//------------------------------//
// The Acidic Taste of Love 
// Story: Love Heals 
// by OrpheusMorpheus 
//------------------------------//

	I was standing in front of the library, trying to calm my nerves. I hadn't dolled myself up like I had before my first meeting with Twilight, but I had definitely made myself look decent. I started slowly walking up to the door, rehearsing the lines in my head for the millionth time. Hello, Twilight, I would like to speak with you. Don't worry, nothing's wrong. It's just that, over the past few months, we've been getting to know each pretty well. I'm not sure how you feel about our relationship, but I would like to take it to the next level. Will you join me in a platonic relationship? I was ready. I walked up to the door, knocked, and waited. I was slightly surprised when Twilight answered the door. Usually, I had to go through Spike before talking to Twilight. 

"Oh hey, Red. Come on in, I was just making tea." She grinned at me and ushered me through the doorway. I walked through and saw that she had a kettle of tea cooling down on a table. I sat down and waited for her to do the same. She brought with her two cups of tea that she set down on the table. I took mine and got ready to drop the bomb.

Okay, now I just need to execute my perfectly formed plan just the way I've practiced a thousand times. I ran through the lines in my head again, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, stood on the stool, and tied the noose around my neck.

"I love you." I jumped off of the stool. As I dangled limply from the metaphorical fan, I saw Twilight's eyes widen. She took a big sip of her tea, looked at me, and responded with a hearty "What the buck are you talking about?"

"I love you," I repeated. Bit, bit, bit, bit, I really bucked this up! Oh Celestia, oh Celestia, bit, bit, bit, buck! I just sat there numbly as Twilight appeared to mull over the statement. She took another sip of her tea and just stared at me. She started to say something, but nothing came out of her mouth. She just stared at me. I felt like an attraction in a museum. She started looking at me from different angles, walking around the table, pacing, then sat back down.

After about fifteen minutes of unadulterated awkwardness, I asked her how she felt. She said she felt nothing at the moment. I felt tension building up. I felt ready to explode from the pressure of the situation. I needed to know. I let her pace for another ten minutes before asking if she could tell me what she was thinking. She sat down, finished her tea, took a deep breath, and stabbed me in the heart.

"I've been thinking about how to break the news to you. I guess a blunt, crude sword is better at reducing pain than a sharp, perfected sword." She took a deep breath. "I don't love you. We're just friends. I'm sorry."

My world crashed around me. Colors faded, light faded, reality faded, and I fell. I would never stop falling. Never. I was on a thin road surrounded by void and a monster was chasing me. I couldn't escape reality. In my dreams, I could just wake up. I tried slapping myself with my hoof to wake up, but it didn't work. I wanted to die. I didn't want to exist. I wanted to stop my life before it began. My heart broke, fixed itself, then exploded. Twice. My brain stopped working, neurons stopped firing, my diaphragm stopped moving, time stopped. I died inside ten million times over. I felt I had been before a firing squad for eternity and they had just shot me. Everything was cold. Love never existed, it was just an illusion. Everything was an illusion. Life sucked, and that was that. Pain and suffering were the nobility of the universe, and they quelled every rebellion that love and joy could ever create. Everything went fuzzy, I understood everything, I understood nothing, and I hated everything.

I left the library in a slight daze. I don't know what Twilight said after the few words that pierced my abdominal cavity and punctured my heart and I didn't care. I didn't really care about anything at that moment. I bumped into at least five ponies on my trek home. It felt like I was being persecuted every time I tried to move my legs. My hooves hit the ground hard and the force shook my jaw. My eyes were glassy and I didn't blink. Blinking creates moisture, but my eyes had plenty of it by that time. I reached the door of my house, opened it, closed it, locked it, and descended into hysteria.







I wasn't sure how long I had been crying. I had just been laying on the ground in front of the door. Water had soaked into the carpet and my face felt sticky from the dried tears. I felt like sadness and darkness were enveloping me. I wished I was dead.

Why didn't Twilight like me?

Was it my looks?

Oh Celestia, I'm hideous! 

I ran to the bathroom. I grabbed scissors and made myself beautiful. Black hair fell into the sink. I looked up and felt a little better. My mane was now much shorter in some places than others. Perfect. I shaved off half of my tail before throwing the scissors across the room and collapsing again. Darkness seeped in from under the door and lifted me up. I saw bliss above me and reached for it. Then I fell.

I must be perfect for Twilight! That's why she hates me. She wishes I were dead. She doesn't like me. I'm worthless. The world laughing at me and I have nopony to love.

I grabbed my toothbrush and shoved it down my throat. I hit my uvula and vomited all over the sink. My tongue burned, but I felt better. I vomited again. It felt like I was throwing up unripe lemons. I loved it. Vomited again. Again. I could no longer see my reflection in the mirror from all the vomit covering it. I had to cleanse myself of the ugly to make her love me.

I grabbed my razor and sliced part of my flank. Blood spurted everywhere. The pain felt delicious. I forced magic through my horn and healed the wound. Then I cut myself again, purging myself of the evil. I healed myself, cut myself again, and healed it. 

I was still ugly. I needed to die. I was so ugly. So unlovable. Imperfect. I felt a "moment" coming on. I dropped to the floor, slicing my chin from the razor on the way down.

I woke up later, unsure of the time that had passed. The floor was covered in blood from my chin. I healed myself and felt a little better. Then sadness ripped off all of my callouses and invaded the open wounds. I cried, then laughed, then cried again. I went crazy and became sane again. I could make sense of nothing. I kicked the door and punched the mirror. The glass cracked everywhere and made me look better. 

I smashed my face into the side of the wall repeatedly. A small dent formed and I could feel blood dripping from my muzzle. I decided not to heal myself that time. I filled the sink with water and let the blood drip into the pool. When the water became red enough, I bent down and lapped it up, catching some new blood from my nose. Then I vomited again. It felt deliciously great. Love sucked, and that was that. I cut my flank and healed it. I vomited again. My esophagus burned from all of the acid and my stomach felt empty. I didn't give up. I kept trying to vomit. I ended up gagging up air into the bathroom until I collapsed into another "moment."

I woke up on the floor after another two hours. The "moment" had been the most horrific in my life. I gave up. I just sat on the floor and gave up. Twilight would never love me, and I had to accept that fact.

I was snapped back into reality by a knock at the door. It was Rarity. She yelled that they were going to take down a dangerous dragon that was causing trouble nearby. She asked if I wanted to come. Only then did I realize that it was still only about four in the afternoon. I didn't make a sound and waited for her to leave before I moved. I cleaned up the bathroom, threw away the glass shards from the mirror, and healed myself completely. I pitifully dragged myself into bed, turned off the lights, and passed out. I didn't dream at all.








I was jolted awake by the sound of frantic knocking at my front door. I looked at the clock and realized that it was only about seven at night. I'd only slept for three hours. I really didn't want to answer the door, but the knocking sounded urgent. I heard voices frantically calling my name, and I realized that the entire Mane 6 was trying to burst down my door...except for Twilight.

I slowly got out of bed, still coming out of my psychosis. I took my time getting to the door. I closed the bathroom door on my way there. I would fix that mess later. I finally reached the door. I turned the knob, opened the door, and was tackled by five of the Mane 6 and Spike. 

"Jeez guys, what is so important that you need to bust down my door to tell me?" I was clearly angry and I really didn't want to talk to anypony.

"It's Twilight!" said Rainbow Dash. Her voice radiated urgency and fear. "She's in the hospital! She's in critical condition!"