Murmurs began again in the audience as scenery was changed and the next number was being prepared. Unrest was beginning to grow, and others also began to fear a stampede in utter disgust and retaliation if things were allowed to go too far. Sensing this, Celestia whispered something to Luna, who immediately took wing and flew off to Ponyville and Friendship Castle. The Sun Princess then whispered orders to her aides, who passed it along to the Royal Guards securing the Canterlot Castle & Garden premises. If an uprising occurred, it would be their royal duty to quell the disturbance down to a cool, calm, quiet and harmless walk-out if it came to that.
Canterlot tastes were, indeed, held to rather the loftiest standards in all of Equestria, rivaling even those of Manehattan, Baltimare, Las Pegasus, Applewood, Cloudsdale, Vanhoover, and the Crystal Empire to name a few. A cloud wouldn’t be allowed to pass over the kingdom, if it offended even the least of its community pillars.
Still, in spite of this stuffy, upper-crust attitude, not all Canterlot citizens took this constantly pious and disdainful outlook of the world-at-large to heart all the time. Fancy Pants was certainly one of the rare exceptions, here. He believed in giving all ponies the benefit of the doubt, especially if it meant introducing a fresh element of fun, spice, or otherwise diversion to the also-otherwise humdrum sterilized atmosphere of the many soirees he threw or attended in this…secretly savage herd of hen-pecking high society snobs. A view he
most definitely shared with the ruling Alicorn Sisters, and one of the reasons he chose to offer his time and services to this
experimental production in the first place.
***
But here and now, in this simmering sea of peer-pressured patrons of the performing arts, even he could feel a jet of steam pressure building up under his eye monocle, as well as from under the collar of his period costume, as he peered out nervously from the wings at the soon-to-be hostile mob, and began to wonder as well if tonight’s event wasn’t going to end in a bloody riot.
“Dear, oh, dear…” Fancy Pants muttered discreetly to himself as he magically rubbed his monocle clean and clear, “…just once, I do wish these top hats would stop taking everything so seriously, and just enjoy this program as the ‘something different’ it was meant to be.” He sighed deeply, then fixed the monocle back into place.
“All right, ponies: Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis, you’re next! Shake a hoof!” the manager summoned.
“(*Gulp*) Indeed…” said the spiffy emcee.
"Bonne chance, mon ami!" Fleur cooed to Fancy from behind the curtain, as she sauntered out to her mark.
“Ooooh, I love it when she speaks Prench…” he mused hungrily.
***
As Fancy Pants trotted out in full costume to introduce the next number, he was met with a few hisses and moans that the show was going on, anyway, and a few snickers at his medieval getup, with a woolen scarf draped loosely around the neck & shoulders.
“(Ahem) yes, well… and now, filles and gentlecolts, a showtune that takes us back to the days of medieval chivalry, when stallions were lords, and mares were ladies-in-waiting. Performed by (heh) yours truly, and the lovely Fleur-de-Lis!"
Relieved to shed their country garb and get back into “normal” music mode (Octavia in particular) the orchestra struck up again with warm strings and soft brass.
Lackluster hoof-claps stood in for applause now, as the curtain rose to reveal----a sweeping blue sky backdrop, rolling snowy white hills in foreground, a purple façade of the snow-capped Mount Canterhorn with the white & gold spires of Canterlot perched on its ledge in the background, and a bare tree on a small knoll center-stage. Fleur, clad in a flowing medium-gray gown and a loose-fitting thick fur-wrap, sat beneath the tree, as though she had listened to her partner carrying on a long and lofty conversation…
Fancy Pants: “Oh, my-my-my, dear sweet lady. Don’t run away. Please, reconsider. Why, just look all around you.
Canterlot is unique. And we have by far and away, the most equineable climate in all of Equestria!
And all… by royal decree!"
Fleur-de-Lis: “(Giggle) Oh, come now, Monsieur. Surely you cannot expect me to believe that…”
CANTERLOT (Weather Hymn)*
Fancy Pants: “It’s true! It’s true! To Cloudsdale, we made it clear:
Our climate must be royal, all the year…
Celestia passed a law some moons ago here…
July and August mustn't be too hot…
And there’s a regal limit to the snow here,
In Canterlot…”
Up in the Royal Box, Princess Celestia scoffed quietly: “I never passed any such law…” But Luna shushed her.
Fancy Pants
(Continued): “The winter is off-limits, ‘til December.
And exits just like magic on the dot!
(At least, it should.)
By order, summer lazes through September,
In Canterlot…
Canterlot… Canterlot…
Indeed, it sounds a bit bizarre…
But in Canterlot… Canterlot…
That’s just the way things are…
And by decree: no unauthorized tornadoes…
By dawn, the morning fog must disappear!
In short, there’s clearly not,
A more delightful spot,
For Happily-Ever-Cantering
Than here, in... Can---ter---lot!"
Fleur-de-Lis: “Oh, and I suppose in autumn, the leaves simply flutter down off the trees in neat little piles.”
Fancy Pants: “Oh, no-no-no, my dear…they may hold an annual pony race in White Tail Woods to shake the leaves off.
But in Canterlot, they simply blow away in the wind…in an authorized tornado by the Pegasi.
Overnight, of course…”
Fleur-de-Lis: (scoffs...)
Fancy Pants: “Canterlot… Canterlot…
Indeed, it gives a pony pause…
But in Canterlot… Canterlot…
Those are the royal laws…
The rain here never falls ‘til after sundown
And by dusk, Luna’s moonlight shall appear!
(No nightmares, please!)
In short, there’s clearly not,
A more delightful spot,
For Happily-Ever-Cantering…
Than here, in...CAN---TER---LOT!!!!!"
At this point, Fleur & Fancy’s muzzles were close enough to kiss, when----*SPLAT!* A rotten tomato splattered Fleur in the face!
“OH, MON DIEU!!" she squealed indignantly!
“What-WHAT? OH, I SAY, THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR! ALL RIGHT, WHO DID---OH!" Fancy began to splutter angrily,
when *SPLAT!* he also got one dead-on in the face! The crowd BURST into peals of haughty LAUGHTER!
“HOW DARE YOU? OW-OOF-EEYEECH!” Now both Fancy and Fleur were being pelted in a FLURRY of flying garbage, rotted vegetables, and other rubbish materials, hurling up at them from the now HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING crowd!
“CURTAIN! CURTAIN!"Fancy Pants called out!
As the scenery flats toppled over and the curtain fell, both Fancy and Fleur galloped for their lives, exiting stage-left!
And for the first time tonight, the crowd CHEERED, WHINNIED & APPLAUDED with gusto!!
***
Back stage, a furious Fleur-de-Lis was spouting Prench expletives as both she and Rarity worked rags with their magic horns to wipe away the mess and debris from her now-ruined face and costume. Fancy Pants did likewise with a large terry-cloth towel.
“Well…I never!” Fancy swore, his thin mustache bristling, and his monocle already dropped to dangle on its string. “Most uncivilized…how DARE they do such a thing…Princess Twilight, I must apologize for the despicable behavior of such----hm? Your Highness? Where are you---*GASP* OH, MY!" Fancy’s blue eyes grew wide as tea saucers!!
A shocked Fancy Pants found Princess Twilight Sparkle lying on the backstage floor on her side. PASSED OUT.
CONTINUES NEXT CHAPTER… (Somehow.)