I was dreaming.
It was a happy dream for a change. I was hosting a backyard barbecue, and all my friends were there.
Applejack and Big Mac were at the treats table, making sure it was filled with delicious Apple-made goodies.
Fluttershy and Rarity were happily chatting. I didn’t know what the subject was. All I cared about was they were happy.
Beatrix was wandering around the crowd, doing card tricks and other illusion magic, smiling happily. She would occasionally flash a mischievous smirk at Big Mac, who would smile back shyly.
Lyra and Bonbon were chatting with the Cakes. Talking candy, I’ll bet. Lyra turned and waved eagerly at me.
Pinkie was doing a giggling snort at a joke 'Doctor' Time Turner made. They were surrounded by a few ponies I didn’t recognize; a slate grey pegasus mare with a wild, light grey mane, a pink unicorn mare with a curly purple mane, a light blue unicorn stallion with a blue mane, and an all-white stallion, mane and all.
Gary and his family were also there, happy to be part of the community. Ponies around them accepted them with that crazy emotional whiplash ponies create. One minute, they’re suspects in everything, now ponies treat them like their best friends, which counts as a casual acquaintance among ponies.
One of my few human friends, Tycho, who I still occasionally kept in touch with, was also there, chatting with Twilight. I didn’t really understand what they were talking about, but they were really into it. Science vs Magic, no doubt.
Even Celestia and Luna were there. Their manes were in ponytails, with no crowns or jewellery. Basically, they were relaxed and casual. Celestia was enjoying a piece of vanilla cake with white and pink frosting, a tiny dollop on her muzzle. Luna, with a mouth full of rich chocolate mooncake, snorted in laughter at something someone said. I was happy to see them relaxing and having fun. I briefly wondered if this was really them. At that moment, Luna turned her head and winked at me, before returning to what she was doing. I chuckled, ‘I guess this is my Paladin paycheque.’
I heard the happy squeal of kids having fun on the play equipment. Dan and Lily were playing with Spike, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom. They were patiently being watched by Granny Smith, who was sitting in a rocking chair beside my mom in her own rocking chair. Granny was chatting in her quaint country-isms, and my mom responded in her own Rive-Sud-de-Montreal French. They had no problems understanding each other.
I was busy at the twin grills. Various veggies, hay burgers, and tofu dogs filled the larger one, with the smaller one covered in drumsticks, pork chops, and thick, juicy, ground chuck burgers. My mouth just watered at the thought of biting into that perfect, medium-rare, hamburger.
Finally, my eyes swept over to Dash and Ann at the picnic table. They momentarily both turned to look at me, looked at each other with wide grins, and then laughed uproariously at a shared joke.
Definitely a happy dream.
CRASH!
I was rudely awoken by an impact and found myself on the ground beside the bed. The wood floor was rough and cold, and a single sheet was still on my head.
I quickly removed the sheet and looked around, only to find Scootaloo on the bed, lying on her side, her little sleeping face blissfully unaware.
‘Scootaloo kicks like a mule,’ I mused to myself. ‘No offense.’
I looked groggily at the clock.
3:27 in the A.M.
I don’t think I’ve ever smiled that broadly at a physical assault before. I thought back with an ache in my heart to the irritation I felt when Lily did that to Ann and me. ‘Amazing what you miss.’ This is a wonderful slice of normality back in my life. Totally worth it. I looked at Scoots for a few moments and thought, ‘Yeah, she’s my daughter, all right.’
I carefully shifted her legs and got back into bed. I quickly fell back asleep.
My internal alarm clock woke me at 7:03 AM on the dot. Moving slowly, I got out of bed. I felt guilty as I carefully moved Scoot’s foreleg from my leg. The tail tickled slightly as I pushed it off my arm. She had migrated her way down to the other end of the bed, head on the edge beside my feet. Lily did the same thing. I suppose some things are universal.
I sat on the edge of the bed, slowly stretching while planning out my day. ‘Laptop’s still with Twilight, so that’s my second destination,’ I flexed my encased right hand a little, ‘I’ll go there right after I get this junk off. I want to walk Scoots to school, too. It will put me in the general direction of the hospital, so it’s all good.’ I smirked, ‘In the meantime, I can make breakfast for my ladies.’
I was able to get downstairs without waking them, despite that creaking stair. I took my time to avoid making a mess and within half an hour I had the table set, pancakes made, with and without straw, fruit salad, canned unfortunately, and a big pot of coffee.
During my breakfast-making activities, I realized my arm and hand no longer ached. I hadn't even taken a willow bark tablet yet. ’Doc Emerald said to come back in a few days, and this feels like long enough to me. Besides, it’s a pain in the ass to not have both arms and hands properly usable.’
While placing the bowl of canned and dried fruit as a centrepiece, I heard the sound of a clearing throat. I turned on my heel and was greeted by a pair of annoyed ponies. Dash stepped up to me and pointed to the table, “Alex Roberts! What do you think you’re doing?”
She was quickly followed by Scootaloo, matching her stance and narrowed eyes, “Seriously, Dad? Do we have to watch you all the time?”
I replied in my best villain voice, “Bwahaha! You intrepid heroes will never stop my evil plan to feed you a delightful breakfast of pancakes and fruit! You’ll never stop my pancake plans!”
Scootaloo only giggled, “Smells great, Dad.”
Dash gave me an exasperated sigh, “Why do I even bother?”
I batted my eyelashes, “Because you love me, and I’m incredibly cute.”
Dash smirked, “And modest.”
I replied, “Yes, thank you. I, the most modest man in this world and the worlds beyond,” they chuckled as they sat at the table and dug in, “will need help in cleaning up.”
Dash waved a fork in her hoof with a piece of pancake at me, “Oh, sure, make a nice meal then force us to do the dirty work.”
I steepled my fingers as best I could. “Of course. All part of my evil plan.”
During this silly exchange, Scootaloo busily scarfed down her pancakes, grinning the entire time. I noticed how fast she was eating and made eye contact with her. “Hey there, pumpkin. No need to eat so fast. No one will steal it from you.”
She put down her fork and looked up, a little embarrassed. With her mouth still a little full and a dollop of syrup on the tip of her snout, “Sorry Dad. It’s just that these pancakes are so good, I just couldn’t help myself.”
It was probably just my imagination, but I thought I saw a shadow pass behind her eyes.
Dash smirked and, with an also partially full mouth, said, “She has a point. These are mighty fine pancakes.”
I took a big bite of pancake, and with a half-full mouth, threw my hands in the air in mock despair, “And so it goes; my beautiful wife and daughter, teaching me bad habits. Oh, the humanity!”
My reward was their riotous laughter.
We all soon finished breakfast, and as a family, we cleaned up the dishes, not that I was allowed to do much. There was about half an hour before school started, so there was no rush. Dash stepped out into the living room and called Scootaloo to join her. I finished putting the dish towels on the drying rack and curiously poked my head through the kitchen door.
Dash and Scoots were sitting face to face, their noses touching. Dash gently blew, and Scoots breathed deeply. My daughter then repeated this act with her mother. They slowly put their foreheads together and smiled.
Dash noticed my curious smile. “Hey, Alex.”
Scootaloo grinned, “Hey, Dad.” She hopped in front of me, gestured me to come closer, touched her nose to mine, and gently blew.
I became a little worried and made eye contact with Dash. She made encouraging little blowing motions.
I mentally shrugged, ‘When in Rome.’ I blew gently.
Scootaloo wordlessly touched her forehead to mine, then, after a moment, started giggling. “Dad, you have dragon breath.”
I chuckled along with her and Dash. “So, not to sound too stupid but what just happened?”
Scootaloo and Dash looked at me in confusion. Finally Scootaloo spoke up, “That was a breath hug, Dad. Haven’t you ever done a breath hug before?”
I stroked her mane, “No, this is my first one. No one’s ever done that with me.”
Dash, obviously agitated, blushed, “Well, I was saving it for our wedding day, okay? I wanted our first time to be special.” She grew thoughtful for a moment, “Also, with the way Scoots reacted, I think you need to see the dentist before we share ours.”
I chuckled, “Not a bad idea, actually. So, this breath hug. Is it something pegasi do?”
Dash rolled her eyes, “No, everypony does it. It’s something you do with family.”
Scootaloo looked down sheepishly. “Actually Dad, this was my first, too. My birth mom never did it. At least I don’t remember her ever doing it.”
Dash smiled lovingly at her daughter, “You know what, Scoots, if you want, I’ll give you one every single day.”
“Wait a sec, you know what a dragon’s breath smells like?” I looked at the time, 8:15. “Sorry to break this up, but it’s time to boogie. Scoots, you have your school bag packed?”
She gave me a snappy salute, “Sir, yes, sir.”
I returned with my own sloppy salute, “Excellent. Lunch?”
Dash face hoofed. “Sorry, squirt. Totally my bad. But-”
I cut her off. “Shoot! This is awful. Is there somewhere you can just buy lunch?”
Scoots looked down, a little embarrassed, “If I’m super quick, I can go to the Cube. I’ll miss lunch with the girls.” She hastily added, “But that’s okay, Dad.”
I started racking my brain for a better solution to her missing lunch with her friends when Dash gave me a light shoulder bump.
Dash was smirking, “I have a better idea. How about you head to school, and I’ll just bring you your lunch.”
Scootaloo beamed, “That would be awesome!” She hugged Dash as she landed, “I love you, Mom.”
I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of those two hugging. I picked up Scootaloo’s saddle bags and tossed them over my shoulder.
Dash was the first to react. Eyes narrowed, head forward, wings slightly open. “Hey, now. I let you get away with breakfast, but not this. Scootaloo can carry her own saddlebags.”
Scootaloo was so cute, matching her mom’s facial expression and body language. “Yeah, Dad. I’ve carried it since my first day of school. You don’t have to. I don’t want you to. Anyway, you’re hurt.”
I smiled at them. “Scootaloo, I am calling on a father’s prerogative to walk his daughter to school and carry her bags. This is something I want to do and will make me very happy.”
We stood there, Dash and Scootaloo giving me the stink eye and me just smiling at them. Dash stayed firm, but after a few moments, Scoots snorted and giggled.
I dropped to a knee and held my arms out. I was rewarded by my little girl galloping into my chest and giving me a tremendous hug.
Dash sighed and said with a smirk, “I’ll let this go too, I guess.”
After a walk during which Scoots took her time, and I hustled, we finally arrived at the schoolyard. Kids were already milling around, playing, or just sitting and talking.
I spotted Diamond Tiara sitting alone at the picnic table, away from the other kids. She seemed perfectly satisfied without anyone around her, furiously scribbling in a notebook. When we got close enough for her to spot us, her eyes narrowed, her ears pinned back, and she gave us a nasty scowl. As an afterthought, she snapped her notebook closed.
I was a little surprised. There was so much raw hate from such a young person. Not that I expect adoration, but you would think I would at least rate neutrality. Something bad might come out of this later if I’m not careful.
I don’t think Scootaloo even noticed her as Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom charged toward her, bombarding her with questions.
Apple Bloom was the first to reach her, “How was it? I’ll bet y’all got a really nice room. Did ya sleep good? Slept like a baby the first night, I’ll bet. Ain't that right big brother?”
Before I could answer, Sweetie Belle asked her own questions. “I’ll bet they tucked you in, all snuggly warm, and...”
All the while Sapphire peppered me with questions. ‘Did friend Scootaloo acquire proper nutrition this sunrise? Did she achieve the medically required number of sleep units? My father says eight units are required. Will she have the required energy levels to interact with us?’
Off to the side, watching the Cutie Mark Crusaders, was Silver Spoon. She looked embarrassed, her hoof making little circles in the grass. Scootaloo turned her head in her direction, looked up at me and grinned. She looked toward the grey mare, “Hey, Silver. Why are you all the way over there? You want to join us?”
Silver smiled and joined us, relief obvious on her face. “Yeah, I think that would be great.”
As the kids got together and started chatting, out of the corner of my eye I noticed a seething Diamond Tiara. She snarled out, just loud enough for me to hear, “I don’t need you. I’ve got newer, better friends, Silver. You’ll see. You’ll all see!” With that, she stomped into the school.
I knew they didn’t hear her, but based on their expressions, they sure could see her. I knelt down beside Scootaloo and her friends. “Don’t worry, guys. I’ll have a word with her folks. Just promise me you’ll give her a second chance if she asks for it.” The kids gave each other looks, then nodded as one at me.
Silver spoke for the group, “Mr Alex Roberts, sir, she may be a little rotten on the outside, but she’s still my friend.” Her expression changed from concerned to hopeful, “After all, she is a diamond in the rough.”
I waved a final goodbye to Scootaloo and her friends, turning to make my way to the hospital. After a few steps, I watched the school as the kids trailed in. When the last filly hopped up the stairs, I thought it was time to send the kids in. “Alright, girls, time to go in and fill your heads with knowledge.”
The teacher, a reddish purple mare with a pink mane, waved in our direction. It was the teacher from the incident. I escorted the girls to the door and we were greeted by the enthusiastic teacher, “Mr Alex Roberts?”
“Ms Cheerilee, correct?” She nodded with a grin. “Alex is fine.”
The ginning mare seemed relieved, “I’m so glad you’re here. In light of all the recent… excitement, I was hoping you could be our guest for the next Family Appreciation Day.”
I was a little surprised, “Me? I’m actually pretty boring. You sure you don’t want someone a little more interesting, like Rainbow Dash.”
Cheerilee’s head tilted slightly, “Alex, my students have done nothing but talk about you since, well you know, the incident. They want to know all about you.”
I mulled it over in my mind for a moment, “In that case, sure. I suppose I can tie whatever I have to your lesson plans.”
Apple Bloom whispered to Scootaloo, “Sounds like your pa’s gonna give us a boring lecture like Twilight.”
A slightly annoyed Scoots replied, “So what if he does?”
Sweetie Belle interjected, “I like Twilight’s lectures. They’re full of useful information and sesquipedalian words.”
There was a brief moment of silence before Apple Bloom snipped back, “I guess a dictionary would like them.”
Sweetie muttered under her breath, “Better than brachysyllabic words.”
Cheerilee warned, “Girls!”
I chuckled. “Thanks for the support, Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle. I’m not as smart as Twilight, but I’ll do my best to give you some information to chew on.” I smiled at Apple Bloom, “And I promise not to be too boring.” I smiled kindly to Cheerilee, “Once I get these silly bandages off,” I lifted my right hand a bit, “we can get together to work out the details. Sound good, Miss Cheerilee?”
I climbed the hospital steps, deep in thought. ‘Finally gonna get this gunk off. And maybe I can get to the bottom of Doc E’s mouth needles. I know what pony teeth are like, and those are not pony teeth.’
The receptionist was a perky pink palomino mare. “Hello, miss. Could you direct me to Doctor Emerald, please?”
She replied in a very perky voice and mannerisms, “Why sure. Room two-seventy-four, second floor.”
I gave her a grateful nod, “Thanks.”
There was a snort from behind me, “Mr Roberts, why are you seeing that interloper?”
It was Doctor Pulse. “Interloper?”
“He was sent here from Canterlot without so much as a by your leave to ask us if we needed this so-called human expert. I have handled all your medical needs until now, and I don’t hear you complain.” He paused for a moment, eyes narrowed, “You don’t have any complaints, do you?”
“Complaints? No. Still, wouldn’t a backup be nice? You can compare notes and be human buddies.”
“Buddies?” He spoke the word with disdain and continued with a snarl, “The only thing I want my ‘buddy’ to do is to get back to the Canterlot snobs he should be treating and let me take care of mine.”
I smiled innocently, "So, I'm your Ponyville snob?"
His attention came back to the hear and now, "W-what? No. You are the, um, a..."
I chuckled and decided I had had my fun, “I understand what you mean.” After an uncomfortable moment, “So… which way to Doctor Emerald?”
He lightly cleared his throat, “Up the stairs and third door on the left.”
I respectfully knocked on the door. From inside, I hear a grunt and a grumble, “Yes, what is it?”
I raised my voice slightly above my usual speaking voice, “It’s Alex Roberts, doc.”
An irritated English accent called out, “Oh, yes, fine. Come in, come in. Just reviewing your case file by that Pulse fellow. I suppose I will have to mentor him on proper record keeping.” He snapped the file shut and put his hooves together. “So, how can I be of service today, Mr Roberts?”
“Well Doc, my arm and hand feel alright. I appreciate what this stuff has done for me,” I patted the GAAHC with my good hand, “but I was wondering if we can get it off. As in now. Please.”
Emerald looked at me unamused. “That is quite amusing. The patient telling the doctor it's alright.” He levitated down his reading material. “I’ll be the judge of whether it is alright or not.” He approached me and gestured with one hoof for me to the nearby chair.
I flashed him a genuine smile. “Doc, I am not saying you are wrong, but I’ve just had so many injuries in my travels over the years that I know how my body heals. I rarely had the luxury of medical help, magical or otherwise. I was always on my own, and I learned to judge if something worked or not.”
“Well, let's put that to the test, shall we?” Emerald’s horn glowed as a widening beam shot from it and illuminated a broad line on my cast. The glow displayed a ghostly X-ray image of my bones and hand on the cast itself. It was hard for me to tell from this angle, but it looked pretty neat. “I forgot to tell you one of the secondary features of the Gelatinous Antimicrobial Ailment Healing Cellulose.” Emerald cracked a smug grin. “It bends magic in such a way that I can see your bone structure while not exposing you to magic.” He closely examined my mending limbs. “Hm...well, this is slightly unexpected but, at the same time, unsurprising. You mended quickly with my gel. I did expect it to work, but not as well as this.” He thought for a moment. “Very well, Alex. But no fighting with these for at least four weeks. That means no sparring with your sandbag toy, either. However, light exercise is fine.” His horn glowed again as the gell suddenly stopped sticking to my arm and peeled off easily.
I felt the cool tingle of the gel leave my arm and hand as it was replaced with the cool exposure to air. My hand and arm were hairless, but that would grow back in time. I flexed my hand and arm. They were slightly stiff and ached a little, but they worked fine by my standards.
I nervously scratched my nose, “So, now that we have your miracle rubber off, I have a question of a more, um, personal nature.”
His eyes narrowed slightly, “I do not think it is appropriate for our professional relationship to-”
I put on my serious face, no joking or fooling around this time, “What’s up with the fangs?”
Doc Emerald stared as if surprised and afraid, then leaned forward slightly, speaking slowly and carefully. “Mr Roberts, listen to my words.” His horn pulsed with different coloured lights. “You did not see any fangs.”
Is he serious? “I… didn’t see any fangs?”
He continued, his voice smooth with the well-rehearsed words. His horn glowed slowly, modulating in a hypnotic pattern. “You were hallucinating from the fatigue and the pain of your injuries.”
Really? Huh, maybe I was. “I was hallucinating?”
Dr emerald replied with obvious relief, “Yes, that’s right, my boy.”
No, I was a little fuzzy, but not that far gone. I stared at him for a moment, then lightly shook my head, “Sorry Doc. I’m not the droid you’re looking for.”
The glow faltered for a moment, then intensified. Doctor Emerald leaned forward, an image of grim determination, “I said that in my professional, medical opinion, you simply imagined seeing fangs. Do you understand?”
I took a moment to ‘feel around’ in my head. Not finding anything out of line, no sudden desire to obey any commands, I replied with a smile. “Yes. You’re trying some kind of mind control magic, and it’s not working. So,” I shrugged, “still no droids.”
Emerald shook with rage, “Will you stop making bloody cultural references? Nopony understands them!” He seemed to come to a conclusion, “Wait...that’s how you’re doing it, you confounded ape.” He jabbed a hoof accusingly, “You’re distracting me.”
I casually moved my hand to the hilt on my knife but kept a friendly grin. “Performance anxiety, doc. Happens to the best of us.”
“But, you don’t understand, the spell directly stimulates the aural frequencies in your medi-ocular starswirl gland to modify the higher brain waves towards the correct pattern of… ” He stopped, stared blankly for a moment, then facehoofed. “You don’t have those, do you?” He dropped his hoof and looked at the ceiling, “How could I forget such a basic fact?” He grabbed the folder in his telekinetic field and started rifling through it. “It was there in all the reports, in all the medical papers. I just thought the local doctors had missed them somehow.”
I gave him a gallic shrug and smiled.
He looked away and swore softly, “Blast and Tartarus fire.” After a moment of silence, he looked back at me in the eye, “So, Alex Roberts, you have me at your will. What now?”
My expression softened as I gestured with my hand, “Give me your word you’re not up to no good, that you will not be harming anyone, and I will back you to the hilt. Everything I’ve seen has been positive. Your bedside manner could use some work, but you honestly give a damn. You should also be ashamed of yourself for bringing a little kid into the mix.”
Emerald corrected me softly, “Nymph.”
I was a little surprised and had to ask, “Pardon?”
He made sure the door and privacy screen in the window were closed. He stood in front of me, and with a sudden burst of sickly green light, a circle of magical flame rose around him. There, instead of the unicorn doctor, was an insect-like pony with a black chitin shell and Swiss cheese legs. He looked at me with pupilless blue eyes and smiled sheepishly at me. “A changeling child is called a nymph.”
I smiled. “A nymph. Oh, speaking of kids, Scoots was talking about having the Crusaders for a sleepover. Are there any dietary requirements I should know about? Peanut allergies?” I smirked, “Don’t forget to put your clothes back on. People might get the wrong idea.”
He blinked at me, twice, obviously at a loss as to what to do next. "I'll...discuss with her about this sleepover. You need not worry about what she eats. I'll… take care of her primary source of nourishment."
I rubbed the back of my neck, “You know, that was a dumb question. I guess I wanted to make sure she had a little something for her to snack on. You know how kids get.”
He looked a little embarrassed, “While I know foals from a medical point of view, I don’t know them in the sense you mean. I suppose she could ingest something to fit in. Limited solids.”
I nodded and started thinking in terms of insects, “So, does she feed on blood? There are a few human cultures that do, so it’s not something-”
Emerald cringed at the thought, “That’s disgusting! No, she feeds on love.”
It was my turn to blink. “Love?”
He smiled happily, “Yes, it has a high magical density.”
I smiled, “You mean, literally love? Huh. So, I can give her a heartfelt hug, and that should be a nice snack?”
He leaned forward, his head tilting just a little.“You would do that? Freely?”
“Er… Are there any side effects to being fed on?” I scratched my chin, a little embarrassed. “Sorry, the ‘freely’ part kind of threw me.”
“While my kind can forcibly withdraw love, and that can cause chemical imbalances in the brain, we can also absorb freely directed love with no impact on the host whatsoever. It’s not as filling but far more palatable. So, no, there are no side effects in this context. However...”
I cocked an eyebrow, “However?”
He sighed, “However, you do not have the medium that would carry that love. Magic is required.”
It was my turn to sigh, “Ah, well. Maybe get Dash to hug her, or I can arrange for a group hug with her at the centre. Don't worry, we’ll think of something.”
He started as if he suddenly remembered something, “I suppose I should get ‘dressed’ again.” His horn glowed, then stopped. “You know, I think this is one of the longest times I’ve been without my disguise in a very long time.” He looked at me for a long moment. “Thank you.”
I sat in the darkened back room of the Library. Dash was at my side. I flipped open the laptop and turned it on. There were no new messages, which was both a relief and a little worrying. I would have thought Ann would have tried again, just to check or something. On the other hand, it had looked like the rate of time flow was changing, so who knows how long it’s been for her.
I started the connection. It usually took fifteen or so minutes, but this time it connected almost right away. I quickly started Skype. Ann’s account was offline, but I had been invited to a Roberts Family call group. I opened it and saw Ann and Daniel’s accounts, but they were off or invisible, and Lily was there and online. I was curious, so I started the call.
I didn’t have to wait long when the screen flashed. There, on the screen, was a child, about ten, wearing a sky blue tee-shirt with an image of Dash and the words, ‘My other mom is Rainbow Dash’.
She spoke, her mouth full of what I assumed was food, “Abby! I can’t talk now.” She plopped down in the chair, showing her face with a bandaid on her left cheek, her hair in pigtails, biting into a sandwich. She continued speaking with a mouth full of food, “Mom is still mad about…” Her eyes grew wide as she looked at the screen. She gulped and croaked out, “Dad?”
I smiled, a little unsurely, “Yeah. It’s me, pumpkin. I’ve missed you.” Dash leaned her head on my shoulder.
Lily’s stunned expression remained, but she slowly said, “You’re both real.”
Dash smirked. “Yup. Real as the Wonderbolts.”
The little girl became angry, “I knew you were both real. To heck with Dr Sharma.”