//------------------------------// // Settling In // Story: Fed up // by Billblok //------------------------------// The trip from Ponyville to Canterlot always took about an hour. Considering that the last third of the trip consisted of a steep incline up and around the mountain six times (Twilight counted), that wasn’t a surprise. Naturally, that’d also mean that the trip from canterlot to Ponyville would take exactly the same time. Twilight had quite the habit of filling her mind with empty information to keep herself distracted from actual more pressing matters. Those pressing matters being what in the bleeding hay she was going to do for the nymphs and Celestia once they were actually there in Ponyville. And she was going to have to figure that out fast, because she could see Ponyville only a slight distance away as far as trains went.         The Friendship Express rolled to a stop, and the doors to the passenger cars opened up. However, only the engineer and those few in the first car actually exited the train. There was no one at the time actually at the train station that was there to announce Celestia’s presence, so the conductor did it himself. “Make way for the supreme goddess of Equestria, Princess Celestia Del--”         A white hoof clamped over his mouth before he could complete his announcement. “Shoosh,” Celestia hissed. “I’ve been trying to be inconspicuous, please don’t screw this up for me.” Diligently, the conductor nodded, bowing, and left to a little booth in the train station that he would call home for the night. Then Celestia lit her horn, and the storage cars opened, levitating every crate full of dangerous and classified items of questionable usage outside and behind her. If it was anything to marvel at, Twilight paid no mind. She was busy answering the curious questions of a very curious little nymph.         “Miss Applejack said we were going to stay at a… a ‘barn’ in ‘Sweet Apple Acres’?”         Twilight nodded. “Yup. Since you said it’d be alright, Applejack says she’ll let you live at her place, just a little ways away from Ponyville proper. You should be safe enough there.”         “Why?”         “...Well, it’s not your fault, but Chrysalis gave many of the changelings a bad reputation in the eyes of the ponies, so we’d like to make sure they don’t do something stupid, like attack you.”         “Why?”         “Ponies are paranoid little creatures, Lepidos; anything that they might see as a threat they blast with the power of friendship or violence. Or they just run away, so I’m pretty sure there’s not going to be much problem unless the royal guard shows up.”         “Why?”         “Not Every pony was informed of our situation Lepidos. The uninformed won’t make informed decisions. Royal guards would be among that case, and I’m sure so would my big brother.”         “Why?”         “Well, he lives in the Crystal Empire, up north!”         “Why?”         Twilight was getting… A little bit annoyed. “Because Princess Cadance, Shining Armor’s wife, lives there with him as the empire’s leader?”         “Why?”         “Because the Crystal empire’s previous ruler was evil, was eradicated, and they needed a new and kinder ruler?”         “...Why?”         Twilight rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, maybe they’re just dependant on-- Lepidos, where are you going with this?”         “But I want to know!”         Twilight rubbed her forehead with her wing. “Lepidos, you’re... going to have to be more specific than that. You want to know what, Lepidos?”         “I don’t know… Everything?”         “About what?”         “Ponies!” she enthusiastically replied.         “Okay, great! I’ve got a big library full of books about ponies from pony anatomy, to pony psychology, to pony etiquette, to pony magic, pony history, just about anything pony you want! And the best part is I live there, so it’s open whenever I’m awake and at home!”         “...Why?”         Twilight giggled awkwardly. Working with children was not her strong point. “Okay Lepidos, that’s enough I think… Somepony help me...”         “Um, zizter Lepidoz, if you would be zo kind? The pegacorn needz her zpazce.”         “Why?” Lepidos asked again.         “Lepidoz, pleaze don’t be like thiz,” Formici plead. “Zshe cannot anzwer every queztion you have.” He smiled apologetically at Twilight in a way that was surprisingly mature for somepony of his age. “Pleaze, do forgive lepidoz, zshe iz one of our youngezt memberz, and zometimez getz into a little ztate.”         “You don’t know me!” Lepidos objected.         “You’re zix monthz old, the favorite daughter of Queen Chryzaliz, you prefer the affection of fellow children and you entered into our organization becauze you didn’t want to be zcared of other poniez. Honeztly zizter, why would you ztate that I don’t know you when we are completely able to read eachother’z mindz?”         Lepidos dragged a hoof. Twilight for her part was very confused.         “Six months old?”         “Iz there a problem?”         “Wouldn’t she still be… you know, a baby?”         “Most of a changeling’s knowledge is gained while they’re young and still in egg,” Lepidos bluntly explained.         “...Right. Thanks for that I guess,” Twilight replied. “That was very… enlightening.” She was going to have to process that odd revelation later on, but right now she had other things to do. Twilight stepped away from the changeling group to meet up with her friends again. “Okay girls… It’s really late, and we’ve got a bunch of changeling children, and a bunch of schoolkids that need to find a spot to stay for the night. Now, would it be too much to ask that we get everypony home or in their lodgings?”         “Ah don’t know,” Applejack shrugged. “Miss Cherilee?”         Cheerilee sighed. “Well on one hand it’s really late, and I’m sure that many of the ponies here will say that they’d like to sleep.”         “But Miss Cheerilee, I’m not tired!” Was the collective objection of all the earth pony’s students.         Cheerilee rolled her eyes at the baggy eyed schoolponies. “Sorry, more like pretending they’re not sleepy. All the same, I’m sure they’d be grateful to go to bed as soon as possible. We need to take into mind that their parents are certainly missing them, and they’d appreciate it if we got them home, but how are we going to get them all home?”         Celestia grinned. “Keep them in the library, or maybe at the farm!”         “I--What? But princess, I’m kind of worried about--”         “Miss Cheerilee, was your little class excursion supposed to be overnight?”         “Well, yes--”         “Then I’m pretty sure they’ll only be worried if they don’t show up tomorrow by… what time does your class get out?”         “Two thirty, your highness.”         “Yeah, we’ll say three. So really, freaking out over a problem like that, when there is in fact no problem is really silly.”         Cheerilee sighed. “Well your highness, please excuse me for being at least a little concerned for my students and their parents.”         Celestia giggled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”         Soon enough they all arrived at the library proper, crates of stuff floating behind Celestia in her signature golden glow. Twilight’s laboratory was open and available for storage of items, and the sun princess took her up on the offer for use of that laboratory. Within fifteen minutes, everything was stored away, save for the mirror of desire which was placed in the middle of the library because it would have taken far too much work at that time of night to pack it back up. In the meantime, Twilight did everything she could for the house guests, setting up her spare bed, pulling out extra blankets for the couches, and even dragging out a few sleeping bags. A few were going to have to share, but it wasn’t like they were complaining the last time they were all together.         Celestia closed the door to the library with finality. “Wow… What a fine mess these last two days have been, Spike. You really should have been there to see it all.”         Spike stopped in the middle of his progress with sweeping up the dirt tracked in at the front door. “Uhh, sorry; do I know you?” Celestia flashed her flank at him. “Oh… Princess Celestia!” When he realized who it was, he dropped into a bow. “It’s good to see you! Why’re you so… tiny?”         “Oh it’s a rather long story; short version is that I was getting sick of the affairs of government, so now I’ve moved here to take a break from all of that.” She smiled brightly at Spike, pulling him out of a bow. “You would understand the wish to get away from the stress of life, right?”         “I suppose so...”         Celestia beamed. “You know, it’s been so long since we’ve actually got to talk to each other-- bond even; You know, as mother and son!”         Spike protested. “Uh, sorry but I don’t think--”         “Oh come on, Twilight wasn’t the only one who took care of you! Who do you think cared for you while she was busy doing her homework or otherwise occupied?”         Spike shrugged. “I don’t know, the maids?”         “Spike, would you please just hug me??” Celestia begged, pulling a lip pout.         “I-- fine...” Spike gave in, walking up to the princess and reaching for a hug. Celestia eagerly wrapped her forelegs and wings around the little drake, rocking him back and forth. Spike seemingly disappeared within a feathery cocoon, such that only Celestia could see the smile on his face. “Okay; yeah, this is nice. What was I worried about anyway?”         “Oh I don’t know, perhaps you were worried over my unknown change in demeanor?”         “Maybe...? I’ve just got an image to keep; I mean the only dragon in Equestria being a momma’s boy? What would any other dragon even think?”         Celestia laughed. “You’re a baby dragon Spike; I think you could get away with it. So now that you’ve acknowledged that you remember me, did you miss me?”         “You bet mom,” Spike replied in a barely audible mutter. “Twilight’s nice, but it’s just not the same, ya know?”         “Aww, she can’t be that awful, can she?”         “Hey, I didn’t say that!” Spike denied, breaking away from the hug. “All I’m gonna say is that she doesn’t hug me enough and she could use a hint.”         “Oh, I didn’t know you were critiquing the way ponies showed their affections.”         “Don’t tell her I said that,” Spike hissed.         “Tell who what, Spike?” Twilight had finished setting up the library’s main floor for fifty five ponies, and had just walked in when she overheard a conversation.         “N-nothing!” Spike blurted out. Twilight nodded skeptically, not buying it. “Really, it’s not that important!”         “Spike was just telling me how much he missed me,” Celestia explained. She squeezed Spike close. “And he’s really happy that I came over here to visit. He says you don’t hug him enough.”         Twilight’s lip curled in a pout. “I don’t…?”         “Aww, Princess I told you not to tell her!” Spike complained in the Celestia’s embrace.         “Don’t you worry Spike, mom’s just doing what she thinks is right.” Celestia watched his face turn red, giggling at his embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I’m just an awful mother, aren’t I?”         Spike grumbled, burying his head in the crook of her neck. “Great, if you’re around Ponyville at large, just who’s out in Canterlot keeping the place under control?”         Celestia stopped laughing, suddenly feeling quite nervous. “Oh, I… didn’t tell anypony else about that, did I...? Yeah, funny story...” ---         “...You did what,” was Spike’s response. It was a particular kind of “what.” It wasn’t the sort of what that was questioning. It wasn’t particularly the “what” that demanded an answer, or expressed agonized or outraged disbelief. It was a what from someone so shocked or confused that in light of trying to process what they had witnessed or heard that they had no time or effort available to make their “what” expressed in the form of a question. This is what could be expressed as a “flat what”; not a question, but not quite a statement either.         Typically, Celestia was quite good at putting on a fake smile to ease the troubles of others; like those of the noble class or dignitaries from neighboring countries. But the trouble with somepony close to her is that they learn to see through that grin by watching the eyes. They may not have met for a long talk in a while, but she played a big role in raising Spike, so he was family. Family that had been with her long enough to see through that fake smile.         That fake smile had slowly become more forced, as if grinning wider would help. “Well technically, it was Luna’s idea...”         “You. Did. What?” And there was the extended delay between words, followed by a demanding “what”. The “flat what” was easier to deal with; simply wait for the subject to fully process the information and then pull them under wing and calmly hoof-wave a statement that was plausible enough, but still a load of horseapples. That would have worked if it was anypony not close to her-- or Twilight-- but again, this was Spike, somepony close to her and not Twilight. And now she had to deal with the “demanding what”, which demanded that she actually say something honest. Yet instead of doing just that, Celestia confirmed the definition of insanity.         “It was Luna’s idea--”         “I know it was Luna’s idea!” Spike yelled. “Why the hay did you go along with it?! It’s a bad idea; a really bad idea!! Am I the only pony who thinks that is a bad idea?!” Celestia bit down the urge to correct him that he was a dragon, but thought better of it. “Well?!”         “Yes, most everypony else thought it was a bad idea,” Twilight replied.         “See?? See?! A bad idea! So why’d you go along with it?!”         Celestia swallowed a lump in her throat. “Oh, I was just a bit bound by it by something Twilight said.”         “...Really? And what did she say?”         “Basically, if I didn’t go along with the deal, it’d simply prove to the… ‘the next generation’ that ponies were compulsive liars, and they don’t ever keep promises.”         Spike stared at Twilight. “Are you for real? They’re kids. They’re gullible. Take them aside, tell them just about anything and they’ll believe you!”         “Obviously, you’ve never met Lepidos,” Twilight interjected.         “Lepidos?”         “The skinny short one with long ears and wide eyes. I’m pretty sure she just likes being contrary to anypony that’s not Applejack.”         Spike seemed rather unconvinced. “... Yeah, I bet. Look Twilight, do you want me to send some sort of letter to tell Princess Luna about this problem? I can do that right now.”         “Spike… It was Luna’s idea in the first place.”         “Yeah, that’s exactly the problem. Should I send a letter?”         “No!”         “Well why not?! Somepony’s gotta beat it into her head that putting the monster that wanted to take over Equestria in power over Equestria is a bad idea!”         “Because I already smacked her in the face for it and I feel really bad about it!!”         Spike blinked, stunned. “Wow, really? And you got away with it?”         “I… I also pulled her hair, and snapped at Celestia.”         “...How are you not on the moon right now?”         “Spike!!”         “Sorry… But really, just what are you planning on doing to fix this problem?”         “We were intending to make sure she was trained up to become a proper ruler under careful watch.”         “That is way more than she deserves.”         Celestia nodded, dismissing Spike’s concerns. “Yes I know, but it’s been such a long day, I’m tired and I’d really like to have a nap. Big day tomorrow full of wondering what a pony does out of their hometown and all.” She got up, stretching her legs and wearily walking to the stairs up to the living area of the library. “That, and other continuously worrying things on my mind...”         “Yeah… okay… Still think it’s a stupid idea.”         “Believe me, I agree.” ---         Celestia took herself upstairs, finding a guest bed set up just for her. She’d complain about it being too small, but that’d be silly considering that she was actually just the right size for it. Thus, she hopped up on the edge of the bed and unceremoniously flopped down, only taking a brief amount of time to properly tuck the blanket in around her shoulders. Actually now that she was in the bed, she realized just how much larger than her it was. There was practically enough for two ponies!         Twilight apparently took notice at her astonishment. “Yes, the bed is plenty big enough for more than one pony.”         “Whuh?” Celestia turned her head.         “You looked a little bit confused at how big it was.”         “Oh, I see.” With that little conversation ended, Celestia flopped her head down on the pillow. What a week. What. A bucking. week. Princess Celestia only wanted to be able to say hello to her subjects without them scraping the floor every time they saw her. Sure it was reasonable enough to not want another Pinkie Pie in the world, but it might have been really nice to make them genuinely smile when they saw her, not have that stupid forced grin that barely held back their terror. So now Twilight and her friends were helping out; or at least supposed to. Nothing would have gone wrong had that bug not decided to invade a third time, using her own children as leverage! Now she was stuck with a bad deal, she blew her top proclaiming her supposed godhood so that she could scare Chrysalis into submission, and to top it all off, she made her original goal that much harder to reach, considering that she basically shouted “I am a goddess” to everypony within a hundred miles.         Yup, some goddess you are, Celestia…         “Well, t-to be fair mistress, you do carry the aura of one...”         Celestia sighed softly, remembering who was always listening in on her thoughts that manifested in sentence. Hello again Sun… you feeling okay?         “We’ve been better, mistress.”         Oh, I’m sure; and I’ve been better too. I’ve really screwed up this time; first Luna, then Twilight at the wedding rehearsal, and now--         “Sorry,” The moon cut off, “But is this going to be another self deprecation thing?”         Um-- excuse me?         “Oh you know, where you sit on your bed for an hour longer while one of the maids looks worried as you cry about missing Luna and down hard cider laced with cyanide just to give it enough kick for you to forget after a while, you know?”         I swore off alcohol a long time ago moon, Celestia defended.         “Yeah I know; I was there when you threw all forty barrels of it off the mountainside. Then you cried over that too, and ever since you’ve been eating cakes instead.”         Moon, what has gotten into you?!         “Hey I just want to know so that I can tell Princess Luna about it, and she can comfort you in your dreams; ‘cuz there are some days where you look like you really need it.”         Celestia considered. ...Your point?         “Yeah yeah, the point. Sun, first question; how many despicable things have you done?”         “Oh, w-well there were all the times we spoke out of turn, all the times we pushed you around, and that one time we said we hated you--”         “Don’t list them off, sun! We’d be here all --” The moon choked on one of its words. “U-uh… I’m sorry, that was rude. Next question then, have you ever forgiven yourself for such things?”         “How could we?!” The sun sobbed. “Every little h-horrible thing we’ve done is a blemish to our b-beautiful bright light, and we are but a fraction of the glory we once were! It would be better for our mistress to snuff us out and find another star to fill our place! We’re sorry! So so sorry...”         Aww, sun it’s okay, I’m not going to--         “No no, this is perfect!” The moon cut her off again. “This brings me to my next point!”         Celestia was incensed. Moon, are you seriously--         “Please, mistress? I got these words from your sister, and it’d do great things for the both of you to listen!” Celestia’s ears perked up, though no sound was heard. Her eyes would have widened if they weren’t closed. “Ahh, that got your attention, didn’t it? Look, right now it’s about an hour into Luna’s shift, and I just got back from talking with her during a slow point in night court.”         Go on…         “She was thinking about the whole Chrysalis fiasco, see? And about how torn up you were about blowing up and nearly hurting somepony because of it. She connected some things you said to her the morning after her return to Equestria, and I brought up the question: ‘I wonder how long it’ll take for her to forgive herself for that, because it’s quite clear already that everypony else has forgiven her’. Do you know what she said?”         It was a conscious effort for her not to speak the words into the air. What was it moon? What did she say?         “She said: ‘She won’t forgive herself’!”         Celestia was hurt. What a horrible thing to say…         “My thoughts exactly. But she didn’t say it just to be mean… She said it… because she hasn’t either.”         Really? Even after I had forgiven her, and apologized over and over for ignoring her when she felt neglected…?         “No… she can’t.”         Celestia’s lips trembled. I have to talk to her.         “No-- No don’t! See, she also told me something else; something that convinced me to share this with you. She said that to forgive is to let go of the pain and suffering that has been caused, and important for other ponies to do, lest they go mad with thoughts of vengeance. But to forgive yourself is impossible.”         That’s ridiculous.         “No I mean it! Look, do you think anything you can do will make up for banishing your sister?”         No…         “Right. You tried and tried again to find a reason you should have gotten forgiveness, but you can’t find any reason. Forgiveness is mercy, and mercy is undeserved! So here’s the thing: other ponies will forgive you. Be happy! You have their mercy! But for you, because nothing you can do will make up for what you have done, you will remember it all, and it’ll become a driving force to do good so that you will never ever jump into that pitfall again!”         But that sounds really unhealthy.         “Trust me, it works!”         It’s perfectly possible to forgive yourself.         “But who has, mistress?”         Celestia pondered this. However much the moon had been stepping out of the bounds of respect, it did give her a question which set the argument in it--or rather her sister’s favor. All the ponies that she knew who realized they did something bad never said a thing about how they were okay with what they did. And even when they did? That mushy “nopony’s perfect” saying was used as an excuse, rather than anything like forgiveness, because they wanted a get out of jail free card. Hay, Chrysalis tried to say it was in her nature to be mean and nasty! That must mean something…         “Twilight?” Celestia quietly called out to her ex student.         “...Mmm?”         “Did you ever forgive me for blowing you off when you were trying to warn everypony that ‘Cadance’ wasn’t who she said she was?”         “Well yeah, I didn’t really make a good case by how frantic I was either.” “And that incident with the Smarty Pants doll… I know everypony laughs about it now, but did you ever forgive--”         “No.”         Celestia nodded her head slowly. Perhaps there was some grain of truth in what the moon claimed her sister said. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”         “Just… Never again, I promise.”         “Okay… And I promise I won’t do that for any other student I bring up next.”         “...Thanks.”         Celestia let her head fall. As unhealthy as it was, the whole ‘not able to forgive yourself thing’ seemed surprisingly therapeutic, especially since Twilight, her most recent student, struggled with forgiving herself. It felt right putting her mind into finding good things to do rather than dwelling on the horrible things she did in the past. Now if only a good thing to do came knocking on her doorstep…         She shrugged to herself. It was likely enough that something would happen; after all, she was on vacation at the perfect point where there was a strange state of political affairs in Equestria, and what better time to invade would there be than that? It’d only take an hour or so to deal with the problem anyway. Even if or when it came around, Celestia was supposed to be taking a vacation; and Twilight certainly would insist that she actually enjoy it rather than get involved. She shook her head, trying to get the worries out of her mind. Thoughts for tomorrow, Celestia. There’s a wonderful little town to explore, and worrying will only keep you awake and unable to appreciate it. She pulled at the very large covers with her hooves, carefully wrapping them tightly around her for maximum comfort. The realm of dreams awaited her, and with Luna probably changing shifts so that she could train the new “princess”, she’d be able to come up with an action plan for such problems.         Celestia wasn’t worried, she was on vacation!         But in hindsight, she probably should have been. To be continued in: Celestia Does Stuff in Ponyville While Other Things Happen Elsewhere