Being queen of the sea ponies should be an easy job. All I have to worry about is the occasional shark attack and my oaf of a husband misplacing important documents. He is far too forgetful. Not his fault, but it is worrying. He’s old. Far older than he lets on. Of course, I just wished his wisdom was just as old. The amount of times I’ve had to save the kingdom from some circumstance he caused is a number I’d rather not count to. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
Today was going to be different. Today my beloved husband was resting. The kingdom was at peace. The sharks were keeping to themselves. Yes, today was a rarity indeed. I was going to make the most of it. That lead me to be here, the throne room. Sitting high up in my seat, I sipped from a special fruit cocktail. It was a blend you could only find here under the sea. It helped keep my nerves at bay and was quite rich in flavor. Truly I was blessed with life under the sea.
Just then, a flash of light filled the room. I blinked in confusion and I could hear my royal guards shouting bouts of anger and surprise. Whoever dared enter my throne room now would pay dearly. Of course, I was even more surprised by the beings that entered. “Discord?”
“Ah,” the spirit of all that was chaos grinned and bowed. “Queen Electra. It’s been a while.”
“A thousand years,” I narrowed my eyes. Unlike many of the immortals of the world, I didn’t hate Discord. He left the seas alone, for the most part. He was rather annoying though and when he did visit during his rule over Equestria, he brought quite a bit of mischief as well. Those times had given her headaches that would rile the entire sea.
“Has it been that long?” Discord inquired, looking at a yellow and pink watch on his wrist. “My, my, my. Time flies when you’ve been turned to stone.” His voice turned venomous for a second. For a moment, I feared for my life. My guards kept their fins held tightly on their weapons. Then Discord grinned and the heavy atmosphere returned. “That’s in the past and I’m not one to hold grudges. It’s not like you could talk some sense into the sisters.”
“You turned the world into your personal playground,” I scowled. “I don’t think anyone objected to your imprisonment.”
“Oh I deserved that and much more,” then he frowned. “However, I didn’t come here to talk about the good old days. As much fun as that would be, I was wondering if, well, could hide me for a few hours.”
“Why?” I lifted a questioning eyebrow. As Discord came up with an answer, I glanced at the stallion beside him. He was incredibly attractive for a surface dweller. If I wasn’t married…
My suggestive thoughts were interrupted when a loud shout shook the throne room. “DISCORD! COME OUT AND FACE ME, YOU OAFISH BARBARIAN!”
“That’s why,” Discord deadpanned. He appeared in a flash somewhere on my head. I lifted a fin and took off my crown...which now had his face on it. “I can be quite a sight to behold when I try.”
“Discord,” I flicked the crown and Discord floated out of it. “Why should I help you? My cousin will tear me to ribbons if she found out I was keeping you from harm. That and her anger is probably justified. You are insufferable.”
“It’s part of my charm,” Discord rubbed his chest in pride. “Think of this as a favor repaid. I did give you this wonderful kingdom.”
“By sinking it,” I pointed out.
Discord shrugged. “Details, details.”
I sighed. “Very well. This is a nice kingdom and I do so love it here. I will help you-”
Luna smashed through the wall of my throne room. Why does she always do that?!! It’s expensive to keep up with her. “Discord,” she growled. A batpony mare stood by her side. “You conspire with my cousin against me?!!”
“Luna,” I glared at the alicorn. “Must you always smash your way into the throne room?” I guiltily longed for the days she was on the moon. Nothing against her personally, but she had a habit of leaving destruction in her wake.
“I am one for grand entrances,” Luna smiled, seemingly pleased with herself. She probably was.
“Oh please,” Discord scoffed, before conjuring up some sort of large, metal tube into his hands. “I can do better.”
His manic grin and the way his finger twitched on the trigger told me well enough that weapon was dangerous. “Discord, not in my throne room.”
“She started it,” Discord shot back.
“ME?!!” Luna roared. I was glad I wasn’t a surface dweller, or I would have been thrown off my feet with how it shook everything.
“I don’t care who started it,” I shouted. “I want you to end it.”
“Well, well, well,” Discord tapped the metallic tube weapon and it turned into an armrest. The spirit of chaos incarnate leaned on it. “Look who’s matured.”
“Someone had to,” I commented. One would think immortals would be sane. Believe it or not, most aren’t. I’m quite sane if you would ask that question of me. I have never done anything so foolhardy and stupid. If you bring up any ‘supposed’ times I did, then I will have your head! I am one of the greatest immortals of the world for a reason.
“I’m sure,” Discord nodded. “Anyways, perhaps you could help me with Lulu here.”
“Don’t call me that,” Luna swam through the water like a rocket, nearly gutting Discord with her horn. He disappeared and reappeared above her.
“Getting slow in your old age?” Discord chuckled.
“SILENCE!” Luna shot three blast of dark magic at him and he swam out of the way of all three.
The blasts weren’t simple spells, however. They darted back and sped towards him. He conjured up a shield to ward them off. Luna used the opportunity to slash at his backside with a blade of magic. Discord was sent sprawling in the water.
He turned to glare at Luna. “Cheapshots, Nightmare? Is that how you’re going to best me?”
“Don’t call me that either,” Luna growled. “In fact, don’t speak at all.”
“I’m sorry,” Discord used a finger to poke straight through his ear and out the other side. He twisted it about. “I didn’t hear you right. What was that again?”
“Listen to me!” Luna’s form was growing dark. As was my worry. Of course, I could take her if I wanted to. I was the fastest being alive.
Discord pulled off his horn and stuck it into his ear. “Ah, now I can hear you. Sorry, your whining is so high pitched I need a little aid to hear it.”
Luna screamed and swam at him, firing arcs of magic as she went. Discord swam out of the way, almost like a snake. Though, he tip-toed across a few blasts. He teleported at the last second, catching Luna in a large net.
“I caught me a big one,” he was dressed as some sort of dockhand, chuckling to himself as he looked at Luna’s predicament.
Luna was silent for a few seconds, before she burst out of the net in a large flash of light. Discord, and I for that matter, were taken aback for a few seconds. This gave Luna just the time she needed to smash into Discord. The moment she hit him, his ‘body’ transformed into a rocket. She was sealed inside. Discord walked up next to her, wearing some sort of green uniform. He held up a torch...which was somehow on fire under water and lit the fuse. The rocket fired off, smashing through the ceiling.
“Arrivederci,” Discord waved off.
“Discord,” my left eye twitched in anger. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t smack you around for messing up my throne room.”
“I’ll give you two,” Discord turned towards me, his uniform gone. A big number ‘1’ appeared in his right eye. “Luna was the one who did most of the damage. I avoided doing that...for the most part.” A ‘2’ formed in his left. “We both know who’s the strongest immortal here.”
There was no malice in his voice, yet I felt such fear bubble within me. I wouldn’t show it, but I knew he could see it in my eyes. He could do whatever he liked and I would be powerless. I hated that. I was the queen of the sea! This was my domain. I opened my mouth to tell him so, but was cut off when the bat pony actually thrust two daggers into the back of Discord’s skull.
Discord just blinked in confusion, looking at the two daggers that had come out between his eyes. “Hmm, forgot about you.” In other blink of an eye, the daggers were gone and the batpony was in his hand. There wasn’t a hint of a scar to show for the strike. We immortals can be sturdy and resilient, but sometimes I can still be unnerved by it. “Ah, little miss bat. Why aren’t you playing with Big Red?”
“Because you just sent my princess flying in a rocket,” she huffed. “She is not going to be happy and I don’t want to deal with that all day.”
“That’s cute,” Discord booped her nose, causing her to scrunch up. “You’re cute. You know what else is cute?” He grinned, snapping his fingers. The red stallion and the batpony were tied together in the middle of a giant, pink heart. “Amore~”
“Discord,” the red stallion grumbled in agitation.
“Hop to it, Big Red.” Discord waggled his finger. “My dear Applejack needs some nieces and nephews to cuddle.”
“Really?” The batpony smirked and looked at the stallion.
“Nope,” the stallion’s struggles were cute.
‘Why couldn’t I have been tied to him?’
“Now then-” Discord was cut off when Luna...Smashed her way through my castle and into Discord.
“Luna!” I roared. “Stop smashing my castle.”
“I’m not listening,” Luna just kept pounding her fists into the chaos lord.
“Grrr,” I growled. This was the last straw. She wrecked one too many of my things. It wasn’t enough that she broke my toys when we were little, but now my castle? She always broke my things! “I am the queen of the seas! You will listen to me, you lunar harlot!”
Luna stopped smashing her hooves into the now bruised chaos god, before glaring at me. I was not moved by her murderous gaze. “What did you call me, sea witch?”
“Is that the best you can come up with?” I scoffed. “I’ve heard better from trout.”
“You dare scoff at me?!!” Luna growled.
“I dare because I am the queen of the seas,” I proclaimed, my voice booming as best as it could. “I am the fastest creature to have ever lived upon this world. You do not frighten me.”
“You should be,” Luna snarled. “I am the goddess of the night. The bane of the dragon clans. Do not think for one moment that you could ever best me.”
“I can,” I said firmly. “I will. I can outswim you. I can outfight you. I will not let this atrocity stand.”
“The castle?” Luna rolled her eyes. “I’ll pay for the damages.”
“No,” I shook my head, gritting my teeth. “It’s your attire. Your present form is a mockery.”
“You’re a mockery?”
“No, you’re the mockery.”
“Stop spewing lies, you salmon lipped coward.”
“Why don’t you shut up for a moment, you skanky lady of the night.”
“At least I’m not married to some ugly, lion thing who can’t keep a clear head.”
“At least I’m married. What do you have to show for yourself?”
Ah had to blink in confusion as ah watched the two immortals bickering like children. This was the sort of critters that governed over us? That controlled everythin’ down to the dirst beneath my hooves? Ah silently weeped for our future. Well, that and strugglin’ to get out of this rope and away from this mare. She was snugglin’ into my fur.
“You’re a lot like a teddy bear, you know that?” Night Watch commented.
“Nope,” that and my struggles just caused her to giggle.
“Awww~” Discord, now worse off than my old blow, cupped his hands together and leaned his head against them. “Young love.”
“Discord,” ah narrowed my eyes at him.
“When’s the wedding?” Discord eagerly looked between us, pullin’ a pen out of the air and turnin’ his left arm into a notepad.
“Soon,” Night Watch answered.
“Not happenin’,” ah deadpanned.
“Aww,” Night Watch pouted in disappointment. “You don’t like me?”
“Ah just met ya,” ah responded. “Ain’t gonna get hitched with a mare that ah just met.”
“That’s the reason?” She tilted her head to the side, which was kind of cute.
“Well, ya are kind of forward.” Ah answered truthfully. “Ain’t gonna work on an apple.”
“It works wonder for me,” Discord slicked his mane back. He looked into an Applejack stylized mirror and winked. “She can’t get enough of this.”
“Right,” ah rolled my eyes. “So, are we gonna-?”
Discord held up a sign that had his hand that was liftin’ a finger to shut me up. “I want to see how far this goes,” to which the two royal mares got up close and personal in their squabble. “Yes.” He fist pumped. The fluff part at the end of his tail form into a camera, and a little reporter hat and tag appeared, as he started taking pictures. “Yes, pull her tail. Bite her neck. Oh, I’m keeping these for later.”
“Hey!” Night Watch yelled. “Stop taking inappropriate pictures of my princess!”
“He’s what?!!” The two royals stopped their fight, which to a casual observer might have mistaken for rough...foreplay is the right word. Ain’t got another way to put it.
Discord paled. He snapped his finger and the next thing ah know is the two, actually three, of us were wearin’ shackles. He smiled nervously. “I give up?” Luna growled and shot a pillar of fire...which still somehow burned under water. We ducked in time, but he burned a bit of Night Watch’s mane.
“I don’t get paid enough for this,” she grumbled and took out a mango from her armor to nibble on. How she kept it safe in there ah have no idea. Been in Ponyville long enough to know not to question anythin’.
“Stop breaking physics in my domain!” The seapony queen roared.
“I’ll break it as much as I want, Electra.” Luna shouted back.
“Of course you will,” Electra scoffed. “Just like you broke my dolls.”
“I was only three centuries old,” Luna responded. “And that happened thousands of years ago. Let it go already.”
“Not until you apologize.”
Are all immortals so dang crazy?
“I hate you!”
“I hate you more.”
“I hate you the most!”
“Crumpets and smoothies later, despicable cur?”
“I’ll bring the little cakes, you easy cow.”
The two royals glared at each other and then laughed. Then they punched each other’s faces. Then they laughed again.
Yeah, all the royals are crazy. Thankfully, Luna teleported us away. Hopefully, whatever happened next wasn’t so crazy.