"Buh?" Rainbow's eyes crossed.
"BUH?!?!" Fibb's meaty body spun towards the petite pegasus, causing a miniature cyclone to born into a premature death above them both. TH-THUD! His gnarled talons formed cracks against the crystalline floor beneath them. "WHAT KIND OF WHINNY SPEAK IS 'BUH," SOFT HOOVES?!" The griffon's eagle beak opened three times as wide in the next shout, revealing to Rainbow just what kind of breakfast the brute had consumed the past three mornings. "DO YOU EVEN FEATHER?!"
"I... I..." Rainbow leaned back, her mane and wingtips slick with saliva. A nervous smile crossed her muzzle as she fought an oncoming wave of trembles. "Oh... s-sure, buddy!" Her teeth gritted. "I... feather all the time! Sometimes I feather in the sunlight when everyone's looking!"
"STUPID PONY!" Fibb flapped his wings, summoning a heavy wind that pushed the granite building into an awkward lean beside them. "SUNLIGHT IS FOR DWEEBS AND DWEEBETTES! JUST SPIT IT OUT!" The veins around his feathery neck bulged. "GRAMPS SENT YOU HERE TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID, DIDN'T HE?!"
Rainbow's muzzle hung open. She felt a tremor in her saddlebag and thwapped it with her tail. "I... don't think I could even do that if I tried."
"GRRRRRRRRR!" Fibb arched his neck up and squawked into the gray haze of the towering spire. "THIS SOFT-HOOF IS BLEEDING FOR A PREENING! FIBB STYLE! TWEETER! GO FETCH MY ANGRY HELMET!"
"R-right, Fibb!" The vulture-beaked griffon clattered from the window, rolled down the stairs, and knocked a dozen things over on the way towards the delapidated building's front entrance. He stumbled out with a heavily dented metal cap with a chin strap. "Here you go, boss—"
"RAAAAUGH!" Fibb super-kicked Tweeter in the face, knocking the wheezing griffon out of sight. The helmet spun in mid-air until a meaty talon gripped it. Fibb then strapped the dinky cap atop his skull and strapped it under his beack to the best of his ability. "HRRRRRRRGH!" He flexed his muscles, sneering into Rainbow's flinching muzzle. "ANGRY HELMET MAKES FIBB'S BLOOD FLOW!" He headbutted the floor several times, making six fresh craters with his razor sharp beak. Cl-Cl-Clankkkk! "SPEAK, SOFT HOOF! SPEAK INTO THE HELMET BEFORE I EVISCERATE..." He froze in mid-shout, drooling, hawk-eyes darting about.
Tweeter pulled out of a crystalline pile of refuse. "Snkkkt... 'you,' boss..." He wheezed.
"EVISCERATE YOUUUUUUUUU!" Fibb yelled into Rainbow's face.
Rainbow teetered back, caught herself with her wings, then tipped herself back to her front hooves. "Ahem..." Forcing herself to carry a straight face, she slicked her mane back, folded her wings, and then said, "...say 'please.'"
"WHAAAAAT?!" Fibb raised a set of lacerated talons. SCHIIIING! His beak's nostrils flared. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS... THIS 'PLEASE?!'"
"Ooomf!" Governor Grouse crawled back to the scene, smiling a bloody smile. "I do believe it is a term of endearing politeness."
"POLITENESS?! BRAWWWWK! IT'S A SOFT HOOF TRICK!"
"Actually, if I recall, we made allies with ponies long after the last Ice Age thawed," Grouse said with a smile. "Ever since, we've benefited from the honey we've harvested from their insectoid vomit." A blink, and he scratched his molting head. "Wait... or maybe that was the dragons." A beat. "Yup. Definitely the dragons. Tastiest vomit there's ever—"
"AA-AAA-AAAAUGH!" Fibb grabbed Grouse by the neck. "GRAMPS TALKS TOO MUCH! GO DO MY DISHES!" And he flung him towards the central stalk of the tree.
"Oh dear—" WHACK! Grouse ricocheted off the crystalline structure so hard it made the upper platforms wobble. A few griffons shrieked in surprise overhead, then resumed their ritualistic mid-air sparring contests. "Whew... could use a nap." Th-Thud! Grouse was out like a light.
"Holy—" Rainbow Dash began. "Scrkkk!" She wheezed, suddenly the recipient of a meaty, strangulating grasp.
"AND YOU!" Fibb held the mare up by her neck. "I'M TIRED OF YOUR SQUAWKING, GRAMPS! THE NEXT TIME YOU COME HERE, IT'D BETTER BE WITH A YAK SANDWICH—"
"Dude... snkkt... d-didn't you just pulverise your gr-grandpappy over there?!" Rainbow pointed with a trembling hoof.
Fibb did a double-take, his tiny metal helmet rattling to a stop. "YOU ARE NOT MY GRAMPS?!"
Rainbow felt the grip growing tighter. She smiled, sweating. "If... I-I agree to be your Gramps for the day... will you not eviscerate me?"
Silence.
"ABOUT TIME YOU SHOWED UP, GRAMPS!" Fibb spun and threw Rainbow like a missile at the building's entrance. "NOW DO MY DISHES!"
"Aaaaaaaaaa—" Rainbow Dash flew into Tweeter just as the vulture-cat-thing was getting up. "OOOF!" Both tumbled into the interior together, collapsing somewhere dark and dank inside.
"... ... ...of all the things in the world you could convince that cretin you were, it had to be his incompetent forebearer..."
"Lancie, if I were you, I'd find softer places for me to land on..."
"RAAAAAUGH!" Fibb charged and slammed-slammed-slammed his thick way back through the crumbling front entrance. "BISCUITS!"