications were good, she would hire anyone of any species, but she’d yet to meet a farm animal doctor or nurse. The thick Equality Act sat on Pumpkin’s desk. It was nightmarishly-long, with complex passages about quotas, percentages, affirmations, agressions, transgressions, microaggressions, and privilege. Even Pumpkin’s lawyer could barely understand it. How was this written and passed so quickly? Did parliament even read the bills they voted for?
“We’ll be right back!”
A commercial break played, giving Pumpkin time to get some food. Ever since the thugs had burned her Manehattan clinic down, her east coast trips with Walkabout were made a lot shorter, so she now took a full hour for lunch. She’d need every minute of it. She frequently spent her ‘lunch’ just trying to keep updated about the new laws. Her lobbyists had gone to Manehattan, but they’d been scoffed at and called ‘crony fatcats.’ Maybe a letter to Pound Cake would help.
Manehattan
Rainbow Dash, Pound Cake, Doctor Stable, Raindrops, Fluttershy, Organized Labor, Big Macintosh, Lyra & Bon Bon, Featherweight, and Starlight Glimmer sat around a table in the Presidential Palace, formerly Royal Palace.
“My cabinet meeting is started,” said Interim President Rainbow Dash. “Thanks for coming, everypony.”
Starlight Glimmer sighed. “Everypony? Must you use such species-exclusionary language, President Dash? What’s wrong with ‘everybody?’”
Rainbow blushed. “Sorry, old habits, I guess ‘cause everyone in here is a pony. Where’s Jolly Doodle Donkey, by the way? He’s supposed to talk about the roads.”
Starlight Glimmer said, “The Transportation Minister’s name is simply ‘Jolly Doodle,’ with no ‘Donkey.’ I don’t call you ‘Rainbow Dash Pony,’ do I? That’s speciesist and offensive. Jolly is conducting some business; he sends his best regards.”
Pound Cake grimaced. He disagreed with almost everything in Pumpkin Cake’s recent letter, but agreed that Starlight Glimmer and Jolly Doodle had no place in the cabinet. Rainbow was rewarding the Equals’ fierce loyalty to the Revolution with cabinet appointments, but that could only take them so far. Only four percent of Encampment participants had been Equals. Why were two of the twelve cabinet spaces occupied by Equals: Glimmer and Doodle? That was sixteen percent, and didn’t seem fair to Pound.
Plus, ever since Glimmer had taken cutie marks involuntarily during the protests, and the Equals had used shotguns, Pound Cake realized that the Equals were unstable. Hopefully, in the November elections, interim-President Rainbow Dash would be elected as actual president. Then, Rainbow would make her cabinet represent the parties who’d gotten the most votes. He doubted that the Equality Party would score over five percent.
“Um, Minister Glimmer, if you don’t mind, I was going to speak about the environment. I’d really like to talk…”
“Yeah, Fluttershy hasn’t gotten her turn,” said Pound Cake, frowning. “Don’t hog all the air in the room, Minister Glimmer.”
“That’s my job!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. Everypony laughed.
“Anyway,” said Fluttershy, “I’ve written some new clean water regulations that Twilight never would’ve let me. Coal mining has contaminated Dodge Junction’s water with lead and mercury for years. Children have gotten autism, schizophrenia, all sorts of mental disorders. It’s awful, just awful! My new regs require safer mining practices.”
Everyone in the room clapped.
“Awesome!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Now that Twilight Sparkle is gone, and Silver Spoon’s not in bed with her anymore, we can finally clean our water.”
“In bed? You could say they were... silver spooning,” said Pound Cake.
Everyone laughed.
Rainbow Dash said, “Next up, Employment Minister Organized Labor will talk about the new worker benefits.”
Organized Labor said, “The ASDF union reps and I wrote a law called the five-five-five plan. All employers must provide at least five paid days of vacation to every employee per year. Now Equestria won’t be the only industrialized nation in the world without these basic worker rights.”
“How embarrassing that was,” said Bon Bon.
“Not anymore!” Lyra Heartstrings proclaimed.
Organized Labor continued, “We’ve also mandated five weeks of paid parental leave. Now workers can have children without losing their jobs just because it’s busy season. Agricultural Minister Big Macintosh will be pleased.”
“Eeyup!”
“Even the Zebra Empire has maternity leave, and they treat their mares like chattel over there,” said Pound Cake. “We’re finally catching up!”
“Speaking of catching up with the civilized world, my universal healthcare bill is now entirely written,” said Doctor Stable. “Under the law, private insurance is outlawed, and only the government single-payer will purchase healthcare. We will keep health care spending low, because a single payer has bargaining power to set lower prices. Plus, no more inefficiencies from dozens of different insurance company billing departments and paperwork. It’ll all just go through a single, streamlined system.”
“That will also ensure that ponies don’t get better healthcare just because they spend more money,” said Starlight Glimmer. “Rich ponies shouldn’t live longer.”
“But everyone will live longer now,” Doctor Stable clarified. “Compare life expectancies in Stirrup with those in Equestria. They live, on average, two years longer than us. They get free checkups, and can have preventative care before an illness turns catastrophic. If they do get sick, they’ll never go bankrupt. They’ll get treated and get back to work.”
Pound Cake chuckled. “I just don’t get how Pumpkin wrote that universal healthcare could hurt the economy. Sounds like just the boost our economy needs!”
“Actually…” Finance Minister Featherweight started, timidly raising his hoof in the air, “The system would cause our debt to go up by billions. Fiscally, we have a deficit we need to plug.”
“Tax the rich, or just print more money,” said Pound Cake. “But wait… what about Mareicopa? What if my sister just lobbies to opt the ‘special district’ out of universal healthcare, so Phase Healing can keep raking in the dough?”
“That’s where I come in,” said Justice Minister Raindrops. “For the last two years, I’ve traced the source of illegal magic knowledge in Fillydelphia. Of all the unicorns we convicted in Filly for using illegal spells, almost a third learned them in Mareicopa. We need to revoke Mareicopa’s special status for public safety reasons.”
Pound Cake shook his head. “That’s not a good idea. Pumpkin sounded really upset in her letter. She could cause a lot of trouble with her private army. Honestly, I’m surprised she hasn’t since the Revolution.”
Starlight Glimmer smiled. “I scared her straight when I sent back her supporters without their cutie marks. Worst case scenario, I take Pumpkin’s cutie mark myself. Then she won’t have any ability or reason to fight.”
Pound Cake slammed his hoof into the table. “She’s my sister, you witch! I don’t care what she does; I’ll always love her. I won’t let you take her special talent, any more than I’d let you rape her. That’s too far!”
“Medically, I agree with VP Pound Cake. You’d traumatize her,” said Doctor Stable. “As much as I dislike her business model, nopony deserves to unwillingly lose their cutie mark. It’s cruelty, the same reason I oppose the death penalty.”
“Oh, speaking of, Equestria needs to abolish capital punishment like Stirrup,” said Raindrops. She turned to Starlight Glimmer. “And you’re out of line, Glimmer.”
Starlight Glimmer held her hooves up, sliding back in her chair. “Woah. Calm down, everyone, please. I was speaking hyperbolically. Of course, I’d never actually take a cutie mark from the vice president’s sister. But she doesn’t need to know that. The best counter for intangibility is misdirection.”
The cabinet fell silent for a few moments as they considered what Glimmer had just said.
“That’s... “ Pound Cake started. He put his chin on his hoof. “Uh… that’s really smart, actually. Let her think that you’ll take it. She won’t have her army put up a fight, then.”
“Maybe,” said Rainbow Dash. “Maybe not. A lot of those militia guys fought for Pumpkin just because they didn’t want their magic controlled, and still might fight on their own. We need a plan just in case repealing Mareicopa’s special status causes a problem. I’d like Spitfire to give a tactical analysis, since she’s qualified. Justice Minister Raindrops, have you finished investigating Spitfire, yet?”
Raindrops nodded. “I couldn’t find evidence that Spitfire ordered the shootings. Twilight ordered the national guard be armed in the first place. Then, Spitfire claims that armed protesters were shooting at guards. She says that individual, panicked guards fired back on their own, without her order. Given that police were shot dead, as well, I think that might be plausible.”
“I saw protesters carrying guns on the Square myself,” said Lyra Heartstrings. “But Bon Bon and I were shot at, and we were unarmed.”
“My bongos don’t count,” Bon Bon quipped.
Rainbow Dash said, “How about, if Spitfire pledges loyalty to me, I give her a pardon?”
“Sounds good to me,” said Raindrops. “I’ll submit a bill to revoke the Mareicopa special status as soon as Spitfire gives an analysis.”
Hollow Shades
In the Hollow Shades city council building, six aldermen and the mayor sat around a long table, nervously shuffling papers, gazing off into the distance, or twiddling their hooves. Their hearts beat so rapidly, that their chests were visibly thumping.
Jolly Doodle stood at the front of the room, an assault rifle slung over his back as he spoke. Two other Equals, both unarmed, stood behind him.
“...a lying letter like this. The governments in Stirrup, South Equestria, and Oatstralia have all recognized Rainbow Dash as Equestria’s legitimate president. The Princesses deserved to be removed. Yet Hollow Shades sent in this letter of concern to Manehattan about the Revolution?”
Doodle slammed the letter down on the table. The aldermen all jolted.
The mayor cleared his throat. “We’re concerned about parliament holding the removal vote while armed mobs stood just outside. A fair vote can’t happen like that. We’re also concerned about you holding us here at gunpoint, sir.”
Jolly Doodle shook his head. “The guns are to protect us against the oligarchs like Filthy Rich and their hired goons. They’re to protect us from speciesist lynch mobs. You’d be unwise to take them from us.”
“This is a shakedown,” an alderman muttered under his breath.
“Rich’s Barnyard Bargains was a shakedown!” Jolly Doodle replied. “Your corrupt, racist police shakedown farm animals everyday! You talk about ‘fair votes,’ but you put up poll taxes and literacy tests to stop non-pony voters in Hollow Shades. The Equality Act makes that illegal.”
One councilmare laughed. “Rich’s Barnyard Bargains was a legal use of eminent domain. Burning it down was the only real crime here. The Equality Act is a farce, an illegitimate law signed by an illegitimate president. Our police only arrest people when they commit crimes, which farm animals like you often do.”
Jolly Doodle scowled. The other council members gasped.
“Stop, councilmare! He’ll shoot us!” the Mayor exclaimed.
“No! I won’t give in to terrorism, mayor. Why should stupid or illiterate people be allowed to vote? They’re uninformed. Why should poor people be allowed to vote? They don’t pay taxes. What are you idiot, pauper farmies good for but crime and manual lab—”
The alderman’s colleagues leaned in towards her, putting their hooves over her mouth. Jolly, enraged, pressed his assault rifle right up against her temple.
Jolly Doodle shouted, “A new era is dawning! You each will return all campaign donations Filthy Rich ever gave you. Hollow Shades will withdraw its letter and recognize the new government. You will follow the Equality Act, and end speciesist policing and employment discrimination. You will open up your polling places to all voters unconditionally. Hollow Shades will be dragged kicking and screaming from its dark past!”
One of the Equals, a muscular bull, retrieved a small stack of papers in his mouth. His sharp, pointy horns glinted under the fluorescent light, and the aldermen flinched as he leaned in and placed the papers in front of the mayor.
“These are local ordinances to bring Hollow Shades into the future. Sign on the dotted line, Mayor,” said Jolly Doodle.
The mayor, a unicorn, hastily floated a pen over towards the papers and signed them all, scribbling his name so quickly that he tore a few of them.
Jolly Doodle smiled. “See how easy it is when you cooperate?”
Jolly and his two Equals left the room, the councilmembers inside still cowering in fear. On a sheet of paper that listed about a dozen large and medium cities and small towns in Equestria, Jolly ticked a box next to “Hollow Shades.”
“Where to next, boss?” asked the bull.
“Ponyville, where I used to live,” said Jolly, glancing at the list. “Let’s go chat with Cheerilee.”
Interim President Rainbow Dash and Pound Cake sat in Rainbow’s office. She had cleaned out all of Twilight’s old possessions: her magic school diploma, books, old checklists, and a bust of Starswirl the Bearded. She had replaced them with flight school medals, a picture of a tornado, and a bust of Daring Do. The old purple-and-blue Equestrian flag depicting the royal pony sisters had also been replaced with the Equestrian Republic’s new national flag. It was now a tri-color, with blue on the top, red in the middle, and green on the bottom. Blue represented the sky above, the new day dawning after the Revolution. Red represented equality, the same red blood that flowed through all of Equestria’s people of all species and races. Green represented the environment, the grass and earth below that the equal citizens would care for and nourish.
General Spitfire entered the office and sat down.
“We’re concerned about your loyalty, General Spitfire” said Rainbow Dash.
Spitfire shook her head. “I don’t understand. You think I’m still loyal to the princesses?”
Pound nodded. “You did swear your allegiance to them, after all.”
Rainbow said, “Even though we didn’t connect you to the shootings, we still have doubts.”
Spitfire chuckled. “There should be no concerns, madam president. I pledged an oath of allegiance not to defend Twilight, but to defend Equestria. I’d do that no matter who was in charge or what they believed. I’d do that whether Equestria was a monarchy or a republic. My country, above all else, is the most important thing to me, not its leaders. I think you know that, Pound Cake.”
“Good,” said Pound. “And yeah, I remember you were always patriotic back in Cloudsdale, telling pegasi to vote against secession.”
Rainbow Dash said, “I’ll sign a pardon and let you stay a general, but if I find out that you lied about those shootings, I’ll throw you in jail.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem. I never ordered protesters to be shot. I didn’t even do that in Tall Tale and Vanhoover when the Zebras invaded,” said Spitfire.
“Speaking of that,” said Rainbow. “What’s your plan for retaking those cities?”
General Spitfire explained the plan.
Pound Cake’s jaw dropped. “You blew up the dam and killed all the Diamond Dogs?”
Spitfire held up a hoof. “Princess Twilight ordered it. The Diamond Dogs had threatened to dig under major cities and detonate nerve gas bombs. Twilight felt that taking ten thousand lives to save hundreds of thousands was a good trade.”
“I guess I can see that,” said Rainbow. “I mean, the Encampment is all about benefiting the many, not the few.”
“It’s still awful they all died, even puppies,” said Pound.
Spitfire sighed. “It wasn’t easy to do, even though we justified it. The same thing was true of the zebra internment, or our decision to bomb Sweet Apple Acres. I hated making those choices, but again, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to preserve Equestria.”
“What about Mareicopa?” asked Pound Cake. “We’re worried about my sister’s militia.”
Spitfire laughed. “Where should I even start with those clowns? The Mareicopa Militia might have numbered a thousand, but they were incompetent. They didn’t even know how to use all that armor that Pumpkin captured. They helped us to defend Tall Tale, but never actually won any battles.”
“To be fair, the EFA didn’t win any battles there, either,” said Pound Cake. “The Zebras were pretty strong.”
“Could the militia have gotten training since the war?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Spitfire shrugged. “I’m not sure. Pumpkin Cake is a billionaire, so she could easily afford to train them. They might be better trained now, but their numbers are still low unless she’s hired more of them. I don’t know why she’d do that, since it’s been peacetime for two years. If anything, she’d cut back, just like Equestria’s military has.”
Pound chuckled. “A money-grubber like my sister, keeping thousands of soldiers on the payroll in peacetime? Somehow, I doubt it.”
“Pumpkin’s intangibility spell did always concern me, though,” said General Spitfire. “She got those vehicles by phasing treads off of tanks and stranding the SK out in the desert. They fled, and she retreaded the tanks. If she wanted, she could single-hornedly disable an entire armored battalion.”
“Pumpkin’s been scared straight. I don’t think she’ll pose a threat,” said Pound Cake. “We’re mostly talking about her militia going rogue if we bring magic laws to Mareicopa.”
Spitfire laughed. “Let me put it this way. Without Pumpkin, the militia is nothing. Their funding will dry up, they won’t be paid, and only the most radical will keep fighting: a few hundred ponies at most. Versus the Equestrian military, which is three hundred thousand ponies. The Copa Militia could be a thorn in Equestria’s side, but could never hold a big city like Mareicopa by themselves. I think we have bigger concerns than them, like recapturing Tall Tale and Vanhoover. Now that will be a challenge, but still doable.”
The office door burst open.
“President Dash,” said Minister Raindrops. “I’ve received word from Hollow Shades that Jolly Doodle took a rifle to a city council meeting. He threatened them into accepting your legitimacy and implementing the Equality Act.”
Rainbow raised her eyebrows. “I appreciate the endorsement, but—”
“He’s a loose cannon!” Pound Cake cut in. “All of the Equals are. I’ve been trying to warn you. How long until the Equals are out on the Square again, but this time, throwing us out? We aren’t radical enough for them. Jolly Doodle isn’t in Hollow Shades for us; he’s there for his own agenda, Starlight Glimmer’s agenda. They’ll throw you under the bus as soon as they’re done using you to advance.”
“I agree,” said Raindrops. “We can’t let the Equals just do their own thing. That’s insubordination.”
Spitfire nodded. “Like we were discussing, we can bring cities like Hollow Shades or Mareicopa into line with our regular military if needed. Before it ever comes to that, though, hopefully we can be diplomatic and talk them into peacefully recognizing our government. Either way, there’s no need for lone wolves to go intimidate city councils.”
“Only a few local governments wrote letters like Hollow Shades did,” said Pound Cake. “What towns are left?We should put guys in those towns to intercept Jolly Doodle before he causes more trouble.”
“That sounds like a plan. Thanks for your help, guys,” said Rainbow Dash. Then, she glanced down at her desk, and picked up the phone. “Hello, Receptionist? Call in the doctors for a photo op. I have a universal healthcare bill to sign.”
Mareicopa
“...tyrannical Universal Care Act says you can’t even buy health insurance anymore! Only the single-payer can. What if you’re in a long line, like in the Uneighted Kingdom, and you want to pay for faster care? Well too damn bad, because you’ll die on that waiting list! A bureaucratic death panel will deny your treatment. To them, it’s not ‘fair’ if you get better, faster care just because you have money. Worthless bums on the street now have the same healthcare as you, when you’ve worked your whole life! They call that system ‘fair?’ This system will grow our debt by billions, and your grandchildren will have to pay for it. Don’t like Rainbowcare? One of the fascist Equal termites will come shake you down like the donkey did in Hollow Shades!” Iron Will shouted through the speakers.
Pumpkin Cake paced back and forth in her office, her teeth clenched in rage. With a single stroke of a pen, this phony president had outlawed her entire business model! Private insurance and cash payments for healthcare were now illegal. The law even had a clause specifically banning foal farms. Due to Mareicopa’s special status, Pumpkin still had her main clinic for now, but losing all of her east coast clinics would hurt.
Despite that, Doctor Stable claimed that universal healthcare was more affordable? Nonsense. Pumpkin only ran Phase Healing to make a profit, and did it far cheaper than regular hospitals. Were she only paid like a regular doctor, she would quit, and then all of the extra cost would be eaten by the system and taxpayers.
If they really wanted to bring down health costs, they could’ve reformed the malpractice system, medical licensing system, or the prescription drug patent system. They could’ve ended corn subsidies that had helped Equestria have the highest obesity rate in the world. These government regulations had all skyrocketed the cost of care. Now this same government wanted to solve the problem that their own regulations had caused... with more regulations! When did the regulations end? Pumpkin knew: they didn’t. The Encampment parasites would never be satisfied until everypony was an “equal” shell like Professor Fossil. A welfare state would inevitably lead to tyranny, she thought.
Iron Will continued, “This just in: Parliament is considering revoking Mareicopa’s special status. All federal Equestrian laws would apply to Mareicopa, should the special status be revoked. For all of my Mareicopa listeners, this includes the magic laws and new healthcare law.”
Pumpkin’s head spun. Surely the parliament wouldn’t revoke the special status law that had let Mareicopa peacefully rejoin Equestria. Even they couldn’t be that stupid.
“IT’S SICK!” Iron Will roared in his minotaur voice. “Attention, Equestria! We have one last chance to stop this parasite infestation. It’s time for some pest control. This Saturday afternoon, all of Equestria’s hardworking citizens, gather in the parks and squares wherever you live, in every city of the nation. Carry signs. Bring your whole family. Please, obey all local laws. Don’t antagonize the police, don’t riot, and stay peaceful. On Saturday, let’s show that we aren’t thugs like these Encampment cockroaches in Manehattan. Let’s make our voices heard!”
Pumpkin Cake’s heart raced. She wanted to attend the rally, but a thought made her pause briefly. Equals could attack the rally. Jolly Doodle could show up with his gun. Starlight Glimmer might steal Pumpkin’s cutie mark. With Glimmer also having intangibility powers, Glimmer could follow Pumpkin anywhere she tried to hide, and could evade Pumpkin’s counterattacks.
Then again, Pumpkin had sat idle for three weeks, not doing anything out of fear of Starlight Glimmer, and what had that gotten her? Her business was now outlawed, and soon her magic itself would be illegal. Having her cutie mark stolen was a risk she took in standing against this runaway, fascist government. But if she didn’t act, her special talent would be useless anyway. So she would go, and would bring her friends.
The hot August sun beat down on Mareicopa’s Saguaro Park on Saturday. The park was too big to have grass in this climate, so it was mostly landscaped rocks and gravel with a few bushes and saguaro cacti. The park filled with angry ponies, tens of thousands of them congregating for Iron Will’s Pest Control rally. Other large cities across Equestria were having similar rallies, like Applewood, Albuckerque, Horseshoe Bay, even Manehattan. Mareicopa’s rally was the biggest, though.
All throughout the city, retirement and assisted living facilities had emptied out. The elderly residents took to the streets, terrified of the government seizing their healthcare. They walked and held signs that shook in their hooves, their white and grey manes shimmering in the sun. Those with walkers affixed signs to the front of them The signs said things like, “Don’t leave granny out to die,” “Repeal Rainbowcare,” and “Stop the death panels!” In keeping with the pest control theme, a few of them who had oxygen tanks had painted them to look like giant insecticide canisters.
“Hooves off our health care!” they all shouted.
Mareicopa, as a warm and sunny retirement destination, had a high percentage of geriatric residents. So did the rally. Of course, not only the elderly attended the Pest Control rally. Many residents of all ages stood, a high percentage of them unicorns. They levitated signs in the air that said “Only from my cold, dead horn” to protest the proposed return of Equestrian magic laws to Mareicopa. Some of the earth ponies and pegasi in the crowd had rifles and shotguns slung over their backs, to protest the strict Equestrian firearm laws. Similar to magic laws, these would also be extended to Mareicopa were its special status repealed. Many protesters carried bug zappers in their hooves like lanterns, and a few wore white jumpsuits and exterminators’ gas masks. Some covered their cutie marks in flypaper to mock the Equals.
As in Manehattan, not a single old monarchy flag was present. But instead of flying the new Equestrian Republic tricolor, the Pest Control protesters flew other flags. Some of them flew the orange and purple bicolor Mareicopa city flag. A few of them carried Morley Cigarettes banners that had been taken down from Chupacabra Stadium ever since Doctor Stable had banned tobacco sponsorship of national sports leagues. Two or three old Second Kingdom flags even stuck out like red and black sore hooves. But most of the flag-wavers flew a flag of a bright yellow field with a black, X-shaped cross over it.
The yellow flag had originated in 2012, after changelings had invaded Equestria’s then-capital of Canterlot. Ponies flew the flags to support Equestrian soldiers fighting the Changeling Collective in the southern Badlands. The flag’s exact origin or symbolism was unknown. Some vexillologists thought it represented yellowjackets. Despite being colonizing wasps themselves, yellowjackets hunted smaller insects like flies—”flies” being a common anti-changeling slur. Others thought the flag represented yellow caution tape that insect exterminators might string around places they’d bombed with pesticides—a call for outright genocide against the changelings. For that reason, the flag was controversial. But it now took on a new meaning for the Pest Control movement: a statement against the actions of Rainbow Dash’s interim government.
The Pest Control crowd in the park swelled to thirty thousand. They cheered as Iron Will himself arrived. He stood atop a portable wooden stage. His towering, burly minotaur body glistened in the sunlight, as he flexed his biceps. Several mares swooned and giggled at the sight, and a few of them tried to get in closer to the buff idol, until his white goat security guards bleated and pushed them back.
“Hello, Copa!” he shouted.
The crowd cheered.
He said, “Today, we speak out against the illegitimate fascists in Manehattan, the parliament’s laws, and the cabal’s regulations. You know what I always say… if somepony tries to knock you out…”
“Stand up and shout!” the crowd called back.
Iron Will smiled. “Each of you can be happy, rich, and successful through assertiveness. You assert yourself when you work sixty-hour weeks and negotiate a raise or business deal. You assert yourself when you save up your money, live frugally, and fight back your spendthrift impulses. You assert yourself when you don’t let bullies push you around and steal from you. Nopony will stand up for you… but you! Each of us has but one duty, to ourselves, to be the best individuals possible. No one else has the obligation to build you up! To the Encampment, that might seem scary. Too much work, they’d say. What will they do with no safety net? But to Iron Will, to us, Assertivism is the only fulfilling answer. Who else can better take care of our own needs than ourselves?”
“Nopony!” the crowd shouted back.
“So-called Communications Chairpony Lyra Heastrings warned me to tone down my rhetoric. She says that it’s ‘inflammatory hate speech’ when Iron Will calls them parasites, and it violates her new radio regulations.”
The crowd booed.
“But Iron Will won’t give in. The fascists won’t suppress free speech!”
The crowd cheered.
He continued, “The parasites in Manehattan refuse to build or produce anything of value. Though they scream, cry, and pillage, they’re not truly assertive: they’re destructive. They’re jealous of our hard-earned success, and they’re only happy when they bring others down to wallow with them in misery. We have a few speakers today, and the first will outline the fascist threat posed by the Equals.”
Vinyl Scratch and Professor Fossil walked on the stage. Vinyl looked as chipper as ever, but Professor Fossil hung his head low, not bothering to make eye contact with anybody.
“Yo, everypony, I’m Vinyl Scratch, AKA DJ Pon3,” said Vinyl Scratch. “Thanks for letting me talk. A month ago, I took my ravers, Professor Fossil, his students, and some of the retirees to Manehattan to counter-protest the Encampment. It was, like, insane. Starlight Glimmer kidnapped thirty of my raver guys and swooped their cutie marks. She snatched Professor Fossil’s cutie mark!”
The crowd booed as Fossil displayed the equal sign Glimmer had placed on his flank.
“They’re coming to steal our marks!” one mare hysterically screamed.
Vinyl continued, “Now Fossil can’t even teach or do, like, fossil stuff anymore. He can’t go back in time and learn about the past anymore. For what? Who did this help? Who does this make better?”
Professor Fossil briefly looked up, despair on his face.
“I just want my mark back,” he muttered.
The crowd grew dead silent. They gave a respectful golf clap as Vinyl Scratch and Professor Fossil stepped down.
Iron Will said, “Our next speaker will tell us what happens if the unicorns surrender their magic.”
Walkabout teleported on stage. “G’day, Mareicopa. I’m Walkabout, from Oatstralia originally. Years ago, my home country was like Copa, where unicorns could freely use magic. One day, a lone unicorn conducted a terrible massacre with magic. The legislature in Campdrafta overreacted and banned heaps of spells: shapechanging, mind alteration, and invisibility. They even banned teleportation, me special talent. But did they stop criminals? No! They’ve just made everypony else defenseless. And since then, the Oatstralian pollys have passed hundreds of rubbish laws, the same sort Manehattan is passing, because they’ve magically disahmed the populace and don’t have to fear a revolt. It’s a bloody penal colony again. Never let them take your magic, Mareicopa! I will stand with you!”
The crowd cheered as Walkabout zapped off of the stage in a flash of light.
Iron Will said, “Our next guest will tell us facts about government-controlled medicine that Rainbow Dash doesn’t want you to hear!”
Nurse Redheart took the stage. “I’m Nurse Redheart, and I worked at Saint Prancis under Second Kingdom rule in this city. Blueblood took over the hospitals just like Manehattan wants to do. But the quality of care didn’t increase; it went down. Long lines and doctor shortages crippled our ability to deliver care. Non-unicorn babies were aborted as part of Blueblood’s genocidal campaign. We had to unplug the elderly from assisted living because his troops ‘needed’ our care more. The government wants to control health care not because they’re compassionate, but because it lets them control you. If a bureaucrat on an unelected panel decides whether or not a doctor treats you, he decides whether you live or die. If you’re inconvenient to the government, whether because you’re too old and expensive for the single payer to treat, or because your politics disagree, the death panel will let you die. Take it from me, never let the government control medicine.”
The crowd cheered Nurse Redheart as she left the stage.
Iron will exclaimed, “...Aaaaand now, to talk about the city’s special status, please welcome… the Magician of Mareicopa, the Phase Healer, the one and only… PUMPKIN CAKE!”
Pumpkin walked up on stage as the crowd cheered, louder for her than for anypony else who’d been on stage before her except Iron Will himself. It took about a minute for them to calm down.
“Thank you, Mareicopa,” said Pumpkin Cake, smiling. “In my eighteen years, I’ve been to cities and towns all over Equestria. I was born and raised in Ponyville and the Everfree, came of age in Appleloosa, started my professional career in Tall Tale, and opened Phase Healing clinic branches along the east coast in the major population centers: Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Baltimare. But of all of the places that I’ve been, none is as great as Copa!”
“Copa! Copa! Copa!” the crowd chanted.
Pumpkin continued, “This city understands the value of true freedom, hard work, and self-determination. While the rest of Equestria has suffered a recession, Mareicopa has weathered the storm. While Manehattan, Fillydelphia, and Baltimare were burning this summer, Mareicopa stayed peaceful, with no arson or looting.”
The crowd cheered.
“Mareicopa’s special status lets us be free. Taxes are low, and our local economy is booming. Doctors can practice medicine without crushing regulations like Rainbowcare, and at Phase Healing, I do procedures at a third the cost of a typical hospital. Unicorns can cast all types of magic spells, law-abiding residents can own guns for protection, and thanks to that, Mareicopa has the lowest violent crime rate of any major Equestrian city. We in Mareicopa value our freedom and our self-rule. To the mob parliament and the pretender Dash, I warn that repealing our special status would be a terrible mistake.”
Everypony cheered as Pumpkin left the stage. The Pest Control rally continued into the evening.
Silverstar walked through the ruined streets of Appleloosa, his eyes taking in the broken wooden skeletons of the place he had called home for so many years. The wind whistled through the gaps in the beams and rafters. The smell of apple mush still filled the air, bringing a tear to Silverstar’s eye. Normally, he’d never ever cry, but nopony else was here but Applejack, and she was crying too. They finally reached their destination in the town: Silverstar’s old sheriff’s office.
“It ain’t just Appleloosa or Canterlot anymore,” said Silverstar, as he he picked up a piece of rubble, tossing it aside.
“Nope. Now the fascists are everywhere, wreckin’ everything. Manehattan or Horseshoe Bay don’t look too different from Appleloosa, now,” said Applejack. She bucked a rafter out of the way with her hind legs, still strong after many years of a sedentary lifestyle.
Silverstar picked up his old wooden door, which had a silver star painted on it. He shook his head as the memories flooded back, and paused from his task for a moment.
“You gotta focus, Silverstar,” said Applejack. “We get a second chance, remember.”
Finally, Silverstar nodded. “You’re right, AJ. We get a second chance, and we ain’t gonna let it happen again.”
He gently set his old door aside and kept digging through the rubble.
Ponyville Town Hall
Much like Mayor Mare before her, Mayor Cheerilee never had a strong desire to become mayor of Ponyville. She had only run for the position at the urging of the townspeople, who adored her. As a local elementary school teacher for decades, many of the voters personally knew and trusted her, and she won in a landslide. Cheerilee was happy to be a public servant to the community.
While living in Ponyville, Cheerilee had seen many crises befall the town, more than one would expect for Ponyville’s small size. Most small towns never recorded so much as a single homicide. But in Ponyville’s last twenty years, there’d been an infestation by parasprites, an attack of illogic by a chaos spirit, a brief dictatorial reign by a mad stage performer, and a military invasion and subsequent apartheid by a unicorn king.
Despite all that Cheerilee had seen, having a gun shoved in her face by a scowling donkey was an entirely new, frightening experience.
“This letter to Manehattan is unacceptable, Mayor Cheerilee. You will immediately recognize the interim government! You’ll also change the name of this town, since ‘Ponyville’ is speciesist,” he demanded.
Cheerilee gulped, but she remembered how she’d taught her students to deal with bullies: be firm.
“No.”
His mouth opened, probably to issue another threat, but she repeated herself.
“No!”
He laughed. “Don’t you realize your position?”
Cheerilee sighed. “If you want to kill me, then just go ahead. Otherwise, I’m not revoking my letter. Let me teach you some history. This town was founded by earth ponies, hence the name, but all species are welcome here. Years ago, you even lived here yourself. This town was founded on a land grant from the monarchy. Twilight and Luna are still my princesses and still legitimate, Cranky—”
“It’s Jolly, now. I’ve changed a lot since I moved from Ponyville,” said Jolly Doodle.
Cheerilee rolled her eyes. “Oh really? I couldn’t tell. I think your old name suited you better.”
Humor was another tactic that bullies hated.
He frowned. “There is nothing legitimate about the princesses, mayor. One of them tried to shroud the planet in eternal darkness a thousand years ago, and tried to do it again when she returned just twenty years ago, and you all just trusted her like that never happened? The other princess is even younger than me, and was selling out Equestria to corrupt business interests. She ordered unarmed people to be shot dead.”
“Imagine that,” said Cheerilee, eyeing the gun.
“Parliament, on the other hoof, was elected by Equestria just last year, and is accountable to their constituents. They are far more legitimate than princesses-for-life. In an overwhelming vote, parliament appointed Rainbow Dash as interim president before the next elections. You will recognize her.”
“No. Do I have to repeat myself again?”
Jolly opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Cheerilee’s office door burst open. He turned around. In the doorframe stood a brawny white pegasus with stubby wings, holding a pistol.
“Lower your weapon, Jolly,” he ordered.
“No, Bulky Biceps.”
“Lower your weapon!”
“Can’t you see, I’m getting Cheerilee to recognize our new government! We can’t have mayors still pledging fealty to deposed monarchs.”
Bulky Biceps shrugged. “I have my orders from Dash and Cake. You’re coming with me.”
“Is that right?”
Jolly Doodle pointed his weapon down to the floor and took a step towards Bulky Biceps, his eyes narrowed.
Biceps didn’t flinch. Doodle took another step, then another. Finally, the two angry men were so close that they could feel each other’s heated breath.
Doodle said, “Well… what if I don’t?”
Doodle’s right hoof jerked at his gun. Before he could point it up at Biceps, Biceps fired at his front leg. Cheerilee ducked behind her desk.
Undeterred, Jolly Doodle reached for his gun with his good hoof, but Biceps shot him again, this time in the chest, knocking him back and splattering blood on the back wall. As Jolly flew back, his automatic weapon fired off into the air, punching holes in Cheerilee’s office ceiling and breaking her fan. Bulky Biceps pumped several more shots into Jolly Doodle, hitting him in the torso with loud, squishy pops.
Bulky Biceps walked over and checked Jolly Doodle’s pulse to ensure that he was dead. After confirming, he ripped Cheerilee’s monarchy flag from its pole, wrapping Doodle’s dead body in it. He heaved the body over his back and left the room, with neither he nor Cheerilee saying a word.
“Oh gosh, what happened here?”
Derpy Hooves’ eyes scanned Cheerilee’s office, one eye pointing down towards the blood on the floor, the other up towards the gunshot holes in the ceiling.
Cheerilee sighed. “Some Manehattan thugs had a shootout in my office. That letter you delivered apparently displeased them.”
Derpy lowered her head. “Sorry... I’m only the message girl…”
Cheerilee shook her head. “It’s not your fault, Derpy. People just like to come to Ponyville and start trouble.”
Derpy giggled. “Good point. You know, uh, for such a small town, Ponyville sure has lotsa crazy stuff that happens. I mean, let’s think… Nightmare Moon came here, Discord came here, the war with the Second Kingdom started here...”
“We’re a locus for Equestria’s ills,” said Cheerilee. “As a town in Equestria’s heartland, near a strategic river, near Canterlot, we suffer more than other places.”
Derpy nodded along as Cheerilee talked. “Yep. Mmhmm. And, uh… what does ‘locus’ mean?”
Cheerilee laughed nervously. “It means that we have to secure the town, that’s what. Rallies, riots, revolutions… I even hear rumors of war. We can’t let it spread to Ponyville. Not this time. We’ll learn from our chaotic past, and this time, we’ll be the island of serenity in the ocean of turmoil. We’ll protect ourselves.”
“You mean, you’ll protect yourselves,” Derpy corrected. “I’m neutral, remember? My politics are like my eyes… they don’t pick any one side.”
Cheerilee sighed. “I’ve tried to tell you before, Derpy. A person can’t be neutral; only countries or cities can. You might fly all over the world delivering diplomatic messages, but you still live in Ponyville, and you’ll still be judged by whatever policy your town or country takes. In this coming storm, Ponyville will be neutral...”
Derpy beamed.
“...but I’ll need your help to make it so. You’ll help stop the thugs coming here from Manehattan, or Canterlot, or Mareicopa, or wherever else.”
Derpy’s jaw dropped. “We’re just a town of five thousand! How can we stand up against big ol’ cities like those?”
Cheerilee smiled. “We do what Ponyville is best at. We stand together. Now go get the three Crusaders; I have a job for them.”
Baltimare
“...and above all, he tirelessly supported the cause of equality. We shall miss him dearly. Fare thee well, Jolly Doodle.”
Hundreds of people dressed in black gathered around outside of the Warehouse, crying and sobbing as Starlight Glimmer levitated Jolly Doodle’s casket into the ground. They all threw hooffulls of dirt down onto it.
After giving the eulogy, and after the mourners all paid their respects, Starlight Glimmer left the funeral for her office. Pound Cake sat inside, a smug look of satisfaction on his face.
Glimmer demanded, “What do you want? Can’t you see that we’re all grieving here?”
Pound rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, they all look really sad. But how about that giant crowd of Equals outside of the Manehattan Presidential Palace? You know, the ones protesting Jolly Doodle’s death? They don’t seem very sad. They seem angry… like they might want a putsch! Equals were only four percent of the Revolution. You don’t get to threaten people with guns, either parliament or local councils. You don’t get two seats on Rainbow Dash’s cabinet. This is a republic, not a junta. If you want more power, you gotta earn it at the ballot box just like everybody else. Even Rainbow Dash and the Party of Laborers have to win an election. Give up violence, get campaigning, register to vote in November, and get your punk asses off the street!”
“I don’t appreciate that anti-donkey slur,” said Glimmer. “We have the right to protest. We have the right to violence if required. What will you do if I tell you no?”
“Glad you asked,” said Pound. “You know that humongous glass container with all the marks? It’d be a cryin’ shame if a giant, colorful explosion shattered the glass and everypony’s cutie marks flew back to them, and then you died like Doodle.”
Glimmer scowled. Pound Cake nodded. He turned around towards the door, turned back, and smiled.
“See you at the next cabinet meeting, minister!”
He flew off.
Mareicopa
Rainbow Dash’s scratchy voice carried through the speakers like a rusty razor blade slicing at Pumpkin’s eardrums.
“Hello, Equestria. Today, I will address the positive changes occurring in our nation. We’ve made tremendous strides this past month. Our government is no longer ruled by unelected princesses or secret councils. Donkeys, sheep, and cattle are now legally equal to ponies. Workers now have livable jobs thanks to new benefits like parental leave, guaranteed pensions, and paid vacations. Our workplaces and environment will be healthy and clean thanks to new regulations on water, food, air, and tobacco. Just recently, Equestria extended universal healthcare to all of its citizens.”
Loud cheering played.
Dash continued, “Despite these advancements, some people in Equestria—a loud minority—insist on staying stuck in the past. They go to ‘Pest Control’ rallies and make hateful speeches, fly hateful flags, and cause alarm. They talk about coups, cabals, fascists, parasites, bloated debt, and death panels. These words are just dog whistles. Here’s the facts.
“Twilight Sparkle and Luna were removed after an overwhelming popular demonstration, not a ‘coup.’ After months of police brutality and corruption, the parliament voted them out. This parliament is the exact same one that Equestrians elected just over a year ago. Nothing’s changed, except that it’s me signing the bills into law instead of the monarchy vetoing them. My cabinet is appointed openly, with parliamentary oversight, far better than Twilight’s old Economic Council. It’s hardly a ‘cabal.’ Fresh parliamentary and presidential elections will occur in November. Judging by early opinion polls, the Party of Laborers will win over sixty percent of the national vote.”
Idiots, Pumpkin thought. The masses were ill-informed, and didn’t inherently desire freedom. Blueblood had been popularly elected, too, she recalled.
Dash continued, “We’ll increase social programs, tax the rich, and make Equestria more egalitarian for everybody. That’s hardly ‘fascism,’ and a far cry from the warmongering, racist Blueblood. Perhaps the Pest Control movement should look in the mirror. The true fascists are those who call their fellow people ‘parasites’ for merely wanting rights to sustenance. Fascists fly yellowjacket flags that were once used to call for the extermination of an entire species, the changelings, then also labeled ‘parasites.’”
Pumpkin laughed. The yellowjacket flag was no genocidal call. It was a call to resist thieves, whether they stole love, magic, or money. If the changelings had wanted to, they could’ve openly traded honest services for love. Perhaps they could’ve used their shape-changing powers to become adored fashion models, actors, or comedians. Instead, they attacked Canterlot to parasitically steal love. Pumpkin saw little difference between them and the cabal.
Dash continued, “Fatcats like Filthy Rich, the Oranges, JSUC, Diamond Tiara, and Pumpkin Cake are the only real parasites here. They lobbied Twilight Sparkle for crony, favorable treatment like low taxes, perpetual war, eminent domain, and special districts. They made billions of dollars off the people. Nevertheless, they refuse to repay their fair share to the society that let them be so successful to begin with. That’s who I call parasites.”
Pumpkin felt the rage returning from when the picketers had protested her clinic. She’d paid millions in taxes over the years, worked on thousands of charity cases at Phase Healing, and Rainbow Dash still had the gall to say that she hadn’t paid her ‘fair share?’ Would only Pumpkin’s total slavery satisfy this parasite president?
Rainbow Dash continued, “Now, the oligarchs are funding these rallies to save their own exploitative system. After all, they live off of ensuring that their workers are unhealthy, underpaid, and overworked, so that they have no choice but to work more. That’s why they oppose the new healthcare law. But they lie. Nobody will be denied treatment, and there won’t be ‘death panels.’ That term is a scare tactic made up by insurance company and health provider business interests. All people will be treated.”
Pumpkin laughed. Hundreds of cancer patients had flown to Equestria from Stirrup and the Crystal Empire to pay Phase Healing for care. Many of their tumors that she’d removed could’ve easily been removed by a regular surgeon with a scalpel. The patients all said similar things: either they were on a long waiting list and didn’t want to die before receiving treatment, or some bureaucrats had denied them treatment because the surgery didn’t have a high enough chance of success to justify its cost. If those weren’t death panels, what were?
Rainbow Dash continued, “We won’t go into ‘bloated debt’; we’ll actually save money by outlawing private insurance. Every other advanced nation has universal healthcare, and their citizens love it. They spend half as much per capita as Equestria does, and they live two years longer! Now, to ensure that our health system is truly fair and universal, we can’t let certain places opt out.”
Oh no, thought Pumpkin.
“A few years ago, Mareicopa was liberated from Second Kingdom rule. The city was given a special status by Twilight Sparkle to ease its transition back into Equestria. However, this status has made Mareicopa a haven for illegal firearms, banned magic, and unlicensed medical services. Thus, parliament has passed a bill to revoke Mareicopa’s special status, effective immediately. All national laws will now apply there.”
No. This couldn’t be happening.
“Hopefully, with my address to the nation today, Equestria understands our rationale behind all of the recent laws, and why the Pest Control rallies are nothing more than dangerous fear-mongering. I also hope that you’re as excited about Equestria’s future as I am, and that you all vote in November. Thank you!”
Pumpkin stomped the ground with her hoof, screaming into the air. The cabal just kept pushing. They just didn’t listen to her. Instead of Sweet Apple Acres or the research center basement, the fascists had made the entire ‘Equestrian Republic’ into Pumpkin’s prison, now, one that intangibility couldn’t get her out of.
The announcer said, “And now back to Mareicopa’s number one talk station, KKOP. The regularly-scheduled broadcast, Minotaur Talk, has been preempted indefinitely. By order of National Communications Council Chairpony Lyra Heartstrings, we have removed the show for spreading hate speech and inciting inter-species violence. Instead, we bring you an exciting public-domain radio drama by Horseson W—”
Pumpkin fired an energy beam at the radio, and it exploded with a sizzling crackle, the smell of melted plastic filling the air. Her favorite talk show was banned, and that meant one thing.
The time for talking was over.
Dozens of tanks and APCs and hundreds of trucks zoomed through the streets of Mareicopa, carrying well-armed ponies atop. The soldiers all wore matching, tan desert camouflage in the newest style. They wore facemasks over their muzzles that were common in Mareicopa during sandstorms, though the sky was clear. Their guns had no magazines in them. No logos, flags, or other decorations adorned their armor or uniforms. Despite that, everypony in Mareicopa knew exactly who had sent the tan soldiers, and most of them were as happy as could be.
At the police precinct houses across town, tanks and trucks sat in the parking lots alongside the regular squad cars. Mareicopa police officers stood outside with the soldiers, chatting with them and smoking cigarettes like they were long-time colleagues. One officer laughed and slapped his knee after a funny joke.
A few tan soldiers walked on hoof down the sidewalks of town. Locals came out of their houses to hug the soldiers and shake their hooves.
“Oh my goodness, I can’t believe it!” one mother unicorn, holding a baby in her magic, cried. She ran over and embraced a soldier, a pegasus, in her hooves.
The mother rambled, “As soon as the coup happened and I heard about Glimmer stealing those ravers’ marks Manehattan, and I heard about those Equals threatening councils with guns, I knew that soon, the fascists would come to Copa to steal everyone’s cutie marks. You’re our saviors!”
She finally released him from her grasp.
“Can I get a picture of you holding my child?”
He nodded, and took the foal under his wing as the mother levitated a camera up.
“Say cheese!”
The soldier said nothing, and if he had been smiling, it wouldn’t have been visible with his facemask on, but she snapped the picture regardless.
“You guys aren’t real talkers, huh?”
He shook his head, and returned the child to its mother.
“Well, thank you so much!” she exclaimed. The soldier nodded and walked along.
Meanwhile, a column of twelve trucks, six APC’s, and six tanks roared towards the Mareicopa special district legislature building. Dozens of locals tagged along after the vehicles, cheering on the soldiers. The vehicles encircled the building from all sides, while about twenty soldiers marched up the red sandstone stairs to the doors.
Before the soldiers could enter, however, a crowd of ten reporters from various newspapers and radio stations blocked them, asking a barrage of questions and snapping pictures.
“Who are you?”
“What are you doing?”
“Who sent you here? Are you from Spitfire? Twilight Sparkle? Pumpkin Cake? Duchess Sparkler?”
The soldiers said nothing, instead calmly waiting in front of the door for about fifteen minutes, until the reporters had worn themselves hoarse with asking so many questions. Then, the soldiers politely nudged the reporters aside and entered the building.
By this point, a huge crowd of ten thousand ponies had gathered outside of city hall, waving yellowjacks and Copa city flags all around.
“Independence! Independence! Independence!” the crowd chanted.
After a few hours, the head of the Mareicopa legislature exited the building, walking down the front steps. He said nothing, and merely hoisted a sheet of paper above his head. It was a declaration of independence for the newly-proclaimed Free City of Mareicopa. The crowd went wild, throwing their hats into the air. Unicorns teleported all around. Pegasi flew in circles. Earth ponies stomped their hooves.
Not everypony was happy, however. A crowd of five thousand donkey day laborers, known locally as ‘burros,’ showed up, dressed in Equestria’s red, green, and blue colors.
“Speciesist! Speciesist! Speciesist!” they chanted accusingly at the pro-independence crowd.
Reacting quickly, the soldiers rushed down the streets. A few dozen stood on the periphery of the burro rally to prevent any violent agitators from breaking off, while a hundred of them rushed down nearby streets, posting up outside of shops and small businesses to preemptively stave off any looting or vandalism. Despite the accusing shouts of species profiling, no scuffles broke out between the unarmed burros and the heavily-armed soldiers. The rallies lasted well into the evening, but unlike the protests in Manehattan, there was no looting or bloodshed.
As Pumpkin observed the scene from atop a tower, she turned to Vinyl Scratch and smiled.
“That was as successful as I could’ve ever hoped for,” said Pumpkin.
Vinyl Scratch grinned. “Yep. It’s pretty awesome how nopony got hurt today. This morning, I told the guys not to talk, just to listen: be chill but carry a big gun. I think that’s what went wrong in Manehattan. Everypony was trippin’ over there, even me.”
Pumpkin laughed. “Good job. I’m glad this stayed peaceful.”
Vinyl held up her hoof. “Well… don’t party just yet. Mareicopa is friendly territory. Our real test is when the prez and her Manehattan minions find out about this. Somehow, I don’t think they’ll dig what we did today.”
Inside the Presidential Palace, the administration staffers were frantically writing letters, talking on the phone, and talking to reporters. The smell of coffee wafted through the air, interspersed with the sound of shuffling paper, loud talking, and hoofsteps in-between cubicles. Though the official mission was damage control, it looked little different from mass panic. One pony even threw his papers into the air in frustration.
Pound Cake and Rainbow Dash walked through the harried hurricane towards General Spitfire’s office. Though military personnel usually worked in a building separate from the civilian government, Rainbow Dash wanted to keep Spitfire close to keep an eye on her. Neither she nor Pound fully trusted Spitfire yet, though Pound was more trusting of his former mentor.
Spitfire’s door was already cracked, so Rainbow and Pound just walked in, and found Spitfire in the middle of a tense phone conversation.
“...realize what you’re doing? Remember your oath! Equestria’s coasts will be defenseless. Equestria needs its navy. Tall Tale and Vanhoover need protectors. We need our marines’ help to retake them and...”
Rainbow Dash motioned towards the phone. Spitfire silently nodded, pressing the speaker button. Navy General Soarin’s gruff voice cut in.
“I pledged an oath to the princesses, General Spitfire. They are my commanders, and without them, I answer to nobody, including Rainbow Dash. Our ships’ names start with HMS; don’t you know what that stands for? The illegal seizure of power in Manehattan was a coup, and I refuse to participate. My sailors and marines won’t, either.”
“You’re a traitor!” Spitfire exclaimed. “We can’t retake Tall Tale and Vanhoover without the navy stopping Zebra reinforcements coming by sea!”
Soarin chuckled. “And you know what the navy won’t work without? Tides. Luna had a graceful finesse with her magic. With Luna controlling the moon, the tides were smooth and predictable. But Duchess Sparkler and her unicorns just clumsily swing the moon through the sky like kids whacking a tetherball. The tides are really rough and nauseating now. My sailors are seasick, vomiting constantly, and they’re about to mutiny. I have to rotate the entire fleet through Applewood daily just to give them a chance to walk on land for a few hours. Even then, they’re soldiers without a cause. We need Luna back.”
“That won’t happen, Soarin,” said Rainbow Dash. “Just hang in there; the unicorn team in Canterlot will get better over time. We’ll diplomatically resolve the Cycles Crisis soon enough. We need your help retaking the Northwest.”
“Rainbow Dash? I don’t answer to a usurper,” Soarin snapped.
There was a slam, and then the droning dial tone.
Spitfire shook her head. “Thanks to Soarin, the navy is having a crisis of confidence. And now I have two army divisions stationed outside of Mareicopa who defected to this so-called ‘Free City of Mareicopa.’ Not only might we not retake the Northwest, we might not even be able to retake Mareicopa at this rate!”
Rainbow Dash buried her face into her hoof.
Pound Cake shook his head. “There has to be a way. We’re not giving up on a united Equestria. What do we have that works?”
Spitfire said, “Zecora has gotten her potions all in order, and the last of the power should entirely run out in Tall Tale within a week. Then, she plans to assassinate Zaporizhia and poison all the religious police. That’s where we come in. I still have about ninety percent of the army under my control, so at least there’s that. But without our navy to block Zebra reinforcements by sea, we could be fighting them off for a while if they manage to land forces on our shores. Hopefully, when Zecora assassinates Zap, his death demoralizes their navy as much as the Princesses’ removal demoralized ours. Then our job is easy. But I’m preparing for the worst, here. And of course, we still have Mareicopa and the two defector divisions to worry about.”
“What are they up to?” asked Rainbow.
“The two divisions are just staying in the barracks. The Maricopa Militia is still inside the city, and no shots have been fired. It’s a bloodless secession, just like the last time they pulled this stunt a couple years ago.”
Pound sighed. “The more things change…”
“The more they stay the same, and that’s what we’ll do,” said Rainbow. “I always hated Mareicopa’s special status, but we prevented bloodshed two years ago by not launching an attack. We’ll follow the same course this time. As long as Pumpkin’s militia doesn’t threaten any other cities, they’re not an immediate danger. I think that we should just focus on the Northwest for now.”
Spitfire nodded. “As much as I don’t like letting cities go, and feel like I’m playing whack-a-mole with these secession movements, I agree with that call. Tall Tale and Vanhoover need to be our top priorities, and then we can focus on Mareicopa. Then, the Cloud Confederacy.”
Rainbow joked, “Maybe once Mareicopa sees us retake Tall Tale and Vanhoover, they’ll feel a surge of Equestrian patriotism! They might just come back on their own, peacefully.”
Pound laughed. “That won’t happen. We’ve blown our chance with Pumpkin. We misjudged her, and she called our bluff on Glimmer. I don’t think we’ll get Mareicopa back without a fight. Two years ago, Twilight only kept them in Equestria peacefully by giving them perks that we’re not willing to give them this time around.”
“In the meantime, we have to stop the contagion from spreading,” said Spitfire. “Manehattan has quieted down since the Revolution, and I doubt anypony here seriously wants to secede like Mareicopa. The Equals are still out there protesting Doodle’s death, but I can handle them with just a few hundred guards. So, I’ll declare martial law and redeploy the extra guards from Manehattan—the ones I won’t need to retake Tall Tale and Vanhoover—to other cities to stop any more secession talk.”
“Put some in Baltimare,” said Pound Cake. “The main Warehouse is there, and we wouldn’t want Starlight Glimmer or the Equals stirring up trouble there, either.”
“Put some in Fillydelphia,” said Rainbow Dash. “Raindrops told me that a lot of the cops quit after Chief Cheese was arrested. They probably were upset that they couldn’t take bribes so easily anymore. But some of them kept their guns.”
Spitfire nodded.
“Horseshoe Bay was where the oligarchs all fled to, to hide from the angry protesters in Manehattan,” said Pound Cake. “We wouldn’t want them paying agitators to stir up trouble. The guard should be sent there, too.”
Spitfire said, “That’s all the major east coast cities. What about Applewood? That’s our only big west coast port right now, though with Soarin and the navy refusing to listen to us, its strategic value just took a nosedive.”
“Hmmm…” Rainbow Dash pondered. “There wasn’t ever a huge Encampment protest in Applewood, but all the actors and film directors supported us anyway. Then there’s also a lot of donkeys who live in Applewood, and they support us after the Equality Act. Applewood is definitely loyal to the Revolution, to Equestria. No need to send the guard there.”
Spitfire shrugged. “Works for me. With me stationing troops in Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Baltimare, Horseshoe Bay, and trying to get back Tall Tale and Vanhoover, our military will be stretched thin as it is.”
Rainbow nodded. “Those are Equestria’s biggest cities, though. Other than Applewood and Mareicopa, we’ve covered every city with more than a million people, right?”
“Correct,” said Spitfire.
Pound laughed. “So as long as nopony starts trouble in a smaller city like Albuckerque, Whinnyapolis, or Tallahorsey, we’ll be good.”
Dodge Junction
Silver Spoon sat in her office, her forehead buried in her hoof as Fluttershy stood over her desk, pointing towards a map of Dodge Junction and the surrounding areas with a red marker.
“And that mine is off limits now… and that one… an endangered jumping field mouse lives here…”
As Fluttershy spoke, she drew little red X’s over all of Silver Spoon’s mining sites, and they covered the map like chicken pox.
Silver Spoon groaned. “Here, let me help you with that.”
She snatched the marker from Fluttershy’s hoof and just drew one big X over the whole map.
Fluttershy blushed. “Oh, no… nobody’s talking about banning you from mining entirely. Ponies need jobs.” She smiled. “Mining is only banned where it might harm animal life, or might make heavy metals leach into the water table and hurt the ponies.”
“Which is everywhere,” said Silver Spoon curtly.
“Not at all,” said Fluttershy.
Silver Spoon sighed. “Oh? Then name one place that I can mine, that you would be totally okay with.”
Fluttershy paused a moment.
“Uh… well… let’s see… um… actually, let me get back to you on that,” Fluttershy stammered.
“I rest my case,” said Silver Spoon.
Both of them jolted up as the sound of rapid gunfire erupted in the distance. Fluttershy jolted, and her head hit the ceiling.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Probably one of your stupid farmie police ‘officers,’” Silver Spoon scoffed. “You know, the quota hires that can’t even aim, who Glimmer mandated the DJPD hire last week? Isn’t diversity wonderful?”
Fluttershy frowned. “That’s not very nice, Silver Spoon. A donkey or a sheep can be just as good of a cop as a pony. They’ve just never been given the chance to try, thanks to bigotry. We did the kind thing and made you give them a shot.”
After Fluttershy finished speaking, Silver Spoon smiled. Fluttershy smiled, too, thinking that her kind words had gotten through to the mining magnate. But Spoon wasn’t smiling at Fluttershy. Fluttershy turned around and saw the scene out the office window, which overlooked the street right in front of the Dodge Junction police station.
Five ponies wearing mismatched desert camouflage and armed with old, dusty machine guns took cover behind a police cruiser, while five others stood in the streets, pointing their guns into the air. A line of ten pony police officers stood, holding their hooves up. A dozen uniformed sheep, cattle, and donkey officers stood behind them. They had dropped their hoofguns onto the ground.
“Give the farmies a shot, eh? I know just what kinda shots to give ‘em!” exclaimed Silver Spoon, slapping her knee with her hoof as she cackled hysterically.
The pony police officers shouted, “Don’t shoot!”
“They did nothin’ wrong!”
“They’re just clueless ol’ farmies!”
A few tense minutes passed, with the ten dusty militants standing around. Finally, one of them fired his gun straight up into the air. The others joined him, firing about five shots apiece, and the ratatats of the machine guns scared off the farm animal officers, who ran down the street. The machine guns, though dusty and firing irregularly, still seemed to work well enough.
The pony officers merely stood by, not bothering to fire back, as the militants stormed up the stairs of the police station. A camo pegasus flew up to the top and tore down the tricolor Equestrian flag, raising a yellowjack in its place. Fluttershy shuddered in terror at the symbol, which conjured images of genocide and dead bodies in her mind. It wasn’t the changelings’ fault that they had to feed on love, any more than it was the farm animals’ fault that they couldn’t attain cutie marks.
Ten more minutes passed, as crowds of a few hundred ponies gathered in the streets. Several of them flew yellowjacket flags and wore mining helmets, while others looked on confusedly. Finally, a pony who Fluttershy recognized as Sheriff Silverstar stepped out of the police station.
“Howdy, Dodge Junction,” said Silverstar. “Some of y’all might know me from the paper. Name’s Silverstar. I have some experience fightin’ fascists, and I’m gonna keep this town safe. We won’t answer to the cabal nomore. There won’t be no lootin’, burnin’, arson, or mark stealin’ here. Nopony’s gonna shut down our mines and take our jobs. There’s a new sheriff in town. If you mess with Free Dodge Junction, you mess with me!”
The crowd’s reaction was mixed. About half of them booed at the self-proclaimed new sheriff.
“New sheriff? I never voted for you! Where's Sheriff Tumbleweed?”
“Y’all couldn’t stop the fascists from takin’ Appleloosa; how can y’all stop ‘em in Dodge Junction?”
“Say no to speciesism!”
Their voices were drowned out by Silverstar’s supporters, who chanted “Sheriff! Sheriff! Sheriff!”
Fluttershy’s heart raced. These ponies were on the warpath. They could start killing farm animals! They would destroy the environment with mining! She had to escape! She turned from the window and bolted towards Silver Spoon’s office door as fast as her weak wings could carry her. Just as she reached it, it swung open in her face.
Applejack stood, pointing an assault rifle straight at Fluttershy.
“Hey, Flutters,” said Applejack. “I hate to quarrel with an old friend, but y’all Manehattanites left us no choice. You’re comin’ with me. If you don’t resist, then I promise no harm’ll befall you.”
As the cold steel of the rifle barrel pressed into Fluttershy’s skin, she panicked, her chest heaving as the blood rushed to her head. Nevertheless, she obeyed, giving no resistance as Applejack marched her out. Silver Spoon blew a raspberry.
“See ya never, Stutterfly!”
Applejack led Fluttershy down the hall, out the door, and into the street. Crowds booed and jeered at her, throwing tomatoes and cherries. Finally, the fruit pelting ceased when Applejack took her into the police station.
At that point, Fluttershy’s panic gave way to terror as a jail cell door slammed shut behind her.