//------------------------------// // Act I: Part IV // Story: Cupcakes: The Musical // by SweeneyXoz //------------------------------// Exterior of the library/mansion Applejack carefully approaches the exterior of the mansion once again and sees the window is open. Fluttershy is staring longingly at the world, her face stained with tears. Applejack is out of her view so she doesn't take notice of the pony wishing she could help somehow. She begins to express her fears. Fluttershy She means to become my girlfriend, What shall I do? I feel so scared. Applejack I have a plan. Fluttershy Then again, it might not be so bad At least for life, I'll be prepared. Applejack I have a plan! Fluttershy Oh, dear. Was that a noise? Applejack A plan! Fluttershy Some kind of scary beast? Applejack A plan! Fluttershy It couldn't be! She left to pray, Before court today. Still, that was a noise... Wasn't it a noise? I must be crazy... Applejack (in frustration) Listen to me! Fluttershy Oh, miss. Applejack Yes, miss. Fluttershy Oh, miss. If she should become my girlfriend, That would be weird, She's like my mom. Applejack We flee tonight. Fluttershy Right now, it's Friday. In two days She will bed me, I can't stay calm Applejack We flee tonight. Fluttershy Right under the floor! Applejack Tonight. Fluttershy Think I heard some more! Applejack Tonight! Fluttershy / Applejack It was the door! / I'm at your door. It's the door! / It ain't the door, Wait, do we have a door? / No one's at the door. We always have before! / If you'd just be quiet and-- Wait, there's another click, / -- I must have heard that-- / Listen to me! Fluttershy Of course. Applejack Listen to me! Fluttershy We leave tonight? Applejack The plan is made! Fluttershy Oh, miss! Applejack So just listen to me! Fluttershy I feel a fright. Applejack Don't be afraid! Fluttershy / Applejack I think I / Tonight I'll Love you, even as I / Steal Saw you, even as you / You First appeared before my / Fluttershy! Eyes and stole my heart. / -- I'll steal you... Applejack Then would you marry me Monday, So you'll be safe? Fluttershy Oh, I'd love to! Applejack St. Bart's at noon. Fluttershy / Applejack I thought for sure that my whole life / -- Would be for naught, until you came / -- I thought you'd gone away, / Oh, miss! And left this town today, / Come with me, come with me, miss! To look for gold, / And marry me Monday! On the plains, / Favor me, favor me Or you were in jail, / With your hoof! Came down with the plague, / Promise! Gone on the river again, / Marry me, marry me, please! Arrested by the-- / I'll keep you safe! Fluttershy Kiss me! Applejack Look how you glow! Fluttershy Quickly! Applejack Let's take it slow! Fluttershy Kiss me! Applejack Alright! Fluttershy Kiss me! Oh, miss... Fluttershy: (sighs happily) You're going to love me... Applejack: Now, uh, about that key? Fluttershy: Huh? Oh, right. I don't have one, but she keeps a spare under the welcome mat. Applejack: (shocked) But, I-- Okay... Applejack gives one last look at the window before she leaves for Pinkie Pie's shop to seek her help. Interior of Ponyville's town hall Twilight Sparkle presides with little interest over a trial. In the room are several councilors, too fearful to speak up and the defendant: a snoring Granny Smith. At Twilight's side is Rainbow Dash, trying to keep her on task. Twilight Sparkle: Therefore, by the power vested in me, I know pronounce you-- Rainbow Dash: (nudges and whispers to Twilight) It's not that kind of court proceeding. Twilight Sparkle: Oh? Divorce? Rainbow Dash shakes her head. Twilight Sparkle: Lawsuit? Another shake. Twilight Sparkle: Crime? Rainbow Dash finally nods. Twilight Sparkle: What!? Crime in my town!? I'll have none of it. I am deeply sorry, uh... (looks at her papers) Mrs. Smith, but for crimes against the state, you force me to sentence you to hang by the neck until you are dead. May Celestia have mercy on your soul. Rainbow Dash smiles cruelly and picks up the old mare before carrying her out of the courtroom to her fate. Granny Smith: (wakes up) Wha? What's going on? I was just on the farm. Where am I? Twilight Sparkle: This court is adjourned. Exterior of Ponyville's town hall Rainbow Dash flies alongside Twilight as they exit the town hall. She is holding her sides laughing. Rainbow Dash: Oh, man! Did you see the look on her face? (imitating Granny Smith) "Show some respect for your elders!" Priceless! (notices Twilight isn't interested) Say, are you feeling okay? You seem a little out of it today. Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I just don't know, Rainbow Dash. Do you think justice really was served? I mean, we don't even know what her crime was. Rainbow Dash: Well, she fell asleep in court. There has to be some law against that. Twilight Sparkle: I'm not entirely sure. Rainbow Dash: Okay. Something is definitely wrong. You usually love sentences! Did your letter get rejected by Princess Celestia again? Twilight Sparkle: I'm afraid so. Rainbow Dash, I just don't know what to do anymore. I've looked through every book in my library a dozen times, spent countless hours watching and speaking with Fluttershy, and yet I've never learned a thing about friendship! But I've been thinking... Rainbow Dash: That makes one of us. Twilight Sparkle: I've been considering... enhancing my relationship with Fluttershy. Perhaps if we became closer, more... intimate, I might learn something worthwhile. Rainbow Dash: Hold on, now! If it's love you're talking about, we have some work to do. (flies in front of Twilight and blocks her way) Rainbow Dash Forgive me, Twilight, If I could speak, Twilight And offer, Twilight, some words. I'm well known for my critique, Twilight, And you're not looking your peak, Twilight. You look a bit like a geek, Twilight, And no pony likes a nerd. Believe me, it's not absurd. Twilight Sparkle: (looks down at her judges robes) A geek? Nerd? Confound it. What's the problem? Rainbow Dash Fillies and their sensitivities, Twilight! Have a certain sensibility. When a girl starts feeling, Sending your heart reeling. You simply use her gentility, Twilight! Unusual emotions they'll always have, Given their gentile proclivities, Against better judgment, Feelings they keep dormant. Fillies and their sensitivities, Twilight! Twilight Sparkle: Then what must I do? How do I win Fluttershy's heart!? Rainbow Dash Don't worry, Twilight, There is a place, Twilight, That sells delectable treats. It's quite easy to enlace, Twilight A filly's heart with such grace, Twilight, At a rather heightened pace, Twilight. Give her cakes she'd love to eat And your love will be complete. Twilight Sparkle: I suppose the fastest way to a pony's heart is through her stomach. So what is this place you're talking about? Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie's Capricious Confectionery. She has to be the most amazing baker I've ever seen. I'm sure she'd be happy to serve you. The two leave for Sweet Street. Interior of Pinkie Pie's shop Rarity steps through the door and approaches Pinkie Pie, who is wiping off her hacksaw with a cloth. Rarity: Don't get me wrong, that little dragon is adorable. But if he stays here much longer, he'll eat us out of house and home! When's Trixie getting back? Pinkie Pie: She won't be. Rarity: Oh. Well, that's a relief. I didn't particularly care for her-- (gasps) Pinkie! You didn't! Pinkie points to the ice box and Rarity carefully walks over to it. She opens it, seeing Trixie's corpse inside. Rarity: How horrible! I know she was a show-off, but what did she ever do to you? Pinkie Pie: (continues cleaning) She recognized me from the old days. Rarity: Ah. Blackmailed you, did she? Pinkie Pie: (confusedly) Blackmailed? I was just worried about the shop. Rarity: Fair enough. So long as you were thinking about us. (looking over the body) Yuck. Quite a shame, really. That was such a nice cape and hat, but all that blood. Ooh! (uses her magic to lift the gem off Trixie's cape) "Waste not, want not" I always say. (suddenly looks down) Although, I suppose Spike will want to eat this one, too. What are we going to do about him? Pinkie Pie: Just send him up. Rarity: Ms. P, he's just a baby dragon. There's no need to-- Pinkie Pie: Send him up! Rarity: Look, I know it's revenge your after and even though the thought of baking ponies into cupcakes-- especially that quip about Applejack --disturbs me more than a little, I'm here to support you. But there's no need to wipe out everyone you meet on the way. Besides, he looks like he'd make a good assistant. Pinkie Pie: (sighs) Okie dokie Loki... (looks out the window) Rarity: Of course, I haven't the slightest idea where we're going to get more gems. Pinkie Pie: (gasps) Judge Sparkle. Rarity rushes over to the window and the two look below. They see Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash exchange a few words before Rainbow leaves. Twilight continues approaching the shop. Pinkie Pie: Out. Rarity: Alright, alright. I'm-- Pinkie Pie: (pushes her out the door) Move, hurry up, out the door! Pinkie Pie quickly gives one last shove and slams the door shut. Panicky, she looks back to her set of baking tools and grabs the hacksaw. At first waiting by the door, she realizes she wants to savor the moment and sets it back down on the kitchen table. She covers it with a cloth just as Twilight walks in. Twilight Sparkle: Ms. Pie? Pinkie Pie: Uh, right! Ms. Pinkie Pie! At your service! (bows) Twilight Sparkle: So formal. Do you even know who I am? Pinkie Pie: Why, who doesn't know the fairest judge and greatest wizard in all Equestria? Twilight Sparkle cocks an eyebrow in satisfaction and steps closer inside. Twilight Sparkle: I must say, I've seen better confectioneries, yet Rainbow Dash claims you to be the most accomplished of all the bakers in Ponyville. Pinkie Pie: (in a friendly tone) Awwww, how nice! And what may I get for you, miss? A batch of peanut butter cookies? A delicious custard, perhaps? Sit, miss. Sit. Twilight Sparkle You see, miss, a mare quite learned in sweets, A connoisseur, I would stake. But I am in need of something to please A young filly, make her weak at the knees. A cake, candy, gum, or nut brownies. But first miss, I think -- cupcakes. Twilight sits down in an old, yet comfortable, lounge chair. Pinkie Pie The tastiest I've ever baked. Pinkie whistles the tune happily as she begins putting ingredients together in a batter. Twilight Sparkle: In a merry mood today, Ms. Pie? Pinkie Pie 'Tis your delight, miss, spreading laughter. Believe me, I would know. Twilight Sparkle 'Tis true, miss, these wondrous, strange feelings Can make the heart seem quite revealing. Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle What more, what more do ponies long for-- Twilight Sparkle Than love, miss? Pinkie Pie More than love, miss? Twilight Sparkle What, miss? Pinkie Pie Fillies. Twilight Sparkle Ah, yes fillies. Pinkie Pie Pretty fillies. Twilight begins humming the tune and Pinkie Pie also begins whistling. Twilight relaxes more and closes her eyes as Pinkie moves from her mixing bowl to the hacksaw. The two stop humming and whistling when the tune is finished. Pinkie Pie Now then, my pal. Now we shall savor. Patience. Enjoy it. You don't want to forget this taste. Twilight Sparkle (snaps her eyes open) The taste, I hope, will be Beyond her wildest dreams. Pinkie Pie Don't barge! And who's affections, Might you be after, miss? Twilight Sparkle My charge. Twilight Sparkle: A silly little pegasus filly. Pinkie Pie: Silly as her mother? Twilight Sparkle: Yea-- huh? What was that? Pinkie Pie: Uh, nothing, miss. Nothing. (moves to Twilight with hacksaw in hoof) May we proceed? Pinkie moves just behind Twilight and then turns to the side table next to her. She sets down some strawberries and begins chopping them with the hacksaw. Pinkie Pie Pretty fillies... So transfixing... Eating hay fries, kneading... Pretty fillies Make one happy. Pretty fillies. Sitting in the stable or Galloping for miles, Something in them, Makes you smile. Pretty fillies... Twilight Sparkle By their candles... Pinkie Pie Draw you towards them... Twilight Sparkle Reading... Pinkie Pie Think about them... Twilight Sparkle Turning pages... Pinkie Pie Pretty fillies... Pinkie Pie / Twilight Sparkle Pretty fillies! Flying through the blue sky Or pulling magic tricks. Even when they're sad / When they're sad... -- / Even when they're so sad They still / And crying, they somehow -- / Can still smile for Can smile / You. Yes they They smile / Smile for you Ah, Pretty fillies Pinkie Pie Apple bucking... Twilight Sparkle Learning magic... Pinkie Pie Loop-de-hooping... Twilight Sparkle And tooth brushing... Pinkie Pie Creature handling... Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle How they make a mare sing! Proof of ponies' Love and living. Pinkie Pie brings the hacksaw slowly beneath Twilight's throat and prepares for the kill. Pinkie Pie / Twilight Sparkle Pretty fillies, miss! / Pretty fillies! Pretty fillies, yes! / Pretty fillies! Pretty fillies, oh! / Pretty fillies! Twilight Sparkle Pretty fillies, miss! Pretty fillies, pretty fillies! Applejack bursts in the room just as Pinkie Pie swings the hacksaw in a wide arc. She quickly stops the swing and brings it down on the last strawberry. Applejack: Ms. Pie, I think I have a plan to get Fluttershy out of there! She didn't give me a key, but if I can just-- Twilight Sparkle: (leaps up from the chair) You... Perhaps Celestia herself sent you here to warn me of your treachery. (knocks over a side table as she approaches Applejack) You think you'll take Fluttershy away from here? How about I beat you to it? I'll take her to the furthest regions of Equestria where neither you nor anypony shall ever so much as lock eyes with her again! (turns to Pinkie, who stands motionless) And as for you, baker. It's all too clear the company you keep. Serve them well and sate their appetites, for you'll nevermore touch mine! (storms out) Applejack: Ms. Pie, I need your help. If I can get to-- Pinkie Pie: Out... Applejack: (desperately) Ms. Pie, please. I need to-- Pinkie Pie: Out! Applejack: Ms. Pie-- Pinkie Pie: OUT!!! Terrified, Applejack rushes out of the shop as Rarity steps inside. Rarity: What in Celestia's name is going on up here? Pinkie Pie: I had her... Rarity: Yes, yes. I saw. Applejuck burst in and the two ran off, but-- Pinkie Pie I had her! Her neck was there Beneath my hooves... Rarity: Ok, dear. Let's just all calm down. Pinkie Pie No, I had her! Her neck was there Now there's nothing left to prove! Rarity Hold your horses. Just calm down. Rest yourself, we'll wipe-- Pinkie Pie When!? Rarity Off that frown. Pinkie Pie Why did I wait? You told me to wait! Now she'll never come again! (looks out the window) There's a place in the world that is full of hate Where none can escape a dark and gruesome fate And the worst of ponykind all congregate. But not for long! (turns to Rarity) They all deserve to fry! Tell you why, Ms. Rarity, Tell you why. Because in all of the whole pony race, Ms. Rarity There are two kinds of ponies, only two. There's the one acting fine Doing what she's told And the one stomping down With a hoof so cold! Think of me, Ms. Rarity, Think of you. (pins Rarity to the wall) Now we all deserve to fry! Even you, Ms. Rarity, even I. Because the evil are nothing but Good meat! For the rest of us death Will be a treat! We all deserve to fry! (leans back) And I'll never see Fluttershy. No, I'll never hold those golden wings. Finished! In her mind, Pinkie Pie leaps away into a crowded Ponyville street. None of the other ponies take notice of her and she begins gesturing to them with her hacksaw. Pinkie Pie Alright! You, miss. How about a cupcake? Come and visit, Your old pal, Pinkie! You, miss? Two, miss? Come on, I'm not on break! I will have laughter! I will have sweet vengeance! Who, miss? You, miss? No one's yet been served! Come on, come on, Pinkie's waiting! I want you numbers. You, miss? Anypony! Come on now, indulge yourself. Not one mare, No, nor ten mares, Nor a hundred Shall appease me! I will eat you! (walks down an alleyway) And I will bake the Judge. Forget what she's said. Soon enough I'll have her horn Sitting on my head. (kneels in anguish) And my Ditzy's Fallen from grace And I'll never see my poor girl's face. But the shop waits, I can smile at last! And I'm filled with laughs! She raises her hacksaw high to the sky on the last note and, still kneeling on the floor, stares at the ceiling of the shop. Rarity stands behind her, unfazed by the dramatic display. Rarity: That's all very well, but what do you intend to do about her? (gestures to the ice box) Ms. Pie? Pinkie? Pinkie's face droops a little and she stares at the ground. She continues to remain silent. Rarity tries waving her hoof in front of Pinkie's face. Rarity: Hello? Anypony home? (sighs, then picks up and carries out Pinkie) Come on, you great useless thing... Interior of Carousel Boutique Rarity: (pulls Pinkie in) Take a seat, now. Pinkie Pie dumbly sets herself at a table and remains stoic. Rarity checks the back room to find Spike curled up sleeping by the fire. She picks up a cupcake from a plate and returns to Pinkie's table, where she sets the cupcake down. Rarity: Come on, Pinkie. Gobble it all up. I guarantee you'll feel better. Pinkie begins eating the cupcake. Rarity: There we go. Now, there's still the matter of our unwanted guest, "The Great and Powerful Trixie" . What do you propose we do? Pinkie Pie: I'm done with cupcakes. After dark, we'll take it out to the lake and dump it. Rarity: Of course, that would be the obvious solution. A pony like that probably wouldn't have anyone close looking for her. (an idea forms in her mind) Well, would you look at that. Seems I'm just full of bright ideas. Rarity Seems a bit insane... Pinkie Pie Insane?. Rarity Seems right of the wall... Such a nice, full mane What's-her-name has... Had... Has... Might make a good windfall. Dresses running low. Can't pay off my debts. Celestia might be saying She's answered my praying, If you get my saying. Pinkie Pie stares blankly at her and wonders what she's talking about. Rarity: No? Rarity Seems right of the wall... I mean, With the price of furs or fabric, When you get them, If you get them. Pinkie Pie: (understanding) Ah! Rarity Good you got them. Take, for instance, Ms. Moondancer and her dress shop. Dresses and wigs she makes from Animals like cats. And I know they're not even Good for making hats. And I'm sure that you could take What's inside, bake it, then enthrall! Pinkie Pie Ms. Rarity, I can't believe my ears. Pinkie Pie / Rarity To think that you could conjure such an / Well, it is off the Enterprising idea. / Wall... Ms. Rarity, how I've gone without you / When you think of it, All this time I'll never know! / All those ponies Sounds fashionable. / Walking right in for your cupcakes Also quite delectable. / And becoming what we love! How choice! / Cupcakes, How sharp! / Dresses, Rarity Hats and, Wigs! Pinkie Pie (runs over to the window) For what's the sound of Equestria? Rarity (joins her) What, Pinkie Pie, What, Pinkie Pie, What is that sound? Pinkie Pie Those crunches inspiring dementia! Rarity Yes, Pinkie Pie, Yes, Pinkie Pie, Yes, all around. Pinkie Pie It's pony devouring pony, my dear! Pinkie Pie and Rarity And who are we to deny it in here? Pinkie Pie: These are dark times for Ponyville. The citizens could use something to spice up their lives. Rarity: I've got just the thing. (reaches into her fridge to retrieve a cupcake) Pinkie Pie: What is that? Rarity It's prince. Have a little prince. Pinkie Pie Is it really good? Rarity Why don't you take My hints? And I know they spend a lot on their hygiene So it must be clean. Pinkie Pie Quite a lot of hair. Rarity Just on top of there. Pinkie Pie Haven't you got mayor In here, anywhere? Rarity No, you see the problem with mayor Is how do you know they're Minced? Try the prince. Pinkie Pie: (eating the cupcake) Mmmm, a taste fit for a king. Rarity: That is, if it was ever fit to be a king. Rarity Cellist is quite good Pinkie Pie Careful of the wood. Rarity And don't let the frosting get clingy. It gets awfully stringy, But should. Pinkie Pie Any muscled folk? Rarity Well, then we've got a unique colt He was once a Wonderbolt Bloke. Though, it needs to soak And, of course, it probably tastes just like smoke! Pinkie Pie Is it teacher That you feature? Rarity Mercy, no miss Dismiss this. It's certainly princess! Pinkie Pie Looks quite gruff! More like sheriff! Rarity No, it has to be princess. It woke. Pinkie Pie The history of Equestria-- Rarity Save a lot of space, Take care of a lot of mares' problems. Pinkie Pie Is too often filled with hysteria! Rarity So many to choose! We'll never have boredom. Pinkie Pie How satisfying to know today That all are equal under our new way! Rarity: Hmmm, if it's not Wonderbolt you're after... perhaps something else? Pinkie Pie: Sorry. Not a big fan of pegasus. Rarity: Not even with a dash of rainbow? Pinkie Pie smiles and Rarity gives her a newer-looking cupcake. Pinkie Pie: What is that? Rarity It's scop. Best one in the shop. Or we have some apple pie covered With Apple family members on top. Look at this and gawk. The designer sits there so choicely And looks hoity toity. Try a flock. Pinkie Pie Stuff it with a sock, For you never know if it's going to talk! Rarity Try the DJ! Take a whole tray! Pinkie Pie No, the music scene really Should stay without sully! Rarity Then try playwright. It feels so light! Pinkie Pie Ah, but it always tastes too cliche! (grabs a knife and stabs it into the wall) I'll come again when you Have something sparkly on the menu. Rarity: Unfortunately, we're fresh out of sparkly cupcakes. Perhaps a new flavor? Pinkie Pie: Oh? Like what? Rarity: (hands Pinkie Pie her largest kitchen knife) Butcher... Pinkie Pie Have pity for ponies outside this door. Rarity Yes, yes, I know, my dear. Pinkie Pie They've no idea what yet lies in store! Rarity Their hunger will grow, my dear. Pinkie Pie We'll treat our customers, great and small. Yes, we'll serve anypony-- Rarity And try anypony-- Pinkie Pie and Rarity Meaning anypony At all!