Earth, a place of humanity, a place where everyone has it decent, a place where one is a human and acts like a human, but most of all a place of peace for everyone. Except for one person and one person in particular. That would be me.
Hello, my name is John Smith and I am one of the few people that suffer day to day tragedies. What are these horrifying things you may be thinking? Well there is that one instance where I lost my favourite hat. It was such a terrible crisis that I had to skip my best friend's funeral. His family called me an asshole for some reason and called me a monster even when I told them my very viable excuse (I think they were just jealous of my amazingly dashing looks and charm. There was another time when Murphy's law was being an asshole that day and decided to pop my tire on my very awesome car. I ended up borrowing a tire after breaking someone's car and their face. They called the police on me, what a jerk but thankfully I escaped because I don't deserve this kind of treatment. But the worst of all is when I went to my favourite donut shop and they were out of my usual donuts of choice. I was so angry that I pulled out guns out of nowhere and decided to shot up the place. I got arrested but because I'm so awesome, the judge let my free of charge. But I still didn't get my donuts so I shot up the place.
If you thought those were bad you haven't seen my personal life. Back then I was a victim of parental abuse, I never found out why it was like this so I just chalked it up as them being assholes because this universe hates me. I also never grew up with many friends throughout my life (I only had about 5 friends during 20 years) and was hated or never accepted consistently for no reason whatsoever. Again I just chalked this up as the universe being a jerk to me and only me. No one else suffers as much as me on this planet or in this universe or even the multiverse.
As you can see my life is horrible. Why can't the universe bend to my whims? Anyways, after these tragic accidents I found out about a certain show that my only friend showed me one day. This show was called My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. The more I watched it the more I lamented about how awesome it would be to live in Equestria. Friends, Nice weather unlike the weather on earth where it's always dreary, and most of all free donuts. But I knew that this was impossible. Not until that faithful day.
I woke up to the usual weather on this planet. When I went down stairs to get my usual breakfast, there was something different about outside. For some reason there was sun outside which is impossible for this planet. Back to my breakfast I got my usual bread to make my usual buttered toast. As I popped in the bread into the toaster I obliviously missed something important that would be the last epic tragedy I could take. You guys aren't going to believe this. The toaster dial was up to it's maximum power. After few suspicious minutes I got up from watching Friendship is Magic to get my toast. But I noticed that the toast was charred black. This was the last straw.
I put on my royal canterlot voice and screamed to the heavens.
"WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE PITY ON ME? WHY DO YOU ONLY TARGET ME? WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE ONE OF THOSE KIDS IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY? THEY HAVE IT EASY!" I screamed like a little kid who goes to the mall and doesn't get what he or she wants.
As I stomped out of my house like I had the rage virus from 28 Days Later I noticed even more things about the great weather. There was a beautiful meadow, trees like you wouldn't believe, little critters that should not be in the same area such as chipmunks and monkeys, and for some reason everything looked like a cartoon. As we all know those don't exist on Earth because earth is an incredibly depressing place filled with pain and torment if you are the wrong person, such as me. I pondered for a moment until it finally clicked in my super genius level mind.
I was in Equestria for some arbitrary, unexplained reason and I brought the whole fucking house that was filled with guns because I'm a solider for no reason now and motorcycles that require no normal full whatsoever but they are fueled by my sheer awesomeness, will, and determination. Maybe god was finally showing me pity? Or maybe because I'm just so awesome that I just tore through the dimensional drift and ended up here. It will never be explained.
"I didn't want to live on that planet any longer and it seems I got my ultimate brony wish." I thought. Another thought came to my mind shortly after but this wasn't a pleasant thought but it was a raged fueled one. "WHY DIDN'T WISH I FOR MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS OF DONUTS!" I screeched but in a manly way.
"um...is somepony there." said a quiet, shy voice.
To be continued.