//------------------------------// // Confessions // Story: Tears of a Foal // by Rocinante //------------------------------// - - -  ch 26 - - - From the garden, Celestia stared at the hospital building against the bright evening sky. She really needed to go back in; Clover’s friends would have left by now. She hated the idea of him being alone, but she just couldn’t be in that room right now. A little stroll in the garden, that would help her pull herself together. Even this time of year her ponies kept the place beautiful. The surreal bleakness of the winter garden fit her mood better anyway; she couldn’t handle being surrounded by flowers. Taking a seat by the gurgling fountain, Celestia let her eyes go unfocused. This is was going to be rough on her. Thankfully, she had the support of Luna and Twilight this time. She sat there for the better part of an hour letting the cold bite at her, and making plans she didn’t want to make. When the sunset tugged at her, Celestia ignored it. It was the gentle touch of her sister’s distant magic that finally moved her. Lighting her horn, Celestia sat the sun, and watched the moon take its place. With a sigh, Celestia stood, and made her way back to the hospital. She wouldn’t let Clover be alone any longer. Across the park and towards the hospital Celestia strode. Some ponies bowed, while others pretended not to see her as she made her way through the sterile halls. She was fine with either. Outside Clover’s room her guards saluted her, but it was a greeting without pomp. “Is he awake?” she asked. “No, your highness. He’s been asleep since Spike left. He was fitful for a while, but he’s slept sound since the doctor gave him a sedative.” Celestia nodded. That was good, he needed the rest. “I will be sleeping here,” she told the guard, before slipping inside. Standing beside Clover, Celestia watched him sleep. His only movement was his breath, but a gentle smile on his lips warmed her heart. It was almost enough to make her forget the sterile room with its beeping machines and dripping IV bags. Almost. Stepping a little closer, she leaned against the bed to take some weight off her hooves. As the bed shifted under her weight, Clover turned and mumbled in his sleep, reaching out blindly towards her. She couldn’t help but smile. Moving a chair beneath her, Celestia rested her chest and head on the bed with Clover, who eagerly snuggled into her mane. Closing her eyes, she listened to Clover’s breath. - - - A warm summer breeze woke Celestia from her nap in the grass. Easing to her hooves she scraped the sleep from her eyes, and looked around. Her mother’s shining smile greeted her from beneath a rowan tree. Trotting over, she rubbed necks with her mother, then paused to rest a hoof on her mother’s belly. “I bet It’ll be a filly.” she said, smiling up at her mother. “We’ll find out very soon. I was about to wake you. Go get your father. He’s collecting mushrooms in the forest. You’ll have a brother or sister by nightfall.” Celestia grinned ear to ear before nodding and bolting off down the hill. Across field she ran, over hedge she lept, and through creek she stormed; till the shade of the forest loomed over her. She knew the trails well enough, and she certainly knew her father’s favorite places to sniff out juicy mushrooms. Slowing to a trot, she meandered the forest paths, scanning the dark places for signs of her father. Somewhere past the split in the trail flute song reached her ears. Continuing down the path, she swiveled her ears to hear it better. It was a bittersweet tune that sang of both hello and goodbye, she wondered who could be playing it. When the path split again, she followed the sound: perhaps they had seen Father. If not, she’d still get to see who the musician was. Up the ridge Celestia followed the music, till she found herself at the edge of a clearing atop the hill. The summer haze was light today, and the sky bright and blue. In the distance the glimmering ocean stretched on forever. Stepping into the sun, Celestia smiled as it warmed her back. Looking around, she searched for the musician. She found him by a wagon, a young, handsome stallion playing his flute while staring out towards the sea. Beside him, campfire burned, roasting carrots and potatoes laid about it. Stepping closer, she studied the wagon, it seemed to be his home. Strangers were rare enough, along the coast, but unheard of this deep into the isle. She started to bolt back into the woods, but paused. She may not have her mark yet, but she was no foal. “Why are you here?” she asked, raising her voice above the flute. The music stopped, and slowly the stallion turned to face her. He had smiling eyes, but his muzzle held a melancholy look. “I am just a wandering healer going home.” “You're a healer?” Celestia asked, tilting her head in curiosity. He shrugged. “I was a soldier, but not by my choosing. Now I’m a healer. It’s how I pay my debt.” “You were forced to fight?” Celestia’s expression soured at the idea. “It was expected of me. Saying no didn’t seem an option.” “That’s horrible!” Celestia stepped closer to the handsome stallion, suddenly feeling sorry for him. “It’s over now,” he said, tending to the food roasting by the fire. “Besides, I have a family waiting for me now.” He looked up at her and grinned. “Can’t let my brother get in trouble alone.” Celestia jolted, reminded of her mother’s task. “I wish you the best of luck getting home, but I must go find my father now.” Waving goodbye, she ran back into the forest. Soft music again echoed behind her, as she searched the familiar coves for her father. - - - Gentle petting of her mane pulled Celestia from her dream. The sounds and smells of the hospital reminding her of where she had fallen asleep. The room was dim, and sunrise was many hours away. “Luna?” she mumbled, expecting that her sister had woken her, to get her into a bed. “You were dreaming,” Clover said. Sitting up, she found that Clover had managed to braid a lock of her mane from ear to wither. “It was a nice dream, about when I was just a little older than you are now.” Celestia paused, thinking over the dream. “Only there was a stranger in it. I don’t remember him actually being there.” “Did you find your father?” Celestia laughed, it had been a long time since anypony had caught her talking in her sleep. “I did. He had found a patch of morels where the forest had burned the year before.” “What happened to him?” Clover’s expression was oddly serious. Sitting down, Celestia started to undo the braid with her magic, but decided to leave it. “He was killed a few years after Luna was born. She never really got to know him.” “There are a lot of ponies I never got to really know,” Clover said. Celestia rested a hoof on Clover. This was the first time he had ever mentioned his life from before. “You can talk to me about them, if you want.” Clover’s expression went melancholy. “I have forgotten them. Just remember little bits.” “Believe it or not, I know how much it hurts to admit that.” Clover seemed to take some assurance from her words, and lay there staring at the ceiling for a moment. She had thought him asleep, when a low growl came from his stomach. “I’m really hungry.” Celestia let herself smile, that wasn’t an idle complaint, that was asking to be fed. “I’ll get you anything you want.” A smile crept across Clover’s face as he opened his eyes to look up at her. “Can I get some grilled cheese and tomato soup?” “I’ll make it myself.” Half an hour later, and Celestia returned with soup and grilled cheese in tow. Opening the door to Clover’s room she sat the meal on the bedstand. Clover looked asleep, but stirred at the smell of food. “Sorry,” he said looking to the other side of the room. Celestia frowned. “What could you possibly be sorry for?”   “Lot of things.” Placing the lap table over Clover, Celestia sat the meal before him. “I really wish you would talk to me.” Clover took a bit of the grilled cheese, and slowly chewed on the hot sandwich. “I do not want things to change.” Reaching out, she ran a hoof through his mane. “You’re part of my family now. Nothing will ever change that. You don’t need to keep secrets.” Clover sipped at the soup for a moment, she could feel a tension building within him. Leaning forward, she sighed. “I will not think ill of you for keeping your secrets. I will love you either way. Just know I am here for you.” She knew he didn’t need this stress. As much as she wanted him to trust her, she wouldn’t risk his health for it. “Everything about me is a lie.” The words seemed to come out of Clover from their own will. “I am not a pony. I am not a foal.” Moving his matted mane from his face, Celestia kissed his forehead. “I have known for a while you were older than you appeared, but I had thought a common age regression spell had damaged your mind.“ The idea that he hadn’t always been a pony wasn’t entirely new to her either; it was one of the many ideas Luna and her had bantered around. Clover looked up from his soup. “Really?” Celestia nodded. “Luna thinks you were a siren.” The weakest of snickers bubbled from Clover. “I do remember water. Lot of water, but mountains too.” “You do swim like a fish.” Clover shrugged. “Swimming is fun.” Silence took the room as he nibbled at the sandwich again. “Why are all the faces in my memories ponies? They were not ponies.” “I don’t know,” Celestia admitted. “Whatever changed you, we can’t know what damage it did to your mind.” The answer seemed to unnerve Clover, but he continued to eat, obviously thinking about something. She hoped he would talk more, but nothing else was said until sleep began to claim him even as he tried to eat. “Sleepy...” Celestia floated the lap table away, along with the mostly-eaten meal. “Then sleep. You need your rest.”