//------------------------------// // Giggle at the Ghost in the Machine, Part 4 // Story: The Iron Horse: Everything's Better With Robots! // by The Hat Man //------------------------------// Celestia’s eyes opened wide at Twilight's direct answer and she raised her head. “Excuse me?” “I’m sorry Princess Celestia,” Twilight said, her eyes closed. She raised her head and took a deep breath. When her eyes opened again, they were still and she did not blink or look away. “I appreciate your reasoning and they might be good reasons, but I am not going to give Turing Test over.” Celestia sighed. “Twilight, I think you could be making a mistake. But if that is not the case, then may I hear your reasoning?” Twilight tapped her chin. “Well, there are a few reasons. The first is that I don’t think Turing could fulfill her directive if she were placed into protection. She is trying to learn about the world.” She used her horn to conjure up the image of Turing’s silhouette, and then surrounded it with the images of several other ponies. “She can only do that by interacting. Just like when you pushed me to worry about more than just studying and sent me to Ponyville to make friends.” Celestia smiled at that. “But if we cut her off from the rest of the world,” Twilight continued, her eyes narrowing, “then she’ll only be able to learn about the world through what others tell her.” The image of the other ponies vanished and four lines connected to form a box around the image of Turing. “If we want her to develop into something more, we can’t just lock her up like that.” She let the image fade. “Twilight, there is a difference between protective custody and being a prisoner.” Celestia looked down. “I am not happy about the situation, but it would only be temporary, and as I said, she would be cared for.” “Well, that’s good to know, however…” Twilight swallowed and finally looked away. She waited a moment, took a breath, and then continued. “Let’s change the situation slightly. Let’s say Turing Test wasn’t a robot. Let’s say she was, for example, a pony that had been enchanted by dark magic. And then let’s say that we were worried about a group of wizards who might someday come and take Turing back to extract the magical energy from her.” “Well, that’s an interesting theory, Twilight,” Celestia replied. She looked up and to her right. “I suppose the situation would be about the same.” She nodded lightly to herself. “We would still offer her protective custody until we were certain she was safe.” “Yes, of course,” Twilight said, a smile appearing on her face. “And that’s good, but think about what you just said, Princess. You said you could ‘offer’ protective custody. In Turing’s real situation, you want me to order her to do that. And if I wasn’t a Princess or we weren’t friends, I think you might have simply made it a demand instead of a request.” She swallowed. “Am I wrong?” Celestia pressed her lips together. “No. I suppose, were you not a princess and my friend, then I would not have given you, or her, a choice in the matter.” She hesitated. “But having said that, Twilight, is that really fair? Turing Test, despite your feelings, isn’t a real pony.” Twilight winced slightly, but showed no other reaction. “That might be a matter of opinion, Princess. It’s true that she’s artificial, and that she’s made of metal and wires and gears,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean that she’s not ‘real’ in any important sense,” she added, shaking her head slightly. “A week ago, I would have agreed - she was just a thing that moved around and talked. But now she’s shown gratitude, pride in her accomplishments, and amazement with the world around her. She may not have the same feelings as a regular pony just yet, but when she discovers something new, it’s like seeing the wonder of the world and of friendship all over again for me! And I get to teach her these things and see her become something brand new! “In talking with Gadget, I think that it’s clear that Turing is becoming self-aware. She knows what she is and thinks about what she’s doing and what she wants. And…” she took a deep breath, her voice becoming strained, “and I nearly forgot that myself.” Celestia’s eyes widened. “Twilight?” she asked. “Are you all right?” “Yes,” Twilight said with a small laugh, though her eyes were beginning to well up. “You see, Turing Test cares so much about pleasing me and others around her that she almost kept her own opinions silent because she didn’t think they were important. When I told her to tell me the truth about what she wanted, she said ‘Please don’t--’” She stopped, swallowing hard as she steadied herself. Celestia blinked at her, her mouth dropping open. “She said ‘Please don’t send me away.’” She heaved a sigh, but managed to smile anyway, looking up at Celestia through shimmering eyes. “That’s all she wants, more than anything else: she wants to stay with her friends. And that brings me to the final reason why I can’t order her to go into protection. Turing wants to stay where she is and I gave her my word that I would not send her away.” Celestia was still staring at her, blinking several times. Then she seemed to snap out of it and closed her mouth. She slowly inhaled and shut her eyes solemnly. “I see. Well, that is noble, but are you certain that’s a promise you should keep?” She opened her eyes and frowned. “What will you do if you are attacked?” “If somepony is targeting me, then I don’t think they would stop even if Turing were gone. In fact, since Turing is fearless and loyal and incredibly powerful, not to mention no longer under anypony else’s control, I’d say she’d make a pretty good bodyguard.” Twilight smiled. “I’m not going to live in fear of others who may or may not threaten me. I’ll let my friends know about all this and we’ll be careful.” Celestia let out a long sigh, but she was smiling. “I still don’t know if I agree with your decision, Princess Twilight,” she said. She stood to her full height and bowed to her. “However, it is your decision to make and you have explained your reasons well. Very well: I’ll consider the matter settled. Your robot friend has my blessings and, as always, so do you.” Twilight wore a beaming smile and she rushed over to Celestia, who lowered her neck to accept Twilight’s embrace. “Thank you for understanding, Princess Celestia. I’m lucky to have you as a friend.” “No more than I am lucky to have you as one,” Celestia replied, raising her head. “Or, it would seem, no more than Turing Test is lucky to have you.” Clearing her throat, she added, “Still, if it’s all right with you, I’d like to give you a few guidelines for keeping your friends, including Turing Test, safe.” Twilight nodded, keeping her head held up high. “Of course. What are they?” “The first is that I ask that any developments or findings you or Cornelius or his assistant come across regarding the ponies who built Turing Test be reported to me. I consider it a matter of national security.” Twilight nodded. “Of course. I’ll tell Mr. Vanderbull and Gadget immediately.” “The second is that you and your friends be extremely careful around anypony who seems suspicious or particularly interested in Turing Test in case they happen to be another agent of this conspiracy.” Twilight nodded again. “Yes, that makes sense.” "In truth, Twilight, I would recommend that you take a group of the Royal Guard during this time." She saw Twilight make a sour face. "But I see that you're still against that idea." "Yes. I'm sorry, but the Princess of Friendship should be available to anypony who wants her. Er, me." She giggled, blushing as she covered her face with her foreleg. "I don't want to be surrounded by guards who would intimidate others around me." Celestia nodded. “I understand. In that case, the third thing to keep in mind, though it hardly needs to be said, is that if Turing Test harms anypony or becomes dangerous, she must be deactivated.” Twilight hesitated, but finally nodded in agreement. “Yes. But that won’t happen.” “I hope so.” Celestia sighed before continuing. “And the last request is very simple: I don’t want these conspirators to succeed in their mission, so they must not get their hooves on Turing Test again. From this point forward and whenever possible, I would suggest that you make sure she has somepony with her. She should not be left unattended.” Twilight smiled and bowed to her. “As you wish. I’ll do my best to make sure she’s never left alone.” *** “Ohhh, wow, that hit the spot!” Pinkie said, moaning contentedly and rubbing her belly as she collapsed back on her bed. “Nopony makes sweets like the Cakes!” “The water was good.” Maud remarked. She turned to Pinkie, passing her a napkin. “You have a little icing on your everything.” Just then there was a knock at the door. Mrs. Cake entered Pinkie’s room and they saw she wasn’t alone. “Mrs. Cake? Oh, and it’s you, Scootsie!” Pinkie said, bouncing over in spite of her full stomach. “What brings you here?” “Well,” Mrs. Cake said, “after I saw how upset you were I was going to tell her to come back later, but Scootaloo here insisted she needed to see you now.” She looked over her shoulder and down the stairs uneasily. Turning back to Pinkie, she tried to smile in spite of herself. “It seems Turing Test is back.” “Please, Pinkie!” Scootaloo said, darting over to her. “You’ve gotta come down and give her another cha--” “Okay!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Huh?” Mrs. Cake and Scootaloo said while raising an eyebrow in unison. “Yeah, I was going to go find her with Maud after we finished our snack anyway!” She zipped back over to Maud, her eyes bright and her smile wide. “Now we don’t have to track her down!” “That’s good,” Maud replied, slowly sliding off the bed. “I don’t think I could have gotten Boulder back into my pocket anyway.” Mrs. Cake chuckled slightly. “What do you mean, dear? I mean, it’s not like he could actually eat that caAUGH!” She stopped as she looked down at the platter which had once contained a cake. It now contained nothing but crumbs and a very familiar, and very large rock. “Buh… guh… how di… whathebu…” “Oh that Boulder!” Pinkie laughed. “He just can’t say no to strawberries!” *** Turing was sitting at a table waiting for Pinkie, Mrs. Cake, and Scootaloo to return. She saw them come down the stairs and then, unexpectedly, saw another mare with them. “Rinny, I’m so glad you’re back!” Pinkie cried, rushing over and hugging her. “Strange. I was not expecting this reception after my earlier behavior.” “Hey, I was serious about being friends earlier,” Pinkie said, standing up and thumping her chest as she tried her best to look dignified. “And one of the first things friends can do is forgive each other.” Turing tilted her head to the left and right. “Understood. However, I believe it to be proper etiquette to express my apologies. I therefore apologize for my aggressiveness, Pinkie Pie. I had never experienced anger before and did not wish to frighten you.” Pinkie smiled brightly and looked to Mrs. Cake, who regarded Turing untrustingly. But seeing Pinkie’s blue eyes light up made her soften, and thus she smiled as well. “All right, Turing. I was a little mad after you gave Pinkie a scare, but if she forgives you, then so do I. You are welcome here any time you like.” “Woohoo!” Pinkie shouted, tossing confetti into the air. “I notice you have another companion, Pinkie Pie.” “Yep!” She reached over and drew Maud closer to her, hugging her once before gesturing to Turing and back. “This is my sister Maud, Rinny! And Maud, this is my robot friend Rinny! Maud, Rinny! Rinny, Maud!” “Hello.” “Hi.” The two of them then proceeded to say nothing. “Would you like to sit down with me?” Turing asked after a beat. “Sure,” Maud replied. Maud sat down and the two continued to stare at each other in silence. “Pinkie says you’re actually a machine.” “That is correct.” The two settled again into their silence. Mrs. Cake took the time to back away slowly. “You are Pinkie’s sister. Are you also interested in baking?” Maud shook her head. “I like rocks. I study them.” “That seems reasonable. Rocks make up most of the planet. Studying them must be important.” “Mm hmm.” Scootaloo tapped Pinkie on the leg. “Psst, Pinkie!” she whispered. “Are you sure Maud’s not a robot too?” “Oh of course she’s not, Scootsie!” Pinkie laughed. “How could you ask such a silly question when Maud is so super-duper-excited!” Scootaloo’s eye twitched as she looked to Maud. “I see you are made of metal,” Maud observed. “That is correct.” Maud reached out with a hoof, holding it near Turing’s own foreleg which was resting on the table. “May I?” “Yes, you may.” Maud tapped Turing’s foreleg, her ears twitching. “Huh. Titanium alloy. You must be very strong.” “Correct. I also contain--” “Wait.” She leaned closer and took a deep breath, sniffing her. “Vanadium. And… molybdenum.” “Correct. It seems your knowledge of rocks extends to materials refined from raw ore.” Maud blinked. And then, every so slightly, her mouth curved slightly upward. She turned to Pinkie. “I like her.” Turing looked to Pinkie as well. “We are compatible.” “Wow! You two are getting along so well!” She bounced ecstatically. “I haven’t seen Maud take to anypony like this in ages, Rinny!” “Pinkie, stop. You’re embarrassing me,” Maud intoned dryly. She blinked again. “Sorry to fly off the handle like that.” Scootaloo elbowed Pinkie, causing her to bend down to hear her whisper again. “Um… can I leave now?” she asked out of the corner of her mouth. “This is really weirding me out.” “Not sure why, but okey-dokey-lokey!” Once Scootaloo had left, Turing was at last alone with the Pie sisters. The three of them sat at their table in the nearly deserted Sugarcube Corner. “So, anyway, Rinny, I’m really glad you came back. And I’m sorry if I got mad at you earlier too,” she added, lowering her ears abashedly, her eyes downcast. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” “I believe we should disregard our altercation, Pinkie Pie,” Turing replied. “I have come to the conclusion that humor is not the negative thing I assumed it to be. If the number of ponies I call friends can appreciate humor, then it must have some merit that I have yet to understand.” “Pinkie and I were talking,” Maud said slowly, pulling her own chair closer. “Maybe you’re trying too hard to be funny the way Pinkie is.” “You are implying that there may be different types of amusement? Intriguing. I have only understood physical comedy and jokes. However, neither one of them is something in which I show proficiency.” “It’s true,” Pinkie said. “She didn’t laugh at any of my jokes!” Maud rubbed her chin. “Tell her one.” “Uh, okay, if you say so.” Pinkie paused to think of one. “Ooh, okay! A big, wild cat with spots tried to enter the Equestria Games, but they wouldn’t let him compete because he was a cheetah! Tee hee!” Maud shrugged and then looked to Turing, whose ears were twitching noisily. “Because the word ‘cheetah’ is similar to the word ‘cheater.’ I understand, though I do not find it funny.” Pinkied sighed. “Furthermore--” “No! No furthermore!” Pinkie cried, waving her hooves frantically. But then Maud put her hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. “Let her finish,” Maud said. Pinkie’s eyes darted between Maud and Turing. “You sure, Maud?” “I want to know what she thinks.” She looked to Turing. “Go ahead.” Turing held out a hoof. “I was thinking that it would be logical regardless of honesty, as wild animals are not normally considered as candidates for competition in such an event. Of course the cheetah would be quite proficient at sprinting events if his handlers were able to prevent him from mauling the other contestants. Even then, allowing wild animals would set a negative precedent for the Games. After all, there would be no point in competing if one were allowed to enter, for example, an elephant into a weight-lifting competition. And that is to say nothing of the hazards to the other competitors not only from possible attacks but also from the difficulties of providing the animals with lodging and also from slipping on the track should one of the animals defe--” “Rinny, stop stop stop! I can’t take any more!” Pinkie cried. “You see, Maud, she just--” There was a sound. A snort? A sneeze? Pinkie froze and slowly turned toward her sister. There was a very small curve at the corner of her lips and she held a hoof in front of her mouth. “Maud? Did… did you just snicker?” Her eyes shifted away. “Maybe.” Pinkie grabbed Turing and started to shake her. “Rinny, you broke my sister! Your joke-killing abilities drove her crazy!” Then she felt a hoof on her shoulder and saw that Maud’s expression was slowly returning to normal. “Pinkie, it’s fine.” Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief as she smiled at her. “Whew! You had me worried. But what happened to you, Maud?” “I apologize, Maud Pie,” Turing said, bowing her head slightly. “I did not mean--” “No, don’t apologize,” she said sternly, and then looked to Pinkie. “Pinkie… she’s funny.” “Huh? She is?” “I am?” “No she’s not!” “Apparently I am not.” Maud shook her head, holding up her hoof for them to be quiet. “Turing, maybe you should try telling a joke of your own.” “Do you believe that is a good idea? I have memorized many jokes, although none of them are ones that I find humorous and my previous attempts at delivery were quite poor.” “Tell one anyway.” Turing tilted her head, but complied with Maud’s request. “There were three peanuts walking through a bad neighborhood in Manehattan. One was assaulted.” Pinkie chuckled. Maud frowned. “I believe the source of the humor is--” “Rinny, don’t explain the joke,” Pinkie told her, rolling her eyes. “Hold on,” Maud said. “No, do explain it.” “But Maud, you’re not--” She fell silent when Maud glanced over at her. If there was any subtle change in her expression, only Pinkie saw it, but it was enough to silence her. She looked back at Turing and nodded. “If you insist. I believe the joke is intended to be humorous because the word ‘assaulted’ is auditorily identical to the phrase ‘a salted,’ which is what many peanuts are: salted. This double-meaning of course ignores the obvious absurdities of the joke. Peanuts lack independent locomotion and thus would be incapable of walking anywhere. Were one to ignore this feature of peanut physiology, that still begs the question of why the unfortunate peanut would be assaulted. Physically, I mean, not in the sense of being covered in salt. “Perhaps the peanut was carrying valuables that Manehattan thieves desired, though how a peanut came to be financially stable is even more puzzling. What skills would a peanut possess that would be of value to an employer? However, if we assume that this peanut is indeed capable of holding a job, then perhaps he lives in some alternate reality where this is a normal occurrence. “That opens us to the possibility that the peanut was attacked not for his valuables but was instead targeted merely for being a peanut in a neighborhood where attitudes toward his kind were hostile. Perhaps this hypothetical world is filled with other sentient nuts and racism between them exists. The peanut may have been attacked by cashews or a gang of tough young macadamias. Were this to be the case, then one would have to exercise caution when making one’s own way in this nutty world.” At last Turing stopped when she noticed that Pinkie was actually starting to crack a smile and Maud Pie was not only smiling but chuckling. Indeed, she was obviously holding her laughter in, and it was still quiet and unlike the uproarious laughter Pinkie Pie had, but she was still barely containing it through clenched teeth as she shook. “Okay, Maud, you’re right,” Pinkie managed to say through her giggles. “That was actually pretty silly.” “Silly?” Turing asked, holding out a hoof. “That is not silly. I have merely stated the natural analysis of the joke.” “T-tell another,” Maud said, still holding her laughter in. “What joke should I tell?” Maud breathed in, getting herself under control. “Pinkie said you read a lot of jokes. Tell one of your own.” “That should be possible. I have analyzed the numerous patterns of the jokes. Perhaps if I extrapolated the patterns I could conceive of a joke that would fit within the parameters of what you may find funny. Very well. Processing...” Pinkie and Maud leaned forward. “Process complete. Here is my joke: “Starswirl the Bearded walks into a malt shop. The stallion minding the counter and the other patrons all run screaming from the malt shop because Starswirl the Bearded has been dead for a thousand years and it is normal to fear the undead.” The two sisters laughed. “I do not understand. Why are you laughing? I have merely tried to take the pattern of the joke and apply logic to it. While I am glad of your amusement, I do not understand it.” “Rinny, remember when I said jokes were supposed to be unexpected?” Pinkie asked between her giggles. “I do.” “That’s why your jokes are funny! I expect something funny at the end and it isn’t!” Turing stared back at her. “You are saying I am funny because I am not funny?” “Exactly!” Pinkie cheered. “In fact… I just got a great idea!” She rubbed her hooves together as a sly grin spread across her face. *** Pinkie finished her milkshake and licked her lips clean of excess whipped cream. Turing and Maud were still sitting at the table watching her. “Mmm, that was great!” Then her eyes went wide. “Ooh, wait, I just got another great idea! This one actually has to do with Rinny’s joke telling!” *** Twilight and Spike briskly walked toward their destination early that evening. The building was a wooden structure with a big hoof-painted sign over the door. Twilight looked up, raising an eyebrow at it. Mad Salt! Ponyville’s Largest (and Only) Salt Lick Saloon! “Wow, I’ve never been in a place like this,” Spike said, his eyes lighting up excitedly. “That’s because most ponies wouldn’t take a baby dragon to a saloon,” Twilight said, scowling at the rough-looking establishment. “Yeah, but most ponies don’t know any baby dragons!” he said, shrugging it off as he approached the stairs. “Besides, the note Pinkie left on the castle said she and Turing Test would be here!” Twilight was about to pull him back with her magic when he exclaimed “Hey, Twilight, come look at this!” She trotted over and her eyes went wide as she saw the sign next to the door. It was a chalkboard sign but it had been emblazoned with large letters which read: ‘Tonight’s Live Entertainment: Robot & Pie!’ “Robot & Pie?” Twilight and Spike both said in unison. From inside, uproarious laughter suddenly thundered out, causing them both to stagger back. “Okay, Spike, you can come in. I just hope it doesn’t get too rough in there…” The two of them entered and saw that the pub was crowded with all sorts of ponies crowded around tables enjoying their salt lick. The place was so packed that they had a hard time getting through and Twilight had to place Spike on her back just so he could see. They gingerly pushed past several patrons, none of whom bothered to look at her long enough to realize who she was. The low lighting in the place didn’t help either. “Hey, there they are!” Spike exclaimed, jumping onto her head and pointing with one claw. Twilight followed where he was pointing at saw that in the center of the saloon, sitting on a pair of stools, were Pinkie Pie and Turing. Twilight didn’t hear what Pinkie had just said, but the crowd around her all laughed at once. Many of them cheered, whistled, or stomped their hooves in applause. “Twilight. Spike.” Twilight whirled around at the unmistakably bland voice and saw that Maud Pie was sitting at her own table and beckoning her over as well. She went over, Spike in tow, and took a seat, putting Spike on the table so he could see as well. “Maud, I’m glad to see you!” Twilight said brightly. “And a little surprised. Can you tell me what’s going on?” “Pinkie and Turing Test are doing a comedy act.” “Wait, both of them? Turing couldn’t even tell a joke this morning!” Twilight exclaimed. Maud took a sip from a glass of water. “She still can’t.” Then she smiled ever so slightly. “But she’s really good at not telling jokes.” She crinkled her nose and eyed the various chunks of salt lick that the various ponies had on their tables suspiciously. “You’re sure nopony put something in the salt lick to make them laugh?” Twilight whispered. Maud nodded. “Pretty sure.” Twilight had no idea what was going on, so she finally just turned her attention to the pair in the center of the room. “So, you know, Rinny,” Pinkie began, leaning forward on her tall stool, causing it to wobble, “I went to my doctor and he said ‘You’re eating too much sugar!’” “What did you do?” “I told him I wanted a second opinion! He said, ‘Okay, your hair’s too poofy too!’” A smattering of laughter went through the crowd. “Ah, I see that he misunderstood your meaning. Rather than understanding that you wished to discuss the matter with another physician, he chose to offer another opinion of his own.” Twilight was about to groan but she heard others in the crowd chuckle. “This of course was not what you meant and indicative of a poor understanding of common terminology on his part. Furthermore, his personal criticism of your appearance should not be tolerated and you should report him for unprofessional conduct. Though, in fairness, your hair’s poofiness is in excess of normal parameters.” The crowd’s laughter grew. Twilight couldn’t believe her ears and glanced around at all the laughing audience members. “Wait, Maud,” she whispered, “why are they laughing at her explaining the joke?” “Because nopony expects her to explain it.” Maud blinked at her slowly. “That is the joke.” Twilight shook her head. “Wait, how does that even--” “Shh, it’s Turing’s turn now.” She put her hoof to Twilight’s lips, cutting her off. “Pinkie Pie, do you know what the difference is between an elephant and a plum?” “Gee, Rinny, I don’t know,” Pinkie said with an exaggerated shrug. “Plums are purple.” The crowd chuckled at that. Spike and Twilight glanced at each other. “Uh, am I crazy, or is that not funny?” Spike asked. “You’re not crazy,” Twilight muttered, her expression going sour. “Are they making fun of her?” Turing continued: “Pinkie Pie, do you know what Daring Do said when she saw the elephants coming?” “I sure don’t!” Pinkie replied. “She said ‘Here come the elephants.’” Several groans came from the crowd and even Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Rinnyyy, that’s not--” “Pinkie Pie, do you know what Dr. Caballeron said when he saw the elephants coming?” Pinkie sighed. “Lemme guess: ‘Here come the elephants.’ Right?” “No,” Turing said with a shake of her head. “He said ‘Here come the plums.’” The crowd murmured in confusion, Twilight and Spike included. Maud leaned forward expectantly. Just when it seemed that Turing’s joke had fallen flat she suddenly uttered “...Because Dr. Caballeron is colorblind.” The crowd burst out laughing, some hard enough to fall off their seats. Groans were heard, but they were good-natured and another round of applause went through. Even Twilight and Spike shared a chuckle. “Okay, that’s kind of funny,” Twilight admitted. “Ridiculous, but funny.” “She’s been doing this with Pinkie Pie for almost an hour now,” Maud said. “Pinkie knows the mare who owns the place. She says that she might make enough in tips to finish paying for the chairs Turing broke.” Twilight looked over to the pair of them and then back to Spike. He didn’t notice and his boyish laugh could be heard even among all the other ponies’ laughs. In spite of all the silliness, she had to admit it was actually great to see Turing make ponies laugh in her own way, odd as it might be. She sat back in her chair, ordered a block of salt, and relaxed until the end of the show. *** When the show had ended and most of the saloon patrons had gone home, the group of them all gathered around a table. Twilight couldn’t keep herself from gushing. “I can’t believe it! Everypony was just laughing like crazy!” Twilight exclaimed. She set her elbows on the table, resting her head on one hoof. “It’s amazing! You managed to turn your lack of understanding of jokes into a comedy routine!” “That is partially true, Twilight Sparkle.” Turing pointed to Maud. “Maud Pie was the first to suggest that my own method of attempting humor could be put to better use.” Maud blinked as the others looked to her. “I thought she was pretty funny. I told Pinkie to give her a chance.” She shrugged. “Maud’s right!” Pinkie said, nodding her head rapidly. She put one foreleg around Turing. “At first, Rinny was all ‘I-am-a-robot. What-is-it-that-makes-organic-ponies-laugh? Beep-boop-beep.’” Twilight curled her lip and then opened her mouth, ready to admonish her. “And also Pinkie Pie was all ‘Questions you’re not supposed to answer! Rhyming words, non-sequitur, improbable amounts of pastry!’ But then we reached an understanding.” Twilight sat frozen, her mouth still hanging open. Spike began to snicker. “You two… you…” Twilight managed to stammer, shaking her head in disbelief. “How did you get so in sync with each other?” “We rehearsed,” Turing replied. “Rehearsed?” Twilight repeated, still gawking at the pair of them. The two turned to look at each other and then back to Twilight in unison, though only Pinkie wore a broad grin. Without even looking, the two bumped hooves perfectly. “See, Rinny’s actually pretty funny, but we had to work it out so that ponies could come and actually enjoy a show! So we tried out a bunch of different gags and keep the ones that worked! That’s where yours truly came in!” She thumped her own chest proudly. “We rehearsed a bit, told some jokes, and after about an hour, we were ready to perform!” “Just an hour?” Spike asked, his eyes going wide. “How’d you get ready so fast?” “I have a perfect memory. Pinkie Pie has similarly high retention. One rehearsal was all that was required.” “Can’t memorize everypony’s birthday without a good noggin!” Pinkie added, knocking on her own head and producing a distinct coconut-like sound. Twilight blinked. “So… wow.” Her amazement gave way to a peaceful smile and she reached out, placing her hoof on Turing’s. “You really did it, Turing. You finally achieved your goal of understanding humor.” “In a manner of speaking, Twilight Sparkle.” Turing looked down slightly. “I have gained greater understanding about what it means to make other ponies laugh and even sufficient understanding to grasp jokes, though not without some difficulty. However, I still have no feeling of amusement, nor does it seem that I spontaneously laugh.” Everypony’s face fell slightly. Pinkie pulled Turing in even closer. “Rinny… I’m sorry.” “Please do not apologize, Pinkie Pie.” Turing put her hoof on her shoulder and looked her in the eye. “One of my goals was to understand humor and use it more adeptly. I believe your expertise was invaluable toward achieving this goal. Thank you.” Pinkie’s frown faded slightly. “Aw, it was no biggie!” “Also, Maud Pie,” Turing said, looking to her, “I must thank you. Your recognition of my own means of expressing humor enabled Pinkie and I to repair our relationship. It is my hope that both you and your sister will accept my offer of friendship. Do you?” Pinkie nearly hit the ceiling in her jump for joy. “Woohoo! Bestest robot pony best friend ever!” Turing continued looking to Maud, who made her reply: “Okay then.” Her tiny half-smile returned and Turing gave a slight nod. “Acknowledged.” Spike leaned over to Twilight. “Oh sweet Celestia, there are two of them,” he whispered through his teeth. “Spike, be polite,” Twilight whispered back. More loudly, she told the group, “Listen: Maud, Pinkie, why don’t let me do you a favor and pay for your salt and any drinks you had here. It’s the least I could do for you both after helping Turing so much!” The Pie sisters looked to each other and shrugged. Looking back at Twilight they nodded, each giving her a small smile. “Great! Let me check with the barkeep!” She got off of her stool and was about to make her way to the bar when Turing noticed a stray glass that had been knocked off of a nearby table. Twilight was about to step on it. Turing was on her hooves in a second, but that was still too long to prevent what happened next. Twilight stepped on the glass, which did not shatter, but instead rolled backward, forcing Twilight to trip and stumble forward. Off balance, she opened her wings reflexively and her forward stumbling gave her enough momentum to lift into the air. She sailed out of control across the room, her shout of surprise ending when she blew right past some ponies playing darts and embedded her horn straight into their dartboard. “Twilight!” Spike shouted, rushing over alongside her other friends. “I’m okay, I’m okay!” Twilight called, pushing her back hooves against the wall the dartboard was hanging on. She tried to pull her horn out, but suddenly the entire dartboard came loose and she fell to the floor directly on her rump. She lifted her head dazily and they saw that she had her horn stuck directly through the center. Pinkie giggled and opened her mouth to say something. “Bullseye.” The group whirled around to see that Turing was staring at Twilight. Once what she had said sunk in, the group of them relaxed and shared a mutual laugh. “Well, guess you’re getting better at comedic timing,” Twilight grunted, trying to push the dartboard off her horn. Maud walked over and easily yanked it free with a single hoof. “Bullseye. Like a dart. Twilight Sparkle was like a dart. That was funny,” Turing commented. “Apparently,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. “That was... funny.” Twilight blinked and stared at her. She saw that Turing’s eyes had contracted again and she had a strange, almost far-off gaze as her ears went straight up. “Oh my gosh… Turing, do you mean?” “Yes.” She looked to each of them as they stared at her. “That was funny to me. I made a joke and understood it based on the observation of Twilight’s situation and… I felt amused. I felt it. This is…” “R-Rinny?” Pinkie Pie asked, coming over to her. She placed her hooves over her mouth, her eyes beginning to well up. “You… you really mean it?” “I do.” She tilted her head back. “This feeling. It is wonderful. It is so wonderful.” She moved over to Pinkie and hugged her. "So light and energetic. This is why organics laugh." “Oh… Rinny!” She hugged her back and then motioned for the others to join her. “Aww… group hug initiated!” *** The group walked through the streets of Ponyville until they got to Sugarcube Corner. Standing outside the cake- and candy-camouflaged building, the group all faced each other in silence, nopony quite sure what to say. “So, even though you can finally think things are funny,” Pinkie ventured cautiously, “you still can’t laugh?” “It seems not. Though I could run simulations and create a more realistic personal laugh from composite data, it would not be a spontaneous natural reaction. But you need not worry. I am content with my progress.” Pinkie sighed, but offered her a smile. “It was nice meeting you, Turing Test,” Maud said suddenly, startling everypony out of their silence. She walked over and gave her new friend one final hug. “You’re really interesting. I think I’ll write a poem about you.” Twilight gawked. “Wait. Maud, you’re going to write a poem that isn’t about rocks?!” “I never said I wouldn’t,” Maud said with a shrug. “I just didn’t know any ponies as interesting as rocks.” “Thank you, Maud Pie. I also compare you favorably with a rock.” Maud looked away, suddenly rubbing one of her forelegs with the other. Pinkie raised an eyebrow and leaned in with a sideways glance as she detected the faintest change in color in Maud’s gray cheeks. Then her eyes suddenly went wide and everypony gave a start as she let out a yelp. “Oh no! Maud, we have to go! I just realized we left Gummy and Boulder alone together all day! And you know how they get when that happens!” “Hm. We better go.” She waved as she slowly turned and moved toward the building with all the speed and urgency of cold molasses. “Why, what’s the ‘rush?’” Spike asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow. “Wellll,” Pinkie said leaning in and blushing slightly, “I just don’t want to wait a week and find that one of them is ‘in a family way,’ if you know what I mean.” Twilight blinked. “You’re worried that an alligator and a rock will… breed?” “Well, of course!” Pinkie scoffed. “Where do you think cragadiles come from?” And with that, she zipped away, disappearing into Sugarcube Corner without another word. “She… that’s not really possible, is it?” Twilight asked Turing. “Probably not. Both Gummy and Boulder are male.” “What? That’s the least reason why that wouldn’t--” She froze when she saw Turing’s ears twitching again. “You’re joking with me.” She smiled, a laugh escaping her as she shook her head. “You’re trying to be silly, aren’t you?” “Perhaps this rimshot subroutine will answer your question, Twilight Sparkle: Ba-dum-ting.” Spike chuckled at that while Twilight just rolled her eyes. “Okay, Turing, that’s enough. Let’s go home and hope that the next time you find something funny it doesn’t involve me slipping and skewering a dartboard.” The three of them trotted back toward the castle, Spike and Twilight each yawning in turn as they went. “Twilight Sparkle, Spike the Dragon, are you both fatigued?” Twilight nodded and looked over to her wearily. “Yes. We had a big day today in Canterlot.” “Was your meeting with Celestia productive?” Spike and Twilight looked to each other and they each smiled. “Yes, it was,” Twilight said. “It looks like we won’t have to fight to keep you here, Turing.” “That is good.” She raised her head slightly, taking in the sight of the castle as it loomed ever larger on the horizon. “Many things happened to me today. I gained new insights. I felt things that were terrible and things that were wonderful. And I managed to analyze what it was that I felt two days ago when you said you would not send me away.” “You did?” Twilight asked, whipping her head around, eyes wide and eager in spite of her tiredness. “What was it?” “I believe it was ‘relief.’” She did not take her eyes off the castle as they continue walking. “My experiences have given me greater understanding of organic ponies. When you are more rested, I will relate them to you, if you wish. Now, more than ever, I am glad to be here.” To be continued...