//------------------------------//
// The Box, The Parcels, and The Contract 
// Story: Metroid V: Exile 
// by The Philosopher King 
//------------------------------//

Twenty minutes had passed since the Hunter had entered the building. Engineer and Applejack were both starting to get nervous, but then they see the front door open by itself, and less than two minutes later the Frenchman is standing in front of them.

“Everything is fine.” Spy says. “Three individuals were kidnapped by a force of roughly seven. One of the members of the force was a queen, and she fell easier than them because of previous wounds. The two other individuals kidnapped besides Apple Bloom were the small dragon and Twilight. I thought I would have to step into the fray when the fought the direct kidnappers, but she handled them flawlessly.” 

“Thank y’all,” says the orange mare.

“We were hired to defend this place, and we’ll keep to it.”  says Engineer.

“Wait, we got a contract?” asks Spy.

“No, it was a verbal agreement and a payment.”

“Mon dieu, the demoman and I were not involved. I shall write a contract, since I know the rest of you don’t think of these things.” he jests. To anyone else, it sounded like a bit of a harsh verberation; to Engie and Spy it was a friendly nudge.

Someone yelling “Ack!” can be heard within the ship. 

“And that should be the Demoman. Excellent.” says Spy. “We can now make the contract proper.”




It was late afternoon in Canterlot, and Celestia was having tea. The day had been peaceful, when an obviously new guard rushes in carrying a decent-sized box and a few letters. 

“Your highness,” he says. “There has been a small expeditionary force of Changelings in Ponyville!”

Celestia practically spits out her tea. “What on earth???”

“Princess Twilight, her assistant, and a young filly were all kidnapped by the force, but saved by the Hunter and Mercenaries you hired. They sent these parcels with Twilight’s seal on them.”

“Alright, leave me with the parcels.”

“Yes, your Highness.”

She examines the box, a somewhat ornate wooden construct, but judging from the “Warning” label on it she decides to open it last at her better judgement. She opens the first letter, written in standard print and from the Hunter.

To the Employer of My Services, Celestia:

I have run into what seems to be another race of hostile creatures I am going to have to lead to extinction. To my knowledge they are called “Changelings,” and they seem to be one of the vilest and terrible races of creatures I have run into on my travels. The filly they kidnapped is fine, but if I hadn’t been there, their list of charges would have included “rape” and “pedophilia.”

Celestia actually vomits into a nearby bucket at the mere thought of that, a Changeling screwing a filly.

Their leader was a young queen, but it is not the same queen apparently you and Twilight dealt with in the past, most likely this one is her daughter. I recommend fortifying your capital and cities to the north in case of invasion. These letters hopefully shall keep you updated as missions go by. Apparently there are two more who hitched a ride on board my ship besides the five you have met, this includes a Frenchman who refers to himself as Spy, and a black Scotsman named Tavish Degroot who calls himself Demoman. Spy decided that he and the four other mercenaries should make a formal contract with you. Hence, the third envelope contains the contract they devised. I did not sign, nor did U-Mos, as we are both protectors and are okay with the verbal contract you gave us. They are mercenaries, and are used to monetary compensation in exchange for their services. The two new mercenaries also wish to meet with you and your sister at some point, it seems, because they never got a chance to make a formal introduction. I also would like to know of any other previous conflicts with races or leaders such as the Changelings, as I need all the information I can get to be prepared for conflicts. 

        My Regards,

                Samus Aran, Bounty Hunter.

Celestia stares in disgust and awe at the last portion of the paper, however:

Postscript: The box contains the head of the Changeling leader. It is an old bounty hunter practice I never was capable of using, as either my paid for foe lacked a head, or I destroyed said head. This one is intact.

“Well, at least she’s polite and efficient.” mutters Celestia to herself, opening the second letter that is written in fanciful cursive.

        Bonjour, Mademoiselle Celestia

I am the Spy. From the world where each of us mercenaries hail from, war was a constant. We had to constantly fight clones of ourselves, the only difference is that the clones wore blue clothes instead of red. We trained against these clones, and death was not permanent for either side because of the respawner. Eventually, we managed to destroy their respawner. But we were hired again to fight foul robots for over twelve years for a weapons magnate CEO, Saxton Hale, who would have been killed by these robots if it were not for us. We saved his life, and he gave us enough payment to enjoy the rest of our lives in peace. Sadly, we could not because of disruptions from more groups. We eventually went out own separate ways until we met each other on a planet called Aether. We then landed here, and here we are now. Your whole nation is guaranteed safety simply from us five if you sign the contract in the third envelope. However, we are allowing you to decide the regular salary, as we do not know your nation’s currency in terms of our own. Hence, when you sign, there will be three blanks in the contract you need to fill; how much we are paid in a week, month, and course of a year, respectively. To my understanding, the currency here is in bits, so we have already labeled bits, so just the number over time is required. 

        Thank you for your hospitality,
                The RED Spy

She decides to open the box last, and opens the formally printed contract:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

This contract is a deal between the mercenaries of Reliable Excavation and Demolition, a private company owned by its mercenaries. In exchange for ________ bits a week, _________ bits a month, and ___________ bits a year, your (please select any of the following that apply):
_ Business
_ Nation
_ Person
_ City
_ Assets
_ Valuables
_ Enemies
_ Aggravating Parties (Includes attacking nations and competing businesses)
shall be protected (or destroyed if last two options are checked) no matter the cost. Any damages done by the Mercenaries/Aggravating forces to your (previously selected options excluding Person, Enemies, and Aggravating Parties) cannot be penalized in payment to said Mercenaries, and as a result said Mercenaries are not legally liable for damages caused in defense/offense. If your Person is harmed, you shall be healed and guaranteed to live by our Medic. Other than monetary compensation, we require these from you:
Unlimited access to infirmaries in your access.
Access to armories as we see fit.
Provisions, Rations, and Sustenance.
Technology in your grasp.
Any hats/clothing you can provide.

Celestia laughs again at their last requirement before resuming reading.

Any other necessities we shall either ask you, the employer, for directly or procure ourselves. Sign on the dotted line to seal this agreement.Thank you for your patronage,

~Reliable Excavation and Demolition, Unltd.

X_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Spy, Saboteur Expert and Assassin
Tavish Finnegan Degroot, Demolition Man and Brewer
Dell Conagher, Engineer and Technology Expert
Medic, Physician and Experimenter
Mr. Mundy, Trained Sniper and Assassin

She fills in the values, and ponders for a moment. What am I getting into? she ponders. They can’t be any trouble, they’ve already saved lives, even a princess! She signs on the dotted line, and sets the document aside. She gulps, and prepares to open the lid when she receives a letter from Twilight. Thank goodness a distraction from the box! she thinks. The letter reads:

        Dear Princess Celestia,

All these new ponies seem off somehow. They are all battle hardened, a few of them seem crazy, and one is, more often than not, drunk on a “homebrew” as he calls it. But I am still glad they are here, as without them things with the Changelings could have ended a lot worse. The Spy seems to be more educated and respectable in manners than the other ones, and the Demoman seems to be almost a brute. He does know large amounts of information about his weapons and brews, but other than that not much. The Spy also seems to know how to react to almost any situation, as if he were the groups leader. It is obvious they do not, however, as each goes their own separate ways. The two new ones also found room and board already, After an interesting “flight” contest, the Demoman is staying with Rainbow Dash, and Rarity found an extra bed so Spy could stay in her guest room with Sniper. 

        Sincerely,

                Princess Twilight Sparkle

After reading the final letter, Celestia decides to open the box. She creaks open the lid to see the head in a flat, upright position. It was almost staring at her, but with its eyes rolled inside its head. She closes the lid and warps it to her room, in her closet. Shouldn’t throw away a gift, even though it’s a vile one.