//------------------------------//
// Party Pooped 
// Story: A Dream 
// by totallynotabrony 
//------------------------------//

	“Um, what’s going on here?” Twilight asked, eyeing the struggle going on in the middle of the street.
“Oh, he just seemed like he deserved it,” I explained.
Justin Bee Bear made gagging noises under my hooves.
“I think we’d at least like to hear what somepony named Bee Bear he has to say,” Applejack suggested.  “We did just fight a bugbear.”
I sighed and moved my sunglasses to above my horn so they could see me roll my eyes.  However, they were distracted by the rest of my face.
“Sunset Shimmer!” the group gasped
Rarity got her surprise under control first and asked, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m choking Justin Bee Bear,” I said.
The startling logic baffled them for a moment.  Justin was starting to turn blue, so I let him go.  “Well, it’s been fun.  See you all later.”
I teleported.
“Aw darn, she’s gone!” Pinkie said.  “I was going to thank her for coming to the wedding!”
“She came to the wedding?” said Twilight.
“Sure.  In fact, now that we know her disguise, I realize that we’ve seen her all over Ponyville.  I even threw her a welcome to Ponyville party.”
“And yet you didn’t get her name or realize who it was?” Rainbow said.
Pinkie shrugged.  “I just care about making ponies happy, not cracking their secret identities.”
“I wish you’d gotten here in time to make me happy with not being strangled,” Justin Bee Bear wheezed.
“Well, can’t win ‘em all!” Pinkie said.  She threw a foreleg around his shoulder.  “So what’s up with you?  New to town?  I heard you like bugbears.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say that I like bugbears.  Nopony does.  And I wouldn’t call myself an expert.  My name is merely Justin Bee Bear and so I travel from town to town spreading awareness of bugbears.”
“Well, it’s too late,” said Applejack.  “We not only know about ‘em, we’ve fought one.”
“So you’re kind of useless,” added Rainbow.
The rest of them looked at her, but couldn’t disagree.
“Oh, well…I guess I’ll be on my way, then,” said Justin.  He started to walk away.  He looked over his shoulder, slowed down, and looked over his shoulder again.
“I think he wants me to throw him a party,” said Pinkie.  “And I might, but we have more important things to do right now.  The delegation from Yakyakistan is coming.”
“I’m glad you reminded us,” said Twilight.  “We should go meet them.”
“Why are they comin’ here again?” Applejack asked.
“Well, Yakyakistan is north of the ruins of the Crystal Empire,” explained Twilight.  “Obviously we couldn’t hold the diplomatic visit in the Empire, so Canterlot was next on the list.  They’re passing through Ponyville on their way there.”
“But if Yakyakistan is north of the former Crystal Empire which is north of Canterlot, and Ponyville is south of Canterlot, why are they coming through here to get there?” Rarity inquired.
“Well,” said Twilight, “I wanted to surprise Princess Celestia with planning a diplomatic meeting and had to do a few creative routings to get my hooves into it.”
Everyone else burst out laughing.
“Wow, Twilight, I knew you were desperate for attention, but this takes the cake!” Pinkie giggled.
“She actually cares about politics!” Rainbow chuckled.
“Makin’ things more complicated just for a chance to make ‘em less complicated…”  Applejack was nearly crying with laughter.  “Oh Twi, never change.”
Twilight, face red, muttered, “Maybe we can start planning the event.”
The others agreed to help, because it was the right thing to do, even if they still thought it was hilarious.  They prepared the food and the town hall for the meeting.
Later that afternoon, the yaks arrived.  Prince Rutherford and two of his advisors showed up.
“Ponies!  Greetings, ponies!” Rutherford’s voice boomed as he came in.
“Prince Rutherford, your Majesty,” greeted Twilight.  “On behalf of all of us, I welcome you to Equestria.”
“Me honored,” Rutherford said.  “Yaks hope for great friendship between ponies and yaks.  Friends for a thousand moons!”
It was a little strange, but maybe it was just the yak way.  Twilight said, “You must be hungry after a long journey.  We've prepared a banquet of traditional yak foods.”
“If things not perfect, yaks get mad,” Rutherford warned.  “Yaks always get mad when things not perfect!”
I grinned and sat down in front of the radio.  Casting a spell to pop some popcorn, I settled in.  This was going to be good.
Rutherford tried the food and spit it out.  “This no taste like yak food!  Fake pony food make yaks mad!”
They trashed the town hall.
The girls stood idly by, watching nervously.  
Applejack said, “Them yaks sure have a funny way of sayin’ howdy.”
“They're different, that's all,” said Rarity.  “Very…different.”
“I think they broke my record for most stuff broken in under a minute,” Rainbow admitted. “It’s probably a good thing we didn’t have this event over at the library or they might have broken the trophy.”
“All we have to do is show them how great it can be to have friends before we send them to meet with Princess Celestia,” said Twilight.  “Now, who read the seven-volume cross-indexed history of Yakyakistan I recommended?”
Pinkie waved her hoof in the air.  “I did, I did!  Did you know they live so far north of the Crystal Empire that it’s cold all the time? Yaks have yak fur to keep them warm.”
Applejack did her eyebrow thing.  “Pretty sure that's what fur’s always for.”
The yaks kept breaking things.  Twilight said, “Pinkie, can you show them around town?  They’ll need somewhere to stay.”
“Hey, maybe they can stay on hay in the barn of AJ!”  Pinkie giggled.
“We could do that,” Applejack said.  “Tell me what I need to do.”
“They have a very specific way of sleeping,” Pinkie said.  “I’ll help you get it just right.”
“While you’re doing that, I could set up an animal show,” said Fluttershy.  “Although I’ll have to find a lot of horns.”  She took out a small pouch of pepper and sprinkled a little on her nose.  A quick sneeze later and she was a unicorn.  “That’s one.”  She looked around and blushed at her own joke but none of the rest were listening, too busy with everything else and too not expecting Fluttershy to say something like that.
At Sweet Apple Acres, Pinkie and Applejack threw the sleeping arrangements together in authentic Yakyakistan style.  However, when they brought the yaks to the barn to show them, there was a problem.
“This not yak hay!”
“Well, we didn't have actual hay from Yakyakistan,” Pinkie explained, “but we tried our best to make it just like yours.”
“Not perfect!  Yaks destroy!”
The other girls had come to the farm to see how it was going and stood watching in mute horror as the visitors trashed the barn.
“Um, far be it from me to put our guests in an uncomfortable situation,” said Fluttershy, “but have we tried asking them not to do that?  They’re from another country.  Maybe they just don’t know that ponies don’t like having their hard work destroyed.”
“Wow, I’m surprised you’d come up with something so assertive, asking a guest to behave themselves and conform to local standards to avoid making a scene,” said Twilight.  “Then again, you did eat Discord, so maybe that’s the chaos talking.”
“I agree with Fluttershy,” said Rarity.  “Has anypony tried telling the yaks that their behavior isn’t satisfactory?”
“It does make a lot of sense ,” said Rainbow.  “And if I’m the one saying that we should try talking, then it must be the obvious answer.”
“Excuse me, could I get your attention for a moment?” Twilight called.  The yaks looked up from their destruction and came out of the barn.
“We wanted to help you make the best possible impression when you meet with Princess Celestia,” Twilight said.  “To that end, we wanted to ask you not to destroy things.  We understand that things may not be perfect, but nopony’s perfect.  And sometimes due to circumstances, perfection is simply not possible.  For example, trying to perfectly duplicate Yakyakistan here in Ponyville.  I think we can agree that neither you nor us enjoy having your things destroyed.”
Rutherford stared at her.  “We demand destroy!  Destroy now or yaks no friends!”
Twilight put up a hoof.  “Wait!  We’re just trying to explain how different our cultures are.  We’re trying to accommodate you, but for diplomacy to work compromises have to be made on both sides.” 
“How this for diplomacy?” Rutherford said.  “Yak leave now, go to train, return with more yaks!  We declare war!”
“Wait, like, really?” said Rainbow.  She grinned, excited at the prospect.
“No!” Twilight insisted.  “Hang on, none of us want to do this.  How could diplomacy go so badly?”
“Dear, war is just diplomacy by other means,” Rarity said.  She frowned, trying to remember where she’d heard that quote before.  A creeping horror spread across her face as she remembered that it was Valiant.
As the situation unraveled, I grabbed the microphone, trying to keep my voice from being too excited.  “Tin Mare, I need you ready to go.  Live weapons authorized.”
“Copy that, ma’am.”
Meanwhile, at Sweet Apple Acres, the situation was still going downhill.  
The yaks, making good on their promise to go home and return with a fighting force, started to head for the train station, but Applejack got in their way.  “Hold on there.  If you really want to declare war on ponies, you’re going to have to accept the consequences.”
“Out of way!” Prince Rutherford shouted.  “Yaks destroy!”
“You really want to declare war with just the three of you?” Applejack said.
Rutherford apparently did.  He charged, but Applejack was faster.  One hoof with the power of a meteor crashed down on the yak’s head.  Applejack pile-drove him so hard that, though she didn’t know it, the reverberation traveled deep into the ground and triggered a resonance in a distant mountain peak, shaking loose an avalanche that buried Yakyakistan.
“Yaks destroyed,” quipped Applejack.  Maybe she wouldn’t have been so flippant if she knew she’d killed a species, instead of just their prince, but it was still a really cool one-liner.
The other two yaks surrendered.  It would go down in the history books as the shortest war to date, save the one where Valiant declared war on a bottle of tequila.
Well, with the war called off, I reluctantly got back on the microphone.  “Cancel that, Tin Mare.”
“So soon, ma’am?”
“Don’t worry, we’ll come up with a suitable live-fire test soon enough.”
With the war over, Pinkie decided to throw a party to celebrate VY day, though being Pinkie she didn’t need much of an excuse to celebrate VY if you know what I mean.  
It had been so long since Equestria had participated in a war that nopony knew the procedures for victory celebrations.  Luckily, Pinkie had a party already planned, as she revealed when the girls visited her in her party cave in the basement of the upper floors of Sugarcube Corner.  None of them said anything, but they were all a little suspicious about how Pinkie lived in the upstairs of the building but managed to have a subterranean hideaway all the same.
Applejack discovered the plans Pinkie had made for events far in the future, including Pinkie’s parents’ one hundredth and five hundredth anniversaries.  It reminded Applejack of her lack of parents and grandparents, and that was just sad.
Fortunately, the party helped cheer her up again.  Pretty much everypony who was anypony was invited.  Justin Bee Bear wasn’t, but since he showed up Pinkie decided to also roll his party into the event.
The party had been thrown at the Half Pint, as it had room and hadn’t been trashed by yaks.  Both Princesses showed up, and were delighted to hear the war news.  With Equestria victorious, Prince Rutherford dead, and Yakyakistan wiped free of yaks, the territory was clearly up for grabs.
Celestia pulled Twilight aside.  “You remember Luna and I were having a few crowd control problems during the Grand Equestria Pony Summit.”
“That’s right, Princess,” Twilight said.
“And now we’re going to need somepony to run the former Yakyakistan.”
“Are you considering me?” Twilight said.  “Why not get Cadance and Shining to run it?  It’s not even that far from the Crystal Empire.”
“Cadance is not fit to rule,” Celestia said.  “Not only wouldn’t the public trust a Princess who lost her land, she told me herself that she doesn’t feel up to it.  After misplacing her foal-”
“Wait, you mean miscarriage?” Twilight interrupted.
“No, the baby disappeared,” said Celestia.  “You were there at the birth, after all.  Don’t you remember?”
“Oh, right, that whole scene at the Equestria games.”  Twilight shook her head in embarrassment at forgetting.  “Sorry, a lot of stuff has happened since then and after the Crystal Empire was reduced to rubble I haven’t had many reminders of Cadance.  I haven’t really seen her since then.  I heard that she might have come to Cranky and Matilda’s wedding, but I wasn’t able to catch up with her.”
“Which is exactly what I’m saying.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Cadance would not be fit for the job.  That’s why I’d like you to oversee what will become of Yakyakistan, Twilight.”
“But I’m not a Princess!” Twilight argued.  “Well, not anymore, but-”
“And you won’t need to be.  Yakyakisan was a small enough region that it can be administered as a citystate.  You could be a governor.”
Twilight considered it.  “Okay, I think I would be up to the challenge, but didn’t you say that Applejack would make a good leader?”
“Running your team is one thing when there’s just six of you and you’re fighting monsters,” Celestia said.  “Running a government is quite another.  Applejack is great at kicking tail and spouting one-liners.  You’re great at careful planning and deliberation.”
“But if I went to run Yakyakistan, there wouldn’t be a team anymore,” Twilight said.
“Haven’t you noticed the recent lack of monsters?” Celestia said.  “There have been a few, but you girls haven’t been called on to save the world very often as of late.”
That was certainly true, Twilight allowed.  “Do you think it’s because of Valiant?”
Celestia’s eye twitched, but she said, “It could be.”
Twilight took a moment to decide and eventually agreed.  “I accept the position of governor of Yakyakistan.”
“You’ll need to come up with a new name for it,” Celestia reminded her.  “No yaks live there any more, after all.”
“I’ll think about it,” Twilight told her.  She said goodbye and went to find her friends to break the news.
Meanwhile, I was getting in touch with Trixie.
“What?” she said through the connection.
“I need you to do something for me.”
“I’m kind of busy right now on this adventure.”
“Well, this is important.  Disengage from HLS.”
“How did you know?” Trixie said.  In the background, I faintly heard Daring say Lucky for you, I always have an exit strategy.
“Look, we have a problem,” I told her.  “Do you have a laser pointer with you?”
“Well no, but I can cast one with my horn.”
“Good.  You know that last railroad bridge up north, near the Yakyakistan border?”
“Yes.”
“Get there.  We’ve got work to do.”
Switching channels, I said, “Tin Mare, it looks like I have something for you today after all.”
Back at the party, Twilight found her friends and asked them to talk.  They headed for the command center.
Once they were all sitting down, Twilight made the announcement.  “Girls, Princess Celestia wants me to take charge of the land formerly known as Yakyakistan.”
“What’s it currently known as?” Pinkie asked.
“I’ll have to come up with that name,” Twilight said.  She laughed nervously.  “I’m not sure what I should call a frozen wasteland populated only by dead yaks.  I’m not even sure why I’m going if there aren’t any ponies there to govern.”
“We can help you set it up,” offered Rainbow.  “It’s not like we have anything else to do.”
That settled, they went to break the news to Guinness.
“What do you mean you’re going to the cold north to build a new citystate?” he demanded.  “Why do we care about expanding this already great country into inhospitable territory, and why are you going?”
“Because Princess Celestia appointed Twilight,” Rainbow said.
“I was talking about you,” said Guinness.  “Don’t forget we’ve got this foal to raise.”
“Yay!” contributed Skyla.
Oh right, thought Twilight.  That’s where Cadance’s foal went.
Actually, she probably wasn’t thinking about that at all.  I’m not sure how many ponies had actually figured out what happened to the baby alicorn.
Guinness sighed.  “So what’s this place going to be called?”
“We’re still working on it,” Twilight said.
They left the pub.  Rarity was already talking about the fancy clothing they were going to need in order to travel north.  Of all ponies, Applejack was least interested, however she was extra distracted by her cousin Braeburn coming down the street.
His metal-clad hooves shuffled in the dirt and his electronic eye visor was downcast.  He didn’t realize the girls were in front of him until he saw Applejack’s orange hooves.
He glanced up.  “Oh, hello AJ.  Glad I found you.”
“Braeburn.  Is something wrong?”
“Yeah.”  Braeburn glanced around and sighed.  “Cherry Jubilee passed away.  Her wagon went off a ravine.”
The six of them expressed their sympathy.  Braeburn muttered, “I had to get out of Dodge Junction.  I…I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”
“If you’re looking for something to do to get away from things, you could come with us to establish a new settlement in the far north,” offered Twilight.  “It’s about as far from anywhere as you can get.”
“I might just do that, thank you,” said Braeburn.  “What’s this place called?”
“We really should come up with a name,” said Twilight.