//------------------------------// // You, Me, the Dashie Makes Three // Story: Ynanhluutr // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// “Hot damn!” Bard grinned as Wildcard flew back to his level. They met in the clouds high above Rust. “Guess one of us still knows how to save the day!” The griffon struggled to catch his breath, gesturing with his metal talon while he held Echo with the other. “Well, yeah, we butted heads a few moments ago,” Bard said. “But I ain't fixin' to beat her pretty skull in!” Wildcard snapped his beak, swiping at the air with angry digits. “'Cuz ain't no profit to be made in kickin' the teeth out of mares who dun deserve it!” Bard frowned. “I just think yer gettin' yer feathers ruffled as always, partner!” The griffon was ready to retort when a loud whistling noise issued from below. Both Desperadoes looked past their dangling limbs. A prismatic streak rocketed their way. “Shiet...” Bard cursed. “She's like our dayum shadow or somethin'!” Clakka-clakka-clak! He extended his staff and pointed at the griffon. “Better make this a flashy exit, ya reckon?” Wildcard nodded. He adjusted his grip of the struggling Echo, reached deep into his satchel, and pulled out a metal pellet. “Alley oop!” Bard was already swinging his staff like a golf club. Wildcard tossed it. Clank! Bard knocked the grenade straight downward. Within a blink, both mercenaries sailed off, plowing through a thick white cloud. Down below, Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth against the biting winds. Rarity gasped. “A metal object! Incoming!” “It's enchanted with a photonic spell!” Twilight squeaked. “Shut your eyes—!” “Thanks!” Rainbow hollered, clenching her eyes shut and twirling to the side. POWWW! A bright flash of light exploded right next to the mare. Even with her lids shut, Rainbow felt the furious glowing lines stabbing at her vision. “Gughhhh...” Rainbow shook the pain away and squinted forward. “That would have knocked me out for sure.” “These rogues certainly are crafty,” Rarity said. “Yeah, but they're also chumps,” Rainbow grumbled, her gaze searching the clouds. “Trust me. I once went head to head with a bounty hunter who was worth over five hundred of these try-hards combined.” “Be that as it may, they've still gotten away with our precious sarosian,” Rarity said. “Oh no they haven't.” Rainbow glanced aside. “Egghead?” Twilight was already pointing. “Three o'clock! Up high!” She gulped. “The sensation's faint. I-I'm afraid they've made a good distance!” “They can't friggin' outfly the wind.” FWOOOSH! Rainbow shot like a blue bullet into the clouds. “Keep your soul eyes peeled!” The air around her thundered as she effortlessly broke several speed barriers. Echo's leafy ears twitched. Wildcard saw it. Beak squirming, he looked worriedly at Bard and gestured with his free talon. “Pffft... will ya relax?” Bard smirked. The two mercenaries coasted over the top of a lengthy bed of clouds, soaring northeast. “It's an easy twelve hour flight to Mudtop! Our clients will be meeting us there!” Wildcard's metal talons clicked and clattered. “Look, so some random daredevil gave us a lil' tussle,” Bard said. He adjusted his hat and stared dead ahead. “It'll make for a sassy tale to tell once we're both handsomely paid and lyin' belly-full in—” Poof! Rainbow burst up out of the cloud bed ahead of them, trailing fluffy mist. “—shiet!” Bard braked in mid-air while Wildcard bumped into his flank. “Httt!” Rainbow twirled, kicked one body of mist at him, spun again, then launched a second cloudy projectile. Bard dodged the first wave of froth. Frowning, he swung his staff and smashed the other to bits. As the cloudy mist cleared, Rainbow came barreling through, hoof first. POW! “Ooof!” Bard spun three times from the blow, falling limply. Rainbow Dash ripped past him, spiraled, and charged Wildcard head on. Wildcard switched talons and blocked Rainbow's attack with his metal talon. He gripped her limb tightly. Then, with a spark of mana, the prosthetic spun completely around on its base. Wildcard used the new grip to effortlessly fling Rainbow behind him. Rainbow twirled, contacted a cloud with her hooves, and sprung back towards the griffon. She saw her angry muzzle reflected in his goggled lenses—and then she saw nothing but Bard's face. WHUMP! The stallion pressed against her with the length of his metal staff. Together, the two went sprawling through the lower atmosphere, twirling between thick cloudbanks. “Rrrrgh!” Rainbow snarled, struggling for the dominant grip of his weapon. “Ya could have just flown away from this, darlin'!” Bard hollered as the blue world rippled past them. “Dun ya know that there's plenty of fish in the sea?!” “That's some pretty stuffy proverb, coming from a winged blowfish!” Rainbow hollered. “Yer cute.” Bard winked. “Unfortunately, t'ain't no kindergarten game!” With a growl, he used his strength to swing Rainbow around. Unbeknownst to her, they were gliding up the vertical side of an anvil cloud. Throwing all his weight against the staff, he grinded her pegasus muzzle against the edge of the compact storm cloud as they soared upwards. TH-TH-TH-THWWWOOSH! Rainbow's cheek grew red and sore from the misty friction. “Rrrrgghhh!” She gritted her teeth, buckling under his weight. “Lights out.” Bard reared his front right hoof up to knock her out. “Bright idea.” She lunged her neck forward, clamped her teeth over the brow of his hat, then yanked it down over his eyes. “Augh!” Bard fumbled, blind. “Dog gone it—” WHAM! Rainbow uppercutted him with a savage kick. He went flying off—staff and all—and she was already swooping down towards the location of his griffon partner. Wildcard hovered calmly in place, watching her incoming charge. “I... don't like the fact that he's waiting for us,” Rarity murmured as she and Twilight glided along. “Shhhh...” Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “...this guy's always got something up his sleeve.” Sure enough, Wildcard spontaneously tossed Echo straight up into the air. “Mrmrmmmmfff!” Rainbow looked up, gawking. “Rainbow!” Twilight shouted, pointing straight ahead. Rainbow followed the gesture. Wildcard unsheathed both nightsticks, spun twice, and flung them violently at the mare. “Careful—!” Rarity began. “I see 'em!” Rainbow twirled left and then right, nimbly dodging both projectiles. Th-Thwisssh! She evened out, panting. “Hah!” The mare grinned. “Whatcha got now—?!” Wildcard quietly held his metal talon out. The clawed tips glowed bright blue. “Rainbowwwwww...” Twilight looked behind them. “Huh?” Rainbow turned around to see the double nightsticks returning, magnetically attracted at twice the speed. WHANGGG! One slammed into her ribs, sending her into a wild spin. WHACK! The other struck her flank, causing her to topple over and over like a club. Cl-Clap! Wildcard caught both clubs, then held his other arm out in time to catch Echo on the return. “Mrmmmmmfff!” Thwpp! The griffon then stretched a lazy paw out, stopping Rainbow's dizzy body in place just in time for— “FORE!” Bard came sailing down with a massive swing of his staff. WHAMMM! Rainbow Dash dropped like a heavy stone. Somewhere amidst the throttling pain, she caught her bearings, then spread all four limbs out. She landed on a flat cloudbed two hundred feet below. The misty surface undulated, then shot her back skyward like a spring. Wildcard's goggles rattled. “Oh for cryin' out loud—” Bard couldn't finish his sentence. Rainbow uppercutted him, sprung off his body, then landed a kick in Wildcard's feathery chest. The griffon flew off, letting go of Echo. “Mrmmmfff—!” “Gotcha!” Rainbow stammered, grasping the Sarosian's shoulders. She heard a loud yell and spotted Bard rushing in at her side. Gnashing her teeth, she flung the shrieking bat pony skyward, spun, hurdled over Bard's flank, then dove for Echo's body— WHAM! Wildcard speared her, knocking the two of them against a bordering cloudbank. Meanwhile, Echo plummeted yet again. “I got 'em!” Bard dove after the body while the two other combatants duked it out above. “Rrrrrgh!” Rainbow Dash wrestled her way to the griffon's backside, throwing his neck into a vicious limb-lock. “Somepony should put a friggin' bell on you—!” Struggling, Wildcard wrapped his tail twice around Rainbow Dash's and pulled heavily. “Whoah—!” Rainbow Dash flipped off of him and toppled towards the clouds below. In mid-swing, however, she caught the air with her wings and then tugged on her tail, swinging the hapless griffon hard into a misty bank. WHUD! “Hah!” Rarity hollered. “You're not the only one with tail talent!” “They can't hear your taunts Rarity,” Twilight said. “Well, forgive me for getting in the spirit of things—Aaaiie!” Both spectres yelped as Rainbow Dash plunged again. Meanwhile... “Hah!” Bard caught Echo by his tail, hoisting him up into a gentle hover. “'Bout lost our bits that time!” He felt a shadow crossing over him, and he looked up. “Oh come on!” WHACK! Rainbow dropped hard on the stallion. Already preparing for Echo's next plunge, she dove off Bard's shoulders like a springboard and flew after the batpony. Within seconds, a griffon was gripping her from behind. “Aaaaugh! Luna poop!” She snarled and punched him repeatedly, only for Bard to grasp her from the other side. “Learn a new tune, ya Celestia-darn melon fudges! Grrrghhh!” The three wrestled and struggled, hurling seaward after Echo's body like a conjoined missile.