The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Science and Magic

Advisory: Set "Formatting" to "Dark" for best reading experience. Thank you.

A/N: Eventually, I need to find an excuse for Leonardo to fight... but not today.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Nickelodeon, Mirage Studioes, Kevin Eastman, and Peter Laird.
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This episode of Death Battle was brought to you by Lumosity.com.

I'm afraid I don't have any chains to swing above a pit of spikes for your pre-battle entertainment.

Intelligence is valued by great men and women seeking to understand everything about the world around them.

Boring! Show me what those eggheads can do in a fight to the death. Then, we'll talk.

You know, the only reason you and I will never fight is because we require checks and balances in the seats of the co-hosts.

Yeah, and I've got shotguns. What's your point?

The brains in today's match may not be exactly what you'd expect. However, it's good for the growing minds to think outside the box and exercise their nerve muscles.

Moon Dancer is the pony that Twilight Sparkle could have been.

Donatello is the genius of the Ninja Turtles.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Moon Dancer
-Species: Unicorn
-Residence: Canterlot City, over by the stadium
-Interests: Studying, studying, studying
-Accessories: Glasses, hair clip
-Magic: Large-scale levitation, magical overcharge
-Recently taken up friendship-building for the second time in her life
-Easily distracted by books

"Moon Dancer?"

"What do you want?"

They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Whether it was by birth or by choice, Moon Dancer practically looked and acted like Twilight Sparkle in every way.

Books, science, friendless... All she was really missing was the color scheme. Though, I'll give her originality points for the giant eyebrows. Seriously, those things look like they're growing bigger every time they show up on the screen!

As explained by Moon Dancer herself, she gave friendship a chance. But after reaching out to the one pony that shared the most of her interests and Twilight failed to reciprocate her efforts, she shrank back into her psychological shell and buried herself in solitary studying for the rest of her foreseeable life.

But if Nightmare Moon has shown us anything, it's that 'forever' doesn't last very long in pony land. After a year and a half, plus becoming royalty, the lavender nerd came back for another try at rebuilding the broken friendship bridge. It wasn't easy.

Despite not having quite as versatile a spell list as Equestria's fourth princess, Moon Dancer's raw magical power alone is enough to overcharge Twilight's silence bubble and even levitate her completely out of the way.

That magic can carry books stacked as high as three little ponies stacked on top of each other. Impressive, considering that the average college textbook is enough to break the arms of non-athletes like W here. On the plus side, he got a cool cyber-arm out of his surgery.

Wait, did you just compliment me or insult me?

Uh... I don't know. ... Let's move on.

After much effort and a breakdown, Moon Dancer finally reopened her willingness to be friends with other ponies. It's a good thing, too. Judging by how effortlessly she was telekinetically waving the blunt stick beforehand, she could have easily knocked someone's head off.

Moon Dancer is well-read in a number of subjects including magic, science, history, pottery, and Slumber 101. While that may prove that she's smart, she's still gullible enough to follow a trail of literature in the James Woods capture method.

Though, it can be implied that she's developed some durability through the equine equivalent to rugby, a tackle-heavy sport that is not for the faint of heart.

"You still have to show me Haycartes' method."

"Deal."

Donatello
-Mutant ninja turtle
-Residence: New York City sewer
-Hobbies: Tinkering with technology of both human and alien origin
-Training: Ninjutsu under Splinter the Rat
-Weapon: Bo (oak staff)
-Level-headed, but not a strategist
-Dives into work instead of dealing with his emotional pains

There's an old game image of the ninja turtle standing on a stack of boxes and whacking the enemy below, over and over again.

Donatello does all the machines for the Ninja Turtles.

Well, that's pretty close. He somehow gained efficiency with both human and alien technology, in spite of his lack of formal education and lack of research funding.

Due to his fluency in techno babble, I can't understand a word he's saying. ... Oh, and I can't understand Don's gibberish either.

... Wait a minute...

Either way, his focus is devoted to his love of science.

To make up for the lacking in areas of his ninja training, Donatello wields a Bo staff. It is made of durable oak and can reach a range much greater than his brothers.

The only drawback to such a long-reaching weapon is that it takes forever to poke an enemy to death.

While he normally leaves the strategies to Leonardo, Donatello is considered the most level-headed of the team and has an IQ of 637, more than twice than that of Miles Prower, the fox that's smarter than Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking combined.

Are you making that up? It sounds like you're making that up.

No, the facts are all here. Really!

Well, okay then. Hanging out in a sewer for most of your life means that you don't get a lot of social activity beyond immediate family.

When burdened by emotional pain, Donatello tends to lose himself in the most logical aspects of his work rather than seeking proper counseling where he needs it the most.

We'll have to hope he's not in a bad mood today, because we're not letting family help him in this fight.

"Time passes faster here. There's a temporal differential."

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

"See you guys later!" calls the yellow unicorn.

She gives a wave to her new/old friends before turning around and walking down the road. The hour is late and is reflected by the darkened sky. Her hooves pad along the dirt road as she trots on her merry way. Her horn glows in a pale light as a book floats out of her saddlebag in a similar aura. The book opens and a few pages turn as she continues her walk.

Meanwhile, several feet beneath ground level...

"Mikey, I think the number of times you've been dropped on your head has finally caught up with you."

"What Raph means is that it's very hard to believe your story."

"Oh, come on! You're telling me that in a world chock-full of dinosaur aliens, robots, crocodile scientists, and mutant turtles, it's the unicorns that make the most unbelievable story?"

"Hmm... When you put it like that, I guess it wouldn't be too much of a stretch. I'm going to have a look topside for myself."

"Whatever you do, don't look directly at their horns! That's how they blind you!"

"I'll keep that in mind."

As the pony gets lost in her book's information, she takes a few turns along the streets. She seems blissfully unaware that she's going the wrong way. A sewer cover behind her wobbles a little before being slid out of the way. A pair of eyes stare through the holes in a purple bandana. Said eyes widen a little as they catch sight of the unicorn.

The mutant turtle takes a second before running over to the shadow of a nearby building. For a few more corners, he follows her, constantly leaning himself against walls or other objects to keep out of sight. Then, the pony haphazardly looks up to check her path, getting the sudden feeling that she isn't in the right neighborhood.

This equus caballus seems frightened. The mutant turtle risks walking out into the open. "Hey, are you lost, little lupus cornicus?"

The unicorn whips around and screams. "Stay back!" She floats out a few books from her bags. "I've got a full volume of Whickernica's Encyclopedia and I will use it!"

Oh shell, not another near-death misunderstanding. The turtle reluctantly grabs the large staff on his back.

"FIGHT!"

"Easy now," Donatello says as gently as possible while taking a slow step forward. "We don't have to get violent."

"Violent?!" echoes the pony.

Moon Dancer yells again as her magic launches her extra books at the scary individual. Donatello sighs as he spins his Bo out in front of himself. The giant oak stick whacks Parts A through J against the walls and ground of the alley. After that little display, Don holds his Bo to the side and holds out his other hand, open-palm.

Shaking in panic, Moon Dancer shuts her eyes and charges forth. She yells and lights up her horn during her desperate gallop. Donatello holds out his staff as far in front of him as he's willing in order to block off his opponent. However, a thin stream of magic runs against him and launches him out of the alley. On his back, Don can't stop the unicorn from escaping the alley and running down this street in the middle of nowhere.

Groaning, the ninja turtle gets back on his feet and runs after her. Glancing back, the unicorn tries magically tossing a couple of her remaining books. With a couple well-timed slaps from Don's Bo, Parts K through N add to the book litter on the ground in this nighttime arena. Passing another building, Don hops up to a fire escape and temporarily leaves the camera's view with some silent, quick jumps.

Moon Dancer sees no one behind her and chances a sigh of relief. This, however, is cut short as she skids right in front of a large stack of boxes. They seem to be blocking this street entirely for no reason. Luckily for the ninja turtle, he quickly runs atop these crates. He swings his Bo down at an arc. With this repetitive motion, he gets a few decent hits against the unicorn's head and torso.

He tries to swing it down one more time, but it gets caught in some strange pale glow. Moon Dancer's horn shines brightly as she swings the staff around and knocks Don off the boxes. He falls onto the ground at her hooves. She then slams one end of the stick against his head not once, not twice, but three whole times. The third strike is rather nasty, and leaves a skooshed mess on one end of the turtle shell.

Moon Dancer drops the stick and slowly backs away from her dead stalker.

"K.O.!"

Donny! No! You were taken before your nerdiness could create that future tech company in 2105.

I agree with your sentiment, B. It's a sad day for all of us. But we need to finish what we've started.

Y-Yeah... you're right.

The results of this battle were not as straightforward as one might initially think. The Ninja Turtles are practitioners of the ninja arts and have accomplished many impossible feats. But that is more dependent on their family bond and teamwork over anything they could do individually. While Donatello's intelligence quota is enormous, the same cannot always be said for how well that translates onto the battlefield. While a scientific genius, he will rarely use any of his technology in combat-specific situations.

He may be a proud geek, but the pain he dishes out takes forever to serve. Plus, he doesn't always keep a firm grip on the situation at hand.

Additionally, Moon Dancer's studies go far beyond just the sciences. In other words, she has a bit more diverse understanding at her disposal and could come up with strategies outside of Donatello's usual approach.

Plus, Don's always needed help when it comes to enemies of the magic nature. Although Moon Dancer has a small list of spells she can cast, her magical power is strong enough to rival pre-alicorn Twilight, and that pony was pretty tough to begin with.

Based on her ability to lift an entire pony over her head without effort, she easily had the force available to crush someone's skull if she really wanted to do so. She didn't even need to use Don's weapon against him to get that effect.

Don's attempt in this battle was a swing and a miss.

The winner is Moon Dancer.

Next time on Death Battle...

"I am the night! I am vengeance!"

A purple-clad hoof acknowledges its audience before it leaps out of view.
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