//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: Rhett & Link Eat Equestria // by toxiconym //------------------------------// “ʕVas A comer eso?” Link sang to Rhett. They both turned their heads in unison and looked at the camera, which was about ten feet south of them. A short, green mountain towered behind them, with storm clouds gathering in the sky just above it. “ʕVas a? ʕ Vas a comer? ʕVas a comer, vas a, vas a comer eso?” Rhett and Link sang in union, carrying two baskets full of asparagus. Rhett grabbed a handful of the asparagus and stuffed it into his face, while beckoning for Link to do the same. As they continued singing their song, more storm clouds approached from the west and joined the ones above them, meshing together into a swirling vortex of color gray. “Are you gonna eat …that?” Link said, while turning his head to look up, and immediately ducked and covered his head with a yelp. Overhead, a swirling vortex rushed down at them, engulfing them in a gray swirling tornado. The swirling mass became more and more concentrated as it rotated around them, but Rhett and Link didn’t get blown away. They had been anchored to the ground by an odd and unknown force. Suddenly, the vortex exploded in an ocean of gray wind, nearly knocking out both internetainers and throwing them off into a different dimension. As their vision became darker and darker, Rhett squinted his eyes and managed to see the grinning face of a tall white alicorn with a sparkling horn before his eyes rolled back into his head, and he fell back onto the floor. ∞ “Spike! Can you bring me my journal? I left it in the kitchen,” Twilight Sparkle yelled back at his assistant while she fiddled with her telescope. She was out on the porch of the Golden Oaks Library, and was getting her equipment ready for some late-night stargazing. Princess Celestia had told her that she had made a new constellation, which would appear overhead at midnight. “You've already asked me that, you’re holding it,” Spike said, crossing his arms in front of him while slowly tapping his right foot. “Oh! Right. Then can you get me my ‘Things I Already Asked Spike Checklist?” Twilight didn’t even look back at her small and purple dragon. She was currently writing notes and equations on her notebook, while frantically adjusting her telescope to set on a specific spot of the beautiful dark night. “You’ve asked for that too, it’s right there,” Spike simply deadpanned and pointed to a spot on the balcony. “And why are you so nervous? Princess Celestia’s new constellation isn’t even due for an hour!” Upon hearing this, Twilight turned on Spike and walked towards him, pushing him against the wall. “Her constellation isn’t ‘even’ due for an hour, Spike! It’s going to BE due in an hour! It’s a whole new constellation! I have to make sure everything is perfect, otherwise I’d miss one of the most important days in history! Do you really want that to happen? Princess Celestia would be disappointed in me; I may not even be her student anymore!” Twilight had backed Spike up into one of the porch’s corners, whose face was looking like Twilight had turned into a hydra, or Discord, or some creature of equal terror. Twilight looked down at the cowering baby dragon and her rage was replaced by guiltiness and concern. “Oh, Spike, I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s not due for an hour. We still have plenty of time left, thank you for reminding me that,” she apologized. Spike blinked. “No, it’s okay Twil-“ “No, it’s not okay, Spike. I shouldn’t have yelled at my number one assistant like that, and said assistant definitely should not be apologizing for a mistake I made. So once again, I’m sorry. It’s just, Celestia put a lot of effort into her constellation, and I want to make sure I put just as much effort into recording it,” Twilight Sparkle backed up from Spike and turned toward her telescope. “Why did Celestia make a constellation after all? Wouldn’t that be Luna’s job?” Spike scratched his head with his claws as he gazed out at the sky. “Well, yes, but I’m sure that there’s a good reason. Celestia isn’t one to take action without proper reasoning and judgment. That’s one of the reasons she’s been able to rule an entire kingdom by herself for an entire millennium,” Twilight said and looked back at her assistant. “Whatever the reason she may have, there’s always a good reason to trust in her,” ∞ Princess Celestia put a hoof to her mouth, trying to contain her mirth. She had made herself invisible and was sitting on one of the library’s branches, looking down at Twilight and Spike’s conversation. Yes, she most definitely had a good reason for ‘making a new constellation’, as they would soon see. The princess soared over them and began flapping her wings towards Canterlot. She teleported to her bedroom mid-flap, and began preparing the spell that would teleport Rhett & Link across dimensions to Equestria, more specifically Ponyville. Long-distance teleportation itself was extremely difficult for a mere unicorn, very few could achieve such a feat without severe consequences. In contrast, inter-dimensional teleporting was impossible, but Celestia was no mere unicorn. She had saturated her bedroom’s air with magic for a month, and had been stocking up on her own magical reserves, reserving her magic for emergencies in preparation for this moment. There were various charms and artifacts laid out across the room’s floor, while the room itself had been enchanted with countless magic-boosting spells and enchantments. Princess Celestia eagerly waited for midnight to come, the perfect time to wreak havoc among her prized pupil and her friends. She giggled with glee at what would be her biggest troll yet. Well, for the century, anyway. When her magical internal clock struck 11:58, she began drawing magic from the magical energies she had stocked up in the room the month prior. The energy came to her horn from every corner and most of the charms and artifacts she had so carefully laid out on the floor. Celestia was almost blinded by the searing light of pure magic were it not for her experience with the sun, yet she continued drawing the magic in. The magical energies began pouring into her horn and in a minute they had all been stored inside Celestia’s own magical reserves, visible by the bright glow of her horn. Princess Celestia strode out the door and into her bedroom’s balcony, which granted her a full view of all of Canterlot. Far in the distance near the horizon, specks of light shined indicating towns and cities. One such speck of light was Ponyville. Celestia looked to her right at her sister’s tower, making sure Princess Luna was asleep. Contrary to popular belief, Luna doesn’t sleep during the day. She has her duties of guiding lost ponies in their dreams during the night, making sure she could make as many ponies as possible feel safe and dream without fear. To be able to do that Princess Luna must be in a deep and dormant state of sleep. Looking back at the night sky, Celestia began formulating the complicated spell in her mind. She closed her eyes and searched through the multiverse in her head for Rhett and Link’s dimension. The multiverse was filled with many dimensions, but after some careful probing she found the pair singing near a rather small mountain. Celestia cast an enchantment on the dimension, and a doppelganger of herself dropped in. Both copies of Celestia began channeling energy into the sky above Rhett and Link, creating a huge tornado-looking air mass in the sky. She grunted in effort, bringing the vortex near Rhett and Link, compressing it to where all of the magical energy seeped into their very bones. Then, with a final enchantment, she let the spell unwind, causing a huge explosion in the center of the mountain. After the dust settled, the doppelganger calmly walked up to Rhett and Link. With one final cast of her horn, the doppelganger disappeared, Rhett and Link teleported just outside Ponyville, and Celestia blacked out from her exertion, having just enough time to go back to her bedroom and fall asleep on her queen-sized cream-colored bed. ∞ “That’s strange. It’s midnight, but I don’t see any new stars,” Twilight rubbed her chin as she looked across the sky for the new constellation Princess Celestia had promised. “Wait, nevermind, look Spike!” Twilight pointed her hoof at a spot in the starry sky that was beginning to glow. Spike ran next to Twilight and climbed on top of the balcony rail. The spot in the sky that was glowing started to fade… but instead of a new constellation, two ape-like creatures could be seeing flailing through the air. “What,” Spike contemplated his existence. “Agreed, Spike. Take a letter." Spike pulled out some paper and a quill "‘Dear Princess Celestia: In the night sky during the time you said the constellation would arrive, two creatures appeared and fell to the ground. I’m sure there’s a good reason for all of this, but an explanation would help everyone break out of our shock. Your student, Twilight Sparkle,'” Spike finished scrawling on the letter and breathed fire on it to send it to Princess Celestia. “Let’s check it out, Twilight!” Spike hurriedly stepped down the balcony and jogged up to the door, but was then stopped by a purple glow. “No, Spike. It’s past our bedtimes, and I haven’t slept in days because of my studies,” “But-“ Spike struggled against her telekinesis, trying to brush off the purple aura starting to form around his left arm. “No buts Spike.” Twilight said as she floated an annoyed Spike over to his basket in front of Twilight's bed. “We can deal with it in the morning,” Twilight plopped Spiked down and trotted on top of her own bed. “Good night, Spike,” Spike opened his mouth as if to protest, but decided against it. It was really late, and as he settled into his basket, his vision became more and more slurred by fatigue. “Alright, fine," He gave in to sleep, but not before saying "Good night, Twilight,”.