As Pinkie was beginning to tear up, she didn’t notice somepony zoom over her, Soarin panicking as he flew.
“What to get Dash? What go get Dash?! WHAT TO GET DASH?!”
He flew down smack dab into the middle of the marketplace and looked around, seeing a Wonderbolt souvenir stand but quickly shot it down - “She owns practically every piece of Wonderbolt memorabillia ever made” - A sporting goods stand with some impressive workout equipment - “No, she might think I’m calling her weak!” - Try as he might to look, nothing and nopony else was selling something meaningful for Soarin to gift his mare on her big day!
“Think, Soarin, think!” Soarin began pacing, his mind racing for a solution or idea.
Hoping a solution would come to him, Soarin decided to try walking through town when he happened by Sugarcube Corner and was surprised to see Pinkie looking down, as was the banner she’d prepared.
“Uh, Pinkie?”
Startled at Soarin’s voice, Pinkie grabbed a water can (don’t know from where) and started pouring it… on dirt instead of the flowers next to the door. The look on her face quickly changed to look as though she were busy as Soarin approached.
“Pinkie, aren’t you planning out Rainbow Dash’s party?”
“Oh it’s fine, Cheese Sandwich obviously has it all under control, heh-heh!” Pinkie said nervously while flailing the can about.
“Uh, Cheese Sandwich?” Soarin had missed that earlier musical introduction.
“Oh just this new party pony that came to town and volunteered to make Rainbow Dash’s party… epic!” Pinkie explained.
“Really?” Soarin was flabbergasted as he knew Pinkie would want so much to plan out the birthday bash of one of her very best friends in the whole wide-wide world of Equestria herself.
“Yes indeedy!” Pinkie forced a smile, to Soarin’s confusion.
“O...kay… Well, I… gotta find my gift for Dashie’s birthday, later,” Soarin continued on, not noticing the sad-sack Pinkie fell into. Too caught up in his own worry to notice, Soarin then thought, Maybe one of my friends will have an idea on what I can give Dashie.
Flying upwards for a better view, Soarin quickly saw an open area of Ponyville where some obvious action was going on and flew over. Upon arrival, Soarin was wowed at the preparations underway!
Birthday Bash nothing, this feels more like a big festival! Soarin thought as he took in the sound stage with Rainbow’s face above it, the various multi-colored lightning-shaped decorations, a rainbow-spotlight shaped like Rainbow Dash’s cutie-mark, ponies going to and fro in a mad dash to get everything ready!
“I must say, I marvel at your superior party-planning expertise, Cheese Sandwich!”
Soarin knew that voice and giggle belonged to Rarity and looked to see her and Blueblood following the pony he assumed had to be Cheese Sandwich, who was wearing a cowboy hat and carrying a clipboard with a list on it, looking satisfied with the way things were turning out.
“Well, he’s not a Super Duper Party Pony for nothing, my dear,” Blueblood concurred.
“Hey Blue!”
Rarity and Blueblood noticed Soarin come their way, Soarin looking worried as he asked, “I need your guys’ help - I don’t have a birthday gift for my Dashie!”
“Oh Soarin darling,” Rarity assured, “I’m sure whatever you gift Rainbow she’ll love it! Because it came from you.”
“But I had no idea today was her birthday until Berry Punch told me during Pinkie’s song earlier!” Soarin looked like a guilty colt the way his eyes threatened to become teary.
“I feel like such a louse for that! My gift has to be something meaningful!”
“Well… why not get her a piece of jewelry?” Blueblood suggested, earning a look from both his girlfriend and his best friend that read ‘are you serious’.
“Oh come now, any mare, even one as athletic and tomcoltish as Ranbow Dash, would enjoy a nice piece of jewelry if it’s something they find to their liking! Soarin, take it from me, the Element of Sincerity, just really consider it and I’m sure you’ll find the right gift for your mare, and if she truly cares about you she’ll appreciate the gesture whatever your gift might be.”
Seeing her stallion’s point and beaming at him, Rarity added, “Blueblood’s right, dear. Just think about it.”
“Hmm…” Soarin started off when he noticed what could only be a certain party pony, given her wacky getup. Shrugging, he passed her by, not noticing her say the following:
“That’s it! This pony has got to get her title back! And I know just what to do…”
“Totally awesome!!!”
"Best Ah've ever seen."
“Eeyup!”
“I can’t believe it!”
“Believe it, Twi - Cheese Sandwich never disappoints!”
They heard and looked to see the rest of their friends showering Cheese Sandwich with compliments as he nodded in satisfaction at the giant ice sculpture of Rainbow Dash’s cutie-mark-
“Freeze, Cheese!”
Thunderlane and Rarity looked behind them to see Pinkie Pie, throwing a stink eye at the rain on her parade, “I challenge you… TO A GOOF-OFF!!!!”
*COLLECTIVE GASP*
“Oh no, not a Goof-Off!”
“What’s a Goof-Off?”
“I have no idea.”
“This Cheese has stood alone a long time, Pinkie Pie” Cheese answered all business-like while adding a fez to the top of his head for some random reason.
“You think you can out-goof me?”
“Oh I don’t think so,” Pinkie clarified, “I KNOW so! And the stakes are high, Cheese Sandwich: Whoever wins will be dubbed the ultimate Super-Duper Party-Pony, and headline the Rainbow Dash Birth-aversary Bash!”
“And the loser?” Twilight questioned.
“DOESN’T,” answered Pinkie with such grim finality that everypony gasped, for to be denied such an opportunity would be a stain on the Party Pony honor!
“So… Are you in, Cheese?” Pinkie egged with a cheeky look, “Or are you… boneless?”
“Nopony calls me boneless! Right Boneless?” Cheese Looked to his rubber chicken that just draped o’er his back.
“Then the Goof-Off is on, for High Noon!” Pinkie added for dramatic effect, only for Twilight to throw it out the window by bringing something up.
“Uh Pinkie? It’s already 3 o’clock.” Twilight was pointing to the Ponyville Clocktower.
“Oh! Oh well then. Make it 3:10,” Pinkie amended before getting up in Cheese Sandwich’s face, “to Goof-Off!”
“Now wait just a minute!” Midnight teleported between the two party ponies, “Both of you cool it! Does it really matter who throws Rainbow’s party so long as she enjoys it?”
“YES!” both party ponies snapped in responded, Twilight stepping in.
“Now hold on, Midnight’s right! I think there’s more than enough room for two party ponies to plan this-”
“Oh no, Twilight! This party-crasher thinks he can just waltz into my town and take my title?!” Pinkie huffed. “He’s got another thing coming!”
Midnight gestured Cheese away for a private word.
“Cheese, you don’t have to take this challenge. Just tell Pinkie about-”
“No can do, Prince Midnight,” Cheese shook no but Midnight could tell Cheese wasn’t entirely comfortable about this challenge either.
“Pinkie’s called me out, set the stakes, and the party pony code demands I answer the challenge.”
“Party pony code?” Midnight echoed but Cheese had already gone back to face Pinkie.
“You got yourself a challenge, Pinkie!” Cheese Sandwich declared, “Let’s goof…!”
3:10 pm.
Everypony watched from various hiding places as the two party ponies walked down from opposite ends of the street, both dressed very ridiculous.
Cheese Sandwich wore socks on his rear hooves, elephant slippers on his forehooves, an ushanka on his head, over which was a purple halibut. Pinkie wore cowgirl boots with spurs, a silly cowgirl hat with an arrow poking through it and tweeted a noise-maker once they’d arrived and Twilight stepped in with a book.
“Alright, everypony! According to my official Goof-Off Rulebook…”
“She actually has a goof-off rulebook?”
“Are you kidding?! Twilight can find a rulebook for everything!”
“Shh!”
“The two competitors have free range to goof about, be it by singing, dancing, playing, prancing, joking, or performing,” Twilight explained, all the while Pinkie and Cheese made funny faces at each other that went as far as Cheese sticking his tongue out, revealing he’d been carrying a mouse in his mouth for it to blow a little tuba, “to make the Judge chortle, chuckle, giggle, guffaw, hoot n’ holler, whoop it up, and party down! The funnier, sillier, wilder, and goofier the better. Rainbow Dash!”
Rainbow walked up, Twilight adding, “Since the winner will be headlining your party, you are the judge.”
“Heh, big tense competition on my birth-aversary,” Rainbow commented nervously as things seemed to be spiraling out of control,
“What could be better?”
“Cheese Sandwich? Pinkie Pie? Are you ready?” Twilight called to them.
“I was born ready!”
“I was ready before I was born!”
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
“Forget it, Blue. Party Ponies never make sense.”
“Then… LET THE GOOFING BEGIN!” Twilight declared and flew out of the way, as the two party ponies slowly made their moves towards each other… and Cheese Sandwich quickly made the first move, scuttle-dancing in front of Rainbow Dash with a big smile, playing his accordion, but that was exactly what Pinkie was waiting for!
It’s your birthday party, a very special day!
I’ve got a song, it won’t take long
I just wanted to say…
Happy-happy-happy-happy-happy-happy-happy-happy-happy-happy-happy-happy birthday to you!
“Not bad, she waited for Cheese to make the first move but caught him unprepared by making the first verse of lyrics,” Thunderlane commented.
“Eeyup, an’ them cupcakes looked good but a real mouthful,” Big Mac added.
If you wanna be the life of the party
But you’re feeling just a little uptight
Call the doctor, beg and plead
‘Doctor tell me what I need!’
Try to put a little Cheese in your knees!
Chomp! Chomp!
“Okay, rolling in on that giant cheese wheel while playing his accordion, genius!”Midnight approved.
“And he looks just adorable dancing about with those cheese pieces on his- Hold on!” Fluttershy stopped when they saw Rainbow get hoisted up towards Pinkie in a hot-air balloon.
Bubbles & Balloons! Bubbles & Balloons!
What’s a birthday party without bubbles and balloons?!
Star-shaped or trapezoid, look what I can do!
Only Pinkie Pie can make a bubble shaped like you!
“Tha’ was unexpected,” Applejack commented.
“And marvelous skill with those bubbles!" agreed Rarity. "Oh hold on, look’s like it’s Cheese’s turn!”
Just let yourself go floppy
For no this is your chance!
Pretend you have no bones and do the Rubber Chicken Dance!
“Oh Faust that’s fun!” Midnight laughed.
“And an oddly talented rubber chicken, to boot.” added Blueblood.
Cooler than a rubber chicken
And tastier than cake!
C’mon you, let’s party down and do the Gummy Shake!
Hit it Gummy! Uh-huh, you know it! Shake it!
“Very clever with the trampoline,” Twilight noted.
“An’ did Gummy look diff’rent there for a sec?” brought up Applejack.
`Cuz I like to make you smile,smile, smile, yes I do!
It fills my heart with sunshine all the while, yes it does!
`Cuz all I really need’s a smile-smile-smile from these happy friends of mine!
“That’s supposed to be my song!”
“Whattya mean? The writer messed that up before, remember?”
“THAT’S IT!!!”
Roll out the party cannon
When you hear the party cannon song- Ka-BOOM!
Why should you compromise?
Try this one on for size!
`Cuz nothing quite says ‘cheer’
Like the ringing in your ear
From the Cheese Supreme Cannonball Surprise!!!
“Is it just me or is this getting out of hoof?” Twilight was starting to regret not trying hard enough to nix the idea of this whole competition to begin with.
“Well, I think Rainbow Dash would say yes,” Thunderlane nodded with a troubled look, his sharp eyes having noticed Rainbow wasn’t exactly enjoying this anymore.
And it promised to get worse as a crane brought in a super-sized pinata!
Dale, dale, dale,
No pierdas el tino
Porques si lo pierdas
Pierdas el camino!
Unfortunately, Pinkie’s dancing on the pinata made it all the more easier for a pelican (for that matter what was a pelican doing so far inland?) to land on the top, causing the fixture to drop the whole entire kit n’ caboodle onto the birthday-filly!
As the glitter and confetti cleared, Pinkie saw Rainbow trying to free herself from under the collapsed pinata, and she was struck with revelation!
Gasping, she exclaimed, “Rainbow’s not having the best party ever. I… I broke the Pinkie Party Promise!”
As Cheese prepared to conduct the seal and its comically oversized horn to blow into-
“STOP!!!”
All eyes turned to Pinkie, “The Goof-Off is off!”
At once there was confused chatter amongst the crowd, Rainbow protesting, “But I haven’t named a winner!”
You don’t have to, I forfeit…” Pinkie conceded, feeling bad.
“But… What about you, Pinkie?” Midnight asked in concern of Pinkie tearing up.
“I… don’t!” whimpered the pink party pony pitifully.