I’m getting real sick and tired of getting knocked out, I thought as I slowly opened my eyes. I was back in my hospital bed, only this time the room was dark. I let my eyes slowly adjust to the lonely darkness as I looked around the room again. The TV was off; water and food were once again next to me and the white curtains swayed slightly to a nice breeze entering the room. I guess the window must’ve been open. I looked down, hoping to see my hands, but my shoulders slumped as a stared down at my dark blue hooves.
I wanted to cry. I didn’t know what was going on and I was starting to get scared. I was a human stuck in a pony body, and apparently being a pony was normal around here. I wanted to believe that I was hallucinating, but the longer I was here, the more it real it became.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout. I wanted to let out my inner child and throw a tantrum, but I couldn’t. Not now. I’d already had my little freak-out, now it was time to calm down and think. Taking breath after breath, I calmed down as best as I could, letting my mind gather itself and sort through the information that was available to me.
Okay, so, I was in a car accident saving a dog. I woke up as a pegasus in a world occupied by talking ponies. Over here, it looks like my name is Dream Weaver, and once again, what kind of name is that!? Apparently over here, I was in an accident that landed me in the hospital. I woke up and had a total freak-out in front of the doctor who was just trying to help. I’d be embarrassed if the situation was different.
Alright, this was good. Now that I had my information together, I could figure this out……..still had nothing.
I started to panic once again, as I realized how little I knew of the situation. How the hell do you explain getting transported to a world of ponies and getting turned into one!? I mean, really, how the FUCK does that happen!? I mean, I couldn’t have died and been reincarnated; I wouldn’t remember my previous life. And even if I did, I would at least have remembered this life.
And that’s the one thing that’s bothered me so much. I didn’t just turn into a pony, I turned into a pony who had a life. To the doctor, I was Dream Weaver. Someone who lived a life and got into an accident just like I did.
I put my hooves to my head and rubbed my temples, feeling a migraine starting to grow. Ugh…my head hurts. I didn’t know how to deal with this kind of situation. How could I?
I kept asking the same question over and over again. It was the only question I really wanted answered, but sadly, it was also the only question I had to answer myself. And that doctor? What did he think now? I just went bat shit crazy in front of him. I’d be lucky if he didn’t throw me in the loony-bin.
The migraine just kept getting worse and worse with every question that piled on. Closing my eyes, I forced myself to not think; to shut my brain off, even for just a moment. I couldn’t think with all these questions coming at me. Focus on one thing at a time, Alice.
As my mind wandered aimlessly around the room, trying to figure out my next step, I spotted one of the two doors slightly ajar, leading to a patient bathroom. When I looked closer, I noticed that it had a mirror above the sink. Looking down at my hooves, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to see my new body. If I was going to be staying here for a while, I might as well see what I was given.
I slowly got out of bed, swaying slightly to the morphine that still lingered in my bloodstream. The doctor had every right to drug me, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t pissed. I stayed still for a moment, letting the dizziness fade away before I took a few steps into the bathroom. Switching on the light, I turned to the mirror with my face to the ground. I honestly didn’t think I would be scared, but when I thought about it, was I ready to look at myself with a whole different body?
I took a couple of deep breathes before I lifted my head up, strengthening my resolve to see this through. Staring back at me was a pair of familiar blue eyes. I small smile tugged at my lips, glad that at least one thing was the same, but everything else was completely different. My skin….well…fur, was dark blue, making my eye’s pop; which I did not mind one bit. My mane was a long and spikey chocolate brown with electric blue tips. Wow…that’s actually pretty cool. I couldn’t get away with this look at work. I wonder if this natural. I mean, if that nurse could be purple and have violet and white hair, I could have this. I took a couple of steps back to get a better view of my body in the mirror. I looked over my wings as they were folded in. I tried to move them, but all they did was twitch. Dammit, how did I put them back when I fell!?
After a couple of tries of getting my wings to move, I gave up and continued to look over my new body. I guess I was pretty sleek for a pony, I honestly didn’t know what was what when it came to size. My tail matched my mane down to the blue tips, dragging down on the floor. I guess it made me look graceful, but I wondered if it was going to be a problem. My eyes ended up landing on the picture on my rump. It was a brown dream catcher, with three strings hanging down with green beads at the top, then red feathers, followed by green feathers.
I wonder what was up with these pictures. Was it a cultural thing to get a tattoo of something on your ass? I couldn’t explain it. Giving an overall look at my image, I think I could say, without sounding self-centered, that I was kind of pretty. For a pony, that is. I wonder if it was weird to think that way. I mean, I was basically a horse, and I’d seen pretty horses. But it was different. This wasn’t an “I can appreciate your beauty as an animal” this was a “you’re attractive” kind of pretty. I wasn’t sure I could give specifics on why, but it was there.
I continued to admire my new body when I heard hoofsteps approaching the door. I panicked. I wasn’t ready to face this! One step at a time! ONE STEP AT A TIME! Making a run for my bed, I found myself tripping over my legs. Dammit! How did animals run with these!? With one last leap, I landed on the bed and pulled the covers over me, not wanting the doctor to question me. I didn’t know what to tell him.
I heard the door open and someone take a few steps in. After a brief hesitation, the hoofsteps retreated and the door closed. I removed the covers from my head and breathed a sigh of relief. At least, for now, I had time to come up with something to say to the doctor.
“She’s still asleep, Mrs. Feather. I suggest we leave her be for now.”
I whipped my head to the door as I heard the doctor’s voice outside.
“But you said she finally woke up! I want to see my daughter!” a female voice boomed.
Oh shit.
“Your daughter went into emotional shock after she woke up and had to be sedated. It’s best if she got as much rest as she could.”
“But I don’t understand. What’s wrong with her?” the female asked, her voice quivering slightly. My heart reached out. I thought I could safely assume that the female voice outside my room was Dream Weaver’s mother. I actually felt guilty that I couldn’t reassure her, knowing that I wasn’t her daughter.
“Mrs. Feather, I believe that your daughter is in a Dissociative Fugue State.”
“Dissociative….Fugue State?”
“Yes. Your daughter woke up believing her name was Alice Mills and that she was something called a human. She also believed that her accident was caused by pushing a dog out of the way by a car? That’s when she went into her panicked state and had to be sedated. When being in a Dissociative Fugue State, you tend to lose your memories, but you also take on a new identity,” he explained softly.
“So…she won’t know who I am?”
“I’m sorry Mrs. Feather, she won’t.”
I heard a sob escape from the female voice. My throat started to get thick, a cry threatening to escape. I might not have known her, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t upset that she was crying because of me. I didn’t want to be the reason someone was in pain.
“But what about her new identity?” she hiccupped. “What happens now?”
“The best thing to do is to not push her. Take her home and surround her with friends and family. I’ll set up an appointment with a psychiatrist.” I heard something being written down before he continued. “I know that this is hard, Mrs. Feather, but the best thing you can do for your daughter is to be there for her.”
“But she doesn’t live with anypony. She hasn’t been to Cloudsdale in years.” her mother informed.
“Mrs. Feather, I know this is all distressing, but it doesn’t look like your daughter is going to wake up any time soon. How about we go talk about this further in my office, and we’ll figure something out,” he suggested calmingly.
She hesitated, but consented. “Alright. Thank you, Dr. Monitor.” And with that, the voices faded away with their hoofsteps.
As I lay in bed, I mulled over what went on outside. So there’s an actual thing for what I supposedly had. I wasn’t going to lie…that scared me. I thought I could work with the doctor’s not knowing what was wrong with me. But if this has happened before, there’s a chance that this is all in my head. What if I really did take on a new identity and was really a pegasus named Dream Weaver?
I could feel a sob being stuck in my throat as a wave of confusion and doubt washed over me. What if I wasn’t really a human….what if that life never happened?
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The confusion, the loss, the unfamiliarity, it all came out at once and I didn’t hold back. I cried. I let it all out. I didn’t know what to do and I was so scared. I wanted my human mom and dad. I wanted to go back to my house with my sisters. I wanted to walk through the door and have my dog jump up on me and lick my worries away and make me smile. I just want to go home. I just want to go home……
It was a good hour before I finally calmed down again. It took a while with these new hooves, but I finally managed to chug the glass of water that was by my bed. After I emptied the glass, I put it back and started to organize my thoughts again.
It crossed my mind, but I think it would be better for everyone if I pretended I just had regular amnesia. At least then I could get around easier, and fewer questions would be asked. It would also be easier to learn how things went around here.
And it’ll be easier to get answers, I added. I wouldn’t…no, I couldn’t give up my human life so easily. I didn’t know what was going on, but I’m not going to give up and give in so easily. No matter what, I’m going to find out what happened and get my life back.