Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino


I'M WALKIN' HERE!!! Pony #117: Babs Seed

In the streets of Manehatten, a lone filly looked through some trashcans. Her coat was a golden-orange, her mane & tail was a striped red-pink and pink, noticeable white freckles were on her face, and she had a pair of scissors as her cutie mark. After a couple of minutes, she came out with a bunch of trash on her head, but pulled out a couple of bits.
"Sweet!" She exclaimed in her Dutch Brooklyn accent "9 bits!!! Just need one more to get a carrot-dog." The trashcan next to her rumbled, then the lid popped open, and Deadpool came out with a bunch of bits pouring out.
"Seriously!?" Deadpool yelled "Why do ponies AND people literally throw money away!? The next thing you know, you're going to see some hobo with enough money to pay off his dept, you know what I mean?" The filly next to him stared at him.
"...Hold on, are you... Deadpool?"
"I don't know, aren't you Babs Seed?" She began to sweat and lowed herself in the garbage.
"Uh... no. She's... um... at school... and-" Deadpool jumped out of his trashcan and pulled the filly out, holding her by her forelegs and swinging her a bit!
"Don't worry about it! You're Applebloom's cousin around here!"
"What!? You know A.B.?"
"Hell yeah! We're friends!"
"How... how'd you know I'm Babs?"
"Easy! Your coat color, your mane color, the style of your mane, your freckles, and, as of right now, your cutie mark! Look at those scissors!!! And to think yours talent would be bullying." Her ears folded to the side and she slumped down a bit.
"You heard about that?"
"Yeah, but don't worry, I remember what it was like being both a victim and becoming the bully." He tussled her mane a bit "But you ponies are so cute when you're redeemed!!!"
"Uh... thanks? How'd you get here?"
"Roll the clip while I explain to her! Let's just say it happened after meeting an acquaintance that really makes me angry."

For the ending, he lands in a trashcan, not the curve

"You went through that!?" Babs asked, sitting on a table with Deadpool as they both ate Carrot dogs.
"Eeyup!" Deadpool replied in his best Big Mac voice
"Five minutes just before I came in to look for bits?"
"Eeyup!"
"Woah! Are you like part Alicorn or somethin'?"
"Nah. Magic ain't my thing and flying's too cliche."
"And the music was playing too?"
"...I may have added that part in, but Kevin Bacon would've been proud. I'm not sure much with Kebola, though"
"Kebola?"
"That's another story."
Good. We don't need to retell our events.
I do prefer the Oscar winning, though!
"What'cha gonna do here in Manehatten, though?" Babs asked
"I'm thinking of being a stereotypical tourist and flash my camera at everything I see."
"Like what?" Deadpool pulled a camera out and took a picture of Babs and some other ponies. They were blinded by the light and toppled over with the "Flash... Lights (lights)" bit from Kanye West's Flashing Lights playing.
"Oh sweet Celestia! I blinded a kid!"
"Deadpool!? Where are you!?" Deadpool picked up Babs.
"I'm right here!"
"Deadpool... I can't see anything!"
"It's alright! I'm here! I-I'm such an idiot for that! Why? Why Luciano Pavarotti, WHY!?!?!?"
"...Who?" Deadpool tightly hugged while the dramatic part Luciano Pavarotti's Vesti la Giubba played. You know, the part that's used as comedy & drama, including The Untouchables. Well, Babs regained her vision pretty quickly, hearing the music and just giving a questioned look.
"It's alright... I'm here... Riposa in pace."
"Uh... my sight is back, Deadpool." Deadpool lowered Babs, seeing her eyesight is back.
"Oh, alright." He released Babs and got up. She got back right up.
"You're very dramatic for someone who takes falling down a mountain pretty easy."
"That's just because I'm great at acting and singing!"
"I can tell. Maybe you should come to school with me, perhaps teach the kids a few things."
"I can teach them more than that!"
Don't you do it again, Mother f**ker
You're no fun!
"So you'll come!?" Babs asked
"...Maybe." Deadpool replied, turning around. "But listen kid, I'm afraid this dynamic duo in now the dynamic Uno."
"So... you're leaving?"
"Yeah."
"Oh... well.. it was fun, and I hope we-"
"And I'll take that!" Deadpool snagged Babs bits from her.
"What the-!?!?!? HEY!!! Those are my bits!!! You're not being fair!" Deadpool teleported onto a taxi cab's roof, now wearing a leather jacket and sported a greaser looking hair on his head.
"Fairs are for tourists, kid! Consider this a free lesson in street suave from Canada's lovely Merc. See ya!" The cab moved ahead. Babs began her chase with Deadpool.
"Hey!!! Wait!!! Those are my bits!!! I EARNED THOSE!!!" She cut off through a corner and stood right in front of the cab Deadpool was on. Deadpool simply teleported to another cab. If any of you have know where this is going, just replace that dog with Deadpool in his greaser outfit.
"You want 'em? Come and get 'em! But I'm warnin' you: ♫One minute I'm in Central Park, Then I'm down on Delancey Street. From the Bow'ry to St Marks! There's a syncopated beat Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! I'm streetwise, I can improvise! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! I'm streetsmart! I've got New York City heart. Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime, but I got street savoire faire. Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just bebopulation, and I got street saviore faire. The rhythm of the city, But once you get it down, Then you can own this town, You can wear the crown! Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime, But I got street savoire faire Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just bebopulation, And I got street saviore faire♫"
"♫Ev'rything goes, Ev'rything fits!♫" A bunch of mares sang as Deadpool was on the Piano.
"♫They love me at the Chelsea, They adore me at the Ritz. Why should I worry? Why should I care? And even when I cross that line I got street savoire faire!♫ Synchronized dance!!!" As Deadpool said that, all the ponies followed Deadpool's suave dance-walk move, effectively blocking Babs, who wasn't brainwashed by his dancing. He would've gotten away scott free at the city's borders, but the Friendship train flattened Deadpool, looking like a mix between both ASDF Movie and those Final Destination movies. Everypony stopped and stared at the literal bloody mess that was Deadpool, flattened by the Friendship express train, effectively giving the front a splatter of red over it's pink & yellow painting. Babs arrived and nearly hurled at the sight, but nonetheless, walked to the corpse and slipped her hoof into his jacket pocket, taking back her bits. Deadpool grabbed her, making the filly scream in fear.
"ZOMBIE!!!" She creamed "ZOMBIE!!!"
"I ain't no zombie!!!" Deadpool yelled "I'm God Damn Dead Mother f***ing pool!! AND I LIKE TRAINS!!!" The train came back backwards, flattening Deadpool again and his arm removed, though still grabbing onto Bab's leg. The conductor came out and saw the mess of Deadpool.
"Oh thank goodness!" He exclaimed "Don't worry folks! It's only Deadpool!"
"DEADPOOL!?!?!? The crowd went into a panic and everyone ran back to the city, locking all their doors behind them and sealing Deadpool out. Babs, Deadpool, and the Codnuctor were all alone.
"...What just happened?" Babs asked
"Whenever Deadpool's around, trouble and chaos is bound to show up." The conductor answered.
"Chaos with me!?" Deadpool replied, getting back up & fully healed (minus the arm) "Chaos happens here WITHOUT ME!!! Hell, remember when that Bug-Bear attack Ponyville!?"
"You brought it with you, saying it's a panda named Po and you were knocked out in the train's car and ate all of the bananas! ALL THE BANANAS!!! Why!?!?!?"
"Because I'm loyal to the New Lunar Republic, not the Solar Empire." Both ponies stared at Deadpool.
"...Yeah... I'm goin' home." Babs said, tossing Deadpool's arm behind her.
"Hold on!" Deadpool snagged Babs "The author forgot about this, but... SELFIE!!!" Another Selfie was taken.
"You're weird! How is my cousin friends with you!?"
"Because I gave her a weapon!" They both stared at each other for a few seconds.
"...Yeah. I gotta get to my rents before they freak out. See ya later."
"See YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! Soulja boy, tell 'em!" Babs ran away as Deadpool performed the other most hated song that always plays at dances.