A few days later, approaching the end of summer, I was down at the bottom of the mountain again and practicing my sword-flying while on break. I had discovered I could use a binding spell on myself to the sword, making it so I couldn’t fall off regardless of angle or wind resistance. The G-forces were still a pain in the flank, but they wouldn’t have been so bad if I weren’t pushing it today.
I had thrown my sword into the air and teleported to it as it fell, quickly shaping it into a surfboard and casting the binding spell. Speeding downwards, I pulled up and leveled above the treetops. With a burst of magic into accelerating, I reached speeds that would’ve out-flown most pegasi. I remembered going this fast when I saved Shining Armor. While practicing at this speed, I realized how dangerous that had been. One wrong move and it would’ve been over. Another thing I envied the pegasi for, they had much better control. I was being needlessly reckless, and—
Crack!
—now I was spinning out of control. Stupid tree branch came out of nowhere.
In a panic, I shaped my sword so it encased my entire body and cut my magic. It was the worst case of claustrophobia I’ve ever experienced, being completely unable to move. After what seemed like an eternity, the sword crashed, breaking a few branches off trees in the process, and I teleported myself outside of it, gasping when I did. That thing didn’t exactly allow me to breathe either.
Shaping the sword back to normal, I looked up at Canterlot, it shining brightly in the setting sun’s light. Then I bonked my forehead, finally remembering. The Grand Galloping Gala was tonight! I still hadn’t gotten a suit for it.
Before I could start heading back, I heard voices coming from behind me.
“Why exactly are we talking ponies again?”
“And why do you get to be the unicorn, Heaven?”
“I don’t know, why does Elysium get to be the pegasus? This place is strange, but something, or someone, called me to it.”
I turned around and a moment later a group of three stallions and two mares came walking out from behind the trees, all staring at me in surprise. I couldn’t help but return the stare. They all looked completely ordinary—minus the one earth pony stallion with the whitest mane and tail I had ever seen, though he didn't look old at all—but something about them seemed off, like they didn't belong here.
“Excuse me,” the stallion in front said, the only unicorn of the bunch, “but me and my friends are sort of lost. Is this Earth?”
What in… who in Equestria were these ponies? “Yes… and this is Equestria. Where did you come from?”
“See, I told you this was the pony version of our world,” the mare pegasus said to the unicorn.
The stallion with the white mane and tail stared at his surroundings as if fascinated just by being here. “I’m only surprised it has more magic in it than any other version we've visited.”
“Yeah, well Hell doesn’t seem to be here either, so I don't see why it matters,” the last stallion said. “Can we please stop leaking into other universes now, Heaven? We’re not going to find him this way.”
The unicorn looked back and sighed. “We aren’t leaking into other universes, Zion, we’re being pulled towards other people, or I guess in this case, a pony. But fine, I’ll come up with another plan.” He turned to me again. "Sorry for disturbing you."
"Have a nice day!" the pegasus said, grinning.
The unicorn began using magic, and in a flash they all disappeared, leaving me gaping in confusion. That was the strangest lot I’ve ever seen. I shook my head and began heading back to Canterlot.
I made it to the barracks and got my sack of bits. Plenty enough for a suit. After anxiously zig-zagging around Canterlot for half an hour I found the perfect suit—a simple, black tuxedo—and made my purchase. I had never worn such a suit and had no clue how to put it on correctly, so I again I went into a panicked run in search of Shining Armor. After asking around with the guards, I finally found him checking on the walls around the castle and, after asking in embarrassment and him laughing at me, he helped me get into the darn suit. And then I realized I’d forgotten my ticket and invitation, so again I rushed back to the barracks to grab them and all the way back to the castle, where an army of well-dressed ponies were gathering and lining up.
Some random song about how great the Gala was began, everyone joining in like it had all been rehearsed, and then they started going inside. I noticed Twilight and her friends entering among the crowd. No surprise that they had been invited. I got in line and began slowly moving up. I gave my ticket and showed my invitation at the door. Inside I could see Princess Celestia greeting everypony as they came in with Twilight Sparkle by her side, also no surprise.
I made it up the stairs and bowed to Celestia.
“Welcome to the Grand Galloping Gala, Swordulan,” she said with a nod. “So glad you could make it.”
“It’s an honor to be here,” I said. I stepped aside and nodded to Twilight. “Nice to see you again, Twilight Sparkle.”
She blinked and tilted her head. “I’m sorry, have we met? I can’t remember.”
“I saw you and your friends outside the ancient castle after you defeated Nightmare Moon.”
“Oh, now I remember! What were you doing there?”
Trying to save Equestria, but nooo, you had to be two steps ahead. “I was going after Nightmare Moon myself. I had tried to stop her back at Town Hall, but she defeated me. After learning about the Mare in the Moon and the Elements of Harmony, I went looking for you for help and followed your path through the Everfree.” I shrugged. “I guess I was a bit slow.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I wish I had known. We could’ve used the help.”
I highly doubted that. “It’s okay, I’m just glad you defeated Nightmare Moon. Anyway, take care.”
Twilight smiled. “Thanks. I hope you enjoy the Gala!”
I moved on and entered the ballroom, decorated inch by inch with ponies in some of the fanciest attire I’ve ever seen. A small orchestra was playing music, though nopony seemed to be dancing yet. I took a place in the corner and looked around awkwardly. Well… now what? Everyone already had somepony else to talk to, and no one seemed interested in talking to me. I probably should’ve let Cadance find somepony for me to take. So much for being a Royal Guard from one of the noble houses with hardly any social skills. Not that I’d been allowed much socialization in my foalhood.
I began to stroll around the Gala, wondering where any sort of entertainment could be found. Nowhere, apparently. The only talking I got to do was with Swift Wishes, who was posted as one of the hallway guards, but even then I had to leave him to his job.
Sighing in frustration, I left the Gala to take a walk outside, hoping that when I returned maybe it would be livelier. I found myself stopping at Joe’s Donuts—I was getting a bit hungry, after all—and sitting down at the counter. There was only one other customer, a familiar baby dragon eating a sprinkled donut.
“Hey, Spike,” I said.
Spike turned his head to me confusedly. “Huh? Oh, hey Swordulan. What are you doing here wearing something like that?”
I chuckled. “I was at the Gala.”
Pony Joe came out from the back and noticed me. “Officer Shield, I wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight. Nice tux. Anything I can get ya?”
I smiled with a nod. “I’ll take a glazed vanilla donut, no sprinkles please.”
“You got it.” He put a napkin in front of me and set the requested donut on it. I levitated a couple of bits out of my suit to him and he disappeared into the back again.
“Why’d you leave?” Spike asked.
I took a bite of my donut and swallowed. Delicious stuff. Not that it was hard to mess up a donut. “It was boring.”
“Boring? I thought the Gala was supposed to be amazing. How was it boring?”
“I don’t know, it just was. I had nopony to talk to, and there wasn’t much going on. I’ll go back in a bit, maybe it gets better later.”
“Oh. Well, I hope Twilight and her friends are at least having a good time. I would be with them, but they all split up to do their own things instead of staying together like I suggested.” He sighed and finished his donut.
I took another bite. “Hmm. If you don’t mind me asking, what’s it like living with Twilight?”
Spike stared up at me curiously. “It’s great, Twilight takes good care of me and I assist her with the library. Why do you ask?”
I shrugged. “Just curious. You’re pretty lucky to have a friend like Twilight. Wish I could say the same for myself.”
“Don’t you have friends in the Royal Guard?”
“Not exactly, I’m always too busy to make friends. The Captain is the only one who’s come close enough for me to consider a friend.”
“That doesn’t sound very exciting. Why don’t you just quit?”
I nearly choked on my donut. Quit? That was the most insane idea I’d ever heard. “One does not simply quit the Royal Guard.”
“Why not?”
I grimaced and had to wonder that myself. “I… you just… don’t. I don’t know, it’s complicated.”
I gulped down the rest of my donut and shook my head. Why not just quit? It’s not like I was forced to stay in. Why was I making up excuses about it being hard to quit? It was hard to quit, but… not in the literal sense. What would my father think if I quit after putting so much effort into being a Royal Guard? Most of the effort he made me take, of course, but still. No, that wasn’t it. I still had a sense of duty to Equestria and the Princesses, and I didn’t want to quit under Shining Armor’s command. My life was fine right where it was. At least Spike seemed to accept the answer.
“Well, I better get back to the Gala,” I said, standing up. “It was nice talking to you Spike.”
Spike nodded. “Hope it isn’t so boring when you get back.” As I headed out the door I heard him say, “Hey, Pony Joe! Another donut.”
Making it back to the Gala’s ballroom, it seemed there was a song about to be performed. One of Twilight’s friends—the pink one—had stepped up to the microphone and tapped it a few times. This should be interesting.
“Come on, everypony! I know what will make you shake those groove thangs!” She motioned to the band and they began playing.
“You reach your right hoof in
You reach your right hoof out
You reach your right hoof in
And you shake it all about
You do the Pony Pokey meeting lots of folks with clout
That's what I'm talking about
You step your left hoof in
You pull it right back out
You step your left hoof in
But you better help him out
You do the Pony Pokey but you'd find a different route
That's what it's all about
You kick your back leg in
You pull your back leg out
You reach your back leg in
Just be brave and have no doubt
You do the Pony Pokey feeling like you're gonna pout
That's what I'm singing about
You tilt your head in
You tilt your head out
You tilt your head in
Then you shake it all about
You do the Pony Pokey even though your date's a lout
You're better off without
You stomp your whole self in
You stomp your whole self out
You stomp your whole self in
And you stomp yourself about
You do the Pony Pokey and you give a little shout
That's what I'm talking about
You do the Pony Pokey
You do the Pony Pokey
You do the Pony Pokey
And that's what it's all about
YEAH!”
What. The. Buck?
Everyone else seemed to have the same thought.
A mare in the crowd spoke out. “Young lady, this is not that kind of party.” Maybe it should have been.
“Ooooohhh,” the pink one said. “These ponies don’t wanna party, they wanna paaarTAY!” She began running around and tossing ponies into the air. “Come on, dance!”
I don’t think that was the way to do it…
Suddenly one of the doors swung open and another one of Twilight’s friends came in—the orange one with the hat—pushing a cart into the room with a large cake on it. “Okay all you high-class ponies, here’s a high-balloon apple cake for all yer hoity-toity taste buds!” she said.
Apple cake? Why does nopony ever make a carrot cake? That would’ve been—
“STAGE DIIIIVE!” the pink one screamed, jumping off the stage and landing on the cart the apple cake was on, sending it flying overhead.
A door at the other end of the room opened, and another of Twilight’s friends—the white one with the fabulous mane and tail—walked in with Prince Blueblood as the cake headed right for them. Blueblood quickly moved the white one in front of him as the cake landed, covering her from horn to hoof in frosting.
She turned to Blueblood furiously, her entire face going red. “You, sir, are the most uncharming Prince I have EVER MET! If there is anything Royal about you it is that you are a ROYAL PAIN!”
To that, I could only nod in agreement.
Blueblood recoiled from her. “Ew, stay back! I just had myself groomed!”
“Afraid to get DIRTY!?”
The white one shook herself, causing frosting to fly everywhere and cover Blueblood, who fell backwards and crashed beneath a giant statue of Celestia. It began to tip over.
Uh oh.
Before I could stop it with my magic, a voice shouted out from the crowd. “This is my chance!”
A light blue blur flew past everyone and appeared under the falling statue, catching it. Another one of Twilight’s friends. “Yes!" she said, beaming, but she quickly began to lose control of the statue and wobbled around the room. “Whoooa!” She knocked into one of the room's columns with the statue, causing it to fall into another column and creating a domino effect with the rest. After every column had crumbled, even the statue had given up all hope and split into four pieces.
Wow. It really did get livelier.
Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle came into the room and looked at the chaotic scene, completely dumbfounded.
“Well, it can’t get any worse,” Twilight whispered, the prevailing silence in the room loud enough for it to echo.
The echo seemed to continue reverberating until the room began to shake. Nice going, Twilight. One of the doors going outside burst open and a riot of animals rushed into the room, birds flying, critters running amok. The last of Twilight’s friends was standing in the doorway—the yellow one—looking exhausted and staring coldly at the wild animals.
“Yer… going to LOVE MEEE!” she screamed.
Hilarity ensued, and the next thing I knew I was running out of the castle with a crowd of panicking ponies. Once outside I took to the sky on my sword, which I had shrunken and hidden in a pocket before reaching the Gala. That had certainly been much more exciting than I expected.
I noticed Princess Celestia exit the castle and decided to fly down in front of her. “It seems tonight didn’t go as planned, Princess Celestia,” I said, bowing while still on my sword.
“No, it seems not,” Celestia said with a laugh. “I don’t think the Gala has ever ended so abruptly before.”
“Yeah, well… I’m sorry I wasn’t able to prevent the chaos. If you need any help with the repairs, I’m all yours.”
She smiled. “It’s quite all right, Swordulan. I can clean up the mess. Thank you for coming, I hope you were at least able to enjoy yourself for a while. The Gala can be rather boring.”
I chuckled. “I can’t say I didn’t find a little entertainment in it, though if I’m invited next year I might be a little more reluctant.”
She laughed again. “That’s quite understandable. Have a good night! I must go and find Twilight.”
As she took off down the streets of Canterlot, I flew back to the barracks and put my tuxedo away in my locker then climbed into my bunk with a sigh. I don’t think I’d ever experience a crazier night.