//------------------------------// // part 1 // Story: That Pony With The Glasses or The Elements Of Critic // by The watchful pony //------------------------------// That Pony With The Glasses Or The Elements Of Critic written By the watchful pony part 1 Angry joe was walking down a long hallway in a convention center. He saw another person walking in the opposite direction. "Hello sir, how are you doing today". "Well I'm doin-". "Oh wait, I don't care. Because I just won a million dollars" and so joe walked off towards a large room were most of the interviews were normally held. "Ok wear's my NO.......NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO..........NO YOU ALL GOT THE SAME NOTE ABOUT THE MILLION DOLLARS". "Yep" said everybody. "Dammit, not this shit again". Joe walked into the crowd of all the critics. "Don't worry, will get him in his sleep" said Lupa. "So what do you think the nostalgia critic has planned this time" said Phelous. "Probably another hair brain idea that going to end bad and get nearly all of us killed. I got ten bucks says Todd is the first to go" said Linkara. "Your on" said Phelous. Everybody was hanging around when the Nostalgia critic walked in. "What the hell are you all doing here" he said right before Linkara shot his magic gun at him and the critic ducked to the side. "Why are you mad at me". "It's obvious that you called us all here for another stupid quest or idea you have" said Todd. "This wasn't me" said the critic but only got angry stares. "Okay hang on, how many of you got this note about the million dollars". Everyone raised there hand exempt for Sage and the Bum. "I just go were everyone else goes".said sage. "And i'm only here for plot convenience, but I will take that money if it's in change" said the Bum. "Well then it's clear that someone summoned us all here, but who" said Critic. "I DID" said a booming voice from the back of the room. Everybody in the room turned to see a figure with a gray overcoat, a gray fedora, a staff with a cobra on the end in his hand, a katana, and sunglasses on. He also had several buttons all over his coat. Some said stuff like "cake is a lie" and others had pictures like twilight's cutiemark. "I AM THE ONE THAT HAS CALLED YOU ALL HERE, FOR I AM THE WATCHFUL PONY". Everybody in the room just stared in silence with the exception of Paw who coughed into his hand. "I AM A BRONY REVIEWER". "A what" said spoony. "I'M A MAN WITH A MAGIC STAFF SO LISTEN"said The Watchful Pony. "It's kinda heard to hear you when you yell louder then Darth vader" said Angry Joe. "Yea your more harder to understand then christian bale doing his batman voice" said the Critic. "BUT THIS THE TRADITIONAL CANTERLOT VOICE, MY ROYAL CAPS LOCK". "How about you go untraditional for two seconds" said Cinema Snob. "Okay fine, I'll talk normally. Getting back to what I was saying, you are all probably wandering why I have summoned you all here". "Some quest of some kind-" said Chick. "That will take us all over god knows were-" said Todd. "And ends in a big battle or a disappointing pay off" said Snob. "Hay you guys are good at this. anyway, yes I am here to send you to a new world to learn the joys of ponys and to learn love and tolerance". "But were critics. We don't love and tolerate, we bitch and complain" said Critic. "and nitpick" said Linkara to which the Critic pointed and nodded his head. "Well you say that but the thing is... pause for dramatic effect.... you don't have a choice" and with that he slammed his staff into the ground and an all dark port opened up and all the critics were sucked into it. ___________________________________________________________________ The nostalgia critic awoke in the middle of a road with the bright summer sun beaming down on him. "Oh god, my head. Was I playing the steven king drinking game again. No I would be dead if that was the case. Wait, now I remember, there was that one guy. He used his staff to open a portal and transported us all here". He looked around to see that there was nobody around. He brought his hand to his head to rub it but soon found out that his hand had been replaced with a hove to which he proceeded to scream for a good five minuets until Linkara came along and slapped him in the back of the head. "Will you stop screaming, it's magic bitch, why are you so surprised". When the critic recomposed himself, he looked himself and Linkara over. He still had his tie and his hat and coat on but he was a pony. He was a unicorn and had yellow fur and a balding black main. He also had his TGWTG symbol as his cutie mark. Linkara was also a unicorn and had green fur and a short, red main as well as his atop the forth wall symbol as his cutie mark. "Ok ok, so were ponys" said Critic. "Looks like it"said Linkara. "And were here to learn to love and tolerate from a man that looked like a ultra nerd meets the matrix" said Critic. "Pretty much". said Linkara. "You know your taking this really well". said Critic. "Well this happens to us every year so I'm kinda use to it" said Linkara. "Fair enough. Well your the expert on this pony shit so tell me what we should do" said Critic. "Well the first thing we should do is go to ponyvill and meet the main six and learn and live with them. Sooner or later that man that zapped us here will see that we have learned to live with them and will send us home". "How often does this happen to people". "I don't know, I lost track after the fifth HIE story I read". "I think everyone should take a vacation after this". "This could be our vacation". "I said vacation, not torture. Well as soon as we find the others, we will head to this quote un quote ponyvill". The Critic and Linkara walked along until they saw another pony laying on the ground. they walked up to her and noticed it was the nostalgia chick. "Lindsy wake up" said the Critic as he poked her. "I dont wana go to school momy" said Chick. "let me try something. Hay Lindsy, is that Todd". "What what were. Hay Todd's not here, you tricked me". "Well to bad. Come on, get up" said Linkara. Nostalgia Chick got up and she was an all red pegasus with black main in her classic pigtails style and she had a movie tape as a cutie mark. "Well Todd may not be here, but at least I'm a pegasus" said Chick. "Did someone say my name" said Todd as he appeared from out of some trees. He was an all gray earth pony with a black hoodie and a black vail over his eyes and had dark blue, connected quarter notes as a cutie mark (think vinyl scratches cutie mark). "TODD" said Chick as she ran up to Todd only for him to side step out of the way right before she tried to pounce him. "Well at least I'm not the only one that was turned into a pony...... wait a minuet, how come you guys are so colorful. I look like a took a bath in emo". "I dont think thats how you make that joke, besides we need to find the rest of the group" said The Critic. "SOMEBODY GET IN MY WAY" someone said right before it crashed into Linkara. the pony got up and it was a sky blue pegasus with dark blue hair and a scream mask as a cutie mark. "Spoony is that you" said Critic. "It's me allright, just taking this new body out for a spin". "More like a crash" said Linkara. "Oh bravo, what did it take you two minuets to come up with that" said a voice. It was reviled to be Cinema Snob. He was an earth pony that had his black over coat, was all black with a gray main and had the word porn for a cutie mark. "Oh hay look Todd, your not the only one thats a depressing color". "Blacks not depressing, it's mysteries. Besides, black is a bad ass color". "You got that right" said another voice. It was Angry Joe. A pegasus with all black fur that had two white stripes running down each of his front legs, a red main and his big red S as his cutie mark.. "Okay is anybody else in the forest" said Critic. "Yes.......I mean no". "Alright, get out here" the rest of the group came out of the forest. There was Phelous who was an earth pony with red fur and had a short cut, orange main and had a shredder helmet as his cutie mark. Paw was also a earth pony with brown fur and no main but a black tail, his head phones and cap, and a movie strip and a double quarter note as a cutie mark. obscures Lupa was a earth pony with pink fur, a red main, and a big OL as her cutie mark. JewWario was a pegasus that had yellow fur, his hat, a yellow tail, and his wario hat with the initials JW as a cutie mark. Sage was a unicorn with black and red fur, a black and red main, and his dark robes over his face as a cutie mark. "Okay thats everybody. Wait, wear's the Bum" said Critic. "I dont know, he ran off as soon as he woke up" said Paw. "Doesn't matter. Alright my fellow critics, to ponyvill.............well". "Well what" said Linkara. "Well lead us to it". "I don't know were it is. Just because I know of the show does not mean I instantly know were ponyvill is". "Is that it" said Snob as he pointed off towards a city. "Yes it is" And so the critics set off towards the town of ponyvill. ____________________________________________________________________ It was sun set when the critics came to ponyvill. Everypony was looking at them funny and sometimes hitting buildings because they did not look forward. who know why everypony noticed them. Maybe they were more clothed then most ponys, maybe it's because there were so many of them in one place, or maybe it was spoony refusing to stop flying and crashing every two seconds. Soon they came to Twilights treehouse which was lit up on the inside. From a window it looked like the main six were all talking. "Okay someone knock on the door" said the Critic. "Why don't you just do it yourself, your right there" said phales. "Because I command, not do. Now someone knock on the door". "I'll do it" said Chick. she brought her hoove up and knocked on the door. There were whispers on the other side and some walking noise. Eventually Spike opened the door to see all the critics at the door. "Sorry but the libraries closed, come back tomorrow" said spike. However, just as he was closing the door, the critic bucked the door open and all the critics barged into twilights house. "Excuse me but the library is closed" said Twilight. "Yea bud, what gives you and your little group the right to barge in like that" said Rainbow dash. "I'm afraid you have a bigger problem then working in a dying profession. I don't know why I'm stuck in a girls toy bin, but me and my friends came here to learn how to love and tolerate, and thats what's up" said Critic. The main six just looked at them with shocked expressions. "Uh critic, I think you need to explain a little more" said Chick. "Alright, fine, let me explain" and so the critics went into the night explaining who they were and why they were there. They also when into less then acceptable material. ".. And thats the first time I ever did it with a duck" said the critic. "So your all humans from earth, also I did not need to hear that last part" said twilight. "Yes ,were here to live among the ponys, but first we need a place to stay. "Well since there's twelve of you, I say that two of each can stay with one of each of us" said twilight. "Hang on, who said I'm okay with this" said Rainbow dash. "Rainbow, please, be civilized for once" said rarity. "Fine, I'll let two of you stay". "Okay then , heres how it will work. Me and Linkara will stay with Twilight. Lets see, sage and paw, you two can go with applejack..." sage and paw bro hooved each other."... Chick and Todd, you two go with Rarity..." Chick hugged Todd."... Lupa and Phelous, we haven't seen you two together, you go with Fluttershy, Angry Joe and Sponny, since you two are pegasuseses...". "The plural is pegasi" said Dash. "WHAT EVER, you two go with rainbow dash. And finally, Cinema Snob and Jewwario, you two go with Pinky Pie, that should be funny". "Since Jewwarios a pegasus, can Sponny come with me instead, I don't trust these two together"said Snob. "Fine, Jewwario, Switch with Sponny" said Critic. "Uh, but I wanted to go with Pinky Pie". "GET OVER THERE". Jewwario and Sponny switched spots. "Okay now everybody....". "aheam". "What, oh right, I mean "everypony". Go get some rest for tomorrow". Everyone walked out except for Linkara, Critic, and Twilight. "The guest bed is upstairs". "I'm not sharing a bed with him". "Me neither, lets rock, paper, scissors for it". "How" said Linkara as he held up his hoove. "Oh, right. Okay, lets yell out what we choose". Both:"Rock paper scissors..." Linkara: "rock". Critic: "scissors". "... I win now get on the couch". "Dammit". The defeated Critic got on the couch.... "I'm never gonna be able to sleep on this...." ......and passed out.