//------------------------------// // Chapter 5: Tooth and Talon // Story: Po-Ni-Oh! The Abridged Series // by Shadowmane PX-41 //------------------------------// In a badass new opening sequence, we see Twilight Sparkle dressing up as fast as an anime protagonist, with a short version of a japanese song playing as she does so. Then, with one swift transition shot, we see Twilight mind-crushing Trixie with the title card of the fanfic appearing on screen. PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES "Well, we've knocked one bozo out of the tournament already," Rainbow Dash smiled as she looked out onto the sea. "And to think that he was the winner of the regional championships a few episodes back. Hah! What a n00b..." "Yes, but let's not forget that the other annoying n00b Snails is on this island as well, Rainbow Dash," Twilight reminded her. "And since I already pounded Snips into next year, I think it's only fair that I make it your turn to beat a worthless side character out of the game... "Girls!" Pinkie Pie said as she ran towards Twilight and Rainbow Dash, with Applejack close behind her. "Nice to see you again." "Pinkie? How did you and Applejack make it past border security?" Twilight asked. "I mean with all the security they installed, I expected you two to get deported, or at the very least restrained in the ship's cargo hold until the tournament ends..." "Well, I simply told them that we were spectators and they just let us walk right in," Pinkie Pie said innocently, a smile growing on her face afterwards. "If only Applejack had tried that, but oh no, she had to be the 'best pony/human' and was determined to do anything to get that spot." "Shut up, Pinkie Pie," Applejack pushed Pinkie Pie out of the way. "The important thing is that we're yer friends, and we'd be honoured ta—" "Bye!" Twilight and Rainbow Dash said as they ran off into another part of the forest. "God-dammit!" Applejack threw down her hat and ran after the two girls. "Come on, Pinkie! Ah'll be their supporter and the best pony/human no matter what it takes!" "Hurry, Twilight! The redneck's gaining on us!" Rainbow Dash said as she and Twilight ran laughing through the jungle, with Applejack hot on their heels. "I hope she don't start talkin' like this, am ah right?" "Ah'm warning ya'll!" Applejack's fury was undeniable. "Yeah. She thinks that her purdy voice'll swoon the writer over and make him like her, ah reckon," Twilight teased as well. "Yer really startin' ta boil mah blood, you two!" Applejack's face went red. "That's one mighty fine bull chasin' us, Twilight," Rainbow Dash mocked Applejack again. "Ah hope she don't ruin our apple orchard with her temper, or ah'll hafta knock her upside the head!" The two girls burst out laughing as they ran faster and faster away from Applejack, unaware that she was red in the fact and screaming bloody murder. Eventually, they came to a large open area with another arena and a branch directly above them. Seeing that Applejack was hot on their heels, Twilight and Rainbow Dash looked up at the branch, nodded and leapt up to grab it. Once they did, they performed a technical trick that slung them high up onto another branch. They watched Applejack run right past them, clearly too furious and insulted to even see where they were anymore. "That was fun, Twilight," Rainbow Dash smiled once Applejack left the area to try and search for them again. "I guess all that Sunset Overdrive paid off, huh?" "Yeah, I guess you could say that," Twilight agreed as the two of them jumped down from the branch and walked towards the new arena. Then they saw Gilda taking Star Chips from another duellist. "And speaking of paying off..." "You lost, hippie. Now cough up those Star Chips!" Gilda took two Star Chips from an eco-friendly duellist and threw him to the ground, quivering in fear. "Such anger, girl. You disrupted my chakras and angered mother nature with how well you fought against me..." the eco-kid said as Gilda walked away. "What the heck are you even talking about?" Were the only words Gilda said before she turned her attention to Twilight and Rainbow Dash. "Hey, Gilda! How's it hanging?" Rainbow Dash held out her hand for a shake, but was quickly brushed off by Gilda's other arm. "Save it, Rainbow Dash," Gilda said. "You and I both know the only reason you're here is because you want my Star Chips, right?" "Well, uh..." Rainbow Dash was caught off-guard as she looked down at Gilda's cleavage. "I did, but not anymore..." "Oh? And what is it that you want now, dweeb?" Gilda asked as she balled her hand into a fist. "I want your..." Rainbow Dash drooled, but then stopped as she looked up at Gilda's face. It was menacing, as if she wanted to physically harm her if she said something offensive. "Alright, you know what? I'm gonna duel you for it. A duel for your Star Chips, and a chance to see your magnificent breasts!" "The Star Chips, I have no problem with. But my breasts as well?" Gilda looked puzzled. "You are one sick, twisted little girl, Rainbow Dash. And that's what I like about you..." Gilda leapt onto the red podium, with Rainbow Dash climbing onto the blue one. "Let's do this quick, though. I don't want to arouse any more fanboys and fangirls..." "Samurai V.S Zombies Guy, attack Gilda's Griffon Lady and take her—" before Rainbow Dash's attack was successful, the Griffon Lady flew upwards and cut the Samurai in half with one slash of her talon "—Life Points?" "Sorry, Rainbow Dash, but for whatever reason, Griffon Ladies obey Ponymon Logic instead of Duel Ponies logic..." Twilight said from the sidelines. "And if you've never played Ponymon, Flying Types can't be hurt by Ground Types or Fighting Types..." Gilda laughed. "How does it feel, knowing that you're about to drag your kicked butt all the way back to whatever apartment you chose to live in, crying like a big baby, knowing that my Griffon Ladies cut you down to size?!" "It's a good plan, Gilda. But unfortunately, Griffon Ladies share the same weakness as all Flying Type Ponymon," Rainbow Dash smiled. "All I need is a monster who can use electricity, and your griffons will be turned into oversized roast chickens! Now come on, all I need is the right card and I can win this duel... Rainbow Dash put her fingers on the top card in her deck, breathing shallowly like a samurai would, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. If Twilight's taught me anything, it's that friendship is overpowered as hell. And that it's power will give me the strength I need to win... "I think it's time to give Rainbow Dash a little help," Twilight became consumed in her purple light once again, transforming back into her winged alter ego. "By the power of Greyskull, I am Twilight Sparkle! "Rainbow Dash! With our bond, you can draw the exact card you need to defeat Gilda," Twilight motivated her. "Our friendship is the strongest and most developed in the entire show, meaning that it should be good enough for you to get just what you need to win. Now do it!" "Alright then, Twilight," Rainbow Dash smiled, and drew her card in a wide arcing motion. "OVERPOWERED DESTINY DRAW FROM THE PSP GAMES! GO! "Yes! This is just what I needed!" Rainbow Dash said as she held up the card that would win her the duel. "I activate Lightning Vortex! Now by discarding one card from my hand, your Griffon Ladies are all pulled into a vortex of lightning and electricity, from which they will never escape and are automatically destroyed!" "NO!" Gilda screamed as she watched all three of her Griffon Ladies vanish into the vortex and get electrocuted to death. Once the vortex vanished, Rainbow Dash's newest monster struck her directly, causing her to Life Points to drop to zero. "How could I have lost..." "How did you lose, Gilda? Well, it's simple," Twilight said as the two girls landed back on the ground. "It's because in Season 1, Duel Ponies is underdeveloped and broken. When we get to Season 2 – which I hear has a very sexy girl with golden hair doing the role of Marik Ishtar... – the game will make much more sense." "By the way, since you still lost, I believe I'll take two of your Star Chips," Rainbow Dash said. "Why not four? Because I like you, Gilda. You show fire, guts, cleavage that's sexier than anything else the fandom made. I want to keep you going, so that you can recover from this loss and meet me again in the finals." "Rainbow Dash..." Gilda watched as Rainbow Dash's hand was outstretched once again. This time, Gilda smiled and shook hands. "It's a promise..." "Good for you, Rainbow Dash," Twilight congratulated Rainbow. "You fought a great duel, and earned the right to see Gilda's cleavage up close and personal. Now go on, claim your other prize..." "Sure thing," Rainbow Dash looked back at Gilda, but saw she had gone. "Where did she go?!" "Dammit! She must have used ninja arts to get away," Twilight said, scouting the arena around her. "Those Japanese and their tech these days, it's just ridiculous..." "Gilda, I'll see you again someday. And when I do, I will nibble at your double whammies..." Rainbow Dash looked up at the sky and made a fist. "Your melons will be munched. Your gazongas will be gnawed, and every other sexual thing I can think of. It'll happen at the finals. You can count on that..." "You know, Trixie, Twilight's right here on the island," Fuchsia said, grabbing Trixie's attention after she cut down another row of tall grass with her bayonet. "Why do something as convoluted as fight Steven Magnet for her when you could just enter the tournament and beat her there?" "Fuchsia, do you know what it's like to be part of a tournament full of kids?" Trixie asked back. "All the wailing brats who lose saying, 'wah, mommy! The big mean CEO beat me with her overpowered deck! It's not fair! I wanna be a pro like her! Wah!' Well, do you?" "Not really, no..." Fuchsia looked back at Lavender, who was starting to be lost to the jungle. "Hurry up, Lavender! Trixie's got a plan and she needs all hands on deck!" "Alright then, but this isn't really a ship or anything like that..." Lavender said as she caught up with Fuchsia. "Trust me, girls. This might be long and confusing, but it's the only way I can duel Twilight in complete privacy again," Trixie explained. "If we get into a public duel, everyone will begin rooting sides and chanting. Pisses me off, I'll tell you that..." "By the way, why do you keep playing that song from the second movie when we fly in the jet?" Fuchsia asked. "Seto Kaiba has his theme song, I have my own. Get with the times, girls..." Trixie smirked and sang the song in her head, humming along as she remembered each and every lyric. "Oh yeah, this is my jam right here..."