//------------------------------// // Chapter 6 // Story: Princess Twilight Sparkle's 25th Birthday // by Autumnschild //------------------------------// Teleportation was easy for Princess Twilight Sparkle. She liked to think she had mastered it before her ascension. Still, she knew that teleporting could be dangerous if the right amount of concentration wasn’t applied. Teleporting half a dozen miles —while tumbling down a flight of stairs— usually had disastrous results, even for the most experienced of magic users. Luckily, she wasn’t most magic users. But, then again, there she was, lying on her back and staring up at her hooves, and the wood-planked ceiling of the private concourse of Ponyville’s train station beyond. Even while laid on her back, the Princess could tell that the other, public concourses were bustling with activity. Excited voices —and the accompanying din of the happy ponies that just arrived on the train from the Crystal Empire— came pouring through the wicker wall dividers that flanked the private concourse. It was the sound of the comings and goings of townies, party guests, and all manner of folk in between. She laid there for a moment, smiling at the thought of all the friends she’d made over the years, and all the ponies she’d see tonight. “Twilight?” came Princess Cadence’s familiar voice. She rolled to her left and sprang to her hooves, moving quickly to right herself. And that’s when it hit her. Or rather, that’s when her niece hit her. “Auntie Twily!” screamed the little bubblegum colored pegasus foal as she hug-tackled the Princess of Magic. With an “Oof!” the pair went tumbling, and Twilight found herself once more on her back, only this time instead of wooden beams, she was seeing stars. But the giggly filly whose grasp was wrapped around her neck made the experience totally worthwhile. Cadence called out, chiding her rambunctious child. “Cassie! We talked about this. Let go and greet your Aunt the proper way.” Twilight smiled as she felt the weight of the filly scramble off of her, laughing a little when her downy wings accidentally tickled her muzzle in the process. With the sound of little happy hooves coming to a stop just a few feet ahead of her, Twilight sat up and looked at the blue-maned filly smiling up at her, hugging her own wings with her fore hooves. “Wings back, young lady,” reminded her mother with a smile. The little filly straightened up and her wings shot down to her sides. Then, prim and proper, tiny Cassandra stood up and gave a wobbly curtsy. “Onchanty, Auntie Twily.” Princess Twilight stood up and offered a sweeping bow of her own. “Onchanty, to you too, Cassandra.” The filly sat on her rump with a thump, laughing a little melody all her own, like birdsong, and wrapped her wings around her midsection once more as she reached up to her favorite Auntie for a hug. Behind the two of them, Cadence sighed. Though not before being hugged by her beloved, Shining Armor. “Well, she almost got it right,” he said. “Yes, but she needs to get it all the way right. It’s enchanté. Not ‘onchanty’,” she said, spitting the last word out as if it was sour. “But she’s only three and a half years old, love.” “That’s no excuse for Auntie Twily to encourage her bad habits.” Shining Armor, his hoof still around his love goddess horsewife, turned to his folks behind him. “Mom, a little help?” Twilight Velvet shook her head as she stepped off the train with her husband in tow. “Oh no, I’ve already raised my foals.” “Our foals, dear,” offered Night Light, coming to a stop and resting his chin on the top of his wife’s head. “That’s exactly what I said. Anyway, you two will have to sort out your own little quibbles. It’s all a part of living in matrimonial bliss.” Night Light stepped aside to give his wife a sideways glance, letting the Crystal Pony porters pass him with their luggage carts. “Plus, my mother couldn’t leave well enough alone while you two were kids.” Laughing at it now, he added, “She drove you nuts.” The Sparkle matriarch nodded an affirmative. “That’s right, and I promised that I’d never butt in and tell anypony else that she’s raising her foals wrong. Besides,” she added with a chuckle, “I’m having too much fun spoiling Cassie to care.” Twilight Velvet smiled and called aloud to her granddaughter, “I wonder who wants a caramel!?” She fished a small candy from her saddlebag and began peeling away the off-white wax paper wrapper. “I do, I do!” the filly informed the group emphatically. Cassie pushed herself out of her hug with Auntie Twily and flip-flapped her little wings in a backwards loop-de-loop over the porters, her father, and her mother’s ever-patient smile. Mouth open wide, she gobbled the candy as her grandmother tossed it safely into the air. Night Light, as all good grandfathers do, ‘ooh’ed and ‘ahh’ed, respectively, sitting up to clap at Cassie’s aerial antics. “Hay, can I have one of those, too?” Twilight Velvet smiled, and half turned to look at Spike bringing up the rear of their little group. “Of course you can, Spike.” She held out another sweet for the teenaged drake. Spike reached down and carefully used two long claws to pluck the caramel out of her hoof, tossing it into his toothy maw, wrapper and all. “Mmm, you know,” he said while chewing, “it’s, mmm, the wax paper that really brings out the flavor profile of the caramel.” A small flappy thump landed on top of the young dragon’s head, between his horns. “Uncle Spiiiike!” demanded Cassie. She closed her eyes, and touched a forehoof to her wing-wrapped chest. “We don’t eat paper. It’s not ladylike.” Cadence groaned and leaned into Shining Armor as the two of them walked towards the porters. “See?” he said, encouragingly, “she can be taught.” “Your luggage is ready, Your Highness,” said the porter pony bowing before Princess Cadence. Cadence’s magic lifted the luggage off of the two gilded carts, floating them into the air and sorting them into a large pile of bags, and a pair of two bags. Settling the large pile back down on one of the two carts and the small day bags on the other, she pointed to them and said, “The big pile should go to the library, and these two go to the Grenouille des Marais.“ “Dibs on the two bags!” shouted the taller of the two porters. “Di-ah dingle dang,” cursed the other porter. Twilight’s ears flicked at Cadence’s words and she trotted over to stand next to her sister-in-law. “You’re not staying at the library?” Cadence shook her head, her perfectly brushed mane flowing along with the motion. “Not tonight. Shining and I are staying at the Grenouille des Marais,” she said with a titter in her voice, clapping her fore hooves together excitedly. “The one in Neigh Orleans is my favorite hotel, and when I heard that the grand opening of the one here in Ponyville was going to coincide with your birthday, ooh, I just couldn’t help myself!” Twilight frowned, but shook off the disappointment, determined not to let it get her down. Her ears perked up and she looked over at the rest of the party. “Well, more time for stories and visiting for the rest of us then.” “Stories, stories!” shouted Cassie, appreciably. “Alright, it’s settled then,” giggled Twilight. She gripped the large sliding doors that lead from the private concourse out into both the main concourse and ticket office. “Stories and snacks for us, boring old grown up time for Cadence and Shining Armor.” Cadence pouted from the middle of the small herd behind Twilight. “Hay now, that’s not fair. We’re still coming over for the afternoon. It’s just that… well, the guestrooms in the library basement are…” Twilight paused before opening the glowing doors. “What about them?” she asked, her right eyebrow arched like a coiled viper. “They’re full of old apples!” cheered Cassie from her new perch atop her grandpa’s head. Twilight stomped a hoof. “That was just one time! Applejack and her family had a veggi-mole infestation in their root cellar, and-” “The time before that, it was mice.” “Fluttershy booked the basement for MeeseCon ‘98, like, two weeks in advance! And you showed up without so much as a letter to tell me you were coming!” Cadence lowered her chin, and bobbed her head with wide eyes, playing the clueless mare. “And before that it was full of Sweetie Belle’s accidentally enchanted sheet mus-” “Alright, alright. I get it,” sighed Twilight with an eye roll. “Go to your big dumb fancy hotel, gosh.” Turning her head, she nodded to her folks. “Mom, Dad?” Night Light shook his head, careful not to dislodge his granddaughter. “I’m good. Those mice really knew how to throw an after party. Honey?” “If it weren’t for those apples, Daring Do and the Appleville Curse wouldn’t have had its titular curse. I’m in too!” Everypony turned to look at Spike, who was absentmindedly picking bits of candy and paper from between his fangs. He waved away the concern with his free hand and a casual shrug of his scaly shoulders. “I lived there for years. Mice and Apples ain’t nothing.” Regaining her momentarily faltered confidence, Princess Twilight grinned from ear to ear. “Great. It’s settled then. We’re off for the library!” she exclaimed as she threw open the still glowing doors to the main concourse. The world was immediately filled with blinding white flashes. And shouting. Lots of horrible shouting. “It’s the tabloids!” shouted Twilight Velvet from behind. “Run!” And they did, are quickly as they dared. “Princess Twilight!” one nasally voice shouted out over the roar of voices and flashbulbs. “Is it true that you're plotting to banish Princess Celestia to the sun and take over Equestria?” “Gah!” yelled Twilight, trying to break free of the stampede of screaming reporters. “What? How would that even work? What about Luna?” “Yes!” shouted another, more feminine voice. “What about Princess Luna? Is it true that she's secretly your mother?” Still blinking away the flashes from her eyes, she answered the rather rude and mostly confusing question. “I think that would be a shock to my actual mother, seeing as how she was there for-” “Twelve and a half hours of labor it was!” Twilight heard her mother cry out from behind her, somehow raising her voice above the shouts of all the others. “At least that's what my husband tells me. Epidurals are a wondrous—” “Twilight!” “Yes?” answered both mother and daughter. “Er… Twilight the Author,” replied the voice of a spry and funny-smelling stallion who was trotting quickly beside the Sparkle family matriarch to keep up. “Flatty Bookmarks, with the Daily Reader. When can your fans expect the next Daring Do novel?” “A lady never tells,” she answered haughtily, though with a slight huff from running as best she could to keep up with the family herd. Her eyes finally clear, Princess Twilight spied the door out into Ponyville proper about fifty or so yards away. A pink and blue swirl, like a downy cloud, whooshed through her mane, travelling on ahead. “Cassie, stay with us sweetie,” Twilight heard her brother call out in concern. “Don't get lost in the crowd.” “Shining Armor,” came a demand from the first nasally voice. “Any word on the recent attacks in Tartarus? We've heard rumors that—” In an instant, Shining Armor’s demeanor changed, leaving behind the careful mask of a military leader. “No comment at this time,” he said brusquely. “But if you could just say something for the colts at home worried about their gals in that furnace, I'm sure—” “I am not authorized to discuss ongoing joint guard operations at this time. Please direct your queries to the Joint Chief of Staves' Communications Officer.” “Spike,” called out a pegasus in a trilby hat flapping alongside the gangly dragon, “is it true that Rarity is secretly a dragon, and has been for years?” “She’s a wha—?” he repeated with a dumbstruck smile and quivering frills. “Come on Spike,” said his adopted older sister as she passed through the archway out of the train station and out into the street, “don’t feed the trolls!” As the Sparkle family approached the archway, Shining Armor lit up his horn, and the domed entrance was filled with a vibrant field of magic. One that let his family through. But the same couldn’t be said for the members of the press, as they slammed against the wobbly wizardly webbing with many an ‘oof’ and a thud. The rest of the walk from the train station to the library was mostly uneventful. A lot of ponies bowed. Some waved. But every one of them held a song in their heart as they went about their individual tasks for the day. After all, a birthday for the resident Goddess-in-training only came once a year, and the colorful folk of Ponyville couldn’t help but be caught up in the moment. There was Bon-Bon and her wife, decorating the bright brassy display window in front of the best candy shop in town. The outdoor arcade was in full swing, with free games setup for kids and young at heart alike. And there, marking the halfway point for the street that takes its namesake stood the Golden Oaks Library. Rebuilt years ago after the devastating fire known colloquially as ‘The Cookie Incident,’ its mighty branches stretched higher and wider than the old library could have ever dreamed… if libraries could dream. Twilight’s attention was pulled to the pair of stout-looking guard ponies who were standing at attention stoically, flanking the library’s front door. She smiled as soon as the familiar insignia on the two ponies came into focus. “Oh!” called Cadence, pointing at the parked sky chariot beside Twilight’s kitchen window. “Auntie Celestia must have gotten into town already.” “Auntie ‘lestia!” screamed an elated Cassie as she flew through the only open upstairs window, ignoring the call for restraint from her mother. A startled, strangled cry, unmistakably belonging to Princess Luna, sounded out through the open window, followed by a moment’s silence. And then, dreadfully, followed by the sound of a toilet flushing. Cadence opened her mouth to say something, until she heard the unmistakable sound of Cassie starting to cry. The sniffling that turned into heavy breaths, followed by… Yes, there was the wailing. Cadence turned around and started walking away. Her husband, trying to hold his laughter in, pulled on her shoulders to stop her. “Nope!” she said, pulling away, though putting on only a show of effort. “I’m done Shiny. I’ve failed as a mother and as a niece, and now I’m going to go… I dunno live in the woods, or something. Maybe I can be a matchmaker for the deer.” Shining Armor finally ‘winning’ the tug of war, and pulled her in for a big hug, laughing all the while as she flailed about this way and that. “Come on now,” he said. “N-no,” she giggled. “Come on, reel it in.” “I dun wanna,” she said, batting at him softly with her wings. He finally succeeded in wrapping his hooves around his pouty pony, holding her for a moment. Finally in the comforting embrace, Cadence took the time she needed for her better nature to take over. ”I suppose,” she said, looking into her husband’s shining eyes, “we should go collect what’s left of our daughter.” Shining Armor rolled his eyes, and smirked. “If there’s anything left. She had a good run. We’ll just have to teach the next one the pee time is me time song as early as possible.” She squinted at him, a tease of a smile on her lips. “Are you implying that there’ll be a next time?” His ears flattened. “I don’t like how that sounds.” The front door opened with a burst of dark blue magic. And more crying. Luna’s voice called out from up the stairs, over Cassie’s continued bawling. “Cadence, come collect your little one before she cries herself sick.” Cadence pointed at her husband, and then to the open door with a sweeping gesture. “You heard the Princess.” Shining Armor’s ears pinned themselves to the back of his head. “Wait a minute, she said yo—” “If you want a shot at anymore, Mister Sassy Shoes, you’re gonna have to go up there and rescue the first one.” He sighed in defeat, walking at a quick clip towards the door, before quickly pecking his wife on the cheek. Cadence nipped at him playfully, intent on missing, and giggling all the while. Then she and the rest of the Sparkle family group followed them into the library. “Ugh, get a room,” groused Spike from the back of the herd, ducking to fit through the pony-sized door and shutting it behind him. “So there I was, just holding this pony doll, right?” said Spike, recounting the events of his trip to the Crystal Empire. “And like… a million billion Crystal Ponies were watching me. Chanting for me to eat it.” “Oh, Spike, you didn’t!” begged a mortified Twilight, putting down her still-too-hot cup of tea on the table they all shared in the dining room. Cassie looked up, her chin resting on her mom’s left fore leg, as her ears flopped around with each tug of her mother’s brush. “He didn’t,” the filly whispered authoritatively. “That’s just it! I couldn’t do it. I mean, it looked like a baby pony. I don’t eat babies or ponies or baby ponies!” “He sure doesn’t,” said Cadence, pulling the brush through another wild wave of tangled blue mane. “He carried it around for two weeks. Everywhere he went, there was the Snackrifice doll.” “W-well, so what?” protested Spike, brushing the mane on the crystal doll that sat in his lap. “I think it’s cool. I’m gonna keep it.” “But why did they want you to eat it, Spike?” asked Night Light from the window seat. Cadence waved a hoof at her father-in-law's question. “It’s a tradition, of a sort, for the Crystal Ponies. Long ago a dragon settled their lands, and a noble maiden sacrificed herself so that the dragon would leave the country peacefully.” Twilight wrinkled her nose at the idea, but fought to dismiss the uncouth thoughts that filled her head, lest she accidentally insult a culture she didn’t understand. Just because she didn’t understand it didn’t mean that it was wrong. This was a hard learned lesson for the young princess. One of the first in the Diplomacy Journal that Celestia asked her to start keeping last spring. “So,” started Twilight’s mom, as she stirred the cream into her tea, “they just started making dolls and giving them to visiting dragons in the hopes that they’d eat the dolls… and leave?” Several expressions played in succession across Cadence’s face until she settled on a look of vague acceptance. “Something like that. But these days, the only dragons that visit the Crystal Empire are city dragons.” “City dragons?” asked Night Light, watching a caravan of carts full of cider barrels as it travelled down the street and into the heart of town. He recognized some of the ponies as his daughter’s good friends. As the group passed, Pinkie Pie waved at him, and he waved back. Spike rubbed his scaly palms on his knobby forearms. “Smaller, more civilized dragons. Like the ones in Fillydelphia. They’re pretty cool.” “I recall these ‘city dragons’ Spike,” said Luna, reading a dog-eared copy of Whinny of the Wind from her spot over by the fireplace, farther from the group, to give the still teary-eyed filly some room. “They were most agreeable. A tribute to your race.” Spike blinked at her. “Uh...Thank you?” She nodded, turning the page as she did so. “So anyway, that’s how my stay in the Crystal Empire went,” offered Spike like it was no big deal to be hailed as a hero and thrown a feast. And to solve a mystery. And hang out with your big bro. Getting a pony doll out of the deal was totally the coolest part of his visit. Twilight grinned, her ears flat to the side with genuine contentedness. “Well, I’m glad to hear that, Spike. And I’m glad to have you back home. It’s just not been the same with you gone. The library’s so… big and empty when it’s just me.” A quiet moment passed as tea was sipped, book spines were read, and picture frames politely stared at. Fortunately, Night Light was never one for subtlety, and having missed everything that was said in the last few minutes due to pony gazing out the windows, turned and asked, “So! How’s my little purple pickle?” Twilight looked up from her cooling tea and shot him a look. “Daaad! You know I don’t like it when you call me that.” “You used to like it,” he said, recalling the years passed. “My little purple pickle... I’d come home from the graveyard shift in the archives and you’d be asleep at your desk next to that little Smarmy Pants of yours.” “Smarty Pants,” she corrected. Something thumped into the bottom of the windowsill that Night Light sat at, shaking the entire seat, and the sound of muffled curses muttered was instantly followed by a curious quantity of quiet. Throwing open the latch on the window, Night Light swung his head out, spotting three fillies cowering beneath the window’s overhang. One of them, eyes wide with apparent terror, was rubbing a nasty-looking knot on the top of her head. “Are you okay?” he asked. “AAAAH!” the light brown pony answered back, before her two companions started screaming too. “Uh,” he tried again, but the screaming was the most he was going to get out of them as they trailed off into the distance, running into the heart of town. “Huh,” he said with a shrug, pulling his head in and shutting the window behind him. “More reporters?” asked his wife. He shook his head, chancing a glance out the window. “No. Just a few kids. Maybe they were trying to see a bit of candid royalty?” Princess Twilight took a sip of her tea, smiling at the now perfect temperature. “Wouldn’t be the first time. Did you know the school paper has a weekly column all about me? What restaurants I’ve been to. How many times I’ve lit my mane on fire—” “How many colts you’ve ask out on dates,” added Cadence. Twilight Sparkle nodded. “How many colts... I’ve…” “We have the paper delivered to the Castle,” interjected Princess Luna, not looking up from her place in the book. “Tia sends it off to Cadence after we’ve both looked it over.” “Wait,” cautioned the youngest alicorn, trying desperately to stop the flood befor— “Colts!” exclaimed her mother with visible relief. “I knew it, Twilight. Ooooh, I knew it! I knew that you couldn’t stay single forever!” “No, wait!” she demanded, her wings expanding to their full length, expounding the severity of her demand. “It’s for a bet, mom. A bet with some of the girls, okay? I’m not, that is, I’m not sure if I’m interested a relationship.” It was too late; her mother was on a holy tear at this point. “Oh, I can’t wait to meet this mystery stallion. I bet he’s tall and polite. Say, whatever happened to that one guard? The one who saved your crown from that thing a few years back, what was that thing, Nighty?” Night Light looked back from the window briefly at his wife. “Some sort of mirror pony, if I remember correctly.” Twilight Sparkle tried to take a deep, calming breath, though it was hampered by grinding, clenched teeth. “Mom. We’ve already talked about this,” she said resentfully. “The only reason he ‘saved’ my crown was because he was hiding in my wardrobe when that mare tried to steal it.” Shining Armor frowned with a snort. “He’s lucky the guard arbitrators opted to put him on ‘administrative leave’ instead of taking my suggestions.” Twilight Velvet turned daintily in her seat, eyes closed and gripping her cup of tea like a life line. “Well if he was peeping, then he must have liked you.” “I’m not going to date a pony who goes around hiding in mares’ closets at night, mom!” “Well... Are there any nice stallions here in Ponyville?” “Oh sure!” said Spike, happily missing Twilight’s desperate nonverbal cues. “There’s Rarity’s dad. He’s cool, he took me fishing once. Thunderlane and his brother are total nice guys. Oh, there’s Big Mac, too!” “THANK you, Spike,” managed Twilight, pleadingly. “Let’s just leave it as a work in progress, okay?” Twilight Velvet reached a hoof across the table and patted her daughter’s clenched own. “It doesn’t need to be a stallion, sweetie.” Princess Twilight pulled back her hoof, standing up and started heading for the kitchen. Empty cups and their associated saucers floated through the air in a magenta haze behind her. “Look, ignoring whatever it is I want, the bet with Rarity and Rainbow is all about who brings a coltfriend to tonight’s party, first. So it kind of has to be a stallion.” “If I may ask, what are the stakes in this wager?” questioned Princess Luna, putting her novel down to watch Twilight enter the library’s small kitchen. “Brunch rights!” Twilight called back. “Oh and two hundred bits.” “Two hundred bits!” gasped her father. “Geez Twi, next time you want to throw away a bunch of money, can I have it instead?” A spread of fruits, dried flowers, and slices from a rustic-looking loaf of bread popped into existence on the table, much to Cassie’s audible delight, as Twilight walked back into the dining room, her hooves freshly washed. “Oh I’m gonna win, Spike. I can do anything I put my mind to. My friends taught me that.” She sat at her spot by the table while a pear floated over to her waiting hoof. “Twilight,” started Cadence, her daughter now released and sitting in Shining Armor’s lap as he buttered a slice of bread for her, “I love you like a sister. And I care about you.” Twilight smiled. “Thank you Cadence, I—” “But you’re going to lose this bet.” Twilight sat up and frowned. “What makes you say that?” Cadence arched an eyebrow. “Really?” Twilight took a big bite of the pear, looked away from the knowing gaze of her sister-in-law and chewed intently. Luna walked over and plucked a pear of her own from the bowl. “Twilight, do you remember when that magician’s hat came to life and turned Tia and I into rabbits?” Princess Twilight nodded, “You two hopped all the way from Canterlot and asked Fluttershy for help!” Luna nodded, “That’s true, we did. We came to Fluttershy because her talents made her uniquely suited to help us with our problem.” “Yeah, but..” “What about when some of my stars got lost in the night sky, and fell all over Equestria?” Twilight perked up, remembering, “You asked Rarity to help you find them with her gem finding spell!” Night Light chimed in as well. “And when I needed somepony to break that one bill collector’s knee caps, Shining Armor got a couple of his old school buddies and—” “What?” demanded Velvet “That never happened!” “I know,” he said with a shrug, “I just felt left out of the conversation.” Staring cautiously at Night Light, Luna finished thoughts. “My point, Twilight, is that friends help each other according to their abilities. You are fantastic at saving the world in your own special ways. But so are your friends. Cadence, here,” she said while pointing a hoof at the mare in question, “is the Princess of Love.” “Wait, is getting a date related to love?” asked Twilight, thinking back to the notes she took on dating and courtship. Love was mentioned sparingly in the articles she read, but nowhere near as frequently as the other elements of courtship. Like buying the right brand of mascara. Or memorizing pickup lines. “I mean, sure, if she’s willing to help me, I could use the help.” Cadence said nothing as she looked over at Shining Armor, cradling their little one as she made a mess of licking the butter off her bread. Silently, he nodded his head towards the door and threw Cadence a wink. She blew him a kiss and stood up, walking over to the front door with quick purpose. “Come on Twilight,” she said with grandiose determination. “Wait, where are we going?” asked Twilight, getting up and following tentatively. “What about the rest of the family? What about the party?” Cadence looked back, head held high. “We’re going to the spa!” Smarty Pants rubbed at the knot on top of her head, pouting as she sat on the Town Hall steps with her two best friends sitting beside her. All around them, ponies ran about the otherwise empty marketplace that wrapped around the Town Hall. They set up chairs, hung magenta stars along building facades, and decorated the large outdoor space like mares possessed, whipped into a frenzy by another familiar stranger. Above the three of them, a big yellow banner with the words Happy Birthday was hoisted into position by a pair of pegasi. An annoyed voice, evident with hurt in her words, called out. “What are you doing? What is this?” the voice asked, as a slightly shorter and definitely warmer Rarity came trotting to the base of the Town Hall steps. One of the pegasi shrugged. “We’re just getting the banne—” “You call that a banner?” asked Rarity. “It looks more like a glorified streamer. Take it back at once, and get a bigger one. Something that… Oh, I don’t know, glitters brightly?” The two ponies looked at each other, and then back at the overly picky unicorn. “But Rarity, w—” “Glitters Brightly!” she called out again. “Yes?” asked a nearby Crystal pony. Rarity turned with a smile. “Oh, thank heavens, there you are. Can you help me out? This banner needs a little something and I just can’t put my hoof on it.” Her good friend, and fellow gem aficionado from the Crystal Empire, rubbed her chin in thought. “Hmmm. Oh! Maybe, we can add some crystals!” Rarity rose up, wheeling her fore hooves in excitement. “Crystals! Oh Glitters, that’s perfect, I never would have thought of that. You two,” she said, pointing at the two pegasi who just stared back at her, flatly, “work with Ms. Brightly here okay? Princess Twilight is counting on all of us to…” She trailed off, staring in abject horror at what was happening over by the stage in mid-assembly. “ARE YOU USING GREEN!?” she shrieked, before running off at a full gallop towards the offending offenders. “What’s wrong with green?” Smarty Pants heard Sandy mutter under her breath. Smarty Pants reached over with a hoof and pulled her friend in close. “Nothing’s wrong with green,” she attested. “Green is a super fun color.” Movement to her right caught her attention, and Smarty Pants turned to watch Honeycrisp pull off and fish a hoof through her saddlebags. “So, I don’t know about you girls,” she said taking out a small piece of paper, “but I wanna go home.” Smarty Pants gasped, remembering the whole reason why they were stuck here in the distant past. Discord’s crazy treasure hunt. As soon as they got all the items, Discord said he would take them back to the present. Sandy flicked off her own set of bags with fidgety dexterity, and produced her list. “I still need both my items. A rubber chicken and Scorpan’s Medallion.” Honecrisp looked up from the two items in her hoof. “Who’s medallion?” “Scorpan? I guess?” looking at her red-maned earth pony friend, “What’s a Scorpan?” Smarty Pants closed her eyes, rubbing still tender spot on her head in thought. “I don’t know. I’ve never heard of a Scorpan before.” “Wait, you don’t know?” asked Honeycrisp, incredulously. “You, the all-knowing Smarty Pants, don’t know?” Smarty Pants rolled her eyes, not taking the bait. “Well thanks to Fluttershy, I’ve got this spool of thread. I still need Wonderbolt badge, though.” “Nice,” said Sandy with a gentle grin. “We’ve got three of our items, so we’re halfway there.” A playful squeal from across the square caught the three girl’s attentions, and they watched as Pinkie Pie, bounced off towards a new group of ponies carrying more supplies for the party. Smarty Pants let out a quavering sigh. A red hoof scuffed Smarty Pants across the shoulder. “Hay, what’s wrong? You’re all quiet and sad ‘n stuff.” The earth pony looked up at her unicorn cousin, and offered a half-hearted smile before standing up and taking a step back. Her two friends turned to face her, their concern written plainly across their young faces. “When I was younger, when I was just starting out as Princess Twilight’s personal student, she told me all about my family history.” She gestured with a hoof beyond the two of them and sweeping it wide across the bustling crowd. “All the way back to this time. She told me that Fluttershy and Big Mac would get together and have twenty three kids.” “Twenty three kids!” shouted Honeycrisp, who quickly covered her mouth with her hooves, before glancing over her shoulder at the nearby ponies who had briefly stopped to stare at her. “Yeah. Anyway, you and I?” she said, pointing at Honeycrisp, “We’re both descended from the two of them.” “Oh. Oh! Is that why I feel funny when I first saw Fluttershy?” Sandy pouted to herself, “I didn’t feel any-” “I think so,” interjected Smarty Pants. “Though I’m not sure why. I never felt that sort of connection with Gram Gram Crazy Pants.” “Well, shoot, Pants, that’s great!” cheered Honeycrisp, as loudly as she dared, “But why are you sad about being related to a pair of awesome ponies?” Smarty Pants’ ears laid flat against her wavy mane, betraying her concern. “Okay, so… It turns out that I’m not just descended from Fluttershy and Big Mac.” Sandy and Honeycrisp shared a look. “Who else?” “Pinkie Pie and her husband.” “Oh, I don’t think I like Pinkie Pie, all that much” admitted Sandy, flapping her wings against her sides. Smarty Pants frowned, “I like Pinkie Pie.” “She’s not a bad pony,” Sandy offered as an apology of sorts, waving her forehooves. “It’s just that, she’s so loud and random.” “She’s not that random,” Smarty Pants refuted in frail argument. “Okay Pants, so I’m still not seeing what’s got you down here,” said Honeycrisp flatly. “In all of Princess Twilight’s stories, Pinkie Pie just sort of… knew what was going to happen to her.” “What do you mean?” “Well like… Okay, so her husband? She’s just gonna walk up to him one spring day, kiss him full on the lips, and tell him they’re gonna get married while he’s in the middle of throwing a big fancy party in Canterlot.” “I am?” asked a bubbly voice from behind her. Smarty Pants nodded, “Mhm, and you remember Empress Rarity’s story from last week… about…” Smarty Pants, eyes wide, turned slowly on the spot, staring right into Pinkie’s own blue eyes. The older mare’s face was scrunched up in thought. “Rarity’s an Empress?” Rarity’s haughty voice called out from the middle of the crowd in some frustration. “Pinkie Pie? Has anypony seen Pinkie Pie? She was supposed to help with the party favors.” Pinkie Pie hopped passed the girls and down the stairs. “Coming, your highness!”. Sandy, visibly panicked, squeaked and huddled low, covering her head with her shaking wings. “Oh no, we told her something about the future. She k-knows! This is like the tea cup right? Did we break the world?” Smarty Pants didn’t answer, instead she found herself hiding her face behind her mane. Something she hadn’t done since she was a filly. Huffing at her own childishness, she sat up right to answer her friend. But Honeycrisp beat her to it. “This is like the tea cup, Sandy,” she said with the dawning of truth on her face. “But the tea cup was supposed to break.” Honeycrisp locked eyes with her cousin. “The tea cup was supposed to break. Pinkie Pie is supposed to know.” Smarty Pants nodded. “And we’re supposed to tell her?” Smarty Pants nodded again. Silence filled the space between them, until Smarty Pants felt her friend returning her earlier hug, in earnest. Honeycrisp cleared her throat, and the two friends broke their hug. “So, we already told Pinkie Pie about her future just now, right? We can just get the last three items for Discord, and then go home, yeah?” Smarty Pants smiled. Maybe that was all there was too it. Maybe she didn’t need to tell Pinkie Pie anything else. Maybe all that was left was the three keys and finding Discord. She walked back over to her original spot on the steps between the two best friends a filly could ask for, in this or any time. “Yeah,” she said looking out at the crowd. “Maybe we can.” The sound of her cousin rooting through her saddlebags caught the earth pony’s attention. She watched as the farm filly pulled out an apple. Honeycrisp noticed her cousin’s attention and offered her the fruit with a smile. “Ugh. No thanks.” This answer didn’t sit well with Honeycrisp. “What the hay do you mean ‘no thanks?’” Smarty Pants rolled her head to the left and then to the right, stretching the sore muscles in her withers. “You try moving a hundred cider barrels in an afternoon. Then tell me all about how much you wanna eat an apple.” Honeycrisp shrugged, and was about to take a bite, when Sandy spoke up from Smarty’s left side. “I’ll take one, I’m starving.” Honeycrisp tossed her the apple, and the lime green pegasus caught it. She took a big bite out of the fruit, fidgeting happily. “Oh wow,” she exclaimed. “This apple is so good!” “Should be, I bucked it out of the tree all by myself. With magic!” Smarty Pants looked back at her cousin as she pulled another apple out of her bag and took a bite. And okay, yeah. It did look pretty good. Sorta tasty, if you’re into delicious fruit. Honeycrisp took another big, juicy bite, and the crispness of the apple was made apparent in her gleeful chewing. Smarty Pants felt her tummy rumble and she looked away, back into the crowd with an angry-at-herself scowl. A round something fell into her lap, and she looked down, surprised at the fiery orange-red orb with a brown stem that sat there. She looked over at Sandy, who grinned wide as she chewed on her apple, giggling impishly. Smarty looked back to her cousin, who was now sitting with her back to the two of them, eating her apple and kicking her hooves against the wooden steps they sat upon. Smarty Pants picked up the apple and took a bite, and the flavor filled her senses like a shock. Of course she’d eaten an apple before. But this? There was something to this one. It had a warm tingle to the skin, but the inside was crisp, cool, and juicy. And it tasted more like an apple than any apple should taste. Savoring the sensation as she took another bite, she leaned to her right against her cousin’s back, closing her eyes. “Thanks,” she said. Honeycrisp turned with a smile. She was about to say something, but Sandy asked a question first. “I thought you said that Pinkie Pie was gonna kiss her future husband at a party in Canterlot.” Smarty Pants looked to her left and nodded, “that’s what Princess Twilight told me.” Sandy, still chewing but with a puzzled look on her face, pointed out to the southern edge of the crowd. Smarty Pants followed the hoof with her eyes, until they came to rest on her really great-great grandmother, wrapped up in the hooves of a tall earth pony stallion with curly brown mane. “Who loves ya, baby?!” asked the happy stallion, waggling his eyebrows. Pinkie Pie giggled back in response, “It’s my Squeezy Cheesy!” And then they kissed.