She woke up and looked around. "Where am I?" She picked herself up and smoothed down her long, purple dress before rubbing her eyes. "What is this place?" The sound of cascading water attracted her attention and she turned to see a rainbow waterfall, filling a colourful pool surrounded by fruit trees. "Herc? Are you here, Herc?" There was no answer. She seemed all alone in this strange place. She tried to think back to what she'd been doing before she woke up, but her mind drew a blank. "Hello?!" she called. "Somebody? Anybody! Help!"
Out of nowhere, a blue flash zipped past her, coming to a screeching halt on the grass. She ran over to see what it was. In front of her stood a winged horse with a mane to match the waterfall. No, it couldn't be… "Pegasus?" she asked.
The small horse regarded her with suspicion. "Human?"
"Yes, I… I'm human, Pegasus. How… how can you talk? And why are you blue? And, Pegasus, what's happened to your mane?"
The horse rolled its eyes. "One, I talk the same way you do, Human. Two, I've always been blue. Three, sometimes when I go fast, it musses up my style. And four, why do you keep calling me Pegasus? The name's Rainbow Dash."
The human walked around Rainbow Dash, looking at her in wonder. "My name's Megara," she said, "but my friends call me Meg." She prodded at Rainbow Dash's wing curiously.
Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes. "Nice to meet you, Megara."
Megara finally realized that this wasn't the Pegasus she knew. "I… What is this place?" she finally asked.
Rainbow Dash looked around. "We're just outside Rainbow Falls."
"And that is?"
Rainbow Dash shrugged and sighed. "We're in Equestria."
"Is that far from Greece?"
"Grease? I don't think there's any grease around here."
Megara hung her head. "Well, thanks for everything Rainbow Dash. It's been a real slice," she said, walking off.
"Wait!" the pony called after her. "Maybe we got off to a bad start. Let me help you."
Megara turned back. "Don't worry — I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything."
"I don't know much about humans, but I know somepony who does. She's been to the human world twice… maybe she knows about this grease of yours."
Megara stopped. "Really?"
❂
Twilight Sparkle circled the visitor. "Well, she certainly looks human. But if she came through my mirror, she would have taken a pony form when she arrived in Equestria. I don't understand it. She can't be a real human."
Megara put her hands on her hips. "Read my lips, princess — I'm human."
Rainbow Dash interrupted. "Whatever she is, she needs our help getting home."
"You know," Megara mused, "I've been to another world before. That was a barrel of laughs. Still, it turned out okay in the end."
"You've been to this world before?" Twilight asked.
"No, it was a place called the Underworld."
"Underworld… Underworld…" Twilight muttered. "You know, I think I've heard of that place before." Her horn glowed, and to Megara's surprise a book floated down in front of the purple winged unicorn, its pages opening for her. "Here it is… the Underworld is a dimension that can be reached from Tartarus. Ruled over by a demigod called Hades."
Megara smirked. "Might want to update your book, honey."
Twilight ignored the interruption. "Do you think if we can take you to the Underworld, you can make your own way back home?"
Megara's eyes widened. "I know I could. I've done it before."
"Right then," Rainbow Dash said, "to Tartarus it is."
Twilight held her hoof up. "Not so fast, Rainbow Dash! We can't take Meg to Tartarus. We don't know our way around that place any more than she does."
"I have to go in alone then?" Megara asked, a slight tremor to her voice.
"Of course not!" Twilight exclaimed. "I know the perfect tour guide!"
❂
Discord appeared in Twilight's living room, sitting at a table and holding a cup of tea and a saucer. He looked up and realized he wasn't in his chaotic dimension any more. "Twilight, you really must stop summoning me when I'm in the middle of elevensies." He snapped his fingers and the table, teacup, saucer, and chair disappeared. "What can I do you for?" Suddenly he caught sight of Megara. "Oh… a human? This is… interesting. I promise you I had nothing to do with it!"
"Nopony said you did," Twilight said, but eyed him with suspicion anyway. "Look, Discord, we need your help. You've been to Tartarus—"
"And back," Discord interrupted.
"Yes, and back," Twilight agreed. "I need you to show Meg here the way to a place called the Underworld."
"Okay then," Discord said, seemingly uninterested in any further explanation. He snapped his fingers and Daring-Do-style explorer hats appeared on his and Megara's heads. A map appeared in this hand, which he rotated, trying to figure out which way was north. "Ah, I see!" he exclaimed. He snapped his fingers again.
Discord and Megara vanished from the room, their hats clattering on the floor.
❂
Discord looked around, the bright sun hurting his eyes. He snapped his fingers and a pair of shades appeared in his claw. He put them on. "Okay, the easiest way into Tartarus is through this gate here in Canterlot."
Megara was looking around in confusion. "Canter… what?"
"No Canterlot — keep up, dear."
Megara looked up at the ominous-looking gate, the words All hope abandon, ye who enter here emblazoned above it. "Are you absolutely sure you—"
"Oh, pish posh… ignore that. It's just one of those legal disclaimers they have to put up to stop ponies suing them." Discord started walking through the gate and Megara hurried along behind him.
The pair descended a long flight of stairs. After the first few hundred, Megara gave up counting them. At the bottom stood a large dog with three heads. "Cerberus?" she asked in disbelief. "I mean… I didn't expect to…"
"Oh, I just call him Bigdog," Discord quipped.
He turned to the fearsome-looking canine creature. "How's it going, Bigdog?" Discord and Cerberus each raised a paw and they bumped fists, Megara looking on in disbelief. Discord strolled past the guard dog. Cerberus growled at Megara, who quickly hurried after her guide.
"Anyway, here we have your basic first circle of hell — Limbo they call it," Discord announced. He snapped his fingers and a bar appeared in front of their path. He leaned backwards and walked underneath it. Megara, who was not as tall, also did so easily. "I don't know why they call it that. Anyway, as you can see… pretty empty here. Let's keep going."
He grabbed the pole and smashed it through the floor revealing another darker, redder level below them. He slid down the pole like a fireman, and Megara did the same.
"Second circle of hell — Lust. Now, err…" Discord looked around. "I think a lady like you ought to avert her eyes." He put his paw over Megara's face and led her through winding corridors.
Discord came to an abrupt stop. "Oh, here's somebody you can meet. Say hello to Queen Chrysalis!"
"Discord! What is the meaning of this?!" a strange black pony hissed from behind bars, scowling at her visitors.
Discord gave Chrysalis his puppy-dog eyes. "Honestly, can't a fellow come and say hello to an old friend?"
"Fine! Who's this then?" She regarded Megara with curiosity. "You want me to try to take on her form next time you come to see me?" Discord mimed a zipping action on his lips, but Chrysalis continued, oblivious to his request. "I could do the colouring and the mane, but I'm not sure about the bipedal walking thing. Can't I just be the usual yellow one?"
Discord coughed. "Moving on!" He whisked Megara away, but then stretched his long neck backwards and whispered to Chrysalis: "Tuesday night okay?" Chrysalis nodded. "And yes, the usual yellow one will be fine," he added.
They came to the bottom of a staircase. "Third circle of hell — Gluttony," Discord announced. "Some not very nice creatures living here. But, oh, it's worth a visit for the feasts!"
"You should see some of the feasts they have on Mount Olympus," Megara said. "Such hard work getting through all that ambrosia. A god's wife's work is never done, eh?"
Megara looked around at the ponies, dragons, and other weird and wonderful creatures she didn't recognize, all with enormous swollen bellies. Or almost all. She pointed to a bearded red centaur in an isolated cage. "Who's that? He doesn't look like a glutton."
"Oh, Lord Tirek," Discord said with a tinge of regret in his voice. "His is a rather different sort of hunger."
Discord moved on, shuffling his feet, and the two walked down a flight of stairs. "Welcome to the fourth circle of hell — Greed."
Megara jumped out of the way of a strange one-eyed goat-like creature that grabbed at her, reaching through the bars of its cage. She yelped in fright. "Sheesh!" she said, raising an eyebrow. "What's got his goat?"
"That's Arimaspi," Discord chuckled. "His greed destroyed an empire. And then it destroyed him. Don't worry though. He doesn't bite." Discord rubbed his arm. "Hard," he added under his breath.
They made their way through a virtual museum of greedy, conniving ponies from Equestria's past. Several of them grasped at the gold clasps on Megara's dress, but she deftly avoided their reach.
Discord let her through an archway, around a corner and down a further flight of steps. Fires burned and the air had a smell of sulphur. This level of hell was filled with shouts and screams of rage. "This is the fifth circle of hell," Discord announced, "Anger."
Megara looked around at the suffering ponies and other creatures. "Well, I'd be angry if I had to live in this dump," she quipped.
Discord nodded. "Quite. Though these ponies were already fairly angry before they got here."
He led them along a path and down a further flight of stairs to a darker cavern. Unlike the firey room above, this place was cold and dank. "Heresy," Discord muttered, "the sixth circle of Hell. This place is reserved for those who try to displace the gods of Equestria — Celestia and Luna."
Megara noticed Discord shudder. "You don't like this place, do you?"
Discord sighed. "It's where I'm due to end up… when I'm gone."
Megara raised an eyebrow. "But you're not evil."
"No, not anymore." Discord started pacing back and forth. "But there was a time…"
"I see. But haven't you done enough to make up for whatever it is you've done in the past?" she asked in concern.
"I just don't know," he said, pausing in his stride. He turned and strolled up to a chink in the cave wall — a small gap — and pointed through it. "Meet Shadowfright."
"It's Larry!" a voice came from through the gap.
Megara peered inside and saw a large, strange looking bird. "Delighted to… meet you… Larry?" She turned to Discord. "He doesn't look like a heretic."
"That's because he's not — not any more. He was the leader of the Nightmare Forces, but he recanted. Unfortunately he was never able to do enough to make up for it. That's why he's here."
The bird shook its head, looking at the ground.
Megara noticed for the first time a solid gold band fastened tight around the bird's neck. "Well, at least they let you keep that fabulous jewellery."
Larry sighed. "It's not supposed to be decorative — it's a symbol of my incarceration in this place."
"Oh," Megara responded glumly.
"You were so close," Discord explained. "So close to redeeming yourself. Really just a small favour away from never having to come to this place."
Larry kicked the dirt beneath his feet. "I know," he sighed.
"It's good to see you again, anyway," Discord said.
"Yes, come back soon," the bird replied.
Discord leg Megara to a hole in the ground. A ladder led down into the darkness. "I'll go down first; check everything's safe. You can follow after me," Discord suggested.
"In this dress, honey?" Megara asked. "I'm not following anyone down any ladder. You could see right up my—"
"Okay." Discord shrugged. "Careful at the bottom though."
Megara started down the ladder, one rung at a time, taking it carefully. As her eyes adjusted to the dim cavern, she became aware of a dim red glow from below. Soon, she could make out shapes — red patches that writhed and changed form. She was just a few steps up from the bottom of the ladder before she realized what they were — lava. She jumped down, landing on a safe patch of ground, and watched the molten rock dancing.
Discord slid down the ladder like a fireman's pole. "Wheee!"
Megara raised her eyebrows at him.
"Sorry, I couldn't resist," Discord explained. "Anyway, welcome to the seventh circle of Hell — Violence."
Megara looked around at the seemingly empty cavern. "Not a lot of ponies here."
"No," Discord said, "the ponies are a mostly non-violent race. This level has only one inmate."
"Well, where is he?" Megara asked, still not seeing anybody, though in the gloom of the cave they could be anywhere.
"Oh," Discord chuckled, "he's all around us. Come on out, Lavan!"
"Urrrggghhh," came a groan that echoed around the cavern. The lava on the floor started to congeal into a large mass in front of the two travellers, rising up into a column and taking an almost human-like form.
"Why'd you have to spoil my fun, Discord," the lava blob said.
"Lavan, meet Meg. We're just passing through really," Discord said, introducing his companion to the blob.
"Hrmph!" Lavan huffed.
As Discord and Megara were starting to leave, they heard Lavan calling to them. "Wait a minute. She doesn't happen to be a princess, does she?"
Megara twirled around and smiled. "Well, actually, it's funny you should ask. I—"
Discord put a paw over her mouth. "We… errr… don't have time to chat. Must dash!" He bolted for a flight of stairs, dragging Megara along with him.
Megara followed Discord down the stairs as fast as her feet could carry her. "Wait, what was that about?"
"Lavan has a certain… history with princesses," Discord answered gruffly.
"What is this place?" Megara asked looking around.
They were standing in a cavern where the walls were lined with crystals that glowed with a mysterious soft blue light.
"Eighth circle of Hell," Discord answered. "Fraud."
Megara spotted a gateway built into the wall of the cave and approached it, leading Discord with her. Her eyes widened and she gasped at what she saw. Discord looked through the gateway and saw a muscular orange-haired human, talking to a pegasus, who was dressed up in reins and a saddle just like Chrysalis wore during his sessions when… sorry, I digress. He looked at Megara.
She seemed enchanted by the vision and started slowly walking towards the gateway. "I thought you said there was nine circles before I'd be home."
"There are," Discord insisted, pulling back on her arm. He snapped his fingers and the gate disappeared, along with the vision behind it. In its place was an old woman in a red hooded cape, chained to the wall.
"Curse you, Discord! You used to be on my side!" the hagged woman shouted.
Megara looked around in confusion. "What? Where?"
Discord sighed. "I'm sorry — you've just witnessed Somnambula's party trick."
"But she's a human? And where did the gate go?"
Discord sighed. "Not human, though she looks like it. She's a witch. Skilled in illusion and mind control. Once upon a time she drained almost every pony in Equestria of their youth and magic… all for her vanity."
"You can talk!" Somnambula spat, full of hate.
"I've done some bad things in my time, but it's in my nature. And I've learned to become better," Discord told her. "That's why I'm free, and you're still chained up in Tartarus."
The witch turned her face away. "Pfft! This… this… human" — the word came out like it was dripping in bile — "doesn't exactly have much youth to offer any more anyway."
Megara raised a fist and ran towards her, but Discord pulled her back. "Don't!" he shouted. "It's what she wants. She's just trying to draw you in so she can drain you."
Megara stopped and glared at the witch. For the first time, she noticed a gold band around the woman's neck, similar to what Larry had been wearing. She couldn't remember if the other inmates of Hell had been wearing the same, and tried to think back, but her memories failed her. "Fine. I just want to get out of here and back to my Herc." She turned away.
"Really, it's not that much further to go," Discord said, leading her by the hand through the Crystal Maze.
They came out into a vast cavern, lit by the crystals behind them. A waterfall fell from somewhere way up too high to see, and collected in a pool that flowed into a meandering stream.
"Wow!" was all Megara could manage.
"Treachery," said Discord. "Ninth and final circle."
In a cage stood a ram with glowing red eyes. Discord pointed. "I wonder what's got his goat?"
Megara rolled her eyes. "I already did that one."
"Oh, yes." Discord smiled sheepishly. "I suppose he's not really a goat anyway." He led Megara down to the cage, which sat beside the stream. "Tut, tut!" Discord scolded, pushing the cage back several metres away from the stream. "You've been trying to get the bells again, haven't you?"
On the other side of the stream, Megara noticed a chain of bells.
"Yes! Yes! What of it?! Of course I have! You put them there, just across the Styx! Of course I'm going to try to get them! Moving the cage this far took me months! You're undoing all my hard work!" the ram bleated.
Discord turned to Megara and continued to push the ram away. "Those bells offered Grogar great powers. Greater than unicorn magic. Greater than alicorn magic. Greater than even my own magic. Perhaps as powerful as the Elements of Harmony."
Megara looked at him. "So you put them all the way across that itty bitty little stream?" she asked sarcastically.
"I know!" Discord squealed excitedly. "Isn't it perfect? He can't swim!"
Megara was speechless. The god of chaos did have a point — the demonic-looking ram has taken the cage all the way to the water, but it didn't look like he'd attempted to cross.
"One of these days I'm going to learn!" Grogar threatened.
"Pfft!" Discord dismissed him. "In that cage?" He turned to Megara. "I hope you can swim though. Your Underworld is across the Styx."
"In this dress?" Megara asked raising her eyebrows. "Fine." She wasn't about to take it off either. She waded out into the stream, and was soon up to her hips in water. The stream was deeper than it looked.
She turned back to Discord, who was himself gingerly making his way into the cold water. "Couldn't you have just flown us across with your magic magic stuff?" she asked, snapping her fingers in imitation of him.
"Sorry, no can do," Discord replied. "Magic cannot be used this near the Styx. That's one of the reasons why the ancient gods used to swear their oaths here."
Megara was soon up to her neck and started to swim. "Hey, isn't this water supposed to make people immortal?"
Discord shook his head, swimming beside her. "That bit's further downstream."
"Shame," Megara sighed. "Being married to a god, a little immortality might come in handy."
Megara and Discord stepped out of the water at the other side, dripping wet. Megara used her hands to wring the water out of the long hair, while Discord shook himself all over to dry himself off.
"So where's the gateway to the Underworld?" Megara asked, looking around.
Discord motioned to his left. "It's just up that ladder."
"Errr… what ladder?"
Discord looked towards where he'd pointed. The ladder was gone. He looked up the smooth cave wall to the high-up ledge where the gateway was. "What? What's happened to the ladder. I left it right there only three thousand years ago!"
"Three thousand years ago? It probably rotted away — especially in air this moist." Megara gestured towards the waterfall which was throwing up a fine mist. "Can't you fly us up?"
Discord shook his head. "Not this close to the Styx."
Megara was confused. "But you have wings. You don't need to use magic."
"These wings work with magic. Without magic, they're far to puny to generate enough lift to support even me, let alone both of us."
"Okay," Megara said, thinking, "so we go back, get a safe distance from the water, you magic up a new ladder with your snappy-snappy, and then we bring it back here."
"No, if the ladder's been made by magic, it will dissolve when crossing the Styx. It's no use — we'll have to go all the way back to Equestria and bring a ladder from there."
Megara hung her head.
"No," Discord said, having an idea, "come with me!"
He led her back to the water, across the river, past Grogar's cage and back to the eighth circle of Hell. There, now a safe distance from the river, he snapped his fingers, teleporting them both back to the sixth circle and a familiar cave.
"We need your help, Larry," Discord begged the giant bird.
Larry coughed and cleared his throat, while quickly preening some feathers on the top of his head. "Errr… what can I do for you?"
"Just come with us." Discord took Larry by the wing, snapping his fingers again to teleport them back into the Crystal Maze. They approached the Styx again. "We need a lift up to that ledge."
"Sure thing," Larry said, flapping his wings and lifting into the air. He held out his talons. "Grab on."
Megara and Discord each took hold of a leg, and Larry beat his strong wings, soaring upwards. Megara looked down; Grogar's cage looked tiny. She felt a lot less secure than when she was on the back of that bird-brain Pegasus. She shut her eyes.
The next thing she knew, her feet felt solid ground. She opened her eyes and saw that they'd arrived. Discord had already let go of Larry's leg, and once she'd released him too, he fluttered down to land gracefully beside them.
"I'm afraid this is where I have to leave you," Discord said at the gate.
Megara turned to him, a look of concern on her face. "But… I don't know if I can make my way through the underworld alone."
"Maybe Larry will go with you?"
Larry coughed. "I would, but I can't. Remember I'm bound to Tartarus with this thing?" He pointed to his neck.
Discord smiled. "What thing?"
Larry felt at his neck for the gold band that kept him there. It was gone.
Discord grinned. "I told you, didn't I? Just a small favour."
"I— I'm free?" Larry said in a state of shock.
"Sure looks like it, bird boy," Megara chuckled. "So are we going?" Larry nodded. Megara extended a hand to Discord. "I suppose this is goodbye then."
Discord took Megara's hand and pulled her towards him, giving her a hug. "I suppose it is, Meg."
Megara pushed him away with a grin on her face. "We should get going. Wonderboy awaits!"
Discord waved as Larry and Megara walked through the gate. He kept waving until they were out of sight.
❂
Discord sat on the ground. It had been four hours. He hadn't really thought about how he'd get down from the ledge.