//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 - Cranky Doodle Dandy // Story: An Equestrian Patriotic Hymn Book // by PensacolaRanger //------------------------------// The next day, back in their respective Equestrian forms again: lavender little Alicorn Princess pony, and green & lavender little dragon, Twilight and Spike joined the Mane 6 again for lunch in the Friendship Castle Grand Dining Hall, and told their friends all about what they saw and did in America: the parades with uniformed human police on horseback (the non-speaking horses they rode and how they pranced,) the marching brass bands, the fireworks and artillery cannons (Spike beamed while Twilight winced) the pie-eating contests (Pinkie Pie drooled over that tale) and how Americans loved saying the phrase: “…as American as apple pie” (Applejack puffed up her barrel chest with pride on that one) the all-American dog show & pet costume contest (Fluttershy & Rarity both cooed at that) and----seeing Rainbow Dash was waiting to hear about something she'd like---the beach military jet-plane air & sea show! ("Awesome!" was all Dash could say about that.) Then, of course, once everypony had wiped their muzzles & hooves clean with their napkins---Twilight prompted Spike to produce the song they’d composed the night before. The gang all looked over the lyric notes, and the duo sang a demo, as best they could. “Whaddya’ think?” asked Twilight, with a SQUEE grin! “ … … … ” Only stark silence followed. That, and a few stunned eye-blinks. A cricket-chirp at that moment, would’ve echoed long and loud through those amethyst crystal hallways. “(Heh) Well…” Spike admitted, “We kind’a sorta came up with it on-the-fly. Might need some more work…” “I think we can come up with a dozen more, and put them together in a show! YES! THAT’S IT! A RECITAL OF NEW PATRIOTIC HYMNS FOR EQUESTRIA, just in time for next month’s Summer Sun Celebration! Whaddya’ say, ponies?” Again… only stark silence, and eye-blinks. “Um,…Twilight… you’ve had a busy trip. Maybe you just need a little time to yourself." Fluttershy gently suggested. “GREAT! Come on, Spike! Let’s get started on those other songs right away!" said Twilight, already magicking Spike up and over onto her back, as she (*POP*) teleported from the dining table, off to her Royal Suite. The others just kept sitting at the table. “Five bits’ll get’cha ten, she makes us get up on stage and totally sing every last one of those stupid songs.” Rainbow Dash grimaced. “You’re on, sugar cube…” said Applejack, taking off her cowpony hat, and shaking out five gold bit coins on the table. “I LIKE THE IDEA!” squeaked Pinkie Pie, “Those old Equestrian anthems are so dull and boring! This year’s Summer Sun Celebration needs something peppy & brassy to brighten it up! And if those Americans can do it, so can WE! (*Gasp*) Oh, and CAKES! CUPCAKES! (*Gasp*) And COOKIES! Ooh, I’d better get to Sugarcube Corner right away! See ‘ya later!” With that, Pinkie Pie twirled her tail like a helicopter blade and took off out of one of the castle’s open windows. “I suppose I’d better start thinking of costume designs for the recital. See you later, girls…” sighed Rarity, as she got up and trotted off for home. Then AJ, Dash and Shy started clearing the table. “I could clop Twilight on the head and make her think it was all a dream…” Rainbow Dash offered mischievously, as she flew her pile of dirty dishes to the kitchen for washing, and Fluttershy started doing likewise with her pile. “You do, an’ I’ll apple-buck you so hard your colors'll fall off!” Applejack warned sternly, as she trotted on ahead through the kitchen double-doors. “(*Sigh*) Won’t do no good no how, sugar cube. You know how Twilight gets: once she gets one 'a her crazy idears stuck in her head, it’s full speed ahead like the Friendship Express to see it through, no matter what the outcome.” Applejack paused, reflecting on those words as she started the sink water pump. “…Reckon that’s why we like her so much. Look, guys…whatever happens, it’ll be all right. You’ll see.” “It better be…” Dash grumbled, as she joined Fluttershy in hoof-scrubbing the dishes. *** Time passed… Days passed… Weeks passed… *** And soon it was time for the annual Summer Sun Celebration. Princess Celestia raised the Sun on cue, to throngs of pony-stomp applause! Tons of festivities filled the day…(too numerous to mention at this time…) Then as evening came, Celestia lowered the sun and Sister Luna raised the Moon, all ponies in Canterlot, as well as some from Ponyville, Cloudsdale, Appleloosa, Manehattan and a few other communities, gathered around a raised stage in the Royal Castle Gardens, for the big Summer Sun Equestria Patriotic Music Recital, that Twilight & Spike had planned, cast, rehearsed, rehearsed, and re-rehearsed many times over… …and STILL they were each nervously biting the nails of their fore-appendages in nerve-racking anxiety!! After the orchestra tuned up (featuring Octavia Melody on cello, and Vinyl Scratch on electronic keyboard & effects) a spotlight shone stage-left, to thunderous hoof-stomp applause! And the emcee, Fancy Pants, trotted out from the wings to center-stage as the spotlight followed him. He then paused, and addressed the audience, in his upper-crusty native Trottingham accent: “(Ahem) Good evening, Fillies and Gentlecolts, on this splendid Summer Sun Celebration evening. For this year’s patriotic recital, Friendship Princess Twilight Sparkle and her ever-faithful squire Spike, have composed a repertoire of new patriotic anthems, which are in fact, ‘Equestrianized’ versions of famous native anthems from a country in a…(*ahem*) rather…parallel dimension, which Princess Twilight had the good fortune to visit a month or so ago. Well, now… let’s just see what they’ve cooked up for us, now, shall we? Quite, yes…well now (ahem) Performing our first anthem for the evening, please welcome… Miss Pinkie Pie!" The curtain rose, and Pinkie…bedecked in Latin-Equestrian frills, albeit in a bright red-white –and-blue color palate (Rarity did the best she could) performed the (aforementioned) Equestria (Quest Side Story) covered in Chapter 1 of this story. The finale’ to the number featured some stage pyrotechnics, provided graciously by…the Great & Powerful TRIXIE!! And the response…was…. (heh) lukewarm, to say the least. Polite hoof-applause ensued, but less than enthusiastic. Quickly the curtain came down, as behind the scenes, cast & crew prepared for the next number. Up in her box-seat on the Castle Balcony overlooking the gardens, Princess Celestia turned to look at her younger sister. The grin on her face was…more sheepish than Alicorn-like. “Well…that was…different. (Heh)” she managed. “Courage, Big Sis…’tis only the first of many, tonight.” Luna managed, placing a hoof on Celestia’s tense shoulder. Further down, in one of the lower rows, sat Miss Cheerilee, Big MacIntosh, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, plus Babs Seed. The two adult ponies applauded politely. The filles just stared, dumbstruck. “Well… hey, a great start!” Miss Cheerilee offered, falsely optimistic. "Nn-nope..” said Big Mac, matter-of-factly, then got up, excused himself & Apple Bloom, and trotted over to the backstage area, with Apple Bloom following. “Meh, t'ain’t Bridleway, but it’s okay…” Babs shrugged. *** Backstage, a crestfallen Pinkie Pie came clopping off stage. “Boy…tough herd tonight. I thought for sure they’d like it…” “We are so…DEAD." A crushed Twilight swooned into a conveniently-placed cushy dining chair. Spike dropped two Alpha-Seltzer tablets into a small water bucket and offered it to Twilight, who lapped it up after it finished fizzing. “Aw, come on, Twilight, relax…it’s only the first number. They never go over well.” said Spike, reassuringly. “Okay, okay, ponies, c’mon! Work with me here! Cranky & Matilda on next! Knock ‘em dead!" said the Stage Manager Pony. (Same one from the Cloudsdale Best Young Flier’s Competiton) “Hmph, I still think this is a stupid number…” Cranky Doodle Donkey groused. “Does that mean you’re not ‘gonna do it, Doodle?” Matilda asked. “Did I say that? Heck, no! Anything for Pinkie Pie and her friends!” he said, forcing a smile he didn’t really mean. “And me, Sweetie?” asked Matilda, batting her eyes, and kissing her husband. “And you, Snookums.” said a blushing Cranky. Twilight twitched her ears, looked up from the bucket, and *BUURPED!* "Oww, by dose..." she squeaked, as Spike reached up to pinch her fizz-reddened nose. *** Out came Fancy Pants again, in spotlight: “Eh, right…Next up, Fillies and Gentlecolts, a rousing number that is actually two in one, performed by that charming and lawfully wedded couple: Mister and Missus Cranky Doodle Donkey!!" A brighter applause ensued as the band piped up and the curtain rose, revealing Cranky in full Uncle Sam regalia, and Matilda in her best interpretation of Betsy Ross (according to Twilight’s historical notes to Rarity.) Fife & snare drums sounded, and banners of the Two Sisters' Flag waved, as the couple marched in step: CRANKY DOODLE & CRANKY DOODLE DONKEY* Matilda: Cranky Doodle came to town A-Strutting like a pony Tore a name-tag off his wig And said: Cranky: "My name's NOT Tony!" Matilda: Cranky Doodle, keep it up Cranky Doodle Donkey Mind the cadence and the step And with the mares be…(Um…talky??) [Marching Music Break 1] Cranky: "And that ain't a josh! I'm a CRANKY, by gosh! Oh, say, can you see.... Anything about ol' Cranky that's a phony?" [Music Turnaround] "I’m, a Cranky Doodle Donkey... A Cranky Doodle, do-or-die... A real-live nephew of Celestia, dear Born in the month of July!!!" "I've got a Cranky Doodle sweetheart She's my Cranky Doodle joy... Cranky Doodle came to town To marry sweet Matilda I am that Cranky Doodle boy!" [Marching Music Break 2] "I've got a Cranky Doodle sweetheart She's my Cranky Doodle, Cranky Doodle joy! Cranky Doodle came to town to marry Sweet Matilda---" "I am that Cranky Doodle... Yes, that Cranky Doodle... I am that Cranky Doodle CRANKY DOODLE BOY!!" Again, polite applause ensued…yes, brighter than before…but again, less than what was expected. “Okay…a little bedduh…” said Babs. “Nice beat, heh, Sis?” Luna asked Celestia, who sat stiff, with a pained grin on her royal face. "He's not MY nephew..." the confused Sun Princess thought, but didn't say aloud. *** “(Pheww) Glad that's over…” said Cranky as the curtain came down and he & his mate trotted back stage. “I thought you were wonderful, Doodle dear!” said Matilda, batting her eyes again. “You too, ‘hon.” said Cranky, managing a smile he did mean this time. “(*Hic! Groan*) Spike…keep those Alpha-Seltzers coming…” ordered a heartburn-ridden Twilight. CONTINUED NEXT CHAPTER…