The Human Condition

by Gilded Tome


Drained: 13

Andrew lay face up on a bed, eyes closed and his hair disheveled. His skin was pale, barely a few shades darker than the eggshell painted walls that surrounded him. His breath was slow and raspy, the sound of a man on the precipice of being too weak to breathe. A single pony, Fluttershy, watched him with worry and anxiety clear on her face. Every once in a while she would look around, to the door and then to the window, before returning to her vigil. Finally a second pony, Twilight Sparkle, entered in from the open hospital door, carrying a small stack of books.

“Hey Flutters, I’m back.” The unicorn announced. “Any change?”

“I think he whispered something a few minutes ago.” Fluttershy answered. “But I couldn’t understand it.”

Twilight gave a loud sigh and a shake of her head, before setting the pile of books she was carrying down on a nearby table and making her way to Fluttershy and Andrew.

“Thanks for watching him Flutters, I know you were busy. Me and Applejack watched him all night, and for once Spike couldn’t find Rarity.”

“Oh that’s okay Twilight, the animals understood. But umm… what’s wrong with him… what happened?” Fluttershy asked. “I wanted to ask when I first got here but…”

“Oh! Yeah sorry, I was a bit frantic before I left. I had just realized I hadn’t sent a message to the princess yet. ” Twilight began to explain after she apologized. “He cast an incredibly powerful foal spell, making a branch disappear, replacing it with that.”

Twilight pointed to a baseball bat that was leaning in the corner of the room.

“There was so much energy being thrown around it made me dizzy almost thirty meters away, even though I was inside the house.”

“The spell magically exhausted him way worse than Princess Luna was the other day.” The unicorn explained. “His magical storage is completely empty and his mana pathways are heavily drawn. To be honest if he had been a pony… it might have killed him. The only thing he has going for him is that he didn’t strain his magic focal point like Princess Luna did.”

“Oh no… that’s terrible!” Fluttershy said, worriedly looking back to the frail looking human. “Is he going to be alright?”

“The doctor said there is no reason he shouldn’t make a full recovery…” Twilight said as she put a hoof on her friend’s back, watching the human take shallow breaths. “But he admitted he couldn’t be sure because he had obviously never treated a human before. The princesses replied when I was gone and they agree that he should be fine, but to keep them informed of any changes. Princess Luna is rushing through her tasks to get here as soon as she can.”

A long silence stretched over the three, continuing as Twilight left her friends side to retrieve one of the books she had brought. She sat down by the table and opened up one of the books. Soon the silence was only punctuated by the turning pages of Twilight’s reading and the occasionally deeper than normal breath from Andrew. After a while Fluttershy’s gaze drifted to the bat that was leaning against the corner.

“So umm… Any idea what it is?” she asked while pointing to what she could only see as a peculiar wooden rod.

“Well… on the surface it’s a hunk of maple wood that is filled with so much of Andrew’s magic it practically hurts to levitate.” Twilight responded, looking in the direction of her friends hoof. “Applejack, Big Mac and Rainbow Dash all claimed it’s a ‘Baseball bat’, which apparently is used in a sport Andrew was describing. It has his name inscribed on it, as well as a string of burnt on symbols I don’t recognize on the thicker end. I did some scans and it shows some hallmarks of being magically fabricated, but the interference is making it very hard to pin that theory down for sure.”

“Oh… so you think he made it?”

“Well…It’s the most likely answer, but the question is why did it take so much of his energy? And how is it holding on to it? After it was finished being built, the magic should have dissipated away or returned to him.”

Twilight continued to stare at the human for a minute or so, shaking her head. She re-opened her book, studying up on magical exhaustion and possible complications, while Fluttershy once again returned her gaze to the human.


Time passed, enough so that the sun shone through the west facing window as it began its slow descent. Fluttershy left to return to her cottage after her rabbit, Angel, stopped by to retrieve her. In the end, the small bunny practically dragged Fluttershy away to feed him and the other animals. After she left, Twilight continued to scan through her books, two or three having been set aside, already done. She was half way through one when she heard a long, soft groan from the bed. She quickly hopped to her hooves, rushing to the side of the bed. Andrew was struggling to force himself to a sitting position.

“Whoa Andrew, no reason to get up, take it easy!” She warned, pushing the human back down gently.

Andrew put up very little resistance, falling back from the little progress he had actually made. Twilight helped him slide back, leaning against a stack of pillows. When he was finally propped up, he rubbed his throat and coughed.

“Water?” He asked in a gravely and quiet voice

“Yes of course! Hold on!”

Twilight quickly levitated over a pitcher of water and a cup that had been resting in the corner and poured some of the liquid. She glided the cup to Andrew, who gingerly took it. He took small, paced sips until the cup was empty. Twilight poured another glass, which Andrew drank half of before putting it down on the nightstand beside the bed.

“Ugh… what is going on, where am I?” He asked in a hoarse and quiet voice, clearly confused. “Why do I feel like I got hit by a truck… and it gave me six different kinds of the flu?”

“You had an accident.” Twilight explained, trying to be as comforting as possible. “You’re in the hospital, but you’re gonna be fine.”

“Oh… okay.” He said as he slowly looked around, still a bit dazed. “What happened?”

“You cast another foal spell.”

“What? What did I do!?” He asked, his eyes wide with worry.

“Don’t worry, you didn’t hurt anypony. You didn’t even do any property damage.” She replied quickly, reassuring the human. “As for what you did…”

Twilight trailed of and made her way the corner, picking up the bat with her teeth. She carried it to the wide eyed human, dropping it lightly in his lap. Andrew looked down at the wooden bat, then looked at Twilight.

“Where… Where did you get this?”

“I pulled it out of your hands after you collapsed last night.”

“Collapsed? I don’t remember- oh wait no… now I do.” Andrew shook his head in an attempt to shake out the cobwebs, only succeeding in making himself dizzy. “Jesus Christ I feel like death! What the hell did I do?”

“Well… I’m not sure exactly, but I think you either made this…” Twilight explained, poking the bat with her hoof. “Or something.”

“Or something? Not very specific Twilight.” Andrew asked with a raised eyebrow, before looking back down at the bat “Vagueness aside… It’s my bat, but it also can’t be my bat. It doesn’t make any sense. ”

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Twilight agreed, clearly annoyed. “It seems like you can’t walk out your front door without doing something random and unexplainable. It’s driving me crazy!”

“Well…what can I say, I’m a mystery wrapped in an enig-” Andrew started to joke, absentmindedly putting his hand on the bat, instantly halting his sentence. “Holy shit what was that!?”

Andrew immediately jerked his hand back as if the bat had shocked him. His sudden shout startled Twilight, who quickly recovered.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“The bat… it feels really weird…” Andrew explained as he gingerly reached down and lifted the bat, shaking his head as he held it in his hands. “It’s… me?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Twilight said with a confused shake of her head. “It’s you…?”

“It… feels like me… like an extension of my arm.”

“Huh…. That actually kinda makes sense.” Twilight said, tapping her chin with a hoof.

“Seriously? How the fuck does that make sense?”

“Well it’s holding a large amount of your magic. ” She explained. “It makes sense that it would feel like it’s part of you because when enough magic is stored in something, feeling connected to the pony who’s magic is stored is actually a common phenomenon.”

Twilight had started pacing halfway through her first sentence, walking around in a small oval as she talked. Andrew watched her pace, nodding his head a she began to lecture.

“Because the magic came from you, doubly so because it happened so recently, it’s still your magic. Everyone’s magic is different, like horn spirals or feather angles. Externally projected magic is literally colored by our personalities. So when you put so much of your magic into an object, it’s easy to misinterpret the sensation. ”

“Right, okay. That makes sense I suppose…” Andrew said as he held the bat up right. “So… how much of my magic is inside it?”

“Umm… almost all of it.” Twilight answered with a wince. “Seriously, it almost completely drained you.”

“...I’m gonna go ahead and assume that is really bad?”

“Really, really bad.” Twilight corrected. “Originally I assumed it was just left over charge from an insanely inefficient foal spell, but it hasn’t dissipated at all. Is there anything special about bats? Something that would allow you to store energy in them?”

“No, it’s basically just wood.” Andrew replied. “Why? I thought you said storing magic inside something is normal.”

“It’s primarily only done with gems.” She explained. “And only high quality gems at that. A highly skilled and patient enchanter could store magic inside of some types of precious metals, but not very much.”

“Meaning…?”

“Meaning that what you’re holding shouldn’t be possible. If I funneled that much energy into any type of wood it would either burst into flames, or the magic would leak out… explosively. Probably both. But instead, it’s holding every erg of magic it could take…”

Andrew looked back to the bat, suddenly a lot less happy to be holding it. Twilight was lost in thought for a minute or to, before looking back to the human.

“Is it actually your bat, the one you lost?”

“Not a chance.” Andrew said confidently with a shake of his head. He slid the bat down in his hands to examine the symbols on the end of it. “Ignoring this weird looking stuff at the end, it’s too big. I was pretty young when my mother bought the original, which means I would have grown out of it by now. This is an adult sized bat, perfect for someone my height now, not two feet and ten years shorter.”

“So that means you did make it… probably.” Twilight thought out loud, add the final part unhappily. “I really hope we start getting some answers soon. Hopefully Princess Luna will arrive with some from the brainstorming meeting they had…”

“Any word as to when she is gonna get here?” He asked.

“Nope. Not that you should be focused on that anyway.” Twilight answered. “All you need to worry about is staying calm and resting.”

Andrew groaned under his breath as he leaned forward, pushing himself upright. Twilight once again jumped to keep him from moving, but he waived her off.

“Andrew, you shouldn’t be doing that.”

“I’m fine, a bit tired but fine.” He assured her. “Do me a favor and go get a doctor so I can check out.”

“No Andrew, you shouldn’t be moving around. Lay back down and get-”

Andrew cut her off with a wave of his hand, his feet firmly planted on the floor. He pushed off from the bed, standing slowly. There was a slight wobble in his legs, but he remained upright.

“See? No problem!” He gloated. “Now, let’s get the hell o-”

Andrew was cut off as he took a step forward, and his legs immediately gave out. His hands shot out to stop his fall, but the angle of the fall yanked him out of reach of anything to grab. Instead he slammed onto the ground, smacking his head on the wooden floors. His mind was quickly swallowed by blackness.


Andrew scratched at the bandage that was now wrapped around his head, trying to keep the cloth from tickling his ear every time he turned his head. His main focus, however, was on the book that was resting on his legs. Rainbow Dash, who was now sitting in a chair against the wall reading her own book, had brought it for him. She had arrived around lunch time, placing the book in his lap, and promised it would keep him from getting bored. Andrew was happy to have something to distract him from the headache, and the book wasn’t half bad. His reading was interrupted though, by a nurse knocking on the door.

“Andrew, Mayor Mare is here to see you.” She announced. “Along with Quill Well.”

“Hmmm… well I’m kinda busy but I could probably fit them in.” He joked, putting the book down on the table beside the bed.

The nurse nodded, moving aside to let the two ponies in. Mayor Mare was first, walking past the nurse and smiling at Andrew. Next was a smaller framed unicorn stallion with a short cut mane and an even shorter cut tail. He was light brown clayish color, his hair a golden tan. He had a red saddle bag strapped to his back, which was stamped with a logo of a horseshow and a wrapped up newspaper.

“Hello Andrew, how are you feeling?” Mayor asked, making her way to his bed. “Twilight came by this morning and explained what happened.”

“I’m feeling much better.” He assured her with a smile. “Though the doctor said I’ll probably be bed ridden for at least another day. I was lucky though, I didn’t strain my magical doohickey in my hand, so my magic is fine.”

“Well that’s good, I’m glad you’re feeling better. And Hello Rainbow Dash, I almost didn’t see you there.” She said with a smile and a wave to Rainbow Dash. “Oh, but where are my manners? This is Quill Well. He is a journalist from the Ponyville Express.”

The older pony gestured to the unicorn, who walked forward to the bedridden human.

“Ponyville Express… Isn’t that the name of the rail station?” Andrew asked with a raised eyebrow, lifting his hand to the stallion.

“Yes, but we had it first.” He explained with a grin, shaking the human’s hand. “Now Mayor said that you’d like to get your story around town?”

Andrew looked a bit confused, turning to Mayor Mare. She caught his look and quickly nodded.

“I think the best way for you to be accepted by the ponies of Ponyville is if they all know your story.” She explained. “After all, it’s much harder to be scared of something after you get to know them.”

Andrew thought for a moment, eventually nodding his head in approval.

“I guess that would probably work.” Andrew agreed, a bit hesitantly. “I just don’t want too much attention. I’m not a celebrity, I’m just lost.”

“I think we can definitely get that message across.” Quill Well assured him as he levitated his saddle bag to the table, taking out a notepad, a quill and a camera. “Some simple questions about you, some back ground information about your people, and then some silly stuff like your favorite flavor of ice cream, filler like that. Enough to let everypony know your just like everypony else.”

“Okay, that doesn’t sound too bad.” Andrew agreed. “How much do you know already?”

“Just a few things that Mayor Mare knew….which was surprisingly little…” He whispered to Andrew with a joking grin.

“I heard that Quill.” Mayor Mare said with a roll of her eyes. “If that’s all, I shall leave you two alone to chat. Rainbow Dash?”

“Uhhh… Yes Mayor?” Rainbow Dash responded, hesitantly looking away from her book.

“If you’d come with me, I would like to discuss a certain crater that showed up a few days ago by the bridge…?

Rainbow Dash looked nervous and solemnly got up, neatly closing her book before following the elder mare out. She closed the door behind herself, leaving Andrew alone with the stallion. Quill Well made his was to Andrews bed, now holding his notepad and his quill in his magic.

“Now... Andrew, let’s start off with some background information about yourself. How old you are, where you were born. That kind of stuff.”

“Well… I was born in Austin, Texas.” Andrew started, explaining further when Quill Well looked confused. “I’m not from around here… as in not from this planet… We think. To be honest nobody really has any idea how I got here. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna even Twilight Sparkle were all pretty stumped by it. But yeah, Austin is a city from where I’m from.”

Quill well nodded, scribbling down what Andrew said before looking back up when he had finished.

“These days Boston, Massachusetts is my home, another city on the east coast of America, the country that both Texas and Massachusetts are a part of. I’ve lived there for about 6 months, which is actually pretty long by my standards. I’m kinda a drifter.”

“Why’s that?” Quill Well asked, attempting to pull more information from the usually private human.

“Well a few reasons actually. The biggest one is that no place has really ever felt like home. I lost my mother when I was fifteen, so I was bounced around foster care. Moving around comes naturally I guess.”

Quill Well’s eyes become sad, but Andrew waved his sympathies off before he could voice them.

“It’s okay, really. It was ten years ago, I’ve had plenty of time to recover.”

Quill nodded at Andrews assurances. “So tell me a little about humans in general, a whole new intelligent species is pretty interesting.”

“Well… Humans are just like ponies as far as I can see. Maybe a bit more focused on the individual, rather than the whole picture, but other than that… Just like ponies we are capable of amazing and beautiful things, but there are bad eggs too.”

“Of course, no species is perfect after all.” Quill Well agreed, still writing things down. “Mayor Mare said something about you having magic. Is it true? Are you really Princess Luna’s personal student?”

“Kinda sorta yeah. It has nothing to do with my skill though, not like how Twilight became Princess Celestia’s protégé. My magic is pretty useless on a good day, and Luna doesn’t think anyone else could handle me. I’m uncharted territory I guess.”

“Really?” Quill asked. “I’m sure you’re not that bad.”

“The way Twilight explained it is that I have the power of a full grown unicorn, but the control of a child. Or a foal I guess. So if I’m not paying attention or I get startled I can cast spells by accident. They tend to go pretty wrong to.” Andrew explained, gesturing to the hospital bed he was laying in. “But basically, as long as no one tries to scare me, it will be fine. Hopefully when Luna gets here and we start training that won’t even be a problem. ”

“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the elements. You have some important friends.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky to have them. I’m obviously having some trouble integrating, so having them here is awesome.”

“Alright Andrew, why don’t we move on from the serious stuff for a bit.” Quill Wells said as he flipped his notepad to a new page. “How about we talk about some stuff you like. For example, what’s your favorite food?”

The questions went on for another hour or so, switching from simple things like whether he preferred orange juice with or without pulp, to more serious questions about his sudden arrival at Ponyville. By the time Quill Well began packing up, the slowly setting sun was visible through the window.

“I’m sorry I took up so much of your time.” Quill Well apologized. “But that was one of the more enjoyable interviews I’ve ever had. Shall we end with a photo for the article?”

“Yeah sure, try and get my good side too.” Andrew joked as Quill Well levitated the camera in front of him.

Andrew neatened his hair, suddenly nervous. He coughed and forced a reasonable smile before nodding to Quill Well, who snapped the photo. The flash was incredibly bright, Andrew rubbed his eyes and blinked.

“Well alright.” Quill Well said as he tucked his camera into his saddle bag. “If nothing goes wrong the article will be out on Wednesday’s publication.”

“Thanks Quill Well, I really appreciate this.”

“It’s my pleasure.” The unicorn walked to Andrew’s side, sticking out his hoof. “And please call me Quill.”

“Will do!” Andrew happily replied, shaking his hoof. “Have a nice night.”

The pony left the room with a final wave, which Andrew returned until the door closed behind him. He had been awake for a while now, considering the condition he was in, and he was beginning to get very tired. With a content sigh he slid down the bed, closing his eyes and quickly falling asleep.