A migrainesque half-hour later, Rainbow Dash finished tossing the last of many-many small mammal bones into the putrid pile of the room. She dusted her hooves off. "Well... uhm... grandson... the 'dishes' are done." She tossed the dishrag into the foul-smelling ether and turned around. "So... your... uh... your Grandpappy was wondering if perhaps you might be willing to lend him the... Wind... Chalice..." She froze in place, blinking.
Fibb had collapsed entirely into the deep folds of his chair. His head hung back, and he snored through his rattling beak. More than a liberal amount of drool collected on the grimy floor of the place.
Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth. "Oh for Pete's sake!"
"Hmmm?! What?!" A blunt-beaked griffon woke up in the corner of the room, bursting out of a pile of broken furniture. "I did nothing, Fibb! I swear!" He cowered. "Please! Don't hit!"
"She wasn't talking to you, Petey," another griffon groaned, flying through the room. She glared in Rainbow's direction. "Look. He's down for the count. Wherever you're from, stranger, it's probably for the best that you leave it that way."
"But I can't leave it that way!" Rainbow hissed through her teeth and pointed at the bulbously muscular youth. "This dude is my only ticket to grabbing the Wind Chalice!"
"The Wind Chalice?" a griffon echoed from the distant corner. "BRAAAAK! What in Boreas' Beak do you need that for?!"
"Is it really such a big friggin' deal?" Rainbow frowned. "I just need you guys to lower the winds to the west barrier for a quick sec and then I'm out of your hair... er... feathers!"
"Look, lady," said another griffon, stifling a yawn as she draped herself over the back of a sofa. "Nobody does anything with the Chalice but the Governor's Grandson. That's the law... or at least I think it is." She shrugged. "Hard to read something once it's been smoked."
Rainbow pointed at the oversized creature with disgust. "Why do you birdos even follow a walking slab of meat like him anyways?"
"Because he's the strongest, bloodiest, killingest griffon there is," said a birdcat from the corner. Her eyes sparkled as she cooed through her beak. "And he's just... so eloquently spoken too..."
Rainbow Dash snarled. "I don't have friggin' time for this." She flew over, grabbed Fibb's tiny metal helmet, pulled it up to the furthest extent of its elastic straps, then let go.
Sn-SNAP! The article slammed into the top of Fibb's skull. "Grrrr-RAWWWWWWWK! BLBLBLBLBLBBB—BEEF PATTIES!" He stood up straight, his hawkeyes twitching. He stared down at the pegasus while veins popped beneath his neck feathers. "WHAT THE HELL, GRAMPS?!"
Grip! Rainbow Dash yanked on his lion's tail. "Now you listen to me, ya bloated zeppelin with features..." Her brow furrowed savagely. "I'm not your grandfather, and I'm no soft hooves. What I can be is your worst friggin' nightmare if you don't give me the Wind Chalice and give it to me right this—" POWWW! A meaty talon flew into her face.
"NICE TRY, GRAMPS!" Fibb gave a cocky smile. He jumped up and came back down, his haunches smashing the lazy chair to bits. "BUT THAT WIND CHALICE SITS PRETTY IN MY TROPHY ROOM AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO—" The cretin froze in place, throwing a beady-eye in the direction of the kitchen. "...WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU TO CLEAN THE DISHES?!"
"Okay... that's it!" Rainbow Dash hopped back up, wiping the blood from her muzzle. "I know the only kind of language to deal with the likes of you! Buffalo!" She flew straight into him and punched him several times in the chest and beak. "Hah! How do you like that buffalo?! I'll buffalo you in the buffalo guts until you buffalo die from it! Buffalo!"
At last, she finished, slumping in place with aching hooves. Next, she blinked, for she realized that she had done nothing to affect the griffon. She hadn't even fazed him. She looked up, her ears folding in the shadow of his burning glare.
"Eheheheh..." She took a pensive step back, then raised a hoof. "Have you ever considered s-subscribing to friendship? It's magical, y'know."
CRASSSSH!
Rainbow's body flew through the east wall of the building. She rolled several times, then slid to a stop at the very edge of the crystalline platform. Behind her, the building echoed with shrieks and chirps. The other griffons cheered, and soon Fibb was staring out with a wicked grin.
"YOU ARE NEVER GETTING THE WIND CHALICE, GRAMPS! NOT WITH THOSE NOODLES ON YOU! HAHAHAHA! GET A JOB!"
And he retreated into the center of the hovel, dragging a few "punching bags" with him.
"Mrmmmfgghhh..." Rainbow Dash stirred.
Lancie crawled out of her saddlebag. He rubbed his jaw, wincing slightly. Looking all around, he eventually brightened, found his fang, then snapped the cracked thing back into his granite jaw. "Well, then..." He brushed his talon and paw off. "Reconsidered taking up chicken dinners?"
"Please tell me I-I've been punched by worse things," Rainbow grumbled, struggling to sit up.
"I've only had hints of your love life before you and I collided," Lancie said. "So, no, I can't help you out here."
"Just when I need help the most... grrrr..." Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin, glaring into the building across the platform. "Just how does a society function when it entrusts all of its power into melon fudges like that?"
"The same society that could easily wipe ponies off the face of the planet if both cultures went to war."
"Hey, that's never been proven," Rainbow said, pointing. "And, besides, we've survived more than one war with them in the past."
"Don't get your feathers all ruffled, Sparky," Lancie said. "I think we both secretly know that the griffons' inability to get their act together is what keeps them a rung below pigeons."
"Yeah... sure..." Rainbow nodded with a sigh. "I'll buy that."
"Soooooo... are we flying around the continent, then?"
"Lancie... guh..." Rainbow frowned and began pacing. "Don't even start! You know we've got no time for that!" She spun and gestured. "Apple Bloom has no time for that!"
"As the broken record hidden in your mane has alerted me with great redundancy," Lancie said, folding his granite forelimbs. "Then what are our options here?"
"I... I... tch..." Rainbow spun around, voice cracking. "I don't know!"
"Or maybe you do, but you're hesistant for some reason."
Rainbow Dash bit her lip.
"Maybe you can avoid 'Plan B,' Sparky... but I don't think Apple Bloom can afford to."
Rainbow sighed, hanging her head. "... ... ...you're right, Lancie."
The statue blinked, then leaned forward, cupping a paw around his ear. "What was that? Did I just hear Tartarus freezing over?"
"No, you didn't." Rainbow gulped, gazing down at the platform full of green foliage. "But, by the end of today, I'll have wished it did."
Lancie shrugged. "Whatever the challenge is, you've got it in the bag!"
"Yeah... yeah I do..." Rainbow Dash stood up tall, then stretched her wings as Lancie hopped into her saddlebag. "After all... it's familiar territory."
"That's the spirit, Sparky!"
"Besides..." Rainbow Dash glided off into the air. "...who can resist an awesome smile like mine?"
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
The front door to the cottage opened with a creak.
"Gilda!" Rainbow Dash bore a cheeky grin. She flung her forelimbs wide. "How's it hoofin', gi—" WHAM!!! A fisted talon flew across her face. "Rrrrgh! Thnnuvvaaa...!"
"Grfff!" Gilda flicked her lion's tail and marched straight out the door, past the stumbling mare. "I've got nothing to say to you, dweeb."
"Gghhghh—gfflda—Gilda, wait!" Rainbow Dash waved a hoof, turning to look at her with puppy dog eyes. "This is super crazy important. A little foal's life is at stake. As a friend, won't you at least consi—?" WHAM!!! "Grrnnghhh! Mfff frfffghn nothhe!"
"You're not my friend!" Gilda snarled, beak producing sparks. "You even said so yourself! I dunno what you're doing here, but buzz off!" FWOOOOOSH! With a hawk shriek, she roared off over the waving green foliage of her lush platform.
Rainbow Dash spat blood onto the thin soil, rubbing her muzzle again.
Lancie emerged from her bag. "It's not too late to consider the 'continental flight' thing."
"Lancie, stuff it." Rainbow flapped her wings, soaring after the griffon. "Gilda! Gilda, please, wait up...!"