ag who made Kratos kill his own mother and daughter thinking that it was to appease him...""Not again..." Gilda face-palmed as all three of her Griffon Ladies were destroyed by a massive sword swing from her opponent. "Why is it that Griffon Ladies are so easy to defeat these days? Are they skipping their training regimes or something?"
"You weak and pathetic mortal! You could not hope to stand up to my onslaught!" said Gilda's opponent. He was pale white, but his body – mostly his two arms – were covered in blood, and he was wearing a Greek toga. "The next time you enter Duel Ponies, you will have learned that my deck is one known to spread fear, death, and undefeatable streaks!"
"Come on, everypony! Time to rescue Gilda just like the Avengers rescued Marvel's credability!" Twilight said as she and her friends all ran towards the arena where Gilda had been defeated.
"Hi, Gilda!" Rainbow Dash smiled as she looked at Gilda, then turned her attention to who had defeated her. "Who's the big jerk with the blood on his arms?"
"You are right in saying that I am a jerk, but my name is Kratos!" he said, flexing his bloody muscles. "I have slaughtered armies, demigods, the whole Greek Pantheon, and much, much more! And now I seek to win the Duellist Island Tournament and spill the blood of Steven Magnet as my greatest prize of all!"
"What did Steven do to piss you off?" Twilight asked.
"He cosplayed as Ares during last year's BronyCon." Kratos said gruffly.
"How does that anger you?" Twilight asked, then felt Rainbow Dash tapping at her shoulder.
"Have you even played the God of War games, Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Ares is a massive dag who made Kratos kill his own mother and daughter thinking that it was to appease him..."
"Every time I see Ares as a cosplay, I go berserk and murder whoever I meet in Duel Ponies!" Kratos explained. "Gilda was far too easy of a challenge for me. And because of the island's rules, I now get her Star Chips, taking my grand total up to twelve!"
Hot damn! Those are some rigid muscles... Yami Twilight said as a projection of herself appeared next to Twilight.
"Wait, you have twelve Star Chips already?" Regular Twilight spoke to Kratos. "Then why not just go to the castle and wait for the other finalists?"
"Because I have heard that you are a god. And I hate gods!" Kratos leapt onto the red podium and drew his swords. "Twilight Sparkle! You and I will duel in Duel Ponies. The winner gets to murder the other in cold blood!"
"Very well then, you pompous Greek jacka! Let's duel!" Yami-Twilight said as she took control of Twilight's body.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Ponies
Teenage Mutant Ninja Ponies
Teenage Mutant Ninja Ponies
Heroes wearing cosplay, Pony Power!
Here we go with the four EQG teens
On the scene, sweet teens living out their dreams
So extreme, throwing cards like laser beams,
See more with the four Duel Ponies queens
Can't stop these smokin' chicks.
They'll strike down evil with catchy quiffs
And though their opponents are massive dks
They won't be beat by their stones and sticks
Rainbow Dash, she's the leader in blue
Does anything it takes to get her ponies through
Twilght Sparkle is a snarkle with a way with reading
Applejack can't do st, but she still gets to sing
As for Pinkie Pie, she's one of a kind
And you'll notice when you find out that it's party time
Yami-Twilight taught them every strategy they need to be
One lean mean, undefeatable team
Teenage Mutant Ninja Ponies
Teenage Mutant Ninja Ponies
Teenage Mutant Ninja Ponies
Heroes wearing cosplay, Pony Power!
PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES
[Tennis Match Fan will love me forever because I did this...]
"Long I have waited to taste fresh blood on my Chaos Blades, Twilight Sparkle!" Kratos shouted as he put his deck down for the duel ahead. "When I slaughter you and take my prize, I will become the new main character of Po-Ni-Oh!"
"And how do you plan on doing that?" asked Twilight.
"With this!" Kratos slammed two buttons. The first one shackled Twilight's legs, whilst the second one activated a number of flamethrowers around Twilight's podium. "Burn, Twilight, burn! Disco Inferno!" Kratos laughed as he watched Twilight swerve out of the way of the flames.
"More flames?!" Yami Twilight shouted. "Be creative! Why are people always looking to burn me alive?!"
"Well, sorry!" Kratos argued. "I didn't know you were flame-proof..."
"It's alright," Yami-Twilight accepted Kratos's apology. "They don't know until they try. Which is pretty much just Queen Chrysalis two times now..."
"I play the Greek Pantheon of Gods! Causing my field to become filled with my most hated enemies, and the instruments to your destruction!" Kratos yelled as the gods appeared on his side of the field and glared at Twilight menacingly.
"You have instruments that produce ear-grating noise?!" Yami-Twilight was shocked.
"No. Not the musical instruments you think of—"
"Run for your life, everyone! He's going to serenade me with a piccolo!" Twilight shouted back to her friends. "Or maybe it's a flute, I can't tell the difference..."
"Either way, Twilight, you will not defeat the gods!" Kratos yelled. "I tried and won, even though it left me covered in cuts and bruises and made me wish I was dead a few times..."
"Did they try killing your ears with wind instruments too?" Twilight asked.
"No. They tried to flatten me, kill me with their godly powers, etc. etc." Kratos explained.
"They should have, though..." Twilight smiled for once. "I mean, Persephone doesn't really look like the kind of god who could go all out with her harp-playing. And as for Hercules, he really needs to play something other than the drums..."
"I know. The gods would be terrible at creating quality music," Kratos agreed with Twilight. "Even if they do try and create orchestrated music..."
"Now, I play my convenient FlashLight Shipping card!" Twilight said as she threw down a sexual picture of herself making out with Flash Sentry. "Blind Kratos with how enraging this ship is and weaken the gods' Attack Points by 1000!"
"Why did this have to happen?!" Hades screamed out as he held one of his hands in front of his face to avoid seeing the picture. "I'm leaving the fandom!"
"You have angered the gods, Twilight Sparkle," said Kratos. "Nice. No really, I'm impressed that such a single card could enrage my mortal enemies... If it weren't for the fact that I'm cast as Panik, and that you're cast as Yami-Yugi, we could very well have become best friends..."
"I know, right?" Twilight smirked.
"Wow! Twilight managed to offend a bunch of monsters and take down their Attack Points!" Cadence marvelled at the duel. "Are Duel Ponies games always this fun and exciting?"
"How the heck are you still alive, Cadence?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Well, it's because just like Bakura, I have two separate personalities," Cadence explained. "On one hand, I'm a sweet and innocent little girl who just qualifies for high-school even though I act like a nine-year-old. And on the other side, I'm a cold-hearted killer who commands a race of bug-creatures who can become anyone they wish..."
"Well alright..." Rainbow Dash said, focusing on the duel.
"I play the Walls of Troy, shielding my monsters from any and all attacks!" Kratos announced as he and his side of the arena was suddenly bricked up out of sight. "This makes the game much more tedious, and will force you to think of a strategy before you run out of cards to play!"
"So, you're using a stalemate to win this duel, are you?" Twilight asked coyly. "That doesn't sound like the Kratos I know from God of War..."
"What do you mean?" Kratos asked.
"Come on, you can't fool me with your Walls of Troy card," Twilight explained. "Everyone knows that Kratos is a killer who can murder anyone who offends him. Including gods, Playstation characters, some of the Mortal Kombat roster, and even the famous Nintendo mascot, Mario."
"Well then, if it's the real Kratos you want, then it's the real Kratos you'll get!" Kratos roared as he drew his Chaos Blades. "Father! Destroy Twilight with the Blade of Olympus, causing her to kneel down and bleed to death, wishing that she was dead!"
"So you and daddy are friends again?" Twilight taunted.
"SHUT UP!" Kratos screamed as Zeus approached Twilight and readied the Blade of Olympus for a fatal blow.
"I activate my Mirror Pool trap card, destroying every one of your monsters because you really are the real Kratos who would rush head-long into battle!" Yami Twilight said as she flipped the card up, destroying every one of Kratos's gods with one massive blast of white light.
"If Duel Ponies fails to murder you, then my fires and the Chaos Blades will!" Kratos leapt out of his podium and ran across the field whist the flamethrowers consumed Twilight's podium completely.
From the outside of the arena, the flames cloaked the entire arena, creating a colossal pillar of flame that struck the clouds in the sky, revealing a clear patch of stars and a small portion of the moon. The girls merely stepped back, pulled out some marshmallows, roasted them on sticks, and began chattering like the girls they were.
On the inside, Twilight had been unshackled, thrown onto the field, and was underneath Kratos's left boot.
"Have you got any last words to say before I send you down to the depths of Tartarus, Twilight Sparkle?!" Kratos put one of his Chaos Blades at Twilight's throat.
"One, I'm flame proof, if you remember. Two, I'm the main character, therefore making me immortal and unkillable. And three, you've made a grim mistake, Kratos," Twilight held out one of her hands towards Kratos's face. "MIND CRUSH!"
Kratos blanked out as he felt his mind become completely destroyed by an otherworldly force. He saw the words 'You Are Dead' in his mind and fell to his knees. The Chaos Blades didn't impale Twilight, as they tilted with Kratos's fall. The flames dissipated, and Twilight pushed the corpse of Kratos off of her.
"Well, I defeated the entire Greek Pantheon, murdered the God of War, and claimed his Chaos Blades and all of his Star Chips as a prize," Twilight said as she dragged Kratos off of the arena. "It's a wonderful day to be Twilight Sparkle right about now..."
"Wow, Twilight... That takes your total up to ten Star Chips!" Rainbow Dash congratulated Twilight as she plucked off all of the chips. "And if you share, then I can get to the finals as well!"
"Yeah... about that, Rainbow Dash..." Twilight said sheepishly.
"You're giving the rest to Gilda, aren't you?" Rainbow Dash deadpanned.
"Yes, but only because her cleavage is the sexiest thing since Adagio Dazzle's sex tape," Twilight said as she gave the rest of the chips to Gilda. "Here you are, Gilda. You've earned them."
"Thanks, Twilight," Gilda said with a smile as she put her Star Chips in her gauntlet wrist. "Oh, and I'll see you at the finals, okay?"
"I'll definitely see you, Gilda. But chances are you won't be seeing me anywhere beside the duelling field..." Twilight smiled.
"Why? Because you've got too much time re-organizing your deck to hand out and make friends?" Gilda asked.
"No. I'm actually a ghost, believe it or not..." Twilight said. "Steven Magnet killed me, and now I'm looking for him so that I can beat his gay ass back to the eighties..."
"Well, good luck with that..." Gilda said, walking off into the forest.
"And by the way, I'm taking these Chaos Blades," Twilight claimed her other prize. "These'll come in handy for murdering the maker of this ga— I mean, for helping others with a Kratos cosplay..."
"It kind of sounded like you were going to murder Steven with those swords..." Rainbow Dash had suspicions.
"What? Nah... I'm too much of a princess to kill, don't you remember?" Twilight crossed her fingers behind her back.
"Oh yeah..." Rainbow Dash believed her.
"In fact, I'm going to hang Steven Magnet over a pit of acid, burn his nipples with a cattle prod, and then stuff a vibrator so far up his ahole that he'll be wishing that I cut the ropes and put him out of his misery..." Twilight declared as she raised a finger.
"That's pretty fed up, Twilight..." Rainbow Dash twitched.
"Pretty fek up indeed, Rainbow Dash..." Twilight smiled once again as the group departed for another arena.
PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES
[If only Friendship is Magic had a Season Zero...]