//------------------------------// // Acceptable Breaks from Reality // Story: Painted Mirror // by Lord of Turtles //------------------------------// In that moment, Raj did the smart thing: he rolled. The Bandersnatch struck the thick root as its prey bounded to the side. The thing did not seem perturbed in the slightest at the impact and rounded on him, six legs churning up ground as it charged and snapped its jaws forward. Raj raised his axes and bounced back, giving up ground as he defended himself. The creature clamped its fangs over his crossed axes and shook, trying to tear him from his feet. Raj sacrificed his grip on one and hauled back on the other, twisting the beast's head around. He twisted with both hands and cocked an arm back, stepping in as he did so. He thrust in his fist directly on the underside of its jaw, breaking several front teeth and making the Bandersnatch yelp. The thing let go and backpedaled, stooped and ready as blue blood oozed from its damaged snout. Raj winced and shook his hand, blood welling up from thin holes in his glove. “God, the thing's face is sharp! Why is it sharp?” “Bandersnatch fur is like needles! Don't touch it!” Pinkie’s voice echoed through the woods. “What, Pinkie? Where are you?” he yelled back, never taking his eyes off the creature in front of him. “Here I am,” she chirped as she popped out from under a nearby pile of leaves. “Where's the— GuuuahahaFAAAUGGH! Bandersnatch!” She shrieked as she burst up from the ground, flailing in panic. “Run away!” She turned and sprinted towards a massive tree. “No, Pinkie! Stay behind me!” Raj reached out after her and that was enough for the Bandersnatch to snap its gaze towards her—something that made Pinkie cry out in pain—and break into a loping run after her. Raj dove to intercept but wasn't fast enough. He grasped at the trailing end of it's tail and took a roll in the leaves. He came up in a run after them but knew he wasn't fast enough. Pinkie Pie wasn't either, the Bandersnatch's six pounding legs trumping her four. The thing was gaining on her quickly. And then Pinkie cornered herself against a tree. She scrabbled at the bark, but it was too smooth to climb. She spun around and saw the Bandersnatch rushing at her, its eyes heating her skin. To her sides, all she saw were walls of root, too massive to scale. So Pinkie did something entirely unexpected: she went down. To Raj's perspective it looked like she simply dove into the ground, making a sound like a spinning auger. Even the Bandersnatch was surprised, and it skidded to a halt. The creature stuck its snout into the hole she had left and sniffed, perplexed. It pawed at the hole and let out a low whine, completely at a loss. Raj was not so hung up, and redoubled his run. Screaming, he crashed into the thing's neck with a hard, overhand chop that buried the whole head of his ax. The Bandersnatch gurgled and staggered, stunned for a moment as thick azure spurted out of it. Raj released the ax in its neck and drew back his spare with both hands, bringing it down directly on one of the creature's blue eyes, making it shriek and writhe. Its forelegs buffeted Raj, but he grabbed onto its neck-crest for leverage and kept hacking, golden ax tearing through muscle and skull. After five chops, the thing slackened and fell into a great, twitching heap. He stepped away and leaned on his knees breathing hard. The ground next to him broke away and Pinkie poked her head up. She observed the Bandersnatch's ruined head and frowned. “Wow, did you do that?” “Yeah. I did,” he said with a long breath. “That's messed up, Rajy.” “Don't call me that.” He looked down at his hand and saw blood drying on his knuckles. “Damn, that felt like I was punching into bowl of needles. My hand's going to be hurting for days.” Pinkie shook herself like a wet dog, kicking up a cloud of dirt from her fur. “You're lucky you were wearing gloves. Bandersnatch fur is supposed to be sharper than anything. Nana Pie told me that old Earth Pony settlers would use found pieces of their fur to shave.” Raj blinked. “So it's a giant six-legged wolf/tiger monster that has laser vision and is covered in a carpet of razor blades?” “Yuppers.” “Goddamn is Equestria weird.” Pinkie giggled at the profanity and followed along. “Yeah, sometimes it is, but it's home.” “I guess. Your Nana tell you anything else about those things? There might be more around here.” “There won't be. Nana told me there's only four of them in the whole wide world of Equestria. Well... three now.” Her ears went flat. “That's kinda sad now that I think about it.” Raj rolled his eyes. “Humor me.” “Hmm, let me think.” Pinkie tapped her chin a couple of times. “Oh yeah, she said they can regenerate.” His eyebrows shot up his forehead. “What?” “Regenerate, silly. Whatever that means.” Pinkie shrugged. Raj spun, drawing out his axes again. “It means that thing isn't dead.” Pinkie turned to see the massive bulk of the Bandersnatch climb to its feet, blue blood and brain still spilling out the side of its head in a slowing torrent. Raj felt a muted heat on his chest, dulled from the thing's missing eye, but even that hole was sealing up. It let out a gurgling growl, more blood leaking from the corner of it's mouth. As Raj watched, one of its damaged front teeth fell out and was promptly replaced, a new fang popping out like it was fired by a spring. Raj stalked forward, intent on taking it while it was injured. The Bandersnatch spun and snapped its tail hard enough to crack the air, the end shattering into a spray of needles. One passed by Raj's ear close enough to whistle, others coming so close to Pinkie they tore holes in her poofy mane. The Bandersnatch growled and circled to wind up again. Raj bounded back, shouting, “Of course it can shoot javelins out of its ass! Why the hell not!” He dove and tackled Pinkie to the ground, the air over them ripping with the whistle of spikes. Raj wrapped his arms around Pinkie and rolled, expecting a follow-up attack from the Bandersnatch. When he looked up, he saw no lunging beast, only its shortened tail retreating over the edge of the giant root. He stood up and brushed himself off, lifting Pinkie as he did so. “We need to go.” “Go where?” “Doesn't matter. That thing is mad and knows where we are. We can do something about one of those things. Move.” Pinkie didn't argue and started sprinting alongside him. Raj ran with his axes out, head on a constant swivel. The Bandersnatch's mobility was its strongest asset, if he could hit the legs, slow it down, then he'd be able to get in close again and maybe do something that would actually kill it. They were almost back to the river before they saw it again. It didn't strike with any subtlety, just burst from the underbrush and charged, jaws open and howling, the wound on its head nothing more than a blue splotch. Raj jumped over the thing as it lunged. Pinkie went low, sliding on her belly under the thing, the trailing hairs on its belly catching on her mane. The Bandersnatch hit the ground with its front legs and pivoted, spinning itself to launch another barrage of spikes. Pinkie shouted to Raj to get down, but it was lost to the shattering whip-crack of the tail. He jerked as something hit him solidly in the backpack, tearing through his supplies and jabbing him in the ribs. Soberly, he realized that his backpack had just saved his life. Raj whirled around, axes held level. The Bandersnatch stood sidelong, stunted tail lashing at the air as it let out a rumbling growl. Pinkie bolted up and bounced over to her friend, head low and set. “Pinkie?” Raj hissed. “Yeah?” “You didn't bring a stick of dynamite or a bazooka or anything, did you?” She shook her head. “No, but I've got the next best thing.” “What?” Any further conversation was lost when the Bandersnatch dove forward, all six legs giving it terrifying reach. Raj set his axes to strike but never got the chance. A pink blur dropped down in front of him, holding a blue, civil-war cannon on flowered wheels. At the last instant, she yanked the cord, and all the fanfare of a ten-year-old's birthday party shot out of it and directly into the Bandersnatch's face. The creature was understandably surprised and let out a harsh yelp, going limp in midair. The thing hit the ground in a roll that transitioned into a slide when it hit the slick mud of the riverbank. It lay on the ground, pawing and wiping at the glitter and confetti plastered to its face. Raj wasted no time. He lunged in, hacking at the thing's face and legs as much as he was able. The Bandersnatch shrieked and writhed, rolling away further until it came up on its legs in the shallows of the river. The thing glared at Raj, deep cuts marring its face and neck, jaw broken and hanging open obscenely. One of its forelegs was curled up, the entire paw missing. Despite the water, the Bandersnatch still glinted with bits of glitter, much to Raj's internal amusement. Raj snarled and jumped forward but the thing was faster than him even down a leg. It hopped back and scampered away down the bank before turning into the woods again. He cursed and started running back towards Pinkie. The blue cannon was gone, back to wherever it came from. Pinkie fell into step beside him. “You okay, Rajy?” “Fine. You have any more shots for that thing?” She shook her head. “Nope, I can only use it once a chapter.” She hopped along for a little bit before adding. “It's probably better if you don't ask.” “Wasn't planning to.” The river quickly dropped lower and lower, the gentle babble of water turning into a roaring nest of rapids. Quickly, even that fell away into a high waterfall, the river plunging into a ravine cut deep into the stony ground. “This is bad, Rajy, we're all of a sudden really high!” said Pinkie as she peered over the edge. “We should find somewhere to hide.” “Nah. The thing can only come from one side. If we can see it coming, we can beat it.” Raj affirmed, tightening his grip on the Apple Axes. “Can we?” Pinkie asked incredulously. Whatever Raj's answer was, it was cut off by a loud cracking sound from the woods. He let his legs go out from under him, the barrage of javelins passing him by. Pinkie wasn't so lucky. He heard her crying out before he saw her scrabbling in the dirt. Spewing vulgarities, he jumped up to look her over. She looked up at him wild-eyed and shouted “My butt! It shot me in the butt!” She pointed a hoof and, sure enough, six inches of white, bony spur stuck out of her cutie mark. With no prompting, Raj grabbed the spike and yanked it out, bringing a fresh croon of pain from Pinkie Pie. He helped her up, glanced towards the direction of the crack, and saw the Bandersnatch approaching worryingly fast. He looked towards Pinkie Pie. She was standing, and the hole in her leg had already stopped bleeding, but she was shaky and panting hard. She couldn’t run, not any more. And if Pinkie couldn't run, she couldn't fight. Raj let out a breath and said, “Pinkie. I have a really bad idea.” “What is—whoa!” She grunted as Raj picked her up and laid her across his back, her forelegs tangled in his backpack. “What's—what're we doing?” “Do not let go, alright? No matter what,” he said and turned towards the ravine. “Rajy? That's a cliff. Rajy. Rajy!” She tightened her grip and started to shake. “Rajy!” He ignored her and put on more and more speed, pushing past the day's fatigue and steaming faster and faster towards the edge. He hit the gap and leaped for all he was worth, his own scream of terror and effort drowned out by Pinkie's long, shrill wails. Raj pinwheeled his limbs in the air, trying to maintain his balance and keep from tumbling. They were less than halfway across the forty meter distance when Raj realized they weren't going to make it. His descent was too steep, not picking up enough distance. Terror gripped him and he pawed uselessly at the air, certain of death as he stared down at the terrifyingly distant river below. Then, Pinkie saved them again. She kicked her legs and an array of balloons sprang out of her saddlebags, arresting their fall and dragging them forward again. Pinkie grunted, straining to keep hold of him, but the balloons were not meant to hold so much weight. The cliff wall loomed and lucidity hit Raj like a truck. He raised his legs to absorb the shock and lashed out with his axes, burying the golden heads deep in the rock. He went slack, holding onto the handles and dangled limply. Pinkie clung to him, letting out rattling breaths. The balloons in her bag detached, lazily drifting up in muted celebration of their survival. “Pinkie. Pinkie!” He shook his shoulder. “You good, Pinkie?” One of her eyes cracked open and she nodded. “Yeah, I think so. That was—” she sucked in a breath. “RAJY DODGE!” Reacting instantly, Raj launched the both of them to the side. He swung with his axes and had a small heart attack when the first one glanced off the stone. The second bit in, and he hung off of it. He looked back to his previous perch in time to see the Bandersnatch crash hard into the cliff face, bones cracking from the impact. The creature whined and scrabbled, its claws gouging stone but failing to find purchase. It fell away, bouncing and tumbling down into the ravine, where its howls were silenced by a jagged spur of rock jutting out of a rapid. Pinkie stared after it for a minute before whispering into his shoulder, “Hey, Rajy, I think I peed myself. I'm sorry.” Raj dangled from the cliff and sighed. “Yeah, yeah that sounds about right.”