//------------------------------// // Chapter 7: Fake Clone 101 // Story: Po-Ni-Oh! The Abridged Series // by Shadowmane PX-41 //------------------------------// "Twilight, we're going to find the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull!" Daring Do said as she and Twilight slid down a ridge and landed on a cliff's edge which overlooked a rather large kingdom. "I'm not a loser! I'm Flash Sentry!" he said as he was thrown onto the boat with Snips and the other losers. "I'm Solid Snake." Trixie said as she leaned against a wall with a silenced pistol in her hands. "And we're Otacon!" Fuchsia and Lavender said through her headpiece. "Shut up, Otacon." Trixie spoke back. "I've just combined Beyblade with Duel Ponies. I'm a fing genius!" Trixie revelled in her accomplishment for a brief second before a trapdoor opened up beneath her. "Shiiiiiiiiiii—" "Hello, Trixie. I hope you don't mind becoming part of an Alex Rider book, but I've gotta fight Twilight Sparkle with your body for a second, ok?" Steven asked. "Why don't you just let me duel her for real?" Trixie spoke through the breathing apparatus before falling asleep. "Because clones are far more fun than magicians, and much more creepy." Steven smiled. "Hello, Twilight. My name is Hush, a Batman villain who no-one talks about even though he was given some screentime in Arkham Knight," the clone of Trixie said. "I'm here to defeat you in a duel and take your sexy alter ego away from you forever..." "If you want my body, you'll have to pay me a large portion of Trixie's money, and then try to woo me over poorly with whatever cheap tricks you can think of," Twilight said as she addressed the clone. "Now let's duel!" And now, for the exciting conclusion... Wait, this is Coronation Street, right? No? Oh fu— *Insert intro sequence here because I can't be arsed...* PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES "It's a pleasure to meet you again, Twilight Sparkle," the clone said as Twilight stood up on the podium. "I've been waiting for the day when I would be able to have our rematch and reclaim my—" "OK, I call major BS!" Twilight said, looking at the fake Trixie. "What the fk is wrong with your face?" "What do you mean by that?" the fake shrugged. "I'm perfectly normal, just like every other person on this island..." "Considering we have one person who looks like an anarchist, one who became a Devil May Cry knockoff, and now a copy of Trixie but with evil black markings on her face, I don't really see how anyone on this island looks even the slightest bit normal..." Twilight said. "So tell me, who really are you?" "I'm Trixie Lulamoon!" the fake snapped, banging a fist on it's podium. "And if you fail to see that, then maybe my Shadowy Thief will make you see otherwise!" "Ooh, I'm really scared," Twilight said sarcastically. "Look, everyone. The fake has a card that Trixie doesn't use because she favours the Star-Eyes Ursa Minors she has. Everybody, poop your pants and run away from this clearly superior fake..." she mocked. "Why won't you accept that I'm Trixie?!" the clone roared. "I know her cards, I know her game plans, I know her money and sisters, I know her bra size—" "Ha! You know a wimp's bra size," Twilight chuckled. "Oh god, would you mind telling us for a sec? Then I'll let you get on with the duel..." "Well, she's about a Size C from what Steven tol— wait, no!" Twilight burst out laughing. "Oh my sweet Celestia, I've gotta post about this on Twitter and Facebook... Trixie's gonna be ruined for life!" "Now can we please get on with me defeating you already? I've got a reputation to uphold..." the clone asked. "Sure thing. But let's 'C' if you've got what it takes to beat me, Trixie..." Twilight laughed at her own joke. "Size C boobs... that's never going to get old..." I won't just sit idly by whilst Steven Magnet and his cheap knock-off have all the fun. I'm gonna break out of here in the most creative way possible... Trixie thought to herself as she woke up and reached for something in her pocket. Now let's see if I've got it in here... Ah hah! My mini boom-box! Now then, it's time for Steven to face the music for what he did to me. Trixie turned the mini boom-box on and played her theme song. If there's one thing that this world has taught me, it's that playing Tricks Up My Sleeve at a loud enough volume has the power to shatter glass. A handy little trick to escaping places like this... She turned the volume up gradually, until it was loud that it began to make cracks in the glass. Putting it up to the maximum volume, she destroyed the glass completely and fell out, hitting the off button in the process as the wires were ripped from her body. "Even though I'm probably going to have blood dripping out of me so that Steven's goons can follow me, I don't care," Trixie said to herself as she plugged up the wires with white tissues on the table in front of her. "I'm going to personally demand a one-on-one with Twilight by interrogating the very person who created our favourite card game..." Trixie ran down a series of corridors with minimal blood dripping out of all of the holes that had been cut into her when she was wired into the capsule. Her clothes were soaking wet and were sagging across the floor, but she wasn't really bothered by that. To the theme song of James Bond, Trixie stealthily found her way around the castle, paralysing or avoiding any guards she came across. She smiled with each evasion and takedown she performed, and was about to reach Steven Magnet's office, when her eyes caught something. "Huh? A computer room?" Trixie asked as she walked inside the open door and locked it tight. "Well, well, well... It looks like this machine is wired into the entirety of Duellist Island, including a whole bunch of deathtraps set up by that Indiana Jones wannabe, Daring Do..." "Hello, Trixie Lulamoon. I've been expecting you," the computer spoke in a fully autotuned voice as Trixie began hacking into it. "My name is GLaDOS, and I see you're trying to hack into me and see every area of the island to make sure nothing misses your diligence..." "I only care about breaking into you because I want to see how Twilight Sparkle's progressing with the tournament," Trixie ignored the computer and kept on typing away at random keys that worked as the access codes. "And after I'm done, I'll find my way to Two Mares One Apple Cider and humiliate Steven by broadcasting to everyone that it's one of his favourite websites." "Oh my... You are a naughty one, aren't you?" GLaDOS said as Trixie found her way into the mainframe, giving her complete access to all the duels in progress and all of the security feeds from the concealed cameras. "Well, if it's all the same with you, I have to leave you alone for a while. I'm dealing with a new test subject in three minutes." "Alright then. Have a fun time with him or her," Trixie said as she found the duel with Twilight and her clone. "Wait a minute... that's not me! Even though it looks, walks, and duels exactly like me... Steven Magnet must be taking no risks with this tournament," Trixie pulled out a USB key from her pocket. "Unfortunately for her, neither am I..." "I summon the Star-Eyes Ursa Minor!" Trixie's clone said as it threw down the card, causing the massive beast to erupt from the arena and stare Twilight in the face. "Now I really am Trixie Lulamoon, Twilight Sparkle!" "Nope. You've still just copied her deck and duelling style," Twilight still seemed unconvinced. "Honestly, Hush, I'm disappointed. "Don't call me that! I am Trixie Lulamoon!" the clone shouted at the top of it's voice. "And you've been saying this for the past twenty-five minutes, making it seem like you act like a three-year old toddler who keeps on bawling about a lost toy and a case of mistaken identity..." Twilight scoffed. "I am very disappointed, to be honest..." "My name is Trixie! T-R-I-X-I-E TRIXIE!" the clone roared and screamed in denial as it began to claw at it's face. "WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME, YOU RIDICULOUS REJECT FOR AN ANGEL?!" Howling in anger, the clone damaged it's face, revealing the face of a man with black hair. "Because now you sound like a man, and have the face of a man," Twilight kept her cool as the fake threw the face off and began to strip naked. "And apparently, you have the genitalia of a woman. That's odd..." "Oh, fine then," the man said as he hung his head and calmed down. "My name is Thomas Elliot. I'm an underrated Batman villain who steals the identities of people and uses them to commit crimes, the likes of which the real people could never accomplish. Steven Magnet hired me and grafted Trixie's DNA over my own, all because he wanted me to duel you so he could analyse your deck and find a weakness..." "Cloning Trixie Lulamoon to find a weakness in my deck so he could counter it when we duel for real again? That's pretty gay, even by his standards..." Twilight said. "I know," Thomas said. "Why didn't he just hire me to just steal all of Trixie's money and deliver it to him? I mean, that's what I usually go for these days..." "Honestly, I've no idea," Twilight held out her hand and said, "Anyway... MIND CRUSH!" Thomas was blasted off of the podium, causing him to smash into a tree and make it fall over. He fell unconscious afterwards, groaning lightly. "If Steven wants to find my weakness, he should do it himself, instead of going onto Two Mares One Apple Cider and jerking off in his spare time." Twilight said as she returned to her friends. "Well, this was a confusing cliffhanger." Rainbow Dash said as she walked Twilight over to to Thomas and helped her pluck two Star Chips from his gauntlet. "I know..." Pinkie Pie said as the group walked away from the arena. "I mean, Hush? Seriously? The only reason people know about him is because they've played Arkham Knight and done most, if not all of the Most Wanted Cases..." "Now that's what I call a case of mistaken identity..." Twilight said, causing everyone to laugh. PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES [Clones are all the rage these days. Now if someone could go out there and make Age-Regression all the rage, life would be better for me...] "Soon, my time will come," Cadence said as she strolled through the forest, but her voice was darker and more malicious, and a tiny bit foreign. "After all these years, I'll be standing in the spotlight. Those foolish fools think that they're stupid enough to believe that I'm a sweet and harmless pink girl named Cadence, when in reality, I have a yami form of my own..." her eyes flickered green.