“Hey, Dusk!” Spines called out as she entered through the castle’s front door. “I’m back! Is there anything you need to be done this afternoon?” No reply. “Dusk?” Sighing, she walked towards the library. Knowing him, he might be overworking himself on research… again.
Her educated guess was correct. She found the landscape of Dusk’s overthinking, from the hills of biographies, history books, journals, and memoirs, to the rivers of historical newspapers. “Uh… Dusk? You in here?”
The dragoness’s question was answered as the Prince popped his head over Mt. Scroll. “Spines! Just the one I needed to see!” As he flew over to her, she could plainly see that he was close to flying over the cuckoo’s nest.
“Let me guess, Solaris?”
“Yes! I’ve been going over every single thing about him that I could find.”
“So… what did you find?”
“Allow me,” his horn glowed where several books and newspapers flew over to them. “Ever since I found out that Solaris has taken an interest in me, I’ve been going over to find any strange behavior that ever has been recorded of him. For example, this journal belonged to one of Solaris’s butlers about three hundred years ago. He had served him for a solid forty years, but on the night of his retirement, he wrote, ‘His Highness was struck with a sudden depression. He begged me not to go, that if I were to retire, I should do so here in the Palace. I couldn’t help but look back and think that he seemed rather desperate to keep me just a bit longer as if he was going to say something important but couldn’t. But when I gave him my reason that I wished to spend the rest of my life with my family in Trottingham and made my leave, I could have sworn that I heard the Prince cry on the way out.’”
Dusk levitated an old newspaper in front of him, “Or this one from two-hundred-and-fifteen years ago, where the composer, Cello Strings, mysteriously committed suicide. Although he never left a note, there were rumors that he and Solaris could have been in a relationship. However, there was no evidence to back this up, except that this article said that at his funeral, Prince Solaris had wept over his coffin like how a lover would have.”
“So Dusk,” Spines interrupted his ramblings, “could you get straight to the conclusion?”
“From all my research,” he said, putting the books and papers back in their respective piles, “there’s a seventy percent chance that Prince Solaris might be a closeted gay stallion. But the only thing I couldn’t figure out is why. If it’s true, why hadn’t he come out centuries ago? Why hadn’t he given me a hint that he…”
“Loves you?” Spines completed his trailed off sentence. “Okay. Well, maybe you should try thinking if you were in his horseshoes. I mean, you’ve known him since you were little and you’ve done all this research, so why wouldn’t he?”
Dusk Shine paused for a moment to think, “Well… If I was Solaris… maybe my experience, I wouldn’t tell Equestria that I’m gay because the nobility has a strict tradition of marrying off their sons or daughters to gain status. And therefore, not complying would lose respect from the nobles. And given that even before the Prince had signed any of those rights for homosexual ponies, I guess it’s from experience of fear that your own citizens won’t follow you because to them, you’re perceived anything but normal. Hence, it would be perceived as distancing myself from Equestria. Plus, since even to this day, there are still homophobes out there. It might be difficult to figure out who is with or against you.”
“And if you were Solaris,” Spines stated, “why wouldn’t you tell Dusk, even if you really like him?”
“Because…” Dusk slowly realized, “if I were him, I don’t want him to think that I’m anything other than… That our relationship is so close, that I don’t want anything to, in his eyes, ruin it. Since I wouldn’t know what Dusk would have thought if I did tell him the truth. I wouldn’t know how Dusk would react, nor if he would return such feelings. Besides, he would only view me as his most respected mentor, second dad, and his best friend. So I might be risking ruining his trust in me. And to top it off, if I were Solaris, I wouldn’t be sure that even if I do love him, I need to be absolutely sure that he does like me back.”
Spines nodded, “Yeah, I could relate to my crush on Elusive. As dreamy of a stallion he may be, even I know that love has to go both ways. So to be honest Dusk, if I were Solaris, I might have waited until my special somepony likes me back the same way. But in the meantime, I would just make sure he’s happy.”
Here, Dusk trotted up to his number one assistant and gave her a hug, “Thanks for that bit of wisdom, Spines. Plus, have I ever told you how proud I am that at your age, you’re taking this rather maturely?”
“Well, I am a lady after all,” she said proudly. “As Elusive says, ‘A good lady must learn how to wait for the right moment to both speak her mind and perform her actions.’”
“I guess that was something that Prince Solaris was trying to do,” Dusk commented, “being a gentlecolt for me.”
“But, what do you think though?” the dragoness teasingly inquired. “How do ya feel that the Prince of the Day has the hots for ya?”
“S-Spines!” Dusk chastised although he was showing a touch of pink on his cheeks. “This is a very delicate matter. I need to understand all the facts before I can think up a plan.”
“So I’m guessing you haven’t gotten far in his letters?”
The purple alicorn shook his head, “I’ve only read two. I just had to do a bit of research before I could continue.”
“So do you wanna read the rest while I go clean up the mess you left behind?” Spines pointed to the organized chaos in the library.
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve picked up worse,” she waved a claw as she walked over to the newspapers.
Before she could reach them, Dusk asked, “But what do you think of all of this? I mean, with Solaris… Y-You know?”
“It’s kinda hard to explain. Part of me is a bit surprised, but then again, it’s something that I’m in favor of.”
Dusk blinked, “And why’s that?”
“Because in a way,” she said as she picked up the first stack of newspapers, “it’d be like finding out that one of my dads is in love with my other dad.”
The Prince paused for a moment, taking in what the little dragoness had said. He went over and gave her a hug, “Wow Spines, I’ve never thought you would say something so… sweet.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she nodded, “Anyways, how about you go back upstairs while I clean this.”
“Fair enough,” Dusk’s horn began to glow. “See you later Spines.”
And with a flash, he was back in his room. Before he was some of the scrolls he hadn’t read. He picked one of the unread letters from out of the pile and unrolled it on his desk.
It read:
My Dearest Dusk,
As of now, I feel like the loneliest being in existence. Another Summer Sun Celebration is coming, the day that I’ve sent my little brother away where the masses celebrate his banishment.
Dusk… I wish both of you were here. I wish that Artemis was here again. Dusk, long ago I did something completely foolish. Yes, the ‘wise old ruler’ did something stupid. I suppose you might have heard about his banishment, becoming Nightterror, and the attempt to overthrow me to keep his moon in the sky for eternity.
At this point, he noticed that the ink on the letter was smudged, as if the white alicorn was crying when he wrote it.
But my beloved, why had I ignored all the warning signs? Why did I brush my own brother’s concerns aside to bask in my pride? I could have changed the outcome. I could have tried to reach out to him when he became increasingly distant. But why didn’t I? Why?
My Dusk Shine, I really wish you were here. You don’t have to say a word; you don’t have to ask what’s wrong. Just having you in my arms would be enough. I would have begged you to stay with me just for tonight as I cry to sleep.
But on the other hoof, if time and fate are willing, I must appear strong in your eyes, both mentally and emotionally. I must appear invincible so you can think that you are also. If it means that I have to hide, my true self, in hopes that my little brother may return to me in the upcoming years, I will do so.
I am calm now, as, at such a time as this, my thoughts turn to you. Sometimes, whenever when we’re doing our sessions together, I often times wonder if you’re really lonely. And I don’t mean by not having a close relationship with your family (I mean, your sister is already here at the castle), nor your relationship with myself, or even your mountain range of books.
Rather… do you have any friends, my love? As far as I know, you read at home, you come here, then go back home or to the library to read some more. Do you ever have a conversation with anypony outside of our sessions? Or do you go out with other ponies just for the fun of it, like seeing a movie or going to a concert? I worry about your well-being my Dusk, the last thing I ever want from you is to be alone. Trust me, in my position, loneliness (unfortunately) is a loyal companion to me, but he’s not much of a talker. But just because I have been alone more times than the feathers on my wings, doesn't mean you should be as well.
If you are lonely, remember that you can always turn to me for companionship. You can be here by my warm fireplace with a cup of tea and some of that carrot cake that you like. Or perhaps you want to spend some time with me in the royal library; we can discuss philosophy and history together. Perhaps something as simple as a walk through the garden on a warm day where there’s a light breeze. All you need to do is ask, and I will be more than willing to comply.
But no matter what you decide to do, with an extra friend or just with me, I will make sure that you never feel alone.
Forever yours,
Forever mine,
Forever us,
"Wow," was all Dusk could say, "I'd never have thought he would care for me so much that I wouldn't be lonely. Maybe... he cares enough that I would stay in Ponyville to be with those whom I'm happy to be with."
Dusk rolled up the scroll, placing it in the pile with the letters he’d already read before moving on with the next one.